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Shidou Ryusei can’t tell what’s exactly going on with under-eyelash junior. It’s been confusing, as he thought they were actually quite making good progress with their relationship and being on the same team overall. Aside from the fact that they get on each other’s nerves all the time, it’s not so surprising, and Ryusei can say it’s pretty normal for them to have that.
That is why now is nowhere near normal. Rin has been acting all strange and odd, and Ryusei believes it’s only towards him. Well, it would be worse if it’s towards others. He wouldn’t want that. He can’t have that.
Currently, they are in their shared dorm with the younger one kissing him all over the face right after showering and pulling him to the bed while everyone else is out in the cafeteria after the practice match.
It’s been like this for the past few weeks, though, which is surprising to say the least. They’ve been keeping it consistent by snogging each other with kisses and sometimes hickeys, yet they were able to keep the boundaries on not proceeding to have full-time sex. Thankfully.
It was strange to think about it in the first place, and Ryusei isn’t quite sure how it actually started. Ryusei thinks that he shouldn’t bother trying to backtrack about this weird alliance between them, but he can’t exactly push it off when before all this Rin was avoiding him the whole time! Instead of the situation they're in right now, with Rin kissing his lips onto his so quickly and aggressively, the younger was practically running away from having any conversation. It got to the point he even gained the strength to be patient with all of Ryusei’s antics by calling him “Licky-Rin” or “Rin-chan.” Since when did Rin-rin have the power to not throw a punch to his silly teases? And the fact others surely noticed and said nothing kinda gave it off.
Though if you’d ask what Ryusei would rather have over, it would be now. Now, with Rin pampering him all over after showering before anyone could. Now, with Rin mumbling a few words like the nicknames he used for Ryusei, such as “Roach” or “Insect,” cursing as if he hates what he’s currently doing. Now, with Rin slipping a few moans, calling his actual name, Ryusei. The younger’s green wet bangs were all over his pretty teal eyes, too focused on stealing kisses as if he hadn't been doing this for a while. The blond preferred it if the younger were able to put them away though—at least when they’re making out. If Rin’s vision is blocked in the field and he somehow miraculously trips, that will be on him, but in times like this, Ryusei surely would like to stare at those lovely irises.
Everything about this is incredibly hot. That thought would never come up if it never happened. Ryusei would never think Rin would be this addictive. Yes, he was sloppy at kissing at first—a total amateur. Not surprising at all, as Rin would know only about soccer anyway; he surely didn’t have time to be involved with anything romantic.
So it’s also no surprise either that he might be Rin’s first kiss, not that he’d dare ask, though. He tries his best not to provoke the younger one when they get busy. And yet to all that, to be fair, Rin gets incredibly better at it each time they slip off. However, what was unexpected was that Rin let it be him, Ryusei Shidou, of all people.
Under-eyelashes Junior wasn’t close to anyone around the premises of Blue Lock; he wouldn’t even bat an eye at anyone else aside from the ball, but wouldn’t there be better options to pick from? Maybe Isagi Yoichi or other of their teammates in PXG. Then again, who would agree to this non-spoken arrangement anyway? No one, except Ryusei, of course. And he doesn’t want to imagine Rin doing this with anyone else.
And to add to that, Ryusei isn’t sure if people knew about this, though. Most likely the rest of the team had a vague idea of what was going on. They can’t really believe they aren’t up to something if they have been disappearing for the past few weeks. What left Ryusei wondering was that no one is bringing it up, even Ego, that guy that’s always been behind the cameras. It wasn’t like the people in Blue lock aren't ones to gossip. Though surely they can not be expecting something as nasty as this. Not in a disgusting manner, more of a freak-ish one. That’s what Ryusei would say.
Ryusei did not forget about Sae Itoshi, Rin’s brother. That man is the definition of unforgettable. Unforgettable in a way for his sexy face with a frown all the time and the way those micro bangs are all hairsprayed up is cute, not like he’s any different though. Nevertheless, what is most unforgettable is that he broke Ryusei’s heart too many times. After the U-20 game, Sae-chan gave him the chance to have the older Itoshi for himself, acting all close and going on dates (they were hangouts to Sae.) They even got to go around the city of Tokyo and had a romantic night on the top floor of a fancy building. Sadly, around the time he got back to Blue Lock, Sae ghosted him. Didn’t even block him—but delivered. Not even a read. Just delivered. It’s as if Sae got a whole new number.
