Archive of Our Own

Ever since that day at Loguetown, bearing witness to his respected captain's head flowing off, where proper farewells were not even made, Shanks's pained face as if he'd stabbed him and of course the sound of the rain drowning the screams of Buggy's torn heart. Of course, he remembers that day, not that he wants to, but on nights like this, stranded in the middle of the Grand Line, it all comes back. Not like a broken glass longing to be stuck back together, but like a full-fledged punch to the face that makes the scars not yet healed burn again. He hates remembering that day; he prays he could vomit those memories out of him, but they never go away. His sobriety was questioned the minute he left Marineford, and whether he doesn't want to believe it, meeting with Shanks after all these years of trying to leave his past behind him stirred something, something that wasn't meant to have emerged. But there he was, looking all sappy with his goddammed big shiny eyes, his plastered smirk, and already fucking ordering him around like he was a big shot.

Technically he was.

But not to Buggy. Yonko or not, Buggy would still kick his ass. And he would take every pleasure in it.

He was present in every part of Buggy's mind, and he would have remained content if Shanks's bounty posters were the only material connection that he could use to make sure that he was really here, alive. But no, he had to show up and turn everything upside down. How could he possibly know how to respond to the fact that his arch-nemesis, the literal bane of his existence, waltzed back into his life? And what could be the odds of a yonko meeting his no-name crew in the middle of the fucking Grand Line? The fucking Grand Line for Christ's sake.

So then why was Galdino storming into his office, interrupting his daily midnight session of sipping his rum, appreciating each taste, letting it linger on the tip of his tongue and letting the ecstasy flow into his veins and-

''Captain we don't have time for rum; the red-haired pirate's ship is coming right at us. What do we do? Do we fight? What am I even saying? We can't fight them. That's a Yonko's crew. But— but—Shanks is your friend, right? Maybe he'll let us go or I don't know maybe—,'' Galdino says rushing his words, his breath exasperated, he ran coming to get him and Buggy's inebriated mind only made sense of Galdino's hurried diction when he heard a specific name, it made the turmoil around him quiet, all the chaos made by his crew, the stomping of boots, the shouts of fear of the supposedly alarming dangers looming over them, it offered him a sense of peace that lasted only a second. Then sobriety hits him like a brick, making the chaos created by his crew come back alive, forcing him to make sense of the pandemonium caused by them.

''Shanks?'', He says, in utter confusion. ''His crew is around here?''

''Not around here, more like coming right at us,'' Galdino says, his voice clear now but still with a sense of urgency.

He storms right out of his cabin past Galdino, ''For fuck's sake, not now. Not fucking now, Shanks.'' But it's already too late when he gets on the deck; Shanks's ship is right next to them, and he sees some of his crewmates looking at him while the ship continues sailing, and he glances up at the flag, wishing he could tear it down.

Buggy's crewmates stop screaming the minute they see him, expecting their saviour captain to save them. Alvida joins him, and he is still looking on the opposite side, his eyes searching for a sign of red hair, and when he does, he frowns, gritting his teeth because what the fuck is he doing here?

''Way to go, Shanks. You came here to pick a fight?'' He grits out.

''Buggy!'' Shanks shouts, smiling, his face gleaming with absolute delight as his ship's trajectory is coming right towards Buggy's ship. Buggy waves his hands, signalling his crewmates behind him,''Don't come here, you bastard. You'll knock out most of my crew.''

He stops in his tracks, scratching the back of his neck before letting out a sigh,''Well, why don't you come over here? We could share a drink. It's been so long.''

A crease starts forming in the middle of Buggy's eyebrows, and he tries to contain himself from yelling out,'' You just interrupted my cosy time with my bottle of rum. You better give me a good explanation as to why the fuck you are here.'' His hand detaches from his body, and he points angrily at Shanks,'' I do not want to share a drink with you!''

Shanks sighs heavily and fakes pensiveness, as if Buggy's refusal has deeply affected him. ''What about that beauty beside you?''

He turns to face Alvida, and before he can say something to discard whatever idea Shanks has, he sheepishly adds,'' It would be my pleasure if you kindly join us, madam.''

Buggy gapes at Shanks's earnest proposal, squinting his eyes at him, wishing that they could burn him right there where he stood with his crooked smile. ''I refuse! You can't just storm in here, thinking that you—''

''It would be an honour to share a drink with one of the dreaded pirates in the Grand Line,'' Alvida smiles.

''That you- What? Alvida, you're going?'' He stares at her, mouth opening wide.

''I think it would be quite disrespectful to refuse after this esteemed pirate came all that way. It's just an invitation for a drink, nothing serious, right, red-haired Shanks?'' She replies, raising an eyebrow at Buggy, and then turns back to Shanks, smiling sheepishly.

In a quick beat, Shanks chuckles,'' Of course, of course! Just a drink!''

Buggy curses out the Gods as he rows a small boat towards Shanks's ship, frowing out Alvida, who's humming a stupid song while checking out her nails.

''Mohji!'' He shouts as they near Shanks's ship,'' You're in charge while I'm away. If anything happens, you scream.''

''Aye, captain,'' He replies, caressing Richie beside him, looking all teary-eyed, making the situation look like a last farewell

Tearing his gaze away from them, he lifts his eyes to meet Shanks's, and for a minute, his sight crosses with the deep-rooted darkness found beneath Shanks' soul, sending a shiver throughout his whole body. He wishes it had only been the cold.

Finally, when he sets foot on Shanks's ship deck, he senses the difference in tension. Shanks's haki always had this commanding and dominant feel to it, whether he purposely let it out or not. His demeanour was built around this opposing figure that he represented, his aura screaming to be worshipped.

''Buggy!'' Shanks exclaims the minute he is within arm's reach, and Buggy quickly dodges any signs of an attempted hug or embrace.

''Let's get over this quickly,'' He brushes past him while Alvida formally introduces herself.

''I'm Alvida, kinda a co-captain. '' Buggy and I have mutual interest; that's why we stick together,'' She greets, still smiling, which sends Buggy's annoyance to the roof.

''Yeah yeah, now where's the booze?'' He demands, and Shanks quickly calls out his crewmates to bring out the booze, and in a split second, a party is being held. Buggy doesn't really talk much, eyeing every single person on the ship, and he knows that behind all that laughter filling the atmosphere, they are hiding something. He takes a quick sip of his drink, marching towards Alvida, who seems very much engaged in a conversation with Shanks's second in command.

''Alvida, could I talk to you for a second?'' He mutters, his lips brushing against her silky hair while eyeing Benn, who fixates on him.

Alvida quickly excuses herself, offering a charming smile at Benn, and she follows Buggy out of the crowd. ''What's wrong?'' She asks, and Buggy almost wants to rip his hair out.

''Everything!'' He lets out in exasperation. ''We need to get the hell out of here, pack our crew's asses and get away from this crew. From Shanks. Listen, there's something wrong, I can feel it, and I haven't seen Shanks since the party started. A party he started. He's stalling for I don't know what reason, and while he's away—''

Alvida sighs heavily beside him, running a finger through her hair and mutters,''Do you think I don't know that?''

''I'm sure that Shanks has better business than coming up here and organising a freaking party. Of course, he has some ulterior motives; that's what I've been trying to find out, and you should too instead of brooding and frowning at everyone,''

''I wasn't brooding nor frowning,'' He snaps and fuck, he might have been doing that all night long. The thing here is that he hated not knowing what Shanks was planning; he was the master of surprise and of catching people off guard, not the other way around. So being left in the dark made him restless and anxious.

''Shanks doesn't know how to lie to people, and he certainly can't lie to me. I've known him for way too long to know when he's being suspicious.''

''Then ask him directly what's going on. If he's your friend—''

''We aren't friends,'' He counters with venom, surprising Alvida, who looks at him with wide eyes for a second until she settles down, her face becoming neutral once again,'' But you knew him the longest, and I believe that maybe he respects you and he might tell you the truth.''

''You believe a lot of things,'' He says, rolling his eyes.

''I believe in you,'' She offers a little smile playing on her lips.

He thinks about it for a minute and sighs deeply, and Alvida is already beaming beside him,'' Alright I'll talk to him. I don't think he'll try to hurt me or even kill me,'' He shudders at that thought,'' But if anything happens, anything, just surrender because you know we can't win.''

''Of course, we'll surrender. I'm beautiful, not an idiot,'' She says, and Buggy chuckles slightly.

He slips away from Alvida while she joins Benn and the others, and as he leaves, he feels the intense gaze of theirs drilling onto his back. He strolls down the corridor and feels intense haki coursing through his whole body, tingling his senses; he knows where Shanks's cabin is. Just standing in front of Shanks's room, he senses the pressure of Shanks's haki commanding him to kneel, and it feels wrong. This all just feels wrong because it doesn't feel like Shanks. He wonders for a second how it will feel to be in the same as him, his haki slowly crawling into his head, intoxicating him.

He clears his throat, knocking carefully,'' Oi Shanks, you are missing out on your own party. How disrespectful for a host to abandon his own party.''

He is only met with utter silence, and he knocks with more force this time,'' Do you hear me? Get the hell out of here! I will consider this an offence because you can't just desert a party that you organised for me! You hear me?''

Silence.

He grabs the doorknob this time, and when he tries to force it open, a heavy force pushes against the door, enabling him to open it.

''What—what the fuck are you doing? Open this door right now!''

He struggles with the door, pushing his whole weight onto it, but it doesn't even budge, and before he can shout any more obscenities at Shanks, he hears him say lowly,'' You don't want to open this door.''

His voice comes out ragged, and although trying to hide it, he's panting on the other side, which fuels even more Buggy's curiosity to get to the bottom of this.

''Just open that goddamned door, and we'll see if I wanted to open it or not!''

''Now is not a good time. Just leave while I'm asking nicely,'' He mutters dangerously, and Buggy grits his teeth, anger flowing through his body,'' Or what? You're going to kill me?''

''There are worse things than just killing a man,''

Buggy blinks, his mouth gaping, and he stops in his tracks, his hand falling from the doorknob,'' What the fuck is wrong with you!?'' He shouts before a sudden flash of anger invigorates him, and he kicks the door out of his way, opening it completely before he storms inside.

