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"Why did they ever let go of this programme?" Taehyung asks in between laughs. He keeps rolling on the couch and slapping Jungkook's arm while cracking up. Jungkook’s sure he’s going to have his entire upper arm bruised later. "It was pure gold."
The common room of their dorm floor is all glass doors and walls. There are rooms right across the narrow hall. There have been complaints about the noise countless times. Jungkook is surprised no one has ever bothered to come out and shut them up. Well, technically shut Taehyung up, since Jungkook is too busy with his own thoughts to pay attention to whatever it's on the telly. Part of him wonders if it's because everyone on the floor knows Taehyung's laugh by now and have resigned themselves—as Jungkook and the rest of Taehyung's friends have—to just let Taehyung be. That it's just useless to keep trying to make Taehyung change or try to be more of a normal human being.
There's laughter coming from the telly, and Taehyung slapping his arm and kicking the air frantically makes Jungkook come back to reality. "Jongshin hyung is too funny," he says with teary eyes, once the fit is over.
It's an old programme, Family Outing. It aired when Jungkook was in elementary school, maybe? But he's watched enough reruns with Taehyung to know it was a good programme. Ridiculous, but one-of-a-kind.
On the screen, Jongshin is attempting to dance to JYP songs while wearing a Dracula costume. It's entirely absurd, as he keeps missing the beat and clearly forgetting the choreo. It's funny nonetheless, which is why Taehyung starts a new laughing fit, louder than ever.
It is kind of funny, Jungkook has to admit. His head still hurts a bit, but Taehyung's laughter is contagious.
"What the hell is going on in here?" Comes a low and ominous voice. "I swear to God, Kim Taehyung!"
Taehyung manages to look at Jungkook with horror in his eyes, press his lips shut so tight they turn a pale shade of pink, and sit up straight all in a matter of seconds. It's Yoongi hyung.
The things people can do when they're scared to death.
“Ah, hyung, I'm sorry," Taehyung apologises. "I didn't know I was being loud."
"You're never aware of it." Yoongi sets his bag next to one of the tables and gets comfortable on a chair. "Which is just one of the many things that are fucking wrong with you."
Jungkook watches him struggling to open a bag of crisps while Taehyung looks at him expectantly, like he's going to deliver some sort of speech about all the ways in which Taehyung is failing at living as part of a community. But Yoongi keeps frowning and cursing under his breath, as he fights with the snacks. Part of Jungkook wants to tell him he's doing it wrong, that this particular brand needs the bag to be opened a different way. But Yoongi scares him, even if his body mass is still half of Jungkook's.
After a stagnant moment—the longest Taehyung's ever been this quiet, in all the time Jungkook's known him—Yoongi sighs, resigned, throws the crisps across the table, and crosses his arms. It would be cute, if this were someone else. Jimin hyung, for example. Even Namjoon hyung. But Min Yoongi is scary.
Taehyung stands up and walks to where Yoongi is, sitting right across from him and taking the bag. There's a tiny smirk on his face, and Jungkook fears for his life, wonders if he has become invisible, since Yoongi hasn't said anything to him, much less killed him.
"Ah, hyung." Taehyung opens the bag with a flourish, eats a single crisp, and leaves the bag opened in front of Yoongi. "Why are you so cute?"
Yoongi's entire face turns red — the tip of his nose, his cheeks, even all the way up to his ears. He clears his throat and looks at the bag as if it personally offended him, then opens his mouth to say something. But instead he just sighs loudly. Taehyung looks at him, all proud and triumphant. When Yoongi opens his mouth again, the sound of his voice makes Jungkook jump on his seat. "And you, young man," he grits out, pausing to turn a crisp at Jungkook. "Where have you been all day? Seokjin hyung has been worried sick about you."
So much for being invisible. Jungkook prays to whatever god is listening for the earth to open and swallow him whole. "I- Uhm..." he mutters. He doesn't know what to say. What is there to say? I'm sorry I confessed to your boyfriend while I was sick and drunk on BBQ sauce? Would that be enough? He's been hiding in his room all day, mortified at the thought of Yoongi banging on his door and demanding an explanation. He even had skipped lunch and supper, and he is probably looking at the bag of crisps the same way Taehyung and Jimin have told him he looks at Seokjin hyung.
"Yeah, I know you're sorry. Just answer your phone, for once. Or just reply to one of Seokjin hyung’s texts," Yoongi says. Taehyung is back on the couch, silently staring at the telly. Jungkook can tell his attention is on whatever him and Yoongi (and Seokjin hyung, by default) have going on, though. "Why would someone take the time to make such quality crisps, and then make the bag they come in impossible to open? Is this the universe's way of telling us that life is hard and that we can't always get what we want?
"I think you've been spending too much time with Namjoon hyung," Taehyung says.
Yoongi snorts. "Yeah. I think you're right, kid."
Jungkook stares at his shoes. Still wanting the earth to swallow him whole.
