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The first thing Maddie noticed was the noise, long before the knock on the door. The rapid-fire commentary drifted up the footpath to her front door before either Buck or Theo had even crossed the threshold.
“…and Miss Cassie said worms are good for gardens but I think that’s because they eat the dirt but if they eat the dirt then where does the dirt go? Chris says maybe they don’t eat all the dirt because then we’d all fall into the middle of the Earth-”
Buck laughed somewhere between the footpath and front door. “I told you to save the story until we saw Aunt Maddie.”
“I had to tell you!”
Maddie couldn’t help smiling as she crossed the living room. She pulled the door open just as Theo bounced over the threshold, backpack hanging halfway off one shoulder, curls sticking up from where he’d clearly been wearing his firefighter helmet all afternoon. “Hi, Aunt Maddie!”
“Hi, sweetheart.” She crouched to hug him, nearly knocked backwards by the enthusiasm behind it. “Someone had a good day.”
“It was the best day because-” He launched straight back into his story before she’d even let go of him. Buck just shrugged as he stepped inside.
Maddie laughed, Jee was in the same phase of wanting to tell the same story, a 100 times.
Jee squealed from the living room. “Theo! Theo!”
He gasped like he’d only just remembered she existed. “Jee!” The two children collided in the middle of the room, immediately disappearing onto the rug in a tangle of stuffed animals and building blocks.
Maddie leaned against the island, watching the children play. Theo had inherited Buck’s inability to do anything quietly, despite only sharing half his genes. Every block placement came with narration. Every dinosaur required its own voice. Every tiny discovery deserved immediate announcement.
“And then this one says, ‘Rawr!’ But not a scary rawr because he’s a nice dinosaur. He just wants a friend.”
Jee nodded with absolute seriousness. “We can be his friends.”
Maddie’s heart squeezed. She watched Theo carefully place the dinosaur into Jee’s tiny hands. “So he won’t be lonely.”
Just like Evan, always making sure nobody was left out. Without thinking, she smiled and called across the room. “Evan, honey, can you hand Jee the blue block too?”
The room went strangely quiet as Theo looked up immediately. “I’m Theo. But this one?” He held up a blue block.
“Yes, thank you, sweetheart.” Maddie confirmed, not thinking twice.
Buck, meanwhile, was staring at his sister over the top of the fridge door. One eyebrow raised as a slow grin spread across his face. “…Did you just call Theo, Evan?”
Maddie’s stomach dropped, she didn’t even realise, it just came out. An automatic response. “Oh. I did, didn’t I?”
Buck closed the fridge and walked back into the room, still grinning. “I mean, you’re not wrong. The resemblance is getting a little ridiculous.”
Maddie laughed, heat creeping into her cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Theo.”
Theo looked between them, completely unfazed. “It’s okay.” Then, with all the confidence in the world, he picked up another dinosaur. “This one’s name is Steve.”
And, despite the laughter filling the house, Maddie couldn’t shake the strange ache that settled quietly beneath her ribs. For just a heartbeat she hadn’t seen Theo.
She’d seen her baby brother.
-
The first time had been an accident. The second time, Maddie couldn’t be so sure.
“Theo,” Maddie called as she gathered everyone’s things by the front door. “Shoes on, sweetheart.”
A tiny curly head popped around the corner. “I’m already-”
“Evan. Shoes.” The word slipped out before she could catch it.
Theo looked down at his sneakers. “My shoes are on.”
Maddie pressed a hand to her forehead. “Sorry, Theo.”
Buck glanced up from where he was helping Jee into her jacket. “That’s two.” She shot him a look but didn’t say anything.
Twenty minutes later they were at the park. Theo had decided the climbing frame was actually a pirate ship and was attempting to leap from one platform to another. “Ev-“ Maddie caught herself too late. “…Theo! Careful!”
Theo paused long enough to wave at her before making the jump anyway. “I’m okay!”
“You are,” Maddie sighed.
Buck wandered over, hands tucked into his pockets. “Three.”
“I don’t need a scoreboard.” Maddie said, keeping one eye on the tiny daredevil and the other on Jee swinging away.
By the time they stopped for ice cream, Maddie had almost convinced herself she’d gotten it under control. Theo reached across the table, trying to sneak a bite of Buck’s chocolate ice cream. “Eva…Theo.”
Buck pointed his cone at her. “Four.”
Theo looked between them, puzzled. “What’s four?”
Buck smiled. “Your Aunt Maddie keeps accidentally calling you, Evan.”
Theo frowned. “…Who’s Evan?”
Maddie felt her stomach twist. She hadn’t even considered that Theo didn’t know. Buck, meanwhile, looked completely unfazed. “Me.”
Theo blinked and shook his head. “No.”
Buck laughed. “Yep. My name’s Evan.”
“No.” Theo shook his head again, all his focus staying on his ice cream.
“My full name is Evan Buckley. Buck’s just what everyone calls me.”
Theo’s nose scrunched. “No, your name is Buck.”
“It is. It’s also Evan.” Buck tried to reason with the small boy.
Theo shook his head emphatically. “I’ve never heard anybody call you Evan.”
Buck glanced at Maddie with an amused smile. “Only Aunt Maddie calls me Evan, and sometimes Eddie.”
“No. Your name is Buck.”
-
Arriving home after ice cream, Buck took Jee outside to draw with sidewalk chalk while Theo stayed inside. “I wanna build something.”
Maddie smiled, pulling the box of wooden blocks from beneath the coffee table. “Go for it.”
Within seconds, the living room floor had disappeared beneath towers, bridges and carefully balanced arches. “This one’s the fire station,” Theo narrated. “And this one’s Chris’s room. And this is Papa’s room.” Theo paused, scratching his head. “Papa snores.”