He pants heavily, ready to punch the hell out of Shanks when he's suddenly drowned in haki—no, something else, something that makes him cover his nose with the crook of his elbow. However, it still remains like a vain attempt to escape something that has surrounded him completely.

''Fuck—what the hell? What's wrong with you?'' He asks, approaching Shanks when he finds him on the floor, his arm covering his eyes.

He's sweating heavily, and Buggy worries for a minute that he might be sick, a frown forming on his face,'' Are you sick?'' He tries touching him until his hand is slapped away. '' Ow! I'm trying to help you, jackass! And look how I'm rewarded. I'm leaving you to die here.''

He doesn't leave yet, more like he can't. His legs start to feel wobbly, his vision blurring, and a wave of heat suddenly hits him.

''What the fuck, Shanks?'' His legs give out, and he kneels in front of Shanks, and his head falls onto Shanks's hair. He breathes out,'' What did you do to me?''

Alvida sensed it the moment she walked onto the Red-Haired pirates' ship: the ominous tension and the eerie feel behind the laughter and friendliness of Shanks and his crew. She knew to what extent people would go to put on an act, to pretend that things were alright when they weren't. But she didn't fear that Shanks or his crew could possibly hurt them. She'd talked with them all night, and she would have been absolutely sure that it would all have gone alright if she caught sight of Buggy.

But ever since he went to find Shanks, he hasn't come back.

She slowed down on the booze for a while, taking small sips while contemplating whether she should start looking for Buggy. Yet although her body urges her to find her co-captain, a fake move could result in her being struck down by Benn, who has been eyeing her for a while now.

''Is something the matter, miss?'' He asks suddenly, forcing Alvida's attention back to him, and she grows restless as each second passes.

''It's been a while since Buggy has been gone. I should probably go look for him; I'm afraid he might have died from alcohol poisoning,'' She forces a chuckle, and when she tries to leave, Benn instantly adds,'' You're right, it's been a while. Let me help you look for him.''

Great. She and Benn, all alone, looking for Buggy. Fucking great.

The only person she wanted to escape from was now stuck with her. She pinches her eyebrows together, muttering something along the lines of ''God protect me, '' and when they enter the corridors, her whole body is pushed back, her back pressed against Benn's chest, and she mutters,'' What in the actual—"

Her fingernails press crescents onto her palm, and she begs her mind to prevent her from fainting,'' This smell—haki? No, no, that can't be—''

She pushes her body away from Benn, and this time she glares at him,''What's the meaning of this? Where's Buggy?''

Benn frowns, mirroring Alvida's confused expression and then shifts to worry, his face crumbling as he walks past Alvida. ''What—wait!''

Alvida trudges behind him, and when they finally get to the source of the tremendous haki or whatever that is, she covers her nose, forcing herself to remain focused so as not to let this smell get to her. When Benn enters the room, he pushes the door onto her face,'' What the fuck! Let me in, what are you doing?''

''You'll faint if you enter this room,'' He says hurriedly. He doesn't even lock the door.

Alvida couldn't give a shit about what Benn had to say; she needed to know what was beyond this door, and she would find out now. She pushes the door, and a wave of dizziness instantly hits her, and she presses her whole body onto the wall, trying to focus her eyes. Her vision blurs, but she still makes out the image of Shanks grabbing Buggy's whole body, her eyes twitching at the sight, and she compels her body to get up, sending a shrill throughout her whole body while she guides her hand onto Shanks's desk, and as she takes a deep inhale, she slams her forehead hard onto the solid surface. Her vision becomes more hazy, bile rising in her throat, and she chokes out a breath, coughing violently, but the painful sensation on her forehead brings her back from her nauseated state, and her shoulders drop down in a relaxed pose, her body finally taking control.

She controls her breathing, letting the oxygen flow through her body, and she finally senses her heart slowing down while she regains control over her body.

''Shanks, it's okay, we're not taking him from you. You'll be with us, just let us take care of him,'' Benn soothes, and Alvida wonders how he hasn't dropped dead because if eyes could kill, then Benn would have absolutely been demolished right now. Alvida doesn't even dare to cross eyes with Shanks.

''I knew it wasn't a good idea to come close to him.'' Shanks grits out, hugging Buggy tighter.

''Maybe you're right, but look at him, he'd fainted because of your haki. You might kill him if he stays too long like this.''

''Kill? No. I'll protect him,'' He dismisses, his nose pressed onto Buggy's hair while he inhales deeply.

''You can't protect him like this; he's unconscious, and you want to help him, right?'' Benn tries carefully, treading his steps closer to them.

Shanks huffs, and his eyes look bloodshot like he'd been crying,''I can't let go—'' and then a sharp pain unfolds inside his chest, forcing him to let go of Buggy, who falls onto his lap. He clutches a fistful of his shirt over his hand as though trying to ease the pain, turning his breathing ragged and looking like the air is being punched out of his lungs. Alvida chokes out in between laboured breaths,''He's choking.''

Every sense of her body is tingling and she forces a glance at Benn who has already rushed to Shanks's side and the seconds passing feel so slow that she doesn't even notices when Yasopp, Lucky Roux and Hango, who's apparently the ship doctor, have already made their way into the cabin, and she doesn't know how they finally got Buggy out of Shanks's embrace or when she faints completely overwhelmed by Shanks's aura.

When Alvida finally come to her senses, it's nearing dawn, and Galdino is beside her and seeing a familiar face after waking up in such an unfamiliar setting soothes her heart for a moment, but the reality of the situation does not wait to hit her, and she asks in an uneasy voice, " Where's he? Where's Buggy?''

''He's okay, still sleeping. He was even drooling, what a sight!'', Galdino quickly reassures, and Alvida sighs in relief and for now, when she finally has a minute to dismiss the facade of being fearless, fucking Benn Beckman decides to grant them of his presence.

''Benn,'' She states sourly.

''It seems that you're alright,'' He replies, ignoring the sour look that Alvida has been directing at him. '' I believe that you have a lot of questions.''

''Sure as hell I do,'' She grits, and Galdino gapes, looking at the two of them; he mostly gapes at Alvida the minute her tone falls beneath the category of respectful.

''I don't think I'm very much needed—'' He tries, standing up and attempting to leave.

''Stay,'' Alvida orders at the same time Benn says,''It would be preferable if you stayed.''

Alvida frowns at him, and Benn remains unfazed; both of them know that Benn could easily kill her if he wanted.

''Go on,'' He says and Alvida inhales sharply,''What happened back there?''

Benn starts, wetting his lips slightly,'' Our captain has been—well—cursed.''

''Cursed? How can he—how can that happen?'' Galdino interjects.

''It all happened on the last island we were. Shanks kinda messed around with an old lady, and she cursed him.''

''Just like that?''

''Just like that.''

''Mhmmm...I call bullshit. Tell us what happened right now or I swear to God—'' Alvida roars, rising out of bed, and Galdino tries to restrain her, ''Calm down, Alvida—''

''I saw what happened in there! This isn't a regular curse or whatever bullshit you're babbling about, his aura—and Buggy! Hell, what was that thing with Buggy? Why did you come to find us?''

Galdino tries to grab her shoulder to soothe her,'' Alvida, I think we should just calm down-''

Alvida violently retracts from Galdino's touch, her eyes trying to form holes onto Benn's body,'' What is his deal with Buggy? This did not seem normal at all!''

Benn just stares at her boringly and exhales,'' I'll tell you everything you want, just sit down, please.''

Alvida's breath comes out ragged, and when she realises that the best course of action is to be patient and wait, she sits down, the flames in her eyes never losing vigour.

''I did not lie when I said our captain was cursed. His body has been imprinted with some sort of magic, and when only certain requirements are met, he'll finally be free from the curse.''

''And how does Buggy fit into the narrative?''

''Conceal and let consume,

To bond and accept,

Your only true love.

For you'll only be free,

If you're true to yourself.''

''Those are the words left by that old hag after she cursed our captain,'

''I don't understand—''

''Shanks thought of Makino, a woman back in East Blue, but the minute we set sail for East Blue, he said that he felt like he was being stabbed multiple times in the gut. There was nothing we could do, so we roamed around-''

The door opens, and Yasopp enters, chuckling while he says, I kept bugging him about that so-called true love; I really thought it was going to be Makino, you know? And suddenly, after days of brooding in the dark, he finally gave us directions where he wanted to go, or where his heart was telling him to go. We were sceptical at first because it was difficult to know what was going on inside his head, and finally, after days of sailing, we found your ship. Quite a coincidence, don't ya think?''

''Conceal and let consume. Buggy was the cataclysm that provoked the outburst of Shanks's haki, and if I'm right, I mean all the dots are connecting to him—''

''Buggy is his only true love,'' Alvida finishes, her eyes going wide.

''We believe that this might be the case,'' Benn states.

''He is so not going to like this,'' Alvida sighs, and Galdino grunts in response.

''So what does Shanks plan to do now? Is he cured?'' Alvida asks.

The air shifts, and when Alvida is met with only utter silence, she plans on asking again when Benn speaks over her,'' Our captain will only be cured if his love is reciprocated back.''

''And if he accepts it himself,'' Yasopp continues.

''What does that mean? You can't force Buggy to love him—''

''And we can't force Shanks to accept the fact that he's in love with Buggy,'' Benn says, and Alvida frowns at this fact.

''And what do you expect of us?'' Alvida raises an eyebrow looking directly at Benn.

''The fate of our captain rests on both him and your captain. So we were hoping that you might want to talk to Buggy,'' Benn explains.

''I can't force Buggy to love Shanks's back! And I certainly can't tell him that if he doesn't, well, he'll—''

''Die. Our captain will die,'' Benn says gravely.

Alvida lets her body fall back onto the bed, sighing deeply while she runs her fingers through her hair. Buggy wouldn't be able to live with the fact that Shanks died because of him, that he killed him and-

''Hold on—how do we know that Buggy doesn't love him back?'' Galdino questions, raising an eyebrow, surprising Alvida, who looks directly at Benn.