❉❉❉
Right up to last night, Jungkook's first year of college had been going smoothly. Or at least okay. He wasn't in the top of some of the classes he was taking, but he was sure to make himself noticed in the ones that matter. Visual and studio design, being two of them. He's always been competitive, and for most of his professors, it's not only a matter of talent to be successful in the communication and design area, but also to be able to know when a chance is being and to take it. Dive head first into it.
So, the first time he met Kim Seokjin, Jungkook decided he was going to do whatever he could to swoon him.
Except Kim Seokjin was entirely new territory. Completely different from all the people Jungkook dated—people. That was if Jungkook counted that girl from kindergarten who had stolen his first kiss. It was better if he could remember her name.
It was one thing to make himself likable to the girls at his old high school, and another thing to make Seokjin notice him. And once he was noticed, it was a separate task to make himself be remembered. Working his way up to Seokjin's heart was easy, but at the same time it was a craft he wanted to be good at. Preferably forever. Sometimes Jungkook felt he was constantly fighting with Jimin for a place in Seokjin's heart and that made him feel a bit pathetic, since Jungkook considered Jimin to be on a different level. A lower one; one reminiscent of his height.
It was fate, meeting Seokjin hyung. Jungkook has always been shy and awkward. On the first day of his college life, after his parents left him with hugs and a lot of boxes to unpack, all he had wanted to do was run after them and tell them he had decided not to grow up. That he was giving up being an adult and he wanted to stay home for the rest of his life. He had it all planned—it only took him a few seconds. His parents would go to work every morning and he'd be in charge of breakfast and lunch and dinner. Like a stay in mum, except he wasn't a mum; he only wanted to stay in.
But of course, life doesn't work like that. And so Jungkook had stood there, in the middle of the tiny room he was now sharing with a certain Kim Namjoon, a third year. Clothes were thrown haphazardly all over the place. It was a good thing women weren't allowed in the men's dorm, otherwise his mum would have wanted to clean up this mess. For Jungkook, though, it looked like his own room back at his childhood home, except the clothes were more colourful. Jungkook's wardrobe consisted mostly on white t-shirts and hoodies.
Once he had given up waiting for his roommate to make the necessary introductions, Jungkook had bashfully ventured outside of his room and into an empty hallway that lead up to more rooms and what seemed like the floor's common room. The telly was on, but there was no one there, so he had sat on the couch and switched on the channels. He had been on the verge of giving up finding something he wanted to watch, when there had been a loud bang, followed by what looked to him like a male god.
"Shoot," the person said. Could he be called a person? How was he real? What was his face made of? How could that face be a face? Jungkook had never seen anything like it before. "I'm sorry. Hi." The male god continued. He settled what looked like a heavy backpack on one of the tables, and Jungkook saw what had made that noise earlier. It was a big box, full of books and reading material. "I'm Kim Seokjin. Just right across the hall from here," said the man. He blew out his bangs and used his hand to fan his face, and all the while Jungkook had finally found something he wanted to watch, except it was not on the telly. "My roommate is not here yet," he explained, having all of Jungkook's attention. "That idiot is probably still sleeping or something. In freaking Daegu. And I forgot my card at home. The guard had to let me in."
Kim Seokjin had shoulders . Jungkook supposed people had shoulders, but Kim Seokjin's shoulders were broad. He had a really nice and muscular back, from what the thin t-shirt (thank you, god, for this great gift) showed. It was the kind of back where you just wanted to curl up and take naps. A napable back. Jungkook wondered what else in Kim Seokjin was pretty. Right now, he was trying very hard not to stare at his pink poochy lips.
"Are you a first year?"
Jungkook opened his mouth, but he realised he had lost the ability to speak. What were words? What was life five minutes ago? How could he keep on living knowing there was someone like Kim Seokjin in the world? He nodded a tad too late, and felt a blush creeping up his neck once he met Seokjin's eyes. He had pretty eyes, too.
"Right," Seokjin said a bit quizzed, probably thinking Jungkook was weird and deciding not to have anything to do with him for the remaining time of his college life.
Jungkook wanted to die, or to be reborn, so he had a second chance at giving a better first impression of him to Kim Seokjin. But much to his surprise, he sat next to him on the couch. Jungkook sat very still and tried very hard not to combust when Seokjin spread his legs apart and their knees touched.
"I'm a third year. Film major. You can call me hyung." Then he smiled, as if Jungkook's heart trying to get out of his chest wasn't enough. Seokjin sunbaenim, Seokjin hyung, also had pretty teeth.
❉❉❉
After that first meeting in the common room, Jungkook learnt a lot about Seokjin hyung in a matter of days.
It didn't help (or, well, it did) that Park Jimin, Jungkook's former sunbae back at Busan High, was attending that same college, and also Jungkook's neighbor. The icing on the cake? He was also a Kim Seokjin enthusiast.
"I'm just here for the laughs," he explained. What exactly he meant by that, Jungkook had no idea. Yet.
