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Mayor Pusher tapped his foot. Oh, how he wished he could be rid of this backwater already! He needed to start his new job of managing the new city! Well, he didn’t know for sure if that would be his new job... But why wouldn’t it be? Fassad said that his cooperation ensured that he would be entrusted with greater and greater responsibilities! That was as good as a job offer!
But all good things required a bit of patience. As well as a bit of... extra credit. As such, he was waiting around for the group who was responsible for a lot of the Pigmask Army’s headaches the past several days. Last he heard, they were crossing the ocean to Tane Tane Island, which meant that they would show up sooner or later as they would have to return through town to get much of anywhere.
Sure enough, they did indeed show up before too long. Lucas, the supposed ringleader and known crybaby, spared him one glance before turning northward, followed by the other members of his gang.
Mayor Pusher wasn’t upset that he was ignored. Not in the slightest. But he needed to get their attention, so he acted quite upset. “Hey you! Stop!” He rushed to cut them off. The gang stopped, now acknowledging his authority as Mayor. (The two policemen at his sides probably helped with that)
“Mayor Pusher. To what do we owe the pleasure?” Lucas asked, the crybaby doing his best to put a bit of attitude into his voice. It didn't fool Mayor Pusher in the slightest.
“You are under arrest for defrauding the Pigmask Army!”
- - -
...What?
Mayor Pusher’s face was some shade of red. Lucas hadn’t been trying to make him mad; he barely understood the gibberish that the mayor had just said. Something about... defrauding the Pigmask Army?
Was he still hallucinating from the Tane Tane Mushrooms?
Mayor Pusher, as mad as he was, seemed willing to oblige him. “I said, you are under arrest for defrauding the Pigmask Army!”
Okay, so this wasn’t a hallucination. But...
“Sir, are you high?”
Mayor Pusher’s face turned a darker shade of red. Lucas hadn’t been trying to make him mad; if Lucas wasn’t still high on shrooms, then maybe the mayor was? Did the mayor have a secret stash of Tane Tane Mushrooms? That would explain a lot. The mayor tried one more time to seek Lucas’s understanding on this subject. “You. Are. Under. Arrest. For. Fraud.”
Kumatora and Duster seemed just as baffled as Lucas was. “What’s fraud?” Boney asked, clearly not understanding what was going on either.
It was Duster who found his words first. “Okay? How are we guilty of...” He suppressed a snort. “...Fraud?”
Mayor Pusher huffed. “Are you all so braindead as to not understand?”
“Apparently,” Lucas deadpanned.
The mayor began pacing back and forth, lecturing them on what it was that he was going on about. “As you three should know, we are paid to cull the numbers of wild chimeras and hostile wildlife. You know, Slitherhens, Reconstructed Moles, yadi yada yada. The Pigmask Army pays us to do that. The Pigmask Army pays us to do the culling. The Pigmask Army does not pay us to beat up the Pigmask Army.”
Lucas raised his hand. “One question: Why fraud?”
“Fraud is a serious crime!” Mayor Pusher insisted. “Do you know how hard we have to work to get by in this backwater? How dare you defraud our protectors while the rest of us slave away for the smallest bits of scrap!”
Lucas held in a laugh. Kumatora didn’t.
“Says the guy with the car in front.” She laughed some more. “Says the guy with servants.” She laughed even more. “You beg the town for donations when you’re clearly the richest of us all! And you want to get us for fraud???” She outright cackled now.
Mayor Pusher’s face turned so red Lucas was beginning to worry about his health. The next several words out of his mouth were completely incoherent gibberish, more than what had been coming out of his mouth up to that point. Given that understanding was not forthcoming, Lucas raised his hand again.
“Again, why fraud? Why not, I don’t know, assault or terrorism or some other charge? I feel like those are easier to prove than... fraud.” He himself barely held back a snicker.
Mayor Pusher suddenly found himself able to speak properly again. “We’ve audited your accounts! We know a lot of your DP is not from chimeras and wild animals! We have eyewitness testimony to you assaulting Pigmask Army personnel and destroying the army’s equipment too!”