''We thought that there might be some sort of possibility but—we can't know for sure, and telling Buggy all of this if he doesn't feel the same way might make the rejection harder for Shanks, and it might kill him instantly.'' Yasopp sighs.

''But there's a possibility,'' Alvida muses, getting a reaction from Yasopp and Benn.

''I could talk to him; we could—what if we tried—, this sounds absolutely ridiculous, but what if we tried to set them up?'' Alvida's tone sounds uncertain, and Yasopp replies,'' You mean purposely to make them realise their own feelings?''

''It couldn't hurt anyone, right? Except if Shanks goes rogue again, which I assume will be a problem—''

''It could still be a great idea,'' Benn agrees, and this might have been the first time since this conversation that he'd agreed on something. For a woman like Alvida who depended on her charms to deceive men, Benn was absolutely the bane of her existence.

''Then I suppose we should plan how to make those accept that they're in love with each other,'' Galdino says, and so begins their foolhardy operation.

The warmth of the rays of sunlight caressing his eyelids makes them twitch in response, and as he blinks his eyes open, he makes sense of where he is. The bed is warm beneath him, and it might have been his body heat that has left its imprint on them. He still feels hot when he touches his forehead, and slowly his hand massages his eyes, the memories of the night coming back to him slowly.

He'd fainted pathetically onto the arms of Shanks.

''How fucking embarrassing,'' He mutters to himself.

''What is?'' A voice calls out, startling him, and he looks up to find Shanks.

''You! Shanks, you piece of shit!'' He roars, disconnecting his hand that ends up grabbing onto Shanks's shirt. His composed face doesn't shift in the slightest; his relaxed demeanour is still the same, and Buggy frowns at him, throwing imaginary daggers at him.

Shanks raises his hand in surrender, a tiny smile forming on his face,'' I'm just here to excuse myself for last night. It was wrong of me to leave the party, and also, because of me you fainted.''

How fucking embarrassing. For him to openly show weakness like that, especially in front of Shanks.

''You thinking I'm a damsel in distress? I did not—absolutely did not faint because of you, okay? I was a bit drunk, and the alcohol got me, which regrettably ended with me passing out,'' He counters, and Shanks stifles a laugh.

''What was that?'' He raises an eyebrow.

Shanks smiles to himself, almost bittersweet,'' It's just that, even after everything, you just remain the same.''

''It's only me, Buggy the Great,'' He takes great pride in his words; Shanks can even see the sparkles.

Shanks tries to hide his laugh by putting a hand over his mouth but ends up bursting into laughter anyway, his fingers wiping his teary eyes,'' You're just you, Buggy. That's what I—'' He freezes, his eyes going wide, and he sighs too long before he clears his throat,''You hungry?''

''Starving actually. What kind of host are you really? This is all so disappointing, Shanks,'' He quips, and Shanks replies,'' I'll be making someone bring some food for you. You want to rest a little bit, don't you?''

He hums and then lets out,'' What about Alvida? Where is she?''

''She should come around; she's probably talking to Benn and the others on the deck,'' Shanks assures him, and Buggy sighs contentedly.

Buggy settles under the covers, covering up to his nose, and he hears Shanks pacing around the room when the silence becomes too overbearing for him because he can't sleep with Shanks staring right into his back. For the big shot that he pretends to be, he isn't subtle at all.

''You going to say something or not?'' He says, breaking the silence, his back turned on Shanks.

''About last night—'' Shanks starts, and Buggy interrupts,'' I don't want to speak about last night. Get lost and let me sleep.''

Shanks's footsteps resonate into his ears, and the minute the door opens and closes itself, Buggy lets out an exhale, his heartbeat echoing into his ears. He presses the sides of his pillow against them and wishes for his heart to quieten down.

Last night. Whatever happened last night, Buggy doesn't want to remember it.

And yet he can still feel Shanks's breath on top of his head, leaving every single hair on his body accustomed to his touch. His whole body was made to fit onto Shanks's arm. The sensation of Shanks's body pressed onto his still sends shivers through his body, and he really hopes that Shanks hadn't sensed his arousal or his growing boner that night. He hadn't fainted the minute he fell onto Shanks; his mind grew more and more intoxicated with Shanks's scent, which had overpowered him and made him lose consciousness.

But he still remembers the feeling of being held. Of being pressed close. Of sharing the same space, and the same oxygen. And the feeling of being protected and desired.

But there was no way that was conscious of Shanks, right? Shanks would never look at him in such a way. He—

He gulps down the thought of maybe being desired by Shanks, and it all comes down to how he wouldn't be anyway. He and Shanks were just complete opposites, and Shanks had everything-everything he could possibly desire. Buggy just stood next to all of that as an insignificant piece of his past that he wished to discard. He clenches his fist, pressing his eyes shut, wishing those destroying thoughts could go away and let him sleep.

The first thing Shanks does when he closes the door of Buggy's room is let out an exhale he didn't know he was holding. Yesterday was horrendous, and the thought that he might have hurt Buggy wrecked his heart to bits. If Benn had come even a slight minute later, he doesn't try to think what he could have done to Buggy's limp body. The sweat forming on his forehead, his rosy lips and the smell of his inebriated breath all made him nauseous. He could have kissed him. If he had leaned just a few inches closer, their nose would have brushed against each other, and he could have gotten a taste of Buggy's luscious lips. It was all so tempting—and he should—he should absolutely stay away from him.

The only person who could make him lose all sanity, enslaving him to the taste of lust and desire, was Buggy, and Shanks was a rational man. Yet Buggy challenged every part of him that desperately needed to be concealed, and of course, he had control over himself. People who fell into irrationality and let themselves be consumed by lust were scum.

Then why did he—?

The curse. Probably, that's why—

He shakes his head, disapproving of any unsolicited thought crawling into his head and decides to finally see Benn and the others; he'd been dodging them since morning, and his crew deserves to know what's happening.

He meets Benn on the deck, who's seemingly in a conversation with Alvida, and as he walks towards them, he notices the slight change in Benn's mannerisms, almost as if he's—

He grins to himself, and when he finally gets to them, he slaps Benn on the shoulder,'' You guys having fun without me?''

Alvida seems quite startled by his sudden apparition but settles on offering him a warm smile,'' Benn was only telling me about your recent adventures, how fascinating!''

Shanks raises an eyebrow,'' Really, Benn?''

Benn coughs, oddly embarrassed,'' Well yeah.''

Shanks looks between the two of them, his eyes narrow, and he points his finger between them,'' Are you guys—?''

Alvida looks mildly distressed, and Benn is about to interject something when he continues his teasing tone, '' Flirting? You guys were absolutely making eyes at each other.''

''We uhh—'' Alvida starts, looking at Benn for assistance.

''Yes. The two of us realised that we had a lot in common,'' Benn gruffs while Shanks opens his mouth in an 'o' motion, and then he winks at Benn,'' Man, Benn, I never thought I'd see the day! You're finally becoming a man!''

Alvida forces a smile in return, and as he excuses himself to go, she says,'' Shanks! Me and Benn have been discussing how we could stop by the next island and get some supplies; it could also be great for our crewmates to get acquainted with each other, right?''

Actually, he wanted to get away from Buggy; he needed to. But that damned curse—

''Of course!''He beams instead, and Alvida returns a smile, truthfully this time.

Next thing, he's meeting with Yasopp, who seems very much invested in cleaning his guns that he doesn't say anything when Shanks plomps beside him and exhales deeply.

''What do you think I should do?'' He sighs, his sight plastered to the wood surface.

Yasopp hums pensively and exhales softly,'' I don't know, captain. The old hag left a clue and your true love points at—''

''No—no, don't say it,'' He stares up at Yasopp, who scratches the back of his head.

''It's one thing to know and the other to accept. To bond and to accept, that was the second clue, right?''

The possibility that Buggy was his true love should have been revolting; it should have made his skin crawl because Buggy was his friend, and you weren't supposed to fall in love with your friends; they were your friend for a reason. But when he thought that maybe he could potentially love Buggy, it made his insides feel all warm, the exact opposite of how he felt when he tried to set sail to find Makino. He knew exactly where to find Buggy, and the minute he saw him, it felt like he was back on the Oro Jackson; it felt like coming home.

He did care about Buggy, more than he would ever show, but being in love? That was way past rationality.

This was all because of that stupid curse. Fuck that old hag. Fuck that island. For once in his life, ever since becoming a pirate, he was cornered, cornered by his own feelings and mind. And that bullshit about finding his true love or whatever, that wasn't him. He wasn't the type to court, or even be romantic in the least. He was brash, too much even; he was a fucking pirate for God's sake, and maybe Rayleigh was an example that a pirate could settle with a lover, and he respected Shakky; she was an amazing woman, but for him, to imagine a life like that, it was beyond imaginable.

He couldn't imagine something that he didn't deserve.

All this time sailing these seas, making sense of Roger's words and living by the code of his late captain, he tried to live the way Roger would have wanted him to; he desperately clung to the memories of the past, the sole tie that he had to a life that he could never get back, the life of a child.

Yet Buggy was here, and he brought back the colours to his grey world. He connected him to that life; he was home.

So he couldn't fuck up everything they had, a bond that transcends the age of pirates, the age that Roger created.

That's why he couldn't care less what the curse wanted from him; he never stopped for a second to think about what he wanted; he had let go of unnecessary desires a long time ago and was only driven by what he needed to do.

Conceal and let consume.

The curse reflected one's hidden desire. And stubbornly, Shanks discarded the thought of ever wanting Buggy.

Because he just couldn't.

The next island's climate is icy, and the cool gusts of wind flowing across his face make Buggy shudder. He wasn't exactly fond of the cold climate; it made his skin redder, almost matching his nose, and he sneezes the minute he sets foot on the snowy surface; his foot immerses into the snow, and he winces the minute it happens.

''Couldn't we have chosen to go to a sunnier island? This one sucks,'' He whines, side-eyeing Alvida.

