Work Text:
“He was never afraid to risk everything. I guess it finally caught up to him.”
~
It had been about a week since.. The incident. At least that was how the ninja were wording it. However, no matter what they decided to call it it did not matter.
Lloyd was gone. He was dead. They watched as he vanished before their eyes. Their leader, their baby brother was gone.
It had been the hardest on Kai and Nya. Of course it was. They were the closest to him. They were his sister and brother after all. Jay was rambling on about how Lloyd truly was not dead. That was not what the Smith siblings wanted to hear. Zane had almost resorted to shutting his emotions off again, but Cole was there to remind him of the last time.
Cole had to remind everyone that even though Lloyd was gone, the kids were not. They had lost each other many times before, but this time there were children involved. He tried to stay strong for everyone, the way Lloyd used to be. However, that was not the case for the Smith siblings.
One day Nya was looking for her brother. They had agreed to pay their respects to Lloyd’s statue today. They had gone every day since it was revealed to the public. It was the least they could do. However, Nya could not find Kai.
She heard a noise come from down the hall. Her eyes darted to Lloyd’s door. It was cracked open.
Nya had not even dared to walk by Lloyd’s room. It felt wrong. However, she knew that was where Kai was. He had been sleeping in Lloyd’s room since they had lost him. He missed his little brother so much.
Nya slowly made her way to the room. She paused outside the door, drawing in a shaken breath. She carefully reached out to push it open. Her eyes had been glued shut at first. She slowly forced them open. Lloyd’s room had been exactly how he had left it besides his bed due to the fact Kai had been sleeping in it.
Lloyd had kept it somewhat tidy to be a good example to the younger ninja, but still he was just a kid himself. He had barely made it into his twenties. He still had his clothes from when he was just a kid hidden away in his closet. He had a band poster hanging on his wall. Heck, he even still had a dragon stuffed animal his father had bought him when he was little.
Nya choked back her tears, blinking them away. Kai was sitting on Lloyd’s bed, staring at the wall. Nya walked further into the room, “Hey,” She said softly, “Are you ready to go?”
Kai did not meet her eyes. “You know..” Kai cleared his throat, “He was never afraid to risk everything. It finally caught up to him.”
“You’ve said that,” Nya pointed out, “Are you doing okay?” she asked.
“Do you think he cared what happened to him?” Kai questioned, finally looking at his sister, “Do you think he had a fragment of an idea of what could have happened once he grabbed that weapon?”
Nya tilted her head, “What do you mean?” She asked, her voice quiet.
“Look at the notebook,” Kai pointed at a small journal on Lloyd’s desk, “He used to write about all of our experiences, did you know?” He said.
Nya walked over to it. It was a dark green leather bound notebook. She picked it up, running her hand over the cover. She flipped over to the first page which spoke about his days at Darkley’s boarding school.
Nya noticed his scratchy horrible hand writing. It was still somewhat readable, but not all that neat. She had no idea he had been doing this.
“Flip to the last entry.” Kai spoke.
Nya slowly flipped to the back of the journal. Lloyd’s hand writing had gotten way better, but it wasn’t all that great still. She began to read the entry.
The trial was.. Interesting. I don’t even know how to truly put it into words. But, I guess I will try.
Nya swore she could hear his voice in her head as she read it.
I was expecting some riddles, maybe a battle. Not to really meet myself. It was weird. However, I got a chance to learn about myself. And now I know. I don’t truly know if I am happy.
Nya felt her heart sink.
At least.. It is hard to say. Do I really know what true happiness feels like? I’m not sure. Also.. I guess I can put a word to how I have been feeling recently. I guess I just needed to have a chat with myself to figure it out.
I guess I am suicidal.
Nya had almost dropped the book. A gasp slipped through her lips.
“Keep reading.” Kai spoke.
I did some research when I got back. I have never truly tried to take my life, but I guess I have not cared as to what happens to me. I never really realized how many times I have almost fallen to my death. I guess I have been a different version of suicidal from what I thought it just was. I have looked into it a little. I don't think I will ever try to cause my death, but if it happens.. I guess it happens.
If I have learned one thing from myself. I don’t care if, how, or when I die. However, I can’t hurt my family from my loss.
That was it.
Nya could not help the streams running down her face.
Their little brother was gone.
And he was probably okay with it.
He was probably happy now.
Happier than he ever had been.