That still didn’t explain why he was only after them for fraud, but Lucas decided it was in everyone’s best interest to focus on that and not the assault. “Well, how can you prove we get DP from fighting the Pigmask Army? We’ve certainly fought a lot of chimeras and wild animals along the way.”
“Because the Save Frogs say so!” Mayor Pusher whipped out a piece of paper, holding it up for all to see (but not read; Mayor Pusher was too far away for any of the group to actually make out the words). “This details every enemy you have defeated and how much DP they you received for them. Coincidentally, it shows things like Pigmask Captains, the Fierce Pork Trooper twice, and Atomic Power Robots. Each with how much DP you received.” He handed the paper to one of the policemen. “If that’s not proof of your misdeeds, I don’t know what is! Also, stop culling the Cattlesnakes! They’re trying to increase Cattlesnake production! There’s literally a sign next to them that says so!!!”
The group all looked at each other. “I mean, if the Save Frogs think we earned that DP...” Duster shrugged.
“Then they’ll be arrested for conspiring to defraud the Pigmask Army!” Mayor Pusher declared. “In fact, I’ll be adding conspiracy to your list of charges!”
Lucas went "Ehh... They don’t give us everything. They haven’t given us anything for when Fassad fell off of Thunder Tower.”
Mayor Pusher’s jaw dropped. “Wait, Fassad is... dead?”
“Unfortunately, no.”
“How- How dare you!” Mayor Pusher stormed up to Lucas, thrusting a finger into his face. Past Lucas would have probably chosen this moment to cower behind the nearest friendly adult (probably Duster in this case). This Lucas, however, simply took the mayor’s rants right to the face with just a blink. “You dare insult our savior! The one who has given us happiness and protection?”
“But we hate him,” Lucas countered, shoving Mayor Pusher’s finger out of his face, causing the mayor to stumble around in a circle, barely avoiding a fall.
Under normal circumstances, Duster would have restrained Kumatora from potentially punching the mayor in the face as she did every time someone insulted the people she called her friends. However, Lucas noticed that Duster was not restraining her, and Kumatora herself seemed to be unusually calm.
“I’m so proud.” She wiped a tear from her eye and ruffled Lucas’s hair.
That explained a lot.
Mayor Pusher was once again unable to say anything more than gibberish. Perhaps this was due to the fact that the once-crybaby had shown his fangs. Perhaps he was struggling separating the words “crybaby” and “Lucas” in his head. After all, this was probably the first time in his life he gave Lucas more than a passing thought and his brain had entered full cognitive dissonance mode.
However, the cognitive dissonance was too good to last.
“Arrest them!” Mayor Pusher ordered.
Nobody moved.
Five seconds later, nobody had moved.
Ten seconds after that, still nobody had moved.
Fifteen seconds after that, Pusher said, “What are you idiots doing? Arrest them!”
“Sir, may I point out that the people you are trying to arrest have, in your words, ‘beat up the Pigmask Army?’” one policeman pointed out. “How do you expect us to arrest such, er... fraudsters?”
“By arresting them you nitwit!”
The other policeman cleared his throat. “You only paid us to stand here and look tough. Want us to fight them? Need to cough up more DP.”
“You’re policemen, not mercenaries!” Mayor Pusher was no longer facing Team Fraudster at this point, now focused on yelling at the ones supposed to be carrying out their arrest right this very moment.
“We’re not equipped to go toe-to-toe with psychics,” the first policeman pointed out. “The hazard pay you’re providing us? Not gonna cut it. Think I’ll submit my resignation. I’ll find another gig in the city.”
“Yeah, I’m out too. Unless you drastically boost our pay.”
Mayor Pusher was speechless for the third time in less than five minutes.
Lucas rolled his eyes at the display. “Well, third time’s the charm. Let’s get going.”
Lucas didn’t spare so much as a glance at the mayor as he walked past. He swore he heard the mayor squeal in pain, probably from Kumatora elbowing him as she had once declared that she would throw elbows at him if he got within a certain distance from her.