Alvida seems absolutely refreshed, the frigid atmosphere not affecting her the slightest while she wears clothes not fit for this type of weather,'' We should head to town; I want to buy some new supplies,'' She says, pointedly ignoring Buggy's remark.

''Fucking hell, I hate this place,'' He laments, kicking the snow.

''You've been in a foul mood ever since this, Captain. Maybe some good food might cheer you up,'' Mohji pops up, and Buggy sighs, defeated because some good food might actually cheer him up and booze too. He needed a drink to make it through the cold and Shanks's presence.

After disembarking some of their things, they quickly make their way to town and are met with an utmost festive ambience. The townspeople look delighted to do their shopping, and around them, children are running around clothed from head to toe, launching snowballs at each other. They finally stop by a grocery shop and are welcomed by a warm smile from the salesman,'' Gentleman and oh, goodness gracious, what a beautiful woman!''

Shanks smirks playfully, kicking his elbow at Benn while the man sings praises for Alvida's beauty,'' He might just steal your woman if you act so unbothered.''

Buggy watches the scene unfolding behind Shanks, and he pauses for a minute at the sudden remark, clearly baffled.

He looks at Alvida, who's strangely amused by the man's behaviour, before she politely escapes the man's presence, clinging her arm to Benn's,'' You are quite charming, mister, but as you see here, I am quite taken.''

He gapes at Avida, his eyes opening wide, and points at her accusingly, then Shanks looks at him as if on cue, a grin plastered all over his face,''When—How—Shanks?''

His expression amused, he shrugs,'' I know just as little as you do.''

While the others get busy, he finds a moment to drag Shanks by a corner and whispers sharply,'' You knew about this?''

''I didn't. I swear,'' He replies with mirth, and Buggy wants to punch him right in the face.

''Just let them, they're adults and if they're in lo-''

Buggy shakes his head immediately,'' No, no, no, don't say it. I don't want to hear it.''

''This could finally create an alliance between us,'' Shanks teases, elbowing Buggy.

''Over my dead body!''

Alvida eyes them from behind, and she hesitates for a moment before joining them,'' We are done here, we can go now.''

''Great,'' Both say in unison, their tone unmatched, and Buggy eyes him the minute he hears the beam in his voice.

They all make their way before they hear the salesman scream out,'' Merry Christmas, by the way.''

''Christmas? What's that?'' Alvida asks, confused and stopping in her tracks.

''Oh, you don't know? Well, you're foreigners; I'm guessing that's why,'' He chuckles to himself,'' Well it's a day where we celebrate with our loved ones; it's more special than that because we don't only celebrate with them, but we celebrate them in general. We offer gifts, and it's about the act of giving; how we give, not expecting anything in return.''

''How could anyone be satisfied about giving something and not getting anything in return? It sounds like a made-up fantasy. It ain't like that in the pirate world,'' Buggy retorts, which startles the salesman, but his eyes soften, and he muses,''I suppose you've never been in love?''

Buggy recoils at the sudden question, he almost stammers a witty answer before Alvida quickly interjects,''Let's us just go, Buggy.'' He glances back at the salesman who is already busy with another customer, and he turns his back aggressively, stomping out of the shop.

He hears Alvida thanking the man, quietly apologising, but he's too busy focusing on the sound his boots make while they stomp on the snow.

''What a stupid day, what a stupid man-'' He mutters to himself.

Alvida catches up to him, her hand on his shoulder,'' Wait! Where are you going?''

''Out of this place. I might become stupid if I stay here too long,'' He replies, not bothering to look back, furthering himself from Alvida and before he realises it, instead of trying to get away from the crowd, he immerses himself in it, his surroundings quickly becoming a jumble of unknown faces.

''You!''

He turns around,'' Yes, you! Aren't you interested in buying any good old charms for your loved ones?''

His mouth already forms the words,''Absolute—'' until he sees a wooden construction of the Oro Jackson, and his eyes go wide, and then the world around him stops for a minute,'' Where?—How?''

The merchant lights up the minute Buggy reaches for the wooden piece and he expresses his great pride,'' You've got good eyes, mister; this ship was the one the great Gold Roger sailed on.'' And he waits to earn an amazed reaction from Buggy, but he just fiddles with the small piece in his hands, a smile growing on his face,'' Can I have this?''

The merchant clears his throat, quite taken aback by how Buggy's lack of reaction turned into his face gleaming with contentment.

''How much?'', He asks, his face never tearing off the piece of wood.

The merchant seems deep in thought for a minute before he flashes a smile at Buggy,''I'm giving it to you for free.''

''You are?'' He lifts his eyes to look at the merchant.

''Yeah, let's just say, courtesy of the eve of Christmas.'' He replies, smiling.

His lips twitch to say something sarcastic, and it really almost rolls out of his tongue, but instead he cradles the tiny piece of wood in his palm, a tiny smile forming at the corners of his mouth. He thanks the man and lets the crowd guide him, stopping here and there and the more his ears are filled with the sound of glee and happiness, the more his eyes glow in amazement when he lifts his eyes to meet up with a gigantesque, ornate-looking pine tree; his eyes widen, sparking as they reflect a fairytale of light, and it's difficult to even hide his amazement.

A hand drops on his shoulder, and the warmth is too familiar to be startled.

''Don't be getting all familiar with me," He bites, pushing Shanks's hand off, and Shanks laughs at the sudden action,''Where did you disappear on your own?''

''I didn't know I had a nanny.''Buggy retorts, and Shanks remains unfazed, his gentle smile never disappearing for a minute, then turns his attention in front of him, looking at the decorated tree,''It's beautiful, isn't it?''

''It's alright.''

Shanks could not remember how much time they stayed there, boots sinking into the snow, the lights of the decorated tree gleaming in their eyes. The sounds of people had died around them, an odd melancholic rhythm beating in his heart. He stole a glance at Buggy once again, and he did not dare to speak, afraid that he might say the wrong things again, so he stayed quiet, swallowing the bitter taste of uncertainty, or maybe it was fear.

At that moment, Buggy looked ethereally beyond the interpretation of perfection. No, he wasn't perfect at all. Perfectness meant that there was a limit, a sort of maximum that you couldn't push forward; it meant reaching an immovable restriction, but right at that instant, at that fleeting moment shared between the two of them, Buggy's beauty magnificently transcended that limit of perfection, and Shanks's breath caught in his throat; he couldn't tear his gaze away. Only a fool would.

And for a slight instant, he loses control over his body, and he leans forward, his fingers almost reaching for Buggy's cheek until he hears someone scream out,'' Buggy! Where are you?!''

He retreats his hand immediately, and Buggy looks back, distress appearing on his face,'' Oh shit, it's Alvida.''

When Alvida finally appears, she readies herself to give Buggy an earful, but she gazes at Shanks, and her mouth forms into a thin line,'' Oh, you were here. I didn't know you found him.''

He actually had no idea how he found him. He was just roaming around mindlessly, and his feet led him here, amidst all of the horde, his shiny blue hair falling out of the ordinary and luring him where he stood.

''Are you guys heading back or—,'' Alvida starts, raising an eyebrow.

''Yeah, of course we are, my toes are becoming numb with all that cold,'' He says and sneezes right after, and Shanks chuckles at the sight.

''Yeah, we should probably head back,'' He agrees, and so they walk, rejoining their group. When someone stops by a booth to apparently 'look' at something, nobody says a word, and when they're finally out of the crowd, each one of them has a bag in their hands.

When they're finally in front of where their ship is docked, Buggy gapes in horror at the sight of the same type of decorated pine tree on his ship, and he turns his face to Alvida, bewildered, who just shrugs at him, her expression amused.

''How did this happen?'', he trembles, a vein popping out of his forehead.

Behind him, Shanks slips out a snicker,'' How did they call this? Oh, right!,'' He snaps his fingers, as if the thought just came back,'' The magic of Christmas.''

Buggy grits his teeth, preparing to unleash a sort of reprimand at his crewmate, but looking at the tree, he just sighs in defeat,'' Just don't let it bother me.''

The others giggle together, expressing their newly erected excitement, and Buggy lets the time pass til the sun starts dipping into the horizon. The lack of warmth of the sun suddenly makes him shiver, and he blows out a puff of cool air.

Alvida graciously strolls towards him, and he knows that look, the way her eyes gleam as if she'd just successfully planned a malicious trap and then she says,'' How are you doing?''

''Absolutely great,'' He replies with sass, but Alvida doesn't seem slightly affected, and instead, she continues, her eyes gleaming,'' So me and Benn—''

''I'd never thought I'd see the day with those two names being used in the same sentence,'' He jibes, and Alvida rolls her eyes, pointedly ignoring Buggy's remark,'' Yeah so we're doing this 'getting acquainted with each other's crew' thing and we're organising a dinner near the decorated pine tree down the frozen river and—''

''So how does that concern me?''

Alvida looks like she wants to punch him,'' Don't be a dick, Buggy. I'm just saying that you should join us.''

Buggy retorts in a split second,'' And what if I don't want to?''

''Then do it for me,'' She pleads, her eyes shining, and Buggy can't help but ask,'' It's just been a day since y'all met, and you're telling me you're in love with him?''

Alvida hesitates for a second, surprised by Buggy's sudden honesty and says, her tone firm and sure,'' You just know, it's like—you don't need to pretend, never, like that person speaks your language and you don't have to translate the words of your soul for them to understand; they just get you no matter what.''

''So he's just an understanding person,'' Buggy asserts, raising an eyebrow, and Alvida's eyebrows pinch together at Buggy's condescending tone,'' Technically he is, but it's much more.''

''How so?'' Buggy peeps again, his tone curious.

''Look, how do you feel when you find a good treasure trove?'', She asks, and before Buggy has a chance to form the words, she inhales sharply and continues,'' It's exhilarating, isn't it? How, for a fleeting moment, your whole world crumbles down, and it all boils down to all these jewels, how your breath catches in your throat, and you never stop blinking for a second, afraid that these might just slip from your grasp. It's all of that, Buggy, it's all about that feeling of finding something, someone, that brings colours to your grey world.''