Ryusei obviously tried his best, but it was hard to keep on knocking on a door that wouldn’t open. He thought maybe on the next break, he’d fly to Spain and talk to the older Itoshi and have a reunion and then kiss and have filthy sex to make up for all those heartbreaks.
But that’s not the case anymore. Changes of plans: Itoshi Rin was able to switch all of it in the span of a few weeks. Not like he hated it, though. The younger Itoshi brings another explosion that Ryusei couldn't explain—but he just fell in love with this feeling. It wasn’t the same with his brother; this was more like fireworks on New Year's, but made every day. Ryusei can’t tell what kind of show would explode in the sky—the colors or strokes would be different every time, even if it’s not so noticeable.
He doesn’t think of Rin as a rebound or a replacement of any sort. The Itoshi siblings are totally different people physically and emotionally.
Both are cold and beautiful, but Rin’s beauty is certainly something else. It’s not only his face, with those teal eyes with long under-eyelashes or his refined jawline, but his body too was perfect. Rin was only 1 cm taller, so it wasn’t really noticeable. What was was his smooth pale skin—when he sweats, it’s as if he’s shining as if he’s a diamond. Or his muscles from all the training and yoga too.
Rin is also similar to Ryusei in some sense. When they were paired to be dormmates, the blond surely expected that they’d fight twenty-four-seven and that there would never be days with peace. Though the first few weeks were able to prove him wrong. He learned that Rin loves to play video games, horror ones too—with the cool graphics of bloody explosions too. It gets even better when he sees Rin’s notebook in the bed table, exposing some sketches of the field or some furniture around the room. Ryusei didn’t know he had other talents aside from soccer, but that wasn’t a bad thing. He was surprisingly impressed by this fun fact that he was actually able to talk to Rin about it. It was surely off for both of them, but it felt oddly intimate. Is that a weird thing to say, or just romantic?
And speaking of being romantic, he believes Rin sometimes is too. As soon as Loki ends the day with his talks, everyone would either rush to the bathroom or the cafeteria. Rin, however, isn’t like the rest, as he prefers to stay behind and do more training. But sometimes, he would neglect those little practices just to be alone with the blond. Rin was definitely the one initiating and would drag Ryusei to every private place he knows.
Had it not been for their age gap and the security cameras everywhere, Ryusei wouldn’t turn down an offer to do more than just making out. If Rin ever asked, of course. Though it’s a good question, if they were ever caught, would it be going against the terms of agreement of Blue Lock anyway? Were there even terms like those written? The fact Blue Lock is a show, being caught with Rin surely would cause some controversy. Well, Ryusei surely doesn’t care about that because that’s not going to stop their little sneaky fun. But Ryusei knows better; it’s better to stay away and keep boundaries from here.
But back to the main problem, why is Rin acting like this? It happened so quickly on a random Tuesday night, with the younger getting all worked up—it could be the fact the younger was horrible at practice that day or Ryusei mentioned his older brother—and they just kept it going until now. But those are all the usual things. And the days before that were training, playing—again, the usual stuff. He isn’t complaining. He simply wants to know why.
There were times where he was able to ask Rin. When he asked why, Rin would either cut him off again and cloud his thoughts or sometimes be a bitch and change his mood, saying he’s no longer interested in continuing. Though when Rin acts up on the latter part, he’d be easily persuaded with Ryusei’s convincing skills to let him stay put.
So to much avail, Ryusei couldn't keep pushing his luck. Maybe Rin simply wants their relationship to be like this. No labels. No talking. No feelings.
It’s a shame. If Rin ever finally had the will to talk about whatever they're doing and perhaps, in the smallest possibility, to be more than friends with—no, scratch that, enemies with benefits—to lovers, Ryusei wouldn’t say no to that.
Ryusei actually thinks they could work it out if it weren't for the lack of communication between them.