- - -
(It had been Duster’s elbow. Kumatora proudly shed another tear)
- - -
Mayor Pusher was fuming. He was fuming over his complete inability to arrest this ragtag group of fraudsters. Worse, said ragtag group of fraudsters and even the people who he brought in to arrest them made him look like a complete fool! On top of all that, he had finally made it to the big city, but the King didn’t even want to see him! It was the fraudsters being invited! After everything he had done, how he bent over backwards at every demand, how much he sacrificed, he was just... not even a mayor anymore?
(Had one of the other villagers been privy to his thoughts, they would have asked what exactly he had sacrificed? He would have said “everything,” and every last villager, remembering his fancy car, his fancy house, and his fancy servants, would have rolled their eyes and walked away right then and there)
Mayor Pusher’s pity party was interrupted by the Dark Dragon. Fraud was an existential issue, yes, but when the entire world gets torn asunder... it makes one take another look at their priorities. And Mayor Pusher realized that with the demise of the Pigmask Army and the rebirth of the world, he had to find a way to ensure that he remained on top. That meant finding a way to have everyone else, including Team Fraudster, begging at his feet for the smallest of table scraps.
He had an idea. He had an absolutely wonderful idea. He was practically giggling at how wonderful of an idea it was. Within the hour, he broke the news to the village.
An hour after that, however, Team Fraudster strolled right into his new (much less fancy) residence.
“We’re closed!” Mayor Pusher barked.
“Too bad.” Lucas placed a hand on the desk, staring defiantly into Mayor Pusher’s eyes.
“You have no right to be in here!” Elmore’s protest prevented Mayor Pusher from falling back into cognitive dissonance mode.
Lucas shrugged. “I mean, when the mayor announces brand a new currency when the old one is perfectly good, I think we have every right to question the exchange rate between your new ‘Pusher Power’ and the old ‘Dragon Power.’”
Mayor Pusher scoffed. “I thought you were above money.”
“That doesn’t mean everyone in the village is. Clearly that includes you.” Lucas set a piece of paper on the desk. “However, after your... criticisms from last time, we’ve put together a detailed list of every enemy we defeated and how much DP we got from that. I trust this would be satisfactory?”
Mayor Pusher smirked. “Well, it’s a right pity that there’s no such thing as DP anymore...” Ah, the joys of power...
“Didn’t you offer to give out compensation to anyone who lost DP from the Dark Dragon’s awakening?” Duster pointed out. “You refused to do it for anyone that didn’t have proof, but this list is that: Proof. Straight from the Save Frogs themselves with some... modifications from us. Since DP apparently doesn’t exist anymore, we would need compensation in the new PP.”
“That is... unless you were lying about that all along.” Lucas glanced out the window. “Imagine how your poor subjects would feel about their lord promising stuff he never actually meant to deliver! And how us four, who took down the Pigmasks and awoke the Dark Dragon itself... feel about that.”
Kumatora punched her palm.
Mayor Pusher got the message.
Team Fraudster was apparently not a huge fan of subtlety.
“I’ll pay you... one PP for... every hundred DP you claim.”
“Unacceptable,” all four of them said. (Boney couldn’t speak human, but his bark still got the point across)
“We know you’re planning on giving yourself millions in PP,” Duster accused.
“False! False accusations! You have no proof, so do yourselves a favor and-” The thief pointed at the stack of PP bills in the corner, each with a rather large number of zeroes on them.
Crap.
“...Nothing’s gonna cost a million.” It sounded lame even to Pusher’s own ears. Duster crossed her arms, staring daggers at him. Who knew such a mild-mannered thief could make him squirm just by staring like that? S-Seriously, how...? “...Fine.” He sighed. “No millions of PP bills for me. It will also be a one-to-one exchange between DP and PP.”
Kumatora smirked. “Good. Then there’s no problem if I do this?” She snapped her fingers and the bills with lots of zeroes on them lit up into a money-bonfire. Mayor Pusher and Elmore screamed. A blast of ice then extinguished the fire, but it had lasted long enough that no bill with lots of zeroes escaped uncharred. “Shall we continue?”