''Treasure is treasure and a person is well, just a person,'' He counters stubbornly, and Alvida just gleams beside him,'' Sometimes you spend a lifetime loving someone not knowing you ever did, because loving them was all you knew.''

She turns her head in a swift motion, facing Buggy once again, and her eyes are piercing,'' Tell me, Buggy, if I die today, how would you react?''

Buggy recoils, hesitating, and whispers,'' I would be angry that I couldn't protect you, then I don't know? Probably sad.''

Alvida's hand reaches his shoulder in a comforting manner, and she speaks lowly,'' Would you regret anything?''

''The only thing I would regret is being unable to save you, but remembering our time spent together would bring you back to life,'' He says, almost blushing.

''You ever wanted to tell me something that you couldn't?'' She asks again carefully, and Buggy raises an eyebrow,'' Are you trying to get a confession out of me? You know I don't see you that way.''

''Then, do you look at someone that way?'' Alvida keeps on stirring.

And then the thought occurs to him: someone that just gets him no matter what, someone that has just been present most of his life, and he'd just grown accustomed to him. And what if, by the laws of the cruel Gods, they had to take him away, they had to— But no, he couldn't, they shouldn't take him away. He'd still have so much left to say, so many things to apologise for, and it'd take a lifetime; I'd take the longest time to finally put those feelings into words.

He never stopped for a second to think about those feelings. He was part of Shanks's past and for now his present, and whether he acknowledged it or not, he wished for him to have even the tiniest space in the future he envisioned.

Why did he keep on collecting Shanks's bounty posters? He'd known all this time about it, about the reason why he wanted to get him close yet pushed him away every time. He'd been scared shitless that the minute his facade faded, and that Shanks truly saw him for what he is, he'd hate him, he'd reject him. And he couldn't let that happen, not in a million years.

That's why he hated meeting him; it meant coming closer to being discovered, and staying away was the safest option. He could love in secret, he could love him without anyone knowing. He didn't need to be loved back, as long as he had his friendship and respect, he would take what Shanks was giving him.

His eyes suddenly sting, and he blinks back the tears forming in his eyes,'' Alvida, I—''

Alvida opens her arms to welcome him in an embrace,'' I've known all this time and—It was right there, and I never—''

''Shushhh, it's okay, it's okay,'' Alvida soothes him, and he presses his shut eyes to keep the tears from falling. So fucking embarrassing, all of this. First showing weakness to Shanks, now Alvida. But the embarrassment is concealed by the feeling of serenity, and yes, it hurts, his whole heart wants to beat out of his body, but for the first time since he remembers, lies haven't lingered on his tongue, and amid the night, the moonlight reflecting their shadows, he hugs Alvida a little tighter.

Shanks spends all his time in his cabin ever since coming back from town, and if thoughts of how he could have touched Buggy back then, he blames it on the curse. He'd worked on self-control all of his life, he'd always known how to conceal himself, his feelings, but for a brief instant, everything he'd ever known, everything that he'd lived by, all crumbled down by a moment of lack of restraint. He should have never come here; he shouldn't have met Buggy in the first place.

Whatever he had felt for Buggy, what he feels at this moment, should not exist, and those feelings that he had stuffed down his heart, they were supposed to be gone, so then why was Buggy's presence stirring something inexplicable inside him?

How could he want something he could not even comprehend?

He'd erased all possibility of ever feeling that way ever again. It had been so long, too long.

All he remembers feeling lately is the haunting guilt. It never truly goes away, no matter how hard he tries to deceive himself that he's doing it for the greater good and lying to himself is sweet, and it's so easy to drown himself in the flavour of something he'd tasted his entire life. He'd never associated himself with weakness, he had to be strong, he just had to. Feelings like these made him weak, and he couldn't be weak, not anymore, so then—Why did he desperately try to cling onto something that took all the strength, that didn't render him the hollow of the man he thought he was, but made him feel complete, and how much he tried to lie to himself that it was destroying him—

''Captain,'' He hears Benn announce, and it brings him back, his current thoughts reduced to ash.

''Yes?'' He responds, and Benn almost raises an eyebrow but quickly dismisses it,'' Are you alright?''

He clears his throat, lifting his eyes to meet his and chokes out,'' Yes, why wouldn't I be?''

Benn almost wants to ask, the way his hand twitches, but instead settles on saying, embarrassment slightly lingering on his tone,'' We—uhh, me and Alvida—,'' Shanks breaks into a grin, intrigued,'' We discussed and thought that a dinner between our crews could make them bond.''

He flinches at the idea of being near Buggy again and lets out a breath,'' Yeah sure, another party sounds good.''

''We are not having a party, and it's not on the ship,'' He says carefully, and Shanks frowns,'' Where then?''

Benn exhales, flustered,'' Alvida suggested we have dinner near the decorated pine trees by the frozen river.''

''Oh?'' He teases, preparing a playful remark, and Benn continues,'' And it's just going to be us, me and her, you and...'' He trudges carefully, the name falling flat,'' Buggy.''

He presses his eyes closed because this is what he had been scared of: meeting with him again, being in his presence one more time. Nevertheless, he can't let Benn down, so he agrees,'' Yes, of course, I'll be there.'' He says, hiding behind a laugh.

Benn quietly looks at him, and he delicately murmurs,'' At some point, you'll have to face it, Captain. By the time you realise it, you might have already lost it forever.''

He stares back at Benn, and his eyes are almost vicious. He doesn't want to hear this from Benn,'' Face what?''

''You can barely keep it together; you're anxious and not telling anyone; it's only going to keep eating you on the inside,'' He says gently, his eyes searching.

''Everyone has their own worries, and this curse is mine to bear, mine alone,'' He grits out, too defensively.

''You think this is a curse, but I think it might be the greatest thing that has ever happened to you,'' Benn asserts, holding his gaze and not backing down.

Shanks jerks back as if Benn just punched him, as if the solid weight on his heart wasn't enough and his first instinct is to retaliate in anger, snapping,'' You don't know anything, Benn, all my life, I've let go of people that I loved, people that I cared about, people that meant the world to me, just because I wanted to protect them and this fucking curse?'', He huffs out a bitter laugh,'' It's making me go against that, it's forcing me to come close, and I can't—Not now, you of all people should know that.''

Benn gives Shanks a beat of breath, and he knows he's venturing into dangerous territory, but he utters anyway,'' You've always had to protect people you cared about, but you've always pushed them away because you were only afraid of getting hurt.'' Shanks exhales, his nostrils flaring, and his heart drops into his stomach, offended in an instant, and he burns with rage, but before he can thrash out, tell Benn to go fuck himself, Benn states, his voice softening and it doesn't match the severity of his words,'' You know what Makino told me the last time we were at East Blue?''

Shanks doesn't say anything; his lips twist bitterly despite the rage of emotion knotting inside his chest. He retains his silence, processing every stabbing word coming out of Benn's mouth.

''She told me that you thought of yourself as unlovable, and even after you slept with her—''

''Benn,'' Shanks warns darkly.

''You told her the last time you felt loved was—''

''I suggest you stop talking right at this instant, Benn Beckman,'' Shanks bites, a threat of warning in his tone.

Benn clamps his mouth shut, staring at him with wide eyes, and he expects Shanks to lash out at him, but instead, he looks at him, wide-eyed, his expression still guarded, and he swallows a lump that has been building in his throat,'' I've never thought of myself as deserving of love.''

''The day Buggy left after Roger's execution, I blamed myself for all of it. It was hard to get through the guilt; I had just lost a father and then Buggy—he just left, and these feelings were mine to bear, and I was alone. Fucking hell, Makino—She was so sweet, you know? She never asked questions, and then, and then, I knew I let her down; I knew I fucked up because that's all I do with people I care about, don't I?''

Benn's lips part,'' Buggy leaving wasn't your fault and Makino's feelings weren't your responsibility to bear.''

''But I still—I slept with her, and the way that she looked at me, I knew I couldn't return her feelings,'' He mutters quickly, and it could have almost been lost into the silence of the night.

''What about Buggy?'', Benn offers, and Shanks sparks up immediately at the mention of his name,'' What about him?''

''How do you feel about him?'', He repeats softly.

''I, well—'' He fumbles on his words, troubled at the sudden question.

And it's funny how he'd spent his entire life thinking about him, thinking about how he felt, yet he never quite gave it a name, too dear to be strangers, too different to be brothers and too intimate to be friends; he couldn't get it. That's why he never bothered; not giving this a name meant it wasn't defined, and without any definitions, there wasn't a limit. Because what he felt was endless, and so he contented himself with that thought.

''Have you ever thought that you might just love him?'', Benn says finally, and Shanks almost wants to discard the idea but the minute he tries to let the words slip off his tongue, he realises how fraudulent it'll sounds in his ears, and the words don't linger for too long before he swallows them mutinously and he flashes Benn an unsure gaze,'' What do I know about love?''

Benn breathes out, and he offers a tiny, small,'' How would it feel if Buggy told you that he loved you?''

The thought is so absurd, that it almost wins a laugh out of him but when the realisation hits, warmth blooms crawling to his toe up to his cheeks, and the thought that Buggy might love him makes him want to jump up to Skypiea, and with the energy overflow that he might get, fuck—He might be able to do it, and it wouldn't feel wrong to feel the way that he'd always felt all this time and oh my god—''

''I'm in love with him,'' He mutters to himself and the sudden realisation makes him question how dumb he might actually be.

''I know,'' Benn replies calmly.

''No, I've loved him all along, all this time; I was just—foolishly and utterly in love with him,'' He explains and Benn fakes shock, as if saying, 'Are you serious right now?'

''Shanks, we've known all this time, it's just you who hadn't realised it,''

Shanks sucks in a deep breath, his heart hammering in his chest,'' But I can't know if he loves me back—What if he doesn't? Oh God, he doesn't—''

''Captain, captain, I know that when everything hits all at once, it's hard,'' Benn says urgently,'' But confessing might be the best course of action.''

Shanks laughs bitterly at the absurdity of Benn's proposal, ''What? Confessing? You think I'm stupid enough to do and ruin everything? The last thing I should do right now is confess!''