Still, Ryusei does not want to ruin anything for now. Just for now. Now it feels like jumping on cloud nine with rainbows and stars everywhere.
“Are you seriously going to be fucking brain dead when I’m doing this? Fucking cockroach.” Rin scoffed, finally giving a break from all the kisses he was delivering.
Ryusei smiled at the sight—everything about this is so beautiful, and he really wishes it would always be him to have this.
“Sorry, Rin-rin, blame those stupid face of yours. It’s distracting.”
Oh, fuck it.
It was right after a training match, practicing to go against FC Barcha before the next few days. Everyone was already packing up to leave and head to the showers or the cafeteria. But Rin isn’t like the rest. He isn’t lukewarm enough to just slack off just because Loki said they can. If there’s time, there’s still room to be better. He doesn’t understand why they had to end their practice earlier today.
Aside from that, Rin Itoshi is not so fond of his teammates. They're barely decent in soccer, and yet, they still aren’t trying hard enough. How lukewarm. No wonder they can’t beat him. However, sometimes, Nanase would bug Rin to help him get better at the sport. Though still, it doesn’t change the fact he’s not fond of them.
What’s worse is that most of them are annoying—even if they don’t particularly bother him. They talk too loudly and think they're the only ones there; it’s shameless and unnecessary. Sometimes talking about girls as if they’re only playthings or useless news outside the building. They shouldn't waste their lack of brain cells on things like that. Not when they’re here in Blue Lock.
As he was about to leave, to head to the physical studio, Rin stopped dead in his tracks when he heard his name. Which is something he would never do, as he usually does not care. Usually.
“You and Rin seem to be getting along, not that it’s a bad thing, but what’s up? "It was one of their teammates, Tabito Karasu, striking up a conversation with none other than that cockroach, Ryusei Shidou.
“Hm? Really? "That was the reply the blond gave, his tone sounding unimpressed at most.
“Yeah, you guys still insult each other." Suddenly an energetic voice butted in, which must be Charles Chevalier, the midfielder they’ve been playing with during their time in PXG. “But you guys seem to be getting closer~ It’s really cute, hahah! ”
These people are making such a big deal over nothing. So what if they don’t actually throw hands or headbutt each other anymore? Normal teammates would prefer it like that, instead of whatever is going on between him and Shidou. It’s not only with the cockroach anyway; Rin has been trying to be patient with most of them throughout this Neo-Egoist period. On the other hand, Shidou is just an absolute maniac who likes to make Rin agitated with pranks, though they’ve finally gotten to the point where they are in casual terms. Especially since they're forced to be dorm mates.
Even with the lack of violence, that doesn’t mean they are getting along—they never would. They still get angry and frustrated at each other, throwing names and insults. It just so happens there are times that they're both focusing on becoming better with each other’s presences. Is that so hard to even consider? Rin sighed because it’s pointless to keep standing by the door, eavesdropping on what kind of bullshit they're saying.
“I don’t know what you all are saying, but maybe Sae-chan would finally give me a chance again~”
Sae-chan. That name rang to the brain; god, it’s been a while since he heard his brother’s name—from someone for a while. No one around the area had the guts to bring up the older Itoshi, not when Rin is nearby at least.
And Shidou, since when is he still caught up with his brother? Rin thought about what they’ve been through ever since all of them came back to Blue Lock after that break. Shidou did mention his brother a few times during the start, telling him to tell his brother to reply to his messages (like Rin could) or asking about stories of his brother, but it soon died out.
Rin thought he was being considerate. Which was a really foolish thought. Somehow, he was able to think that maybe Shidou might actually be cool with him. But still, of course, it’s only because of his brother. Everything always has to be his brother.
Then again, what does Shidou expect Rin to do for him? What can he do? He hasn’t talked to his brother properly for years, and with what happened during the match against Japan’s former U-20 team, Rin would never ever call him just for a cockroach like Shidou.
It’s stupid. Shidou must’ve had everything already about his brother. Sae Itoshi literally picked that demon over his own younger brother. Does he not realize the amount of shame formed just from that one instance? Is he actually playing all decent or—nice—just for a false idea that Rin could play matchmaker like a Cupid?