Apparently, Kim Seokjin was not only a male god, but he was also sort of infamous for his mukbang show. He had Jimin as the official camera man, since Taehyung (Jimin's roommate and best friend) had proved himself useless in this particular task.
"He kept focusing on the wrong stuff," Jimin started. They were having lunch in the cafeteria. Jungkook had been sitting alone on a table, when Jimin spotted him and called out to him in an embarrassingly loud voice—'Jeon Jungkookie~' He sounded like those mothers on television, even acted like one when he hugged him and went on to tell his friends that he'd raised Jungkook.
Jungkook wanted to die.
"It was the important stuff," Taehyung said defensively, knitting his brows. "I was only trying to raise the ratings. Or views. Or whatever it is Youtubers use."
"Yeah, you were raising the ratings, alright," Jimin replied. "From PG to R."
Taehyung smirked in between a spoonful of rice. "A nipple is not rated R."
Jungkook choke on his cold janchiguksu. A nipple!? Whose nipple!?
Jimin sighed, looked down at his gamjatang, then added, "You can't just show someone's nipple on a mukbang show."
"You," Hoseok, a third year and Taehyung and Jimin's roommate, said in a commanding tone. "Need to control your hormones." He was pointing his chopsticks at both of his roommates. "I know Seokjin hyung doesn't really mind you following him, but you need to remember he is still your hyung. He is older than any of us. Show some respect."
Whose nipple it was that they were talking about exactly!? Jungkook wanted to ask. He needed to know. But at the same time, he didn't want to sound like a creep in front of Jimin hyung's roommates. After last night’s disastrous meeting with Kim Seokjin, he was trying to leave good first impressions on people.
"Seokjin hyung's nipples are pretty and pink," Taehyung declared, as if he hadn't heard Hoseok.
Jungkook choke on his food for the second time. He had to gulp down his glass of water to stop coughing.
❉❉❉
Things began to go downhill after that. He found out his roommate, Kim Namjoon, was also friends with Jimin and his roommates. And that Seokjin hyung was part of that social circle.
"I wouldn't call it a 'social circle', you know," Namjoon hyung was saying. He was tall and cool. Liberal arts major. Very smart, too. He was fluent in a variety of languages. "We just stick with one another out of pure necessity. We basically live together."
This was essentially true. The dorm rooms were small, and after being in there for a while, it made Jungkook a bit claustrophobic. It didn't help at all that the weather was getting warmer. Even if they turned the AC on, the fact that two grown men were sharing a tiny space remained.
So they often spent time in the common room, which was a big space occupied by two big couches that sat in front of a huge flat screen telly. And a series of tables, some round, some rectangular; where people could do homework or eat. Though most of the time it was both, since the common room also had a fully equipped kitchen.
"I met the hyungs my first year," he continued. "I mean Yoongi and Seokjin hyung. You've met them, right? Tol and smol or whatever people call them these days."
Jungkook nodded as he stared at a weird stain in the wall, exactly behind Namjoon's head. They were both sitting cross-legged, each on his own bed. So Seokjin and this Yoongi person were dating? "I only met Seokjin hyung," he said after an awkward pause, when he realised Namjoon was waiting for him to speak.
"Well, you're not missing out much," Namjoon said as an afterthought. He had a low and grave voice that was soothing. "Yoongi hyung is... well..." He stopped talking, bit his lower lip, then frowned as if he were trying to conjure the words to describe his friend. "He is Yoongi hyung." He concluded. "He and Seokjin hyung have been together since before college. They met during their military service. I mean, you know Seokjin hyung is a year older, right? But he took a sabbatical year to see the world or some shit. Really, who does that? Those hyungs are weird." He shook his head and all Jungkook could do was nod and stare at his bare feet.
He should have known someone like Kim Seokjin was taken. He should have at least expected it. He and this Yoongi person had been together for so long people had given them a nickname. Jungkook wondered if Seokjin hyung was the tall one or the small one. From what he remembered, he was as tall as Jungkook. But that didn't mean there couldn't be someone taller than them. Maybe there was and Seokjin was the small one.
At this thought, Jungkook wanted to dig a hole in the ground and scream how cute the idea of Seokjin being 'smol' was until he lost his voice. Instead, he caught Namjoon talking to someone on the phone and telling the person on the other end of the line that he'd be right over.
"Speaking of the devil," he said. "Yoongi hyung wants me to go with him to run some errands. You doing something? Wanna come?"
Of course, the Yoongi person was the small one. Jungkook noticed that it was not so much that he was small, but that he had a slender body and he hunched down a lot. Seemingly tired.
And he was very snarly.
"Hey, hyung." Namjoon extended his hand in what appeared to be a sort of boys salute or something. Yoongi ignored it completely, but Namjoon was undeterred. "Bad day, huh?"
"I went to sleep at 7, Namjoon-ah. What do you think?" Yoongi grumbled. It startled Jungkook a bit because, as much as Yoongi looked small and cosy in his huge red jacket (too thick for the weather, but Jungkook was not judging), he sounded way bigger. And stronger. He had the voice of someone who was constantly in command.