Benn lets out a startled look, bewildered at the sudden turn of this conversation, and attempts to pacify Shanks again but it's all futile because it might just ruin everything, Shanks's feelings were a ticking time bomb and now that they had drastically exploded, he couldn't know the damage done and the more he would try to probe, the more Shanks would shut him out, and the minute he would do that all they had planned would go down the drain so he settles on saying,'' But, I'm assuming you'll still join us for dinner?''

His sight lingers on Benn for a minute too long, and Benn's finger tenses at the thought that Shanks might refuse, but he doesn't. ''I'll be there,'' He says gently, almost a whisper.

Actually, whatever Alvida had planned, he didn't like it; he forces every single fibre in his body to get through the snow, and couldn't she have done the dinner on the ship? Or somewhere close? Somewhere where he didn't have to fight for his life to get there? He hisses, trying to lift his foot that's stuck in the snow, and Lord may have mercy because he loves those boots, and he doesn't want to let go of them.

He brightens up the minute the boot is out, and at least one problem is resolved here. He catches sight of gleaming red hair at a distance, and great, here's another problem.

Just act normal, his mind implores, but shanks, his heart torments, and if only he could melt right here and convert into a puddle of water, but it's snowing, and just like how his hands are freeing, his feelings keep on echoing, as if frozen in place.

''Where are the others?'' He announces when he finally comes close, and the light of the campfire welcomes him with its warmth, and the heat slowly invigorates his whole body. Near it is a small note, and it could have burned with the intensity of the fire; when he picks it up, Shanks peeks into it.

Talk it out.

''Talk it out? What does that—Oh fucking Alvida—This was a trick! They tricked us!'' He uproars, crumbling the piece of paper in his hand, and he almost marches away, his body turning away, but a gentle breeze brushes Shanks's hair out of his face, and for a brief moment, his eyes are filled with mystifying sadness, and Buggy stares at him baffled.

''I mean—talk it out, it could mean catching up, you know? Of the old times and look there's booze!'' He jabs a finger at the booze, and when he sits on the tree trunk, Shanks follows him reflexively, and he hadn't expected the sudden closeness; he almost blushes when their knees brush together. And excuse him for being such a mess; he'd just realised he had feelings, romantic ones, for his friend of years who might not feel the same way, and there he was sitting next to him, as if the whirl of emotions inside his heart was non-existent and he had to talk, yes talk, and actually converse because—

''I'm sorry about the other night,'' Shanks mutters lowly, and Buggy jerks his head to look at him, and he croaks out,'' It's fine, I'm all good.''

There's a beat of silence, and he starts, his breath trembling slightly,'' So there's this thing—A curse actually, and well, I was cursed,''

Buggy raises an eyebrow, incredulous,'' You? Cursed? Has my wrath finally unleashed itself on you?''

Shanks chuckles lightly and continues, his tone lighter,'' I would have known if it was you, but no, it was an old woman who apparently thought I was too cocky and pretended to know too much about the world—''

''I don't know, man, sounds kinda like you,'' He teases, and Shanks nudges his shoulder, almost pushing him over, letting out a sigh of annoyance, but there's no heat behind it,'' Can you just listen to me?''

''Okay, alright, sorry, so yeah I think we were getting to the part where she thought you were an arrogant bastard,'' He taunts again, but Shanks rolls his eyes, brushing away Buggy's provocation,'' So yeah, she cursed me.''

Buggy waits in anticipation,''That's it?''

''...yeah,''

''Man, that was the most boring as fuck adventure I've heard in a while; I want my five seconds back,'' He says defensively, his hand grabbing Shanks's shirt, but Shanks doesn't reciprocate his playfulness like usual; he just stares at the snow, his hollow gaze steadying in there.

''Shanks?'' He asks, and he probes into his line of sight. The moment his eyes catch with Shanks, he recoils violently, his eyebrows furrowing deeply with shame. ''Something is going on that you are not telling me, is there?''

The moment the words slip off his tongue, the warmth that was radiating from Shanks's body evaporates next to him as he stands up, his mouth pressed into a thin line,'' I should probably go, the night is getting colder.''

But Buggy doesn't let go, he grabs his arm, forcing Shanks to face him, and his grip tightens, and he doesn't want Shanks to go. ''Stay,'' He chokes out, and he wants to believe that his face hasn't distorted into an expression of shame. Shanks sucks in a sharp breath, his eyes softening, and he waits in anticipation for Buggy to say something. Anything.

But it's all too much for Buggy; he can't form the words, they feel heavy, lingering on top of his tongue, and the only thing he can focus on is trying to make his heart not leap out of his chest. The thought that Shanks might tell him to rip it out and offer it to him, right here where the moon stood as testimony to this absolutely wicked act, was absurd, and what terrified him was that he'd take it out the minute the order came out of Shanks's mind. He'd lost property of what was his, every beat of his heart, every breath that he took, every inch of his soul, belonged to this man in front of him.

He almost chokes out a breath, and his feeble hand trembles slightly where it rests on Shanks's arm,'' Just sit down.'' He offers because he doesn't know what else to say to make Shanks not go away. His presence is suffocating; he takes all the breath that his lungs try to take away, and yet the minute he'd tried to go away, he sensed as if they had stopped working completely, as if Shanks's departure might ruin all their purpose.

Shanks's eyes are searching; he doesn't believe the words coming out of Buggy's mouth. Buggy is telling him to stay, because he wants him here, he wants—

Getting ahead of himself and being delusional is the last thing he should be doing at this moment. Hope is a beautifully treacherous thing, and hoping means that he wishes for it, and it's a wild thing to hope. He doesn't recall the last time he'd hoped for something. That's why he doesn't do it, not with Buggy, not this time again, he contents himself with burying the memories of him in the most concealed part of his mind, because in there, he had him.

When they sit back again, they fall under this tight silence, and Buggy huffs out a breath,'' Why aren't you saying anything?''

''I don't know what you want me to say,'' He murmurs

''You always have something to say, and now what happened? Cat's got your tongue?''

''Buggy, I really don't think—''

''No! You listen to me, you little piece of shit, okay? I have something I want to say,'' Buggy takes a deep breath, his heart beating faster.

''I'm listening,'' Shanks replies, his voice falling short.

Buggy regrets it instantly because how is he supposed to tell his fucking best friend that he doesn't know how many years he just realised he's in love with him? That's just stupidly unbelievable. Shanks will probably brush it off as a joke, saying along the lines that he's flattered, and then he'll have this sad puppy look on his face when he tells him he doesn't feel the same way, and Buggy will just say that he's fine, that he'll get over it. But then, he knows he won't, because he'll be heartbroken and it will suck.

And the more he thinks about Shanks's not loving him back, instead of the cold truth ruining his resolve, it just makes it harder to give up on him. And what is he, a fucking teenager having one of the most oblivious crushes on his friend? Wait, no way—

Had Shanks realised it?

Oh hell no.

He starts sweating the moment the thought occurs, and he says slowly,'' Have you noticed something different about me?''

Shanks's breath hitches in his throat,'' Should I have?''

Buggy throws his hands in the air, shaking them nervously,'' No, no, of course not. It's just— I thought that you might have been thinking that I've been acting weird.''

''I think I've been acting weird,'' Shanks mutters lowly, and he gazes at Buggy, his eyes a lingering sadness latched onto them.

''You've always been weird,'' Buggy states, and Shanks raises an eyebrow, incredulous.''Oh yeah? I wasn't the one who cried when the den den mushi that Roger gave you stopped working.''

''Listen, it was a gift from the captain and—''

''What about that time, when you tried to bite a coconut without cutting it first to show me how strong your teeth were and ended up crying about how much your teeth were hurting to Rayleigh?''

''Now you're just making things up—,''

''How about—,''

''Okay, okay, I get it, Shanks, no need to make fun of me,''

Shanks chuckles softly,'' I wasn't, not really. Remembering those times makes me think of how—,''

I had you, how I didn't have to think of the cruel tomorrow, how time didn't matter, how nothing mattered if you were right there beside me.

''Free we were,'' He settles on instead, ignoring how tight his throat feels.

''We still are,'' Buggy counters, raising an eyebrow.

''I feel like no matter what I do, I'm enslaved to something, to duties, the past—,''

''It's only you who are making yourself miserable, and you being miserable? Only I can make you feel that; you can't make yourself feel miserable on your own!''

And if only he knew how miserable he rendered him.

''I'm not miserable,'' He argues back.

''Fuck, look at your face,'' He bites back, this time his fingers gripping Shanks's cheeks and pulling them outwards to form a smile,'' I haven't seen a fucking real smile from you.''

''Maybe if you weren't trying to rip my face off, I would,'' He muffles, and Buggy beams into his face. It's almost too pleasant, too familiar, and then Buggy bumps his face onto Shanks's shoulder, and all the oxygen is seized by force,'' You know you can always tell me if there's something wrong, right?''

It's hard to restrain his hand when Buggy's head lies here beneath his chin, and it almost agonises him to know that he can just let his hand rest there, that his whole body can be pulled into Buggy's and it wouldn't be unusual or bizarre, it would feel just right.

And the minute that he lifts his arm, and he swears he just wanted to touch a little, he can't restrain himself from holding Buggy in his arm, his nose pressed tightly into his soft hair and he inhales deeply, the scent of vanilla invigorating him, he smells like home, and the minute that he makes sense that he can't give up on Buggy, that no matter how hard he tries hard to get away, every path would lead him back here, it was just a futile attempt to fool himself into thinking that he had no hope.

Thinking about staying meant that he hoped that they could be something, that they could be together, that this guilt he'd felt all this time would be erased, and it's such a wild thing to think of such blissfulness, to think that someone like him could deserve such a thing.

He chokes back a sob, and when Buggy tries to lift his head to meet his eyes, it's like all this rationality he'd always been proud of, the code of restrain he'd always lived by, everything comes crashing down, and he doesn't bother reflecting about it, because, in a mere instant, his lips are brushing against Buggy's and he'd been right about the softness, and when's Buggy is kissing back, fuck, he's kissing back, everything that he ever thought he knew, vanishes, a single thought running through his head.