Rin doesn't get it. How can he? Not when the blond surely has an idea, even if so tiny, about the relationship between him and his brother. Even during the U-20 match, he’d rub it in Rin’s face. No one’s stupid enough to believe he has no idea. No one can be that fucking stupid.
It had been two days later, and maybe he was the one who turned out to be fucking stupid. It’s been too long ago to even think about that conversation between teammates he barely cared about. It’s frustrating because it seems like his mind was the one making it a big deal.
Nothing could explain why. Why does it matter if Shidou approached him more kindly because he wants to be with his older brother? Who wouldn’t want Sae Itoshi anyway?
The most frustrating part was that he couldn't stop thinking about it. It’s useless to even think about it. He doesn’t feel betrayed in any sort, because it wasn’t like he and Shidou were anything aside from enemies or teammates. And yet, here he was, trying to find peace even in the shower.
He no longer feels normal around the demon. It was as if that conversation had possessed him to have his heart start to dance around or his stomach to churn every time he thought about Shidou and his older brother. And the fact is, he might have an idea of whatever this inner turmoil could be—he doesn’t want to say it. It’s too unnecessary and useless. It will only make him miserable. Because no one in their right mind would ever return this type of feeling to him, especially someone like Ryusei Shidou.
Instead, he will do what he can to get rid of this feeling inside of him. Play the part that Shidou wants him to do.
"Here," Rin mumbled, extending a piece of paper from his pale fingers. He quickly finished his bath, his hair still dripping wet, staining his blue sweater.
“What? The blond looked at the paper unimpressed. “What the hell am I going to do with that, Eyelashes Junior?”This was the most proper conversation he had since two days ago. Even if they were able to sleep in the same room, Rin has been restless. He couldn’t stop thinking about Shidou Ryusei; it was driving him insane.
“My brother’s phone number.” Shidou's pink eyes widened as his gold lashes fluttered from the blinking, not his usual expression with the smirk plastered on it. He looked at Rin as he committed a crime. Maybe he did. Maybe it was the fact his heart was racing just by having his gaze on Shidou’s face. He never realized this demon could actually look decently cute like that. How stupid.
“Hah? Now why are you giving this out so easily, Rin-rin? What did I do to deserve this? ” Of course, Shidou would be skeptical, but still, he was able to bring out a snarky smile, possibly hoping it’d piss Rin off in some way. Though it wasn’t like he knew Rin heard the conversation he had with Charles and Karasu. And for someone like Shidou, he surely doesn’t remember anything about it. Another thing was that Rin wasn’t even able to completely finish listening to them that day as his mind drifted to unwarranted thoughts.
Seeing the blond’s frown is making Rin lose his grip; he felt wrong. Maybe giving out his brother’s number without permission wasn’t advisable, but this was his only idea. Even if it means it’s horrible. His brother would deserve it anyway. He can’t do anything else. “Fuck, okay, are you serious? What did I do, huh? "Shidou sounded genuinely worried, making the pathetic feeling wash all over the younger.
“Just stay out of my fucking way," Rin scowled, before turning his back toward the bed. He can’t bear to look at Shidou’s face any longer. He might regret doing this. Taking the blanket, he hid his face from the burning embarrassment.
Shidou was mumbling incoherently, maybe calling Rin insane by now. And after a minute, the blonde slipped out of the room and even closed the lights for Rin.
After this incident, Rin turned even worse than before. The thoughts of Shidou and giving his brother’s number were spiraling out into his head. It was madness and unbearable. Unnecessary thoughts, yet he couldn’t stop it.
He acknowledges that he does regret doing that stupid stunt. What was he on? Drugs? God, can he even be more embarrassing? It’s been weeks since he’d done that, and he can’t even look at Shidou’s pink eyes without getting flustered. Thank goodness no one noticed; it’s all inside his head surely. No one cared about him enough to actually notice his situation anyway. Definitely, not Shidou.
Shidou was able to approach him the same, still calling him names or saying insults to rile him up. What was different is that Rin couldn't even give either a bark or a bite back. Not when he thinks there will be a moment he’d be stating the obvious about his ridiculous feelings.