Namjoon chuckled. "It's, like, noon, hyung."
"What part of 'I went to bed at 7 am' didn't you understand?" Yoongi started walking. Namjoon followed him without being given any explanation, so Jungkook followed, too. "I can't believe Seokjin hyung woke me up to make me run errands."
This made Namjoon chuckle again. It was a good-natured laugh, but Jungkook swore he could feel Yoongi give off a threatening vibe. "You say that, but you're still here, aren't you?"
Yoongi made weird sounds at the back of his throat. It sounded like groaning while yawning and cursing.
"What's Seokjin hyung doing this time?"
"He wants to cook and then eat his own food," Yoongi said in a deadpan voice. As if this were something Seokjin did all the time. "He has Jiminie as his assistant. I don't know why he doesn't have him as his errand boy, too."
"Are you his errand boy, hyung?"
They stopped at a red light, and there was something in Yoongi's eyes that made Jungkook think Namjoon should be more careful of the things he said when Yoongi could easily push him into the coming traffic.
"I told him he should find someone else to do this. The first years are always more than willing to provide for their sunbaes."
"Speaking of which," Namjoon said, an arm around Jungkook's shoulder. "This is Jungkook, my new roommate."
Yoongi stared blankly at them. "Yeah, I was wondering who he was. He just looks so young and lost. I hope you're not giving him a hard time, Namjoon-ah."
Namjoon laughed as they crossed the street. "He's just kidding," he said to Jungkook. "Yoongi hyung has a very peculiar sense of humour."
"Ha ha," Yoongi laughed. It was entirely sarcastic, but it gave Jungkook the chills.
"Hello," he half shouted, realising a bit too late that he sounded as if he were talking to a superior in the army. He lowered his voice a little to add, "I'm Jeon Jungkook."
"Are you okay, kid?" Yoongi asked. Jungkook had no idea if he was being serious or not. "Namjoon snores too loudly, doesn't he? Really, it's tragic. I feel bad for you."
They were in front of the supermarket now. Yoongi extended his hand in front of Namjoon, who shuffled inside his pockets and procured a hundred won coin. "I-" Jungkook started. He didn't want to sound intimidated, but he was. Yoongi was a dangerous sunbae. "I'm really a deep sleeper."
"Good for you," Yoongi said as he inserted the coin into the slot and took a cart out.
"So, what are we buying?"
"I forgot."
It took Yoongi twelve calls to get the things Seokjin wanted right.
At some point Yoongi just handed to phone to Namjoon, so he could deal with Seokjin's demands.
"Yoongi hyung is just useless," Namjoon explained later, when they were back at the dorm. Yoongi snorted. "It was a simple task. I don't even know why Seokjin hyung sends you in the first place."
"I'm just very diligent. I like to get things right," Yoongi replied pensively. At Namjoon's 'you had to call twelve times' stare, Yoongi added, "At least I'm not Taehyung."
This seemed to get to Namjoon, because he just shook his head in disapproval. "Poor Seokjin hyung. He just wants to eat."
When they got out of the elevator, they could hear the noise coming out of the common room. There was a high-pitch laughter, one that resembled a window squeaking.
"So much for peace and quiet," Yoongi said sullenly.
Taehyung and Jimin were wrestling for the remote while Hoseok scrubbed the kitchen clean. But more importantly, Seokjin hyung was laughing. He was the one that had the squeaky laugh. He seemed to brighten up at the sight of them. He flashed them a devastating smile and Jungkook's knees were suddenly weak, as if the weight of the grocery bags were pulling him down.
"There you are," he said, still smiling. Jungkook had to sit down. Or run as far away as he could. “I thought Yoongi had somehow managed to get you all lost.” Yoongi flipped a finger at him. “Real classy, Min Yoongi.” He said to Yoongi’s retreating figure. He was probably going back to bed.
Then Seokjin turned his attention to Jungkook and to him he said, “Thank you, Jungkookie.” To what Jungkook could only reply with a couple of weird noises. Really, if he wanted to swoon Kim Seokjin, he was going to have to learn how to talk all over again.
It turned out Seokjin knew how to cook. He could do it skillfully, and not just because he was living alone and he had to.
Jungkook witnessed amazed, how he chopped onions and peeled chicken breasts and added things in the steaming pot. Jimin took pictures of all of Seokjin's moves, to add to his cooking blog later, he said. And honestly, Jungkook thought Seokjin should have a cooking show, instead of a mukbang show. Or have both, instead of having Jimin just take pictures of how he cooked. Because Seokjin managed to make cooking appealing.
That was a word he never thought he was going to associate with anything that had to deal with the kitchen, but Jungkook was awed. Seokjin was not only a good-looking face and an attractive body. He was someone with skills. With a funny and contagious laugh and immense passion for the things he loved doing.
At some point, Jimin handed Jungkook the camera, and Jungkook tried his best to find Seokjin's best angles to make the pictures more flattering. A task that was easy, given the fact that all of Seokjin's angles were good angles. Seriously, what was he made of? How could his face be so gracious?