Before any objections were made, Lucas started reading from the invoice. The first couple of entires were sensible: three balding blue eagles for 158 DP each, two tender loving trees each worth 200 DP...
So far so good.
- - -
And then he claimed six Pigmask Majors and one Pigmask Colonel and things started going off the rails.
- - -
Mayor Pusher nearly had a heart attack when Lucas claimed they had defeated the Masked Man.
“I feel like we’ve been over this before!”
Lucas stared him down. “Are you questioning the Save Frogs again?”
The mayor gave a weary sigh. “Continue,” he said, an acknowledgement that he was too afraid to ask why he was wroth specifically 1321 DP.
This couldn’t possibly get any worse.
- - -
It got worse.
“Fassad AGAIN???”
“Yep.”
- - -
“MORE Pigmask Majors???”
Blank stares were the only response that Mayor Pusher received.
- - -
“What do you mean ‘Men’s Room Signs?’”
“Oh yeah, those signs could use PK Starstorm. They were really annoying to deal with." Lucas gave a brief shudder. “They were worth 200 DP each, but we added on another 300 DP each because we hate them.”
“And the Ultimate Chimera was there too!” Kumatora added. “Scary stuff. We didn’t fight the thing, but I feel like we deserve hazard pay for that. About, say, 1,000 DP?”
Mayor Pusher narrowed his eyes. “Did the Save Frogs agree to that is that an... ‘addition’ of yours?”
“Does it matter?” Lucas asked.
“Yes!”
Lucas shrugged, looking over at his friends. “What do you think? Do we have to... alter the terms?”
Mayor Pusher cleared his throat. “You know what, you’re right, that doesn’t actually matter. Carry on.”
- - -
Even more claims of what was clearly Pigmask Army property. More blank stares as replies.
- - -
“Wh- ‘Games with Mecha-Porky?’” Mayor Pusher sputtered. “Why would I pay you to play games with a fake Porky?”
“Because it’s Porky.”
“That’s not an answer!”
“Too bad.”
- - -
“Am I to believe this ‘NK Killer Cyborg’ actually existed? I-I mean, how do I know any of these claims are true? Why should I just... take your word? You added on extra charges to the bathroom signs! You’ve already proven how little your word is worth!”
Kumatora cracked her knuckles. Mayor Pusher quickly got back to reading.
- - -
“And now you have eleven claims for Porky???”
“Ten of those were robotic copies,” Lucas explained. “The eleventh was the real deal. But, you know, we hate him, so we’re billing the same for all of them. Be grateful we’re only charging 21 DP for each.”
- - -
“And now you’re expecting me to cover each and every THERAPY SESSION!?!?!?”
- - -
“Look, if it makes you feel better, we won’t charge you for the Tane Tane Shrooms.”
“Excuse me, the WHAT??????”
- - -
Mayor Pusher was slumped on his desk, mumbling “Why hast thou forsaken me...?” Elmore was busy trying to get him unslumped, but without much success.
Team Fraudster was looking rather unfazed by the mayor’s show of complete and utter despair. “Well, there you have it!” Lucas set the invoice right on top of the paperwork that Pusher had to get through. “You owe us a total of... 24,581 PP. A rather small amount considering the prices of Happy Boxes and all that. Still, I’m sure this is something we can agree on? I think it’s fair, but if you don't want to pay... there is an alternative. We have two conditions you need to fulfill.”
Mayor Pusher managed to finally unslump himself, puffing out his chest in a show of defiance. Team Fraudster did not react to this.
Lucas stuck a finger in Mayor Pusher’s face. Judging from the smirk, the not-crybaby took a rather significant amount of pleasure in doing that. “Condition one! We maintain Dragon Power as our currency. Yes, I would rather not have money, but we are a democracy, in case you have forgotten, and the majority says we should keep Dragon Power. Unfortunately.” He whispered that last word not quite under his breath, but before the mayor could call him out on it, Lucas pressed on. “Condition two! The Save Frogs will be responsible for managing DP. Not anyone here, least of all you since, you know...” Lucas’s eyes darted to the charred pile of bills with lots of zeroes on them.