He’s going insane. Practice has been awful; his kicks weren’t precise, and his mind drifted away too much. It’s a pain, a lukewarm feeling. How can one even be this much of an idiot? Rin had been thinking about this for nights; why can’t he just get over it?
Rin soon came to terms that he was jealous. Jealous of Sae Itoshi. He didn’t like the idea of it. Yes, he’s mad at his brother, but it’s not to the extent he would feel jealous. He doesn’t care if Sae got to go to Japan or is more liked by everyone else. Those small things didn't matter, because what was important to him was for his brother to look at him and finally acknowledge him. Talk to him again. Tell him how proud he is. But that never happened. And now, he’s adding more complicated feelings about his brother because of that damn cockroach.
Rin sighed as he finally finished his shower and headed to the dorms. He started to sleep in earlier to avoid being in the same room with Shidou awake.
Yet it seems everything in the world wants to play with him. Shidou was lying in Rin’s assigned bed, scrolling through his phone. It made a nerve crack in Rin's temple. Even when he finally decides to avoid Shidou for a while, just to clear his feelings away, that demon must always complicate things further.
“…What the hell are you doing in my bed? "Rin mumbled not so loudly that he wasn't sure if he ended up sounding nervous or stupid.
“Oi, Rin-rin,” Shidou called out his name like a song, sitting up from the soft cushion of Rin’s bed. “Finally done showering? Are you perhaps busy doing something else in there, hm? "The blond purposely made a face that implied jerking off, with the way his hand was adjusted to the center of his pants.
Rin mentally thanked the both of them for being the only ones in the room, with no one else to see this shameless man, yet then again, Rin wished he could run away from this burning desire. It was as if he were set on fire, with nowhere else to run. He wasn’t even able to utter a word; his mouth tried to form at least an insult, yet nothing escaped. What was worse was that he couldn’t help but find Shidou’s face…very…hot. It isn’t the Antenna Freak’s first time commenting on something so crude and erotic, but with these troublesome feelings he has now, his mind and heart are able to play stupid games on his own. Self-sabotaging to its finest.
“Look, I saw you went to the bathhouse like almost an hour ago. It’s suspicious, you know," Shidou mused, sticking his tongue out to the imaginary to piss Rin even more. Unknowingly, it’s driving the younger mad in a different way.
“No, it’s not.”
“Yes, it is.”
“No.
“Yes, Rin-chan.”
“Fuck, just—just get out of my bed! "The younger screamed; he couldn’t take it. He'd been trying to control himself and not make himself a mess around Shidou, yet here he was.
“Then you gotta fight me for this place! ”
“Oh, you—”
Rin grabbed the nearest pillow and used it to tackle Shidou onto the bed. He accordingly got all hot and bothered, even if they were actually just fighting. Shidou fights back by throwing kicks and punches, but they weren’t enough to hurt. It felt like they were playing on a kindergarten mat at this rate. Rin couldn't even feel more embarrassed about what he’s doing.
After they finally stopped the childish play, Rin sighed in frustration. He can’t believe it—as days pass by, he gets even more out of himself. He is not like this, and it’s all Shidou’s fault.
“You know, under-eyelashes junior, you think you’re untouchable and all—but seriously, did you hit your head? ” Shidou asked, and they both finally caught their breath by sitting up.
“Hah? …Get lost, you antenna freak." Rin is running out of things to say. In return, Shidou lifted a finger and hit it towards Rin’s forehead. Again, Rin was speechless. He didn’t know if he should throw a punch right now or get up and leave.
He chose the latter, which made the blond follow him behind. “See! I flicked your head, and you didn’t even attack me! ”
“Why the hell are you complaining? Isn’t that a fucking good thing?. Rin couldn’t understand Shidou or himself. Certainly Shidou would prefer it if they just didn't bother each other anymore—it would cut both of them the slack.
“No, not for me, Rin-rin," Shidou said with a terrifying laugh. “I don’t like it. Not exciting. Boo…” It made Rin silently hold his breath; he wanted to laugh because it sounded absurd. Not too far off, but still, he wouldn't expect this.
“Oh, shut the fuck up. What do you want?”
“You’ve been avoiding me.”
