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Pomni felt a bit jealous of Ragatha’s room. The light pink wallpaper made the space feel warm and bright, and all of the furniture was appropriately Ragatha-sized, unlike the giant blocks and dresser in the jester’s room. There was a bookshelf in the corner stacked with novels and small trinkets, perhaps keepsakes from past adventures. Next to the bookshelf was a wooden piano, across from which was a queen-sized bed with a pastel pink comforter. Ragatha sat on the end of the bed while Pomni took a seat on the piano bench.
“Do you play?” Pomni asked, gesturing to the piano with her thumb. Ragatha shrugged.
“Just a little,” she said. “I took lessons growing up, but I ended up playing the cello more.”
Pomni swung her legs under the bench. She took a breath and clasped her hands together.
“So… um… what I was going to say earlier was, I feel like I kind of went overboard today with the whole ‘Pomni the Evil’ thing,” she said, making air quotes. “I thought it would help me get closer with Jax, but… well. Anyway, I-I’m sorry for, uh, shooting you in the head like that. It didn’t seem like you were having a great time out there.”
“Oh, no, you don’t have to apologize!” Ragatha said, waving her hands. “It was just a game, we were supposed to shoot each other. I’m the one who should be apologizing to you! That’s, uh, actually what I was going to say earlier…”
Pomni blinked, surprised. “What do you mean?”
Ragatha looked at the rug on the floor between them and rubbed her arm gently.
“I know I can be… a lot,” she told the rug. “I just want you to know, I… I wasn’t trying to treat you like a child during the candy kingdom adventure, a-and I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable at the bar, or the softball game, o-or… ah, jeez. I’m just… sorry. I’ve messed up a lot...”
The candy kingdom? What happened—oh. Pomni remembered saying something about… not needing to be hyped up, or something like that? But that was just an off-handed comment she’d made days ago; she was surprised Ragatha remembered that. The ragdoll took a shaky breath and crossed her arms.
“I just… I just really wanted you to—” she stuttered, searching for the right words. “Um, you know, with—with, uh, Kaufmo, I just felt like I should’ve done more, to make him feel like… like he wasn’t alone? Like he mattered to us, a-and… I don’t know. I just… I don’t want to lose anyone else, but I… I know I can come on too strong, and I’m sorry for that.”
She hugged her arms tighter and smiled at the floor.
“I-I just want you guys to be happy,” she said. “And I—I don’t… want…”
Ragatha seemed to wilt under an invisible weight. Pomni frowned and hopped off the bench to sit beside her on the bed.
“Ragatha,” she said, “you’re great at keeping everyone’s spirits up! When Gangle was, uh, having her breakdown at Spudsy’s, you’re the one I said she should talk to.”
“O-oh. Really?”
“Yeah! Honestly, I don’t think I would’ve made it this long without you,” Pomni said. “That being said, you shouldn’t put all that responsibility on yourself. This place is insane, and how everyone feels and chooses to deal with it all isn’t your fault.”
Ragatha lifted her head for the first time, but her smile wavered, as if she was fighting to hold it in place. Her expression was tired, and Pomni wondered if Ragatha really believed what she was saying. She sighed and found herself looking at the rug now.
“I’m sorry, too,” Pomni said.
Ragatha’s pupil shrank, and she shook her head. “Oh, n-no, there’s nothing to—”
“No, really,” Pomni said. “I haven’t been a great friend to you lately. It caught me off guard getting stuck between you and Jax at the softball game, but I still shouldn’t have shut you down right after I told you it’s normal to show your emotions—I really meant that. And I knew something was off today even before the gun thing started, but I didn’t ask if… uh, if…”
Pomni trailed off as she caught Ragatha’s expression. The ragdoll was staring at her wide-eyed, her mouth hanging open.
“Are… are you okay?” Pomni said. Ragatha shook her head and forced her smile back into place.
“Y-yeah, of course!” she said. “I’m fine.”
Pomni tilted her head.
“You know,” she said, “you don’t… have to be fine. Like you said, it’s kind of impossible to be happy here all the time. I mean, we both got shot today. Multiple times! Even if it was just a game, those bullets felt pretty real.”
“Heh…” Ragatha’s grip on her arms loosened, and her hands dropped into her lap. She spoke quietly. “You… really have seen through all my tricks.”
Pomni squinted at her. “Tricks?”