Maddie laughed. “I’ll be sure to tell him you said that.”
“You can.” Theo stacked another block on top of the tower, tongue poking out in concentration. Another block was added, and the tower wobbled slightly before it toppled spectacularly. Theo threw both hands into the air. “Explosion!”
Blocks scattered across the rug as Theo dissolved into delighted giggles. Maddie’s breath caught.
For just a second…she wasn’t looking at Theo. She was twelve years old again, watching her little brother knock over a tower he’d spent twenty minutes building because crashing it was always the best part.
“Again!” little Evan had demanded, blue eyes sparkling. “Build it taller this time!”
Theo gathered the blocks with sticky fingers, humming quietly to himself before starting over without a hint of frustration. The same determination on his face. The same impossibly bright eyes that looked up at her a moment later. “Aunt Maddie?”
“Hm?” Maddie answers, Theo’s voice pulling her back to the present.
“Can you help me make it really tall?”
-
The house was quiet again. Buck and Theo had gone home an hour ago, leaving behind a handful of wooden blocks beneath the couch and chalk dust on the driveway.
Chimney found Maddie standing at the kitchen sink, drying the same plate she’d been holding for the last five minutes. “You’ve been awfully quiet.”
She sighed. “I keep calling him Evan.”
“I noticed.”
“I feel terrible.” Chimney leaned against the counter, waiting as she stared out the window for a long moment. “It’s just…” She laughed softly, more at herself than anything else. “Watching Theo today. He’s so happy.”
Chimney smiled. “He is. Buck’s doing a good job.”
“He gets to be loud. He asks a thousand questions. He makes messes and tells stories that go nowhere.” A fond smile tugged at her lips. “Buck just laughs.”
“He usually joins in.” Chimney points out.
“Exactly.” Her smile faded into something quieter. “I keep looking at Theo and thinking…” She swallowed tightly. “God, I wish our parents had looked at Buck like that.”
Silence settled between them, Maddie recalling every moment her brother felt as though he wasn’t enough. “I wish they had let him take up that much space.”
Chimney reached across the counter and took her hand. “Maddie…”
“I know Buck turned out okay.” She smiled sadly. “Better than okay. But every now and then I can’t help wondering who he would’ve been if he’d gotten to be this little.”
Chimney squeezed her hand. “You helped make Buck into who he is. And now he’s there for Theo in the same way.”
She looked at him. Maddie thought back to Theo’s running commentary the moment he’d walked through the door. That voice was the same as a voice she listened to decades ago.
Maddie let out a quiet breath. “So I’m not going crazy.”
-
A week later, everyone was gathered in Buck’s backyard. Eddie was manning the barbeque, while Hen and Karen sipped their wine, milling round the cheese board Buck assembled. Chros and Denny had holed up inside to play a video game. Maddie watched as Jee and Nash chased bubbles across the grass while Mara timed Theo with all the seriousness of an Olympic coach.
“You’ve got this!” Mara called.
Theo gripped the handlebars of his little blue bike, his tongue poking out in concentration. Buck crouched beside him, one hand lightly on the back of the seat. “Ready?”
Theo nodded. “Don’t let go yet.”
“I won’t.” Buck reassured the small boy.
“You promise?”
Buck held up his pinky. “Pinky promise.”
Theo hooked his tiny finger around Buck’s. “Pinky promise.”
Buck smiled. “Okay, Bubba. Pedal.”
Theo pushed off and Buck jogged alongside him for a few steps before quietly letting go. “Keep looking forward!”
“I am!” Theo squealed.
“You’ve got it!”
For one glorious second, Theo was flying. “I’M DOING IT!” He looked over his shoulder at Buck, and Maddie watched the front wheel veer sharply. The bike rolled straight into the backyard fence and Maddie winced.
Buck was already moving. “Theo?”
Theo sat very still, blinking in surprise and Maddie’s breath caught. For a heartbeat, she wasn’t standing in Buck’s backyard surrounded by their family. She was a young girl watching her little brother tumble off a bike they found in the garage.
She remembered her mom seeing the bike and running away in tears. Her father just sighing, before following after her. Neither one was worried that Buck had been hurt, only offering to buy him a bike once they were both inside.
The memory vanished as quickly as it had come, because Buck was already kneeling beside Theo. “You okay, Bubba?”
Theo rubbed his elbow. “I think the fence jumped.”
Buck looked over at the perfectly stationary fence. “It does that sometimes.”
Theo nodded solemnly. “I knew it.”
Buck smiled. “Can I check your elbow?”
Theo held it out, there was only a tiny scrape, no blood in sight. Buck kissed the top of Theo’s helmet before unbuckling it. “You know what I think?”
“What?”
“I think first crashes deserve ice cream.”
Theo’s eyes widened. “…Really?”
“Absolutely.”
“But I crashed.”
Buck shrugged. “That’s part of learning. You rode without training wheels.” Buck smiled, pride written across his face. “You did great.”
Theo looked at the bike. “I wanna try again.”
Maddie had to blink away the tears forming in her eyes. She wasn’t seeing her little brother as a kid anymore, she was seeing the ending he should have had. A scraped elbow, with a dad checking in and an accident that was met with encouragement instead of shame.
Theo climbed back onto the bike and Buck steadied the handlebars. “Same deal?”
Theo held out his hand, gesturing for Buck to step away. “No.”
Buck frowned playfully. “No?”
Theo grinned. “I got this, Papa.” He turned back to his bike. “This time I’ll watch out for sneaky fences.”
Buck laughed. “I think that’s an excellent plan.”
Seeing that little boy with Buck, will always make her breath catch. Maddie was seeing first hand how Theo was writing a happier ending to a story that had once broken her heart.