Oh. Rin paused. Now this was something he’d not expected and is absurd. Shidou. Noticing. Him. And it’s even about him running away from seeing a true blond’s pretty face. This is so humiliating. Can the night even get worse? His pale skin seems to turn slightly flush for the first time, as if he were caught guilty for doing a crime.
“No, I wasn’t.”
“Yes, you are! You’re running away every time I talk to you! ”
“Why are you even trying to talk to me? ”
“You know talking equally means picking a fight~” Shidou smiled, and Rin sighed to himself. He can’t do this, not when this demon just wants to have fun rage-baiting. Shidou should find someone else.
“What if I’m done with your bullshit? ”
“No, you’re not.”
Rin blinked dumbfoundedly. “Hah? You’re getting too ahead of yourself.”
“I’m just saying, you still look quite mad to be done with my bullshit.” Shidou stepped closer, his smirk still not wearing off.
“Do you want to get punched? ”
“You can try, but you always miss.” Before Rin could react with an unconscious punch, Shidou interrupted it all by bringing up Rin’s stunt of playing Cupid a few days ago. “Also, the number of Sae-chan’s? He already gave me that.”
Rin bit his lip, trying to stay calm. The few seconds ago was actually more bearable than bringing up his older brother was. It’s as if Shidou is doing this on purpose. Maybe he is. Maybe he knows how Rin is feeling and is doing this to torment him. Then yet again, it doesn’t seem like this idiot is capable of thinking of that. “Then? Good for you.”
Shidou’s smirk finally died, going back to the frown he saw last time. “Are you actually okay? I just talked about your brother, Rin-chan?? ”
“I don’t care! "His voice ended up being harsher than he planned. Rin’s been trying to pull himself together, yet Shidou is stripping it off step by step. First, by saying he likes those stupid fights they do. Second, by noticing he’s been avoiding him. Third, bring up Itoshi Sae.
This is horrible. Every ounce of Rin’s self-control is wearing thin. He can’t help it when Shidou’s genuine worry seems to mislead his stupid feelings to something entirely different.
“Okay, now that’s more like it, but still, Rin-rin, you—“
Before Rin knew it, he grabbed the pink highlights of Shidou’s hair and pulled him close. His lips met the other’s, making the blond freeze. It lasted for maybe around five seconds, like a small peck, and Rin was quick to push him off, leaving Shidou dumbfounded.
His legs were about to bolt, but Shidou was faster to tackle him down to the nearest bed and actually give another kiss. Confusion was bubbling up all over Rin; it was as if he were in ecstasy, having to finally kiss this demon. It felt surreal, because how can Ryusei Shidou kiss him back?
It didn’t seem like the blond was stopping anytime soon, and Rin didn’t want him to either. They were likely lying down on Karasu’s bed right now, which is quite unethical, but Rin can’t think straight. He can’t catch up to Shidou’s pace.
An excellent kisser. Unlike Rin himself. Who never bothered to think about romantic relationships, thinking it’s a waste of time. Not when he’s so fixinated in soccer. He wonders how many people had Shidou kissed before this moment. Were they flings, dates, or what? Then suddenly, a memory caught back to him.
“I don’t know what you all are saying, but maybe Sae-chan would finally give me a chance again~”
It was as if ash fell through his skin, realizing that this night could possibly mean nothing to Shidou. Not when he’s still stuck on to his brother.
Theres no way the words Shidou spoke few days ago means nothing to him now. Shidou Ryusei can’t be over Itoshi Sae even if he wants to— even if he is running his mouth all over Rin’s face. Because right now, this is all too good to be true.
Rin doesnt know if there will be a next time. He wonders what excuse the demon might pull when he finally realizes his idiotic mistake.
Maybe this is all a dream.
Maybe Shidou is doing this due to the heat of the moment.
Maybe Shidou is just playing to get back at Itoshi Sae.
But even if Rin’s stomach painfully churns from his clouded mind, his heart couldn’t stop his heart from pounding to the point aches nor could his mind carry the right state to stop this from going any further. He can’t help it. Rin wants to devour Shidou in a way he never felt before.
In this moment, all he desire is Shidou Ryusei. And Rin knew that was a bad idea, and yet..
Oh. Fuck it.