“Oh, you know… always smiling, always being positive… I’m… sorry if it seems like I’ve been trying to take advantage of you or anything, I-I’m really not! I know that’s what Jax thinks, but I just—”
Pomni reached forward to put a hand on Ragatha’s shoulder.
“I don’t feel that way at all,” she said firmly. “But… you don’t need any ‘tricks,’ you know? You’re not burdening anyone by saying or showing how you feel. Really.”
Ragatha blinked at her. She opened her mouth, then closed it again. Slowly, her mouth melted from a wobbly smile into a thin, downturned line. She let out a shaky exhale and slumped her shoulders, as if some invisible string holding her up had suddenly been clipped.
“I’m sorry.”
“Ragatha. You’ve gotta stop saying that.”
“Sorry. Oh, wait, sorry! No, wait—!”
Pomni snorted a laugh. Ragatha covered her mouth with her hands to keep from saying anything else, suppressing a nervous laugh of her own. In the quiet, Pomni let her eyes drift back to Ragatha’s bookshelf. She noticed a polaroid camera tucked between the books and wondered if Ragatha had ever used it before. It would be interesting to see pictures of the circus before her arrival.
“Uh, Pomni?”
Ragatha had her hands balled against her chest and was rubbing a thumb across the back of one hand nervously, her mouth reshaped into a red squiggle.
“Do you… I mean, are we… really… friends?”
“What? Of course!” Pomni said. “I mean, I consider us friends. Don’t you?”
“Y-yeah, I do!” Ragatha said, nodding quickly. “I just wasn’t sure if, uh, you felt the same way…n-not that you did anything wrong, or made it seem like we weren’t! I just… uh…”
Pomni sighed internally. On one hand, she had Jax vehemently denying their “budding friendship,” and on the other, she had Ragatha doubting what the jester considered her longest friendship in the circus. She made a mental note to make friendship bracelets for everyone to prevent any future misunderstandings.
For now, she giggled and bumped Ragatha’s shoulder playfully. “Yes, Ragatha, we’re friends. Should I ask Caine to make us matching t-shirts?”
Ragatha's smile wobbled again, and she quickly wiped a tear from her eye.
Oh boy, Pomni thought. Ragatha really needs words of affirmation, and the bar is on the ground.
“Sorry,” Ragatha murmured. She rubbed her eye with the back of her hand as more tears threatened to spill over.
“Ragatha, no!” Pomni said. “I’m sorry I didn’t make that clear—I feel like we’ve been friends from the beginning! Before I had any idea what was going on here, you were the first one to tell me everything was going to be okay. You’re always looking out for me on adventures, and for while there, it seemed like you were the only one who really cared to check in and see how I was doing. I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you the way you’ve been there for me.”
“You’ve… been there more than you know,” Ragatha said quietly. “Back in the Mildenhall Manor? That was the first time anyone had thanked me for, well, anything in a long time...”
Ah. The bar was under the ground.
“...and I really did want to team up with you today,” she continued, “I just—I don’t know, maybe I overthought pairing Jax with Kinger, maybe it would’ve been fine…”
Pomni turned to face Ragatha directly, briefly thinking that she shouldn’t have her shoes on the bed before remembering that she quite literally couldn’t take her shoes off. She smiled and opened her arms.
“Do you want a hug?” Pomni asked.
Ragatha hiccuped.
“Okay, I’ll take that as a yes.”
Pomni scooted forward and wrapped her arms around the ragdoll, squeezing her gently. Ragatha carefully returned the embrace, remembering the times Pomni had flinched from being touched in the past.
“I like hanging out with you, Ragatha,” Pomni said when they sat back again. “You don’t have to put on a happy face for me. I just like you for you, however you’re feeling.”
“Heh. I like hanging out with you, too, Pomni.”
Pomni and Ragatha shared a smile. Then Pomni sighed contentedly and flopped onto her back, noticing the quaint light fixture on the ceiling for the first time. Why had Caine given the jester’s room a whole chandelier? The longer Pomni was in here, the more tacky her bedroom seemed by comparison. Ragatha exhaled and flopped down beside her, making no more impact than if someone had tossed a pillow onto the mattress.
“You know, I’m really glad we got to talk tonight,” Ragatha said.
“Me too,” Pomni said, still looking up at the ceiling. “Not to steal your line, but if you ever need to talk to somebody, I’m here. Seriously.”
Ragatha smiled. Tears shimmered in her eye again, but this time, she didn’t immediately brush them away.
“Thank you,” she said. “I’ll remember that.”