Don't let it end.

As if it's the easiest thing in the world, as if he'd trained all his life for this instant, he kisses Buggy, and his eyes flutter open as if sparked when Buggy licks his lips, and this little shit smirks. Like hell had been set loose, he wonders if Buggy knows what he'd gotten himself into, and he doesn't hold back anything, so he nibbles on Buggy's lips softly, and when he gasps, he doesn't wait to deepen the kiss, his tongue exploring each part of Buggy's mouth, his body shuffling closer, until they are a flushed mess.

Buggy groans in return, and even when Buggy climbs on top, they don't break the kiss, he keeps kissing, sucking onto Buggy's lips, and his lips are becoming swollen, and it feels so good. The flash of wanting, needing skin-to-skin contact is urgent and intoxicating and he fumbles under Buggy's clothes, first, the coat, then the shirt tucked inside the pants and he almost grumbles in annoyance but the minute he tears it off, and finally his hand are on Buggy, onto this found treasure, he reciprocates Buggy as he moans into the kiss and fuck, he'd been hard the minute Buggy had touched him and hell he might cum without even touching his dick.

But Buggy jerks back, and Shanks's heart almost drops in his stomach because he's regretting it, isn't he? The apology almost falls from his mouth before Buggy grinds onto his lap, his hands touching his collarbone, and he moans,'' Don't stop,''

So he drags his hands from his waist to his ribs, pressing small kisses on Buggy's neck,'' God—You're so beautiful, so perfect—''

''Fuck, Shanks—,'' Buggy whimpers, and they got it all figured out; he would have never thought he'd wanted someone as much as he wanted Buggy at that moment.

And Buggy had never wanted anyone apart from Shanks. Someone who he didn't need to hide from, someone who he could lay it bare for.

It's hard not to lose himself to the ecstasy, and he hopes he doesn't lose himself in them because as much as he would like to drown himself in Shanks, fucking was indeed a priority, but he had come here to talk and if now he was sure that in the least attracted to him, he could have lived with that, but it didn't mean that he would accept it.

''Shanks, mhmm—wait, just—,''

Shanks bites onto his neck, sucking on that spot there,''What's there to wait?''

''I have something to say,'' Buggy pants, his face flushed.

''You've been saying that since then, and yet look at what your pretty mouth decided to do,'' He purrs, looking right at him, and it's a misery to not lose himself in those eyes, and he leans to kiss him again when Buggy quickly covers his mouth, with his hands, blushing deeply,'' Listen, I'll quick be quick okay?''

Shanks pants heavily, his pupils dilated as if he cannot comprehend the words, his eyes focused solely on Buggy, but he still nods, his growing impatience showing.

''Listen so, I, euhh—,'' He tries to put out the words before he hears a loud  boom behind him and then the sound of fireworks burst into the night, and Shanks's face is being illuminated with a million colours, yet his eyes, are not even directed towards the fireworks, as if Buggy just blinded him of everything that existed around them, and his eyes are soft, so, so loving that Buggy's words die in this throat and fuck the words, he'll tell Shanks how he feel tomorrow, right now the purpose of his mouth should be to kiss Shanks and they look at each other for a while, the sound of the fireworks drowned as something absolutely useless, and then they are both leaning, their noses brush against together—

''MERRY CHRISTMAS CAPTAIN—,'' Mohji shouts, coming out of a random bush and then Richie follows, and then when the horde is suddenly out, A flash of shame flashes into Buggy's stomach, and he jumps back immediately from Shanks.

''I told you guys to wait,'' Alvida shouts in desperation, and when she finally joins them, she looks at Buggy, sighing.

''I told them—but the minute they heard the fireworks—''

Buggy's face reddens with embarrassment,'' We were—euh, not doing anything, we just—,'' He glances, eyeing him 'Can you help me here?'

Shanks's gaze is fond, as if he hadn't grasped the severity of the situation; then he clears his throat with his hand on his mouth,'' Something flew into my eye—well, umm, Buggy was helping me—,''

But their crewmates are not even paying attention to them anymore, their gaze focused on the brimming pops of colours in the sky, all of them except Benn and Alvida, of course.

''Fucking hell,'' Buggy mutters, a lingering thread of embarrassment in his tone, and Shanks cackles a laugh beside him.

''I don't find any of this funny!'' He yells at him, but there is no heat behind it, and Shanks gazes at him for the longest time, almost as if frozen in time, and Buggy mutters under his breath, deflecting his eyes towards the ground,'' The fuck are you looking at, stupid.''

It could have gotten drowned amidst the chaos of the fireworks; it could have been inaudible to hear with the heavy beats of his own heart, but the words are distinct and clear that they rip his heart out,'' You are so beautiful.''

A wave of heat rushes to Buggy's cheeks, punching the air out of him, caught off-guard by the sudden compliment because he'd never thought of himself as beautiful, he thought of himself as a reflection of traits depicting a vicious pirate, tainted by his misdoings and yet Shanks saw him as being beautiful, something that he would define as being as glistening as a new-found gem, as breathtaking as the first warming glow of the sun in the morning and as vibrant as the delicate petals of flowers dancing in the gentle breeze and it's ridiculous the feelings of being called beautiful makes him feel.

It's ridiculous that he's being called beautiful, but Shanks's eyes reflect a thousand unspoken feelings, truthfulness shining ever so brightly, and it messes with Buggy's heart.

''I— well...thanks,'' He manages to exhale, and he throws his hands into his pocket, turning his gaze away. His eyes always widen the minute his hand rustles against the wood piece that he'd bought earlier, and he didn't even think about the reason for buying it; looking at it just brought him to memories that still haunt him.

He fumbles to take it, and when it's in his hand, he places it in front of Shanks,'' Here, take it.''

Shanks's confused face turns a deep shade of pink, and despite the calm facade he tries to maintain, it is just painfully obvious that he is blushing furiously, and Buggy's only response is to mirror Shanks's face, his shyness utterly contagious.

''You bought me a gift,'' He mutters, his eyes soft and fond.

''It's nothing, really, didn't give it any thought, actually; it was just—''

''I think it's thoughtful, wow, it's really amazing,'' He says the minute the gift is in his hands.

''It's just a piece of junk, why are you acting so sappy over it?'', He mutters, his face still red.

''It's the thought behind it, and this, it's everything. It's the foundation of our life right there.'' He says truthfully, then says with the warmest smile,'' I'll cherish it forever.''

It's torture not to lean in again and taste those lips, and cradle his face into his hands, marking every freckle and light beauty spot.

''Merry Christmas, fuckface,'' He says instead, and Shanks's laugh replays a million times in his head,'' Merry Christmas to you too, Buggy.''

So apparently it's Christmas morning; at least that's what Mohji has been screaming all day, his excitement clearly not contagious enough. And it's only been a few hours since he'd kissed Shanks, and he already misses the soft feeling of his lips. It was a discovery practically.

''So what happened?'' Alvida peeks, jerking Buggy away from his daze and the minute he registers what Alvida is asking, he is brought back to that moment again, and a light blush crawls onto his cheeks.

Alvida's eyes liven up at the sudden embarrassment, and a wheezing laughter follows,''Fuck, I can't believe this is all it took.''

''Yeah, very funny, Alvida,'' He mutters, still red.

''So what did he say? Is he cured now?'' She asks, still smirking.

''Well, I didn't get to tell him because we—, wait, what do you mean 'cured'?'' He asks, eyebrows pinched together and Alvida's face crumbles instantly.

''How—he didn't tell you?,'' She sounds stunned, and Buggy's eyebrows furrow deeply.

''Didn't tell me about what?''

''Shit—I probably shouldn't—''

''Just fucking tell me,'' He pressures, his impatience showing on his face.

''Shanks's curse can only be broken if his love is reciprocated, or else he'll die,'' She almost mutters, and Buggy's eyes widen at the revelation; then his face twists to anger, his eyes narrowed at Alvida.

''You knew about this?'' He spits accusingly.

Alvida is taken aback by the sudden aggression but remains composed, her words coming out clearly,'' I did.''

''And you didn't tell me? Why?'', He asks, offended.

''I wasn't sure you felt the same way and—''

''So you just decided to go along—whose plan was this?'' He bites back.

''Buggy—''

''I don't know who I'm supposed to be angry at, you and Shanks are both sneaky assholes, and I'm the only one who didn't know, right?'' He snaps, his voice growing louder.

''Listen—''

''You know what? I'll just ask him and maybe—''

He stares right up at her, and with the way her eyes drop down filled with guilt, he can't even be mad at her and then her eyes face him again and she looks behind him to find Benn, asking for a hand in the matter but he doesn't look at her anymore, already moving out of their way, his steps focused on finding Shanks.

''Shanks, you piece of shit, why didn't you tell me?'' He grumbles the minute he smashes the door of Shanks's cabin.

Shanks's expression shifts from absolutely stunned at the sudden outburst to a focused and tight one, which enrages Buggy even further.

''Every time it's the same old bullshit with you, you tell me to rely on you, to tell you things, and when it gets bad for you, you can't even say a damn word?''

He slides closer, coming face-to-face with him, and he lets out his voice, nearing desperation,'' When are you going to understand that I'm here? That no matter where I'll be, you can always count on me?''

The air is stifling, and Buggy coming up close suffocates him even more, and he drops his head in shame, not daring to meet Buggy's eyes. Buggy huffs out something that he can't catch, and he feels a tight grip on his shoulder ,'' Look at me, Shanks.''

He grits his teeth, slowly lifting his gaze, and when he meets Buggy's eyes, Buggy's lips are pressed against him, and he almost curses the Gods when Buggy pulls away. Grabbing his wrist, he tries pulling him, and Buggy leans onto it, and he hears Buggy mutter in a small voice,''Stop running away from me, from this. I just want to know what's going on in that head of yours for once.''

Buggy grabs the sides of his face, his thumbs playing with the tip of his ears, and presses his forehead onto Shanks's.

''If you have something to say, just say it.''

Shanks's heart rate speeds up, heat crawling up to his neck, and he presses his eyes closed, and he chokes out,'' I'm in love with you.''