"You know," Seokjin said to him, after all the food had been eaten. Hoseok, Taehyung and Namjoon off camera while Jimin acted as a guest and Jungkook got it all on camera. "I'm firing Yoongi and hiring you as my new assistant."
By assistant, Jungkook thought Seokjin referred to as what Yoongi had called 'errand boy' earlier.
Jimin gasped, he clearly didn't appreciate the competition
Jungkook wanted to run and scream wildly, but he managed to remain completely still. "Thanks?" He said, lamely, but internally he was exactly as Yoongi described earlier: a first year, always more than willing to provide for his sunbae.
❉❉❉
The rest of the term went on in a flash. Jungkook struggled with a few of his classes, but he wasn't failing any. And even though he still didn't have friends his own age, he didn't feel so lonely.
And how could he, when Seokjin hyung made sure to smile at him everyday when he saw him walking to class. He never failed to fall into a comfortable silence with him whenever they were sitting side by side in the library. He never failed to put a smile in Jungkook's face when he said things like, "Jungkook-ah, I bet you can’t drink this entire bottle of water." Or, "JK, I bet you can't stuff this entire piece of meat in your mouth."
But Jungkook took all the bets. He had had a terrible night after drinking so much water; he had kept waking up to take a piss. And when Seokjin told the anecdote to the rest of them, Hoseok had scolded him because he had read somewhere that people could die when they drank so much water all at once.
"It's, like, 6 litres or something, Hoseok-ah," Namjoon chimed in.
"He could have killed the kid," Hoseok said with a worried and serious expression. "You could have killed him, hyung. And then what would you have told his mum?"
The way he spoke, it was as if Jungkook weren't there, but he was thankful for Hoseok's genuine concern.
Seokjin rolled his eyes, clearly this was not the reaction he had been expected. "I think the steak was more dangerous," he said. Making Hoseok stare at him indignantly. "It was a huge thing, he could have choked to death."
It was, as a matter of fact. After a series of loud coughs and choking sounds, Seokjin had stopped laughing and started worrying, telling Jungkook to spit out the meat. But Jungkook was no quitter. He had methodically chewed the meat into tiny pieces until he started swallowing it bit by bit.
And honestly, the only thing that had made him start choking was the fact that Seokjin kept making jokes about meat being an euphemism for a specific part of the male anatomy.
❉❉❉
Soon, the term was over. Jungkook packed his things and took the early KTX back to Busan.
Namjoon promised to ask the RA to let them room together again. "I think you're stuck with me, Jungkookie."
Jungkook smiled at the term of endearment. "I think you're stuck with me, too, hyung." He liked Namjoon, he was always providing Jungkook with facts of life. He liked to read self-help books and seemed to be very mature, for his age. He certainly was more mature than Seokjin and Yoongi.
Seokjin hugged him, tight. Jungkook had come to learn Seokjin gave really good hugs. He knew how to squeeze the right way, and sometimes he put his chin on one's shoulder. "Don't miss me too much," he said into Jungkook's ear. And Jungkook was glad he wasn't looking at his face because he was sure he was bright red. "Ah, why is Busan so far? And why are my two right-hand men from there?" They were swaying on their feet now, Seokjin breathing into Jungkook's ear was making him ticklish.
But when Jungkook got to Busan, after his mum and dad had both gone to the station to pick him up and drive him home. He suddenly realised this wasn't home anymore for him. That he had left home and was now just visiting his parents for the summer. Somehow, in the course of the term, the word home had got a new definition. Jungkook thought about the tiny space he shared with Namjoon, about their scattered clothes. About the common room, that always seemed to fill with Taehyung and Jimin's laughter. He thought about Hoseok, and how warm he made Jungkook feel, always worrying about the hyungs 'corrupting' him. He even thought about how Yoongi would sit with him silently when he found him eating alone in the cafeteria, even when it was obvious he had already eaten. He just sat there with his sketchbook, drawing endless lines that Jungkook knew would soon become buildings, bridges, beautifully crafted places.
Most of all, he thought about Seokjin. Kind-hearted, laid-back, down-to-earth Kim Seokjin. With his ahjussi jokes and his high pitched voice. Who had become such an important part of Jungkook's life without even trying, maybe even without realising it. Because now, whenever Jungkook thought about his life, he knew there was going to be a before and after Seokjin hyung.
"You're all grown up now," his mum said when she saw him. He hugged her tight, breathing in her scent that he had missed so much. She touched his hair that was getting damped with sweat. It was only the first week of July, but the heat was showing no mercy. "I barely recognise you."
A wave of melancholy hit Jungkook. This was supposed to be his home, but it no longer felt like it was. Not even when he started chatting animatedly with his parents, telling him all about college in Seoul and his new friends.
"You talk differently," his father noted. And Jungkook realised he was. That he had started to lose his satoori and that there was more of the standard dialect in speech now.