Mayor Pusher scoffed. “Why would I agree to any of that? You said it yourself! 25,000 PP is not that bad!”
Lucas shrugged. If he was wondering why Pusher had been slumped over a few seconds ago, he didn’t ask. Instead, he said, “Well, I just realized there were mistakes in the invoice. Think we undercharged actually.”
“Wha-” Mayor Pusher sputtered as Lucas scribbled three additional zeroes on the final total. “You-You-You can’t just add that much for no reason!”
“And mayors can’t come up with their own currency, but that rule seems to have gone out the window.”
It was at that moment Elmore decided to make her stand. “Just who do you think you are?” she demanded, sticking her own finger in Lucas’s face. “You hooligans have no right to demand all this from my husband! What have you ever done, other than cry all the time?”
It was at this moment Kumatora decided to weigh in herself. “That’s it! You’ll pay for that!”
“Don’t you dare!” Elmore whirled her finger around at Kumatora.
Kumatora scoffed. “Dare what? You had your chances to resolve this before we had to resort to such drastic measures. Now you’ll have to pay the Public Investment tax!”
“The... what?”
“The Public Investment tax,” she repeated. “You've probably forgotten, but I’m still a princess and since the King’s been deposed, that makes me the highest authority on these islands!” Mayor Pusher was pretty sure that wasn’t how that worked, but he had a feeling it would be quite hazardous to his health to object. “Therefore, as mayors cannot set taxes, I claim that power for myself.”
“But this is a democracy!” Elmore protested. “You just said so yourselves! A so-called monarch can't just impose taxes on a whim!”
“Yeah? Well, we’re still hammering things out. Should’ve thought that through before you insulted my friend.” She got out another invoice, slamming it onto the table. “The Public Investment tax is to help the development of these islands. You’re mayor, I imagine you’d see the value in such a tax.”
Mayor Pusher squinted at the invoice. “What the hell is this?”
Kumatora smirked, crossing her arms. “I will accept payment only of that exact amount. No more, no less.”
“But how do you expect me to get the exact amount of... whatever this is???”
“If you can’t...” She shrugged, leaving the implication up to everyone’s imagination. It didn’t take much imagination to figure out what Kumatora was thinking.
“Just let me pay you 4 PP! Surely that’s acceptable?”
Her hands started sparkling with PSI.
“This is nonsense!”
Lucas took the invoice, reading off what exactly had qualified as ‘nonsense’ in the mayor’s view: “3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582097494459230781640628620899862803482534211706798214808651328230664709384460955058223172535940812848111-”
“OKAY! I GET IT!” Mayor Pusher threw the paper in the air. “I owe that that weirdly specifc amount! Think that’ll stop me? I’ll just... make a coin! That covers the exact amount!”
“Well, the tax... changes. We don’t need the exact same amount each time." Kumatora got out another invoice. "For example, this one is for 0.3141592... you get the idea. Another is 1.34195256... So on and so forth.” She grinned, setting her hands on her hips. “Of course, if you agree to our two conditions, we won’t invoke this tax. Also, not being a jerk to my friends either. Consider that condition number three.” She smirked at Elmore, whose response was notable in her utter lack of one.
Mayor Pusher slumped again, now fully defeated. “I give in... Please have mercy... Anything but that infernal tax.”
“Deal.” Lucas grabbed Mayor Pusher’s hand and shook his rather limp arm. “Now remember the three conditions! DP is our official currency, the Save Frogs will manage the DP, and be nice to us.” Team Fraudster all gave bright, insincere smiles. “As long as you stick to that, you won’t have to pay us.” Lucas took all the invoices that were on the mayor’s desk. “But remember, any funny business? Be ready to pay a hefty sum and the P. I. tax!” With that, the fraudsters filed out of the house, leaving the mayor and his wife wondering what exactly had just happened.
To add insult to injury, a few weeks later and he was no longer Mayor of Tazmily Village either. Nobody mourned his fall from grace.