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Sebastian stared at the small stars glued to the ceiling above him. He was laying down on the floor in his bedroom, taking toke after toke from his cigarette and just trying to clear his mind from everything. He liked to think that he was okay, totally in control of his feelings, but then there were times like right now. Times where all of his memories came crashing back in, overwhelming him, leaving him out of breath. Smoking usually helped.
A laughing Kurt trying to tell him exactly where to place the stars, since he himself was just a few inches to short to reach the ceiling. Sebastian deliberately holding the stars just a bit away from their supposed place, getting Kurt a bit more frustrated and jumping on his feet with every time. Sebastian jumping from the chair and scooting Kurt up after placing the moon. Kissing him.
Suddenly he couldn’t bear to be in this room filled with emotions, positive and negative, any second longer. Jumping up he just grabbed his leather jacket and walked out of the apartment, which not so long ago had been shared with Kurt. Don’t think about Kurt. He walked out on the streets of New York, taking in the lights of the never sleeping city. Despite the late hour there were a lot of people out of their homes, but Sebastian didn’t noticed any of the faces passing by as he made his way through the masses, not thinking about where he was going.
The first time Sebastian and Kurt walked in the streets of New York together. After spending the evening at a cozy restaurant, sharing smiles, lightly touching each other at every given opportunity. Sebastian being nervous, but finally taking Kurt’s hand into his when walking him home. Having their first kiss in the moonlight, Sebastian smiling goofily when parting.
Groaning at himself he leaned against the wall next to him, covering his face with his hands. He couldn’t bear remembering the gleeful moments in their relationship, when he knew that a reunion was impossible. He had loved Kurt. No, that was not quite right. He still loved him. With all of his heart.
Kurt screaming at him. Sebastian not being able to stop himself from screaming back, even though knowing he was in the wrong. Their voices getting louder and filling with more anger at every hurtful word thrown between them. Kurt finally breaking into tears and leaving the apartment, choking out that he was going to spend a few days at Rachel’s. Sebastian punching as forcefully as he could against the next best wall, and silently crying about his stupidity, his stubbornness, Kurt’s tears.
Taking a deep breath, he took his hands away and watched the people around him, nearly all of them being in a rush. Probably wanting to get back to their beloved ones. He noticed a figure not too far away, standing alone and typing something into their mobile. When the man lifted his head, Sebastian simply stopped breathing. Kurt.
Kurt getting his things from their apartment. Sebastian begging him to stop, to just talk to him because he could fix this, fix everything. Kurt just sadly shaking his head, and evading Sebastian’s hands reaching for him. Leaving their home, their relationship, Sebastian, with a quiet good bye before closing the door.
Kurt’s face lit up when a man approached him, tilting his head up to give him a small kiss. They hugged, and Sebastian felt like the warmth of his body left him, leaving nothing but the cold feeling of loneliness behind. He watched the two of them going away hand in hand before collapsing on the floor, not feeling anything around him but how much he missed Kurt. He knew he messed up big time, but oh god, did he want to change the past.