❉❉❉
Things went back to normal quite quickly after Jungkook came back to the dorm. He was still rooming with Namjoon, in the same room they had been before. So were Yoongi and Seokjin, and Taehyung, Jimin and Hoseok.
"I don't know why we have to go through this every time a term is over," Namjoon nagged. He had arrived earlier that week, and had called Jungkook to tell him they were going to be sharing a room again. "It's a pain in the ass."
"You're a pain in the ass," Yoongi shoot back without taking his eyes of his phone. He was playing a game that involved long narrow stairs and buildings that floated in the air.
"They fumigate the entire place when we're not here," Hoseok said absentmindedly. "And unlike other people who live in the city, we actually have to go back home every once in a while."
Namjoon and Seokjin lived in Seoul, but they both said they’d rather pay the dorm rent than having to commute every day to college.
"It's also a waste of time," Seokjin had explained. "I have to switch lines twice." He had closed his eyes and shook his head, as if this were a task that took a lot more energy than necessary. Sometimes Seokjin acted a lot like Yoongi, who was constantly tired from pulling up all nighters every other day of the week.
Being an architect major was no joke.
Seokjin usually complained their room was clustered with wood or cardboard, and that Yoongi's miniature models took up the tiny space they had in the room. But he also helped him glue tiny pieces together whenever Yoongi was running out of time.
"They could fumigate without us having to pack all of our shit, you know," Namjoon insisted. "It's not as if our clothes would perish or something."
"Perish," Seokjin said mockingly. "Someone's spent their summer reading." He said the word 'reading' using the same tone of voice he did when he said 'cramming'. As if it were something he only did when in dire need to.
"Not everyone can be a Youtube superstar like you, hyung."
Yoongi snorted, still not looking up from his phone.
Jungkook took a moment to appreciate this. He missed the easy banter and constant bickering that his friends fell into whenever they were together.
He was home.
❉❉❉
Jungkook's second term went fast, too. He was more confident with himself now, and he didn't really mind still not having friends his own age. Mostly because Taehyung acted a lot younger than him. He was weird, but Jungkook loved him just the same. They usually got to be childish together while Jimin acted like a responsible adult.
He spent most of his time with Seokjin, though. Listening to him plan his next 'Eat Jin' video (that was how his mukbang show was called.) And always accepting all the weird bets he threw at him. Seokjin had a very easy-going personality. He wasn't as childish and loud as Taehyung, but he often reminded Jungkook of his teen brother. He loved to just laugh with him, loved to make him laugh, too. All the while Jimin stared at them, judgingly
The day it happened, though. The day that started Jungkook's misery, was the last day of school. It was cold; after a surprisingly warm autumn, winter had decided to come one day, unexpectedly. Yoongi complained about his 'fucking ass freezing at 5 am', which was when he usually had to wake up to meet his group mates to finish whatever project they were doing.
That evening, Seokjin texted him, saying he was craving chicken and demanding he came with him to the nearest BBQ chicken restaurant. By this point, Jungkook was so far up Seokjin's ass that he didn't mind that he was taken. Not that Seokjin and Yoongi spent time together. Yoongi was always busy with his classes and Seokjin was always with Jungkook or Jimin.
Seokjin's classes were usually in the morning, when Yoongi was getting ready to go to bed. And Yoongi's classes were mostly in the evening.
"I always wanted to try this strawberry chicken." Seokjin said, his eyes sparkling at the prospect of trying new food.
Jungkook was not really hungry; he had eaten in the cafeteria earlier, with Taehyung next to him, impersonating some of the teachers he thought were annoying. He eyed the menu and saw they had banana and melon flavoured chicken, too.
"What's up with flavoured chicken?" Jungkook had to ask.
"I have no idea. But it's the trend," Seokjin said easily. He eyed the bottles of sauce that were laid on the table, and then grabbed one. "I bet you can't drink this entire bottle of BBQ sauce."
The bottle was half empty. Or half full. Mostly half empty. Jungkook didn't think it through and just took it from Seokjin's hands, took the lid off and started chugging.
Except he should have thought it through because right after he slammed the empty bottle back on the table, his stomach started to feel funny.
There seemed to be something wrong with his face, too, because then Seokjin was saying, with a mix of horror and concern in his eyes. "I was only joking, Jungkook-ah. Are you okay?"
"Bathroom." Jungkook managed to blurt out before standing up abruptly—which was the wrong thing to do, since he got even more nauseous then and feared he wasn't going to get in time—and run towards where the bathroom was.
To Jungkook's horror, and after emptying the entire contents of his stomach, Seokjin came to check up on him. It was a good thing that he was now leaning on the floor, and that he didn't have his face in the toilet. But more importantly, it was a good thing that he had managed to flush before Seokjin barged in, screaming his name.
Standing up seemed to be a task that Jungkook was not capable of doing at the moment. He realised Seokjin had made their orders for take out. He was carrying a plastic bag in one hand and helping Jungkook out with the other one. Jungkook must have been intoxicated on BBQ sauce because he actually asked, "So what's more important, hyung? Me or the chicken?"
Seokjin laughed, though the concern in his face didn't disappear completely. "Both of you are important, Jungkookie." And Jungkook didn't know if it was his empty stomach or the way Seokjin had said his name that made his knees go weak. "Ready to go home?"
Jungkook tried to stand on his own, but almost managed to knock both of them to the floor. Seokjin steadied him then, careful not to drop the food.
"Okay, I got you." he said, putting one arm (the one that was carrying the chicken) around Jungkook's waist. With his other arm, he grabbed Jungkook's wrist and placed it around his neck. "Hoseok is going to kill me."
The walk back to campus was mostly lost to Jungkook. All he remembered were neon lights, having to wait for the light to turn green at an intersection, cars honking, probably at them. But the feeling of Seokjin's arm around his waist was ingrained in his brain. It felt warm against the cold air, it felt right.
He also remembered he kept blurting out things he never thought he would ever say out loud. Like how he thought Jimin was annoying and that he didn't deserve the attention Seokjin gave him. That he was too short, and that he never understood his jokes.
And with dread, he remember he told Seokjin he didn't belong with Yoongi.
But then Seokjin was putting him to bed. A bed that smelled different and was not his own.
"I'm sorry," Seokjin said, sounding truly apologetic. "I shouldn't have done that." He took Jungkook's coat off; he must have had put it on him, too, because Jungkook didn't remember doing that.
Jungkook didn't struggle. The bed was warm, and it smelled good. It smelled like Seokjin. He blurted something, then, something that was lost in the sound of the rustling of the covers.
"I can't take you to your room, or Namjoon would tell Hoseok and that'd be the end of me. And you need someone to take care of you, I can't trust Namjoon to do that." Seokjin pressed a palm to his forehead to feel his temperature, and then smoothed his hair. "You big baby," he said in a tiny voice. Up until today, Jungkook is not sure if Seokjin actually said this or if he dreamt it.
But the next thing he said was something that he was never going to forget. "I love you, hyung. You're so perfect. Why is your skin so flawless? And how come your lips are always pink?"
What happened next was forever lost to Jungkook. He must have passed out, from embarrassment or BBQ sauce intoxication, he didn't know. But he is glad he did, because there were too many things that he had been wanting to tell Seokjin and he was sure if he hadn't passed out he'd never be able to leave his room ever again.
When Jungkook came through again, he was still lying on Seokjin's bed. With Seokjin's covers pulled up all the way to his neck, and Seokjin's hand holding his.
Seokjin was sitting on a chair. Jungkook had the same chair in his room. It was the chair that came with the dorm room. Comfortable enough to sit and write essays on the desk, but not for sleeping.
The night's events flashed through Jungkook's head fast, and he soon found himself panicking. Wanting desperately to get out of there. He was lucky he had woken up before Yoongi came back. He reached for his phone on his jeans pocket and saw he had missed calls and a few texts from Namjoon, probably worried about his whereabouts.
As quietly as he could, he got out of bed. And as much as he had dreamt, time and time again, about holding Seokjin's hand, he had to let go of it now.
Jungkook got into his own bed in no time. He basically ran as fast as he could out of Seokjin's room. Namjoon was already snoring when he got there. Seokjin probably told him Jungkook was with him.
He closed his eyes, but all he saw behind his eyelids was his embarrassing confession. He couldn’t sleep. And when morning came, he pretended he was sleeping while Namjoon got ready to head out. He ignored all of Seokjin's calls. His phone was still where he'd left then, in his jeans pocket. And even if he couldn't see the caller ID, Jungkook heard Seokjin's default ringtone — Pororo's opening theme — the one he had set himself.
❉❉❉
After leaving Taehyung and Yoongi in the common room, Jungkook goes back to his room and lays on his bed. He closes his eyes, waiting for sleep to come, only to have last night's disaster flash through his head again. He kicks the blankets in a temper tantrum, and hears Yoongi's voice again, telling him to answer Seokjin's calls.
His phone is still in his jeans pocket. When he unlocks it, he sees he has 24 missed calls from Seokjin, and 3 from Namjoon. He has a few texts from both of them as well, and reads Seokjin’s mood going from concern to annoyance to anger.
Jungkook suddenly feels a pang of guilt. He should have at least told Seokjin he was okay. And thanked him for taking care of him, even if this whole ordeal wouldn't have happened if he hadn't dared Jungkook to empty a half-full (okay, half-empty) bottle of BBQ sauce.
Because, really, Seokjin should have known by now Jungkook was going to do it.
He scrunches up his face at Seokjin's last text. "YOU MAY HAVE NOT DIED LAST NIGHT, BUT THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU." And kicks the blankets once more, then buries his face in his pillow.
❉❉❉
After a couple of more temper tantrums, the blankets rolling out of the bed and spilling all over the floor, Jungkook gets the courage to go to Seokjin's room. It's just down the hall, but he lost count of the times he went back and forth, practising what to say. Just a quick sorry and a thank you, and then he expects to be back into his room and under his blankets.
He's lucky it'll soon be winter break and he'll go back to Busan. Clearly he can spend the next couple of days in his room; he doesn't need to go out at all. He can call for food delivery and get on the first train the morning he leaves. He'd have to wait in Seoul station for 4 hours for his KTX to depart, but that's the price he'll have to pay for fucking things up so badly.
Seokjin opens the door just a crack, and Jungkook has the urge to run back to his room as fast as he can. But he stays, mostly because when Seokjin realises it's him, he opens the door all the way and more than angry, he just looks sad.
"Glad to see you're alive, you!" He says, and gestures at Jungkook's body with both of his hands. He sounds firm, but he sounds tired, too, and Jungkook can see now how worried he had been. The pang of guilt hits him again, harder this time.
"I'm sorry, hyung," Jungkook starts. He's still standing outside Seokjin's door. The air between them is so awkward he just wants to run all the way to Busan and hide under his childhood bed. But he owes Seokjin more than a shitty reply, he knows that. They're friends, first and foremost, and even if Jungkook managed to fucked up their friendship, he still owes Seokjin an explanation. "I'm really sorry." He says again, hoping that can conveythe things he's feeling right now. And not just the bad ones (guilt, horror, remorse) but the good ones as well (gratefulness, affection, love).
"Just..." Seokjin trails off, he rubs his face with his hand. And Jungkook wants to hug him, so badly. But his hands remain at his side, not wanting to repeat last night's tragedy. "You can't do things like this to me, Jungkookie. You're going to give me a heart attack." The way he says his name, it reminds Jungkook of last night's pleasant part. Of them laughing at bad jokes on the way to the restaurant, of Seokjin's fondness when he fixed Jungkook's scarf.
"I'm sorry," Jungkook repeats. "Thank you. For taking me home."
Home. Seokjin hadn't really taken him home, he took him to his room, put him on his own bed. But it might as well have been home, for Jungkook.
"Was any of it true, though?" Seokjin says, softly. His voice lower and his eyes fixed on something on Jungkook's knees. Maybe he has a weird food stain.
"What?" Jungkook asks, a bit flustered. He has never seen Seokjin like this. He gets shy sometimes, and tries to bury his face in someone's neck, in a way that is so cute it makes Jungkook want to die, or set himself on fire. But this Seokjin is raw, vulnerable. Just how much did Jungkook manage to screw up last night?
"You said you loved me." Seokjin's looking him in the eye when he says this. Jungkook's face feels hot and he's starting to sweat under his sweater.
"I did," Jungkook bites his lower lip, then starts again. "I mean, I do." So much for a second chance at confessing. The first time he is gross and intoxicated with BBQ sauce, and the second time he's still gross and wearing his sweatpants backwards. He just realised when he looked down at his feet because he couldn't manage to look at Seokjin any longer.
"You do," Seokjin repeats. He's starting to sound a little exasperated. Jungkook prays for no one to go out of their room, for no one to even hear this conversation. "And yet you ran like an idiot?"
Seokjin has no idea how many times Jungkook has told himself how much of an idiot he is. So all Jungkook can do is nod.
"I also didn't want Yoongi hyung too see..." Jungkook lowers his voice, as if they had done something unspeakable, rather than just hold hands. "I mean, I didn't want him to misunderstand."
"Misunderstand? " Seokjin looks perplexed now. The hall is empty and completely still, it makes Jungkook nervous. He just wants to get this over with. Why is Seokjin asking so many questions and making his life even more miserable? "What does Yoongi have to do with this?"
What has Yoongi has to do with this? Is Seokjin kidding?
Jungkook can't believe Seokjin is making him pay by getting him to say this out loud. "Aren't you and Yoongi hyung dating? What was I supposed to do if he came and found us like that?" He makes sure to lower his voice at the last part, mortified someone can hear.
Seokjin looks at him with an 'are you serious' expression, and there has to be something in Jungkook's face that indicates he is 120% sincere because the next thing he does is laugh. Out loud. Jungkook almost runs away, if it weren't for Seokjin's hand in his wrist.
"How the hell-" Seokjin is now bend over with how hard he's laughing. His hand's still stopping Jungkook from leaving. "This is so funny." He straightens up, and clears his tears. "Who told you Yoongi and I were dating?"
Jungkook feels like crying. What the hell is going on? Why does Seokjin want to make him suffer so much? "Namjoon hyung said you've been together since before college."
"Yeah," Seokjin says, there's still laughter in his voice so he clears his throat. "We've been rooming together since we met, in the army."
"Oh." Is all Jungkook manages to say. He is blushing again, and it's worse this time because he can see Seokjin noticing it.
"You're too cute, Jungkookie." Seokjin pulls him inside the room and closes the door with his foot. Jungkook lets him. "I might eat you up. Now let's go to bed, Yoongi is pulling an all-nighter at someone's apartment tonight."