''I have loved you ever since I've known you, Buggy. I can't remember a time when I wasn't. I thought that if I got away, if I drowned myself in fulfilling my duties, that I would get over it, that I would just forget you. But how could I forget you when my love for you lives within myself?''He rambles, and memories of their time back on the Oro Jackson flash through his mind, and he hugs Buggy even tighter, breathing in his scent.

''I can't believe you've never told me,'' Buggy says with a hint of reproach.

''I recently realised,'' Shanks mutters, stuffing his face onto Buggy's chest.

''How recent?'' Buggy raises an eyebrow, pulling Shanks away to face him.

''Like a few hours ago,'' He retorts, avoiding Buggy's stare while scratching the back of his head.

Buggy wants to lash out at him but settles on sighing instead,'' What about the curse then? Are you cured now?''

Shanks looks back at Buggy, his stare looking profoundly confused at Buggy's odd question,'' You know I can only be cured if my love is reciprocated, right?''

''I know, smartass, that's why I'm asking if you're feeling all okay now? Are you still feeling like your time is near?'' He mocks, but there's no bite.

''No, you are not getting it—''Shanks tries starting, visibly confused.

''Trust me, Shanks, I am absolutely getting it.'' He pauses, looking at Shanks as if he just won at a bet,''For someone who acts so smart, you sure are so stupid sometimes.''

Shanks's frowning face starts to annoy Buggy, and he pauses,'' Do you not think that I might love you too?''

Shanks's face twists into an unexplainable shock, and Buggy lets out a loud giggle, ''If I had known you would have made that face, I would have told you a long time ago.'

''I don't believe it—''

''I had my tongue in your mouth a few hours ago—''

Shanks gapes at him and mutters pathetically,'' Why then?''

''Why, what? Why I'm in love with you? I don't even fucking know—''

''No, I'm asking why you left. Back then in Loguetown, when I asked you to be with me. You left.''

Buggy sucks in a breath and answers,'' I was scared, Shanks. We had just lost the captain, and I didn't want to be left alone with you. I wasn't ready yet to face those feelings.''

''Turns out all we've been doing all this time is just run away from each other.'' Shanks bites his lips, letting out a bitter chuckle. ''I spent so much time trying to forget you, and then that old hag had to curse me, and the veil was off. You're seeing all of me.''

''God, stop being pissy for once and listen to what I'm telling you, Shanks. Those duties that you have, all those responsibilities, I want to bear them with you,'' Buggy lets out, and his eyes burn onto Shanks's, and when Shanks pensively looks at him, trying to find the right words, he finally exposes,''I love you.''

He always knew that he did. It had always been him, even after all those years. The seas could not tear them apart. A part of him left with Shanks back at Loguetown, a part that tied him to what he was before, and he was not that kind of pirate anymore; he was not a kid anymore. He turned into the kind of pirate, he'd always detested, the kind that Roger would despise, the kind that would be unworthy of Shanks's respect. Curse him for being such a coward all these years and staying hidden in East Blue, afraid of being face to face with a man who was the epitome of integrity.  He had tried hating him, blaming it on their different natures, but it was a pathetic lie that he had clung to, and it was scary to finally admit it out loud, to him, that deep down the unexplainable anger and resentment that he felt was just masking what he truly felt.

Feelings made him weak. Shanks made him feel weak, and being weak in the pirate world was a death sentence.

Yet, he could not stop loving him. What would be the point of living if he could not even be true to himself?

''I wish I had stayed. I could have turned out differently if I did. You're everything I will never be, and even though I blamed you and tried painting you as the villain in my story, I could not stop worrying about how hard you must be having it. It was all exhausting, wasn't it?

Shanks releases a breath he had been holding ever since Buggy started talking, and he gazes into his eyes, a tired look growing on his face. Buggy notices the wrinkles around his eyes, the cruelty of time noticeable on his face, and for the first time in a while, Buggy realises that he'd grown old too. That just like any human being, he's not immortal even though he's been hiding under his cloak of greatness. They both cannot race against time because it'll come a day when death will catch up to them.

''We wasted too much time, Shanks.'' He hears himself saying, his heart tightening in his chest, and his hands crawl back to Shanks's cheeks, and Shanks leans onto his touch, his hand reaching up to gently hold Buggy's hand and lightly presses a kiss on his palm.

''I don't want to leave you.'' He says, breathing in Buggy's palm.

''I know.'' Buggy says gently.

''But I can't stay.'' He mutters painfully.

Buggy knows that. His face leans down, pressing against Shanks's forehead, then, hesitating for a bit, he settles on Shanks's lap, and he feels Shanks squirming beneath him, and he breathes out,'' I will never ask you to stay.''

''I would have preferred to be a simple pirate with you.''

''It's too late for that.''

Shanks's hand rises up cautiously to Buggy's ruffled hair, and his finger glides through the strands loosening his hairtie which falls on the ground. Buggy's dishevelled hair tumbles down onto his face, each strand softly tickling his face and when the moonlight catches the features of Buggy's face, offering them a soft glow, Shanks feels his heart tightening, a sudden electric surge flows through his veins. He mutters against Buggy's breath,''You're so beautiful.'' He observes the minute Buggy registers what he has said, his eyes flickering under the gently light of the moon which also flatter the warm blush creeping on Buggy's cheeks. Anticipating Buggy's sneaky remark, he instinctively circle his arm around Buggy's waist, tightening the embrace, and when Buggy's gleaming eyes meet his, he tentatively licks his lips, his heart drumming in his chest with the heated atmostphere, he leans in, closing the distance between them as his mouth inches closer to Buggy.

This time, the kiss unfold at a slower pace, his tongue tasting every corner of Buggy's mouth and Buggy does not shy away from the sudden intrusion, keeping up with Shanks's pace. Buggy matches Shanks's rhythm, the lips moving in a synchronised masquerade, each delicate shift burning each other bodies, their collision being an attempt to merge their beings into one. The outside is dying out in a static flow, this room representing a sanctuary where the outside world collapses into void and Buggy's feels the rush into the veins, the fear of this moment fading away growing inside of him; that this moment might dissolve into a fragmented piece of nonthingness–another missed chance.

Buggy doesn't want to let go. Not of this moment, not of Shanks.

And just for tonight, it's only them with their breath mingling into this tight space and the moon as their silent witness, holding the secret that for this brief, fleeting instant, Shanks belongs to him, and he belongs to Shanks.

Everything is occupied with hauling crates of equipment onto the ship. The shining pine tree looks dull under the sunlight, and Buggy takes one last look at it before some of the crew are already bringing it down. Alvida joins him when he's standing on the dock, and she offers a gentle smile,''Are you okay?''

''Never been better.'' He retorts, and Alvida groans in annoyance.

''You didn't sleep in your cabin yesterday.'' Alvida starts eyeing Buggy, and when Buggy tsks in annoyance like he just got busted, she presses, ''And I also heard from Benn that Shanks is all okay now.''

''It's just as you've heard.'' He grumbles.

''Why are you in such a foul mood then? I thought you would be happy,'' Alvida frowns in confusion and before she can press him even more, she notices some other crewmates approaching, with full-fledged grins on their faces, and as they stop by, one of them pats Buggy on the shoulder, exclaiming joyfully,''I always knew you would end up with someone of your league, Captain.''

''We were surprised at first, but then it was just obvious the way y'all looked at each other.'' Another one says.

''I wanna be in love too.'' Alvida hears somebody else, and she looks at Buggy, who is a blushing mess and oh.

''Get the fuck out of here, I don't want to see any of you anymore.'' Buggy snaps, but it's taken unseriously because of how stuttered his words come out

Alvida stifles a laugh,'' So Yasopp was not exaggerating then?''

''Listen, drunk people make mistakes, and when that happens we blame the alcohol, okay?'' Buggy counters, and Alvida laughs even harder,''So y'all really got hammered that bad, went onto the deck of Shanks's ship and started confessing y'all love for each other?''

Buggy's face seems to burn hotter every second that passes, and he mutters under his breath,'' This is so god-damned embarrassing. Now everybody knows.'' He groans in his hands, his annoyance clearly visible, then letting out a sigh of exasperation, he startles Alvida, who looks at him in incredulity. His eyes are set towards the horizon, and Alvida swears she sees a faint smile.

''We can't lose any more time; we gotta set sail.'' He says quietly to himself, then says it again more loudly to everyone in the crew to hear.

Alvida's silky hair is being swayed by the cold breeze, and she turns to face the horizon too,'' Are you sure you're going to go like this? Without saying goodbye?'' Alvida remarks.

''We do not need goodbyes.'' He retorts, and his face is sure of himself. Then he teases,'' What about you? Did you get your goodbye kiss yet?

Alvida groans in frustration, then she admits embarrassingly,''It was all an act, Buggy. Someone had to play cupid so you too could realise that you are hopelessly in love.''

Shanks wakes up with an annoying hangover, squinting his eyes at the sudden intrusion of sunlight when Benn sweeps the curtains aside, and a sly remark lies on the top of his mouth when he hears Buggy's distant dramatic shrieks.

''Somebody woke up in a good mood, I'm guessing.'' He yawns, his eyes soft while stretching himself. It takes a minute to compose himself, to finally escape the grogginess, and he asks in a firm voice,''Are we good to set sail?''

''We have been for hours now,'' Benn replies flatly.

''Good. Tell the crew we're raising sail. I can't wait to get out of this cold and go to a warmer island,'' He states, rising, and his eyes are met with Benn's narrowed eyes, looking profoundly confused and realising he got caught up in his own confusion for a second. He clears his throat,'' So we're just going?''

Shanks gapes at him, confused at first and then clutches his shirt tightly, feigning pain and pleads,'' Don't tell me you want to stay. You can't do this to me, Benn.''

Benn almost chokes, then sputters out,'' What? No? Why would I even—omg—,'' He groans, his head falling a little bit, then looks at Shanks dead in the eye,''You must know we were pretending.''

Shanks raises an eyebrow, a sly smirk on his lips,''What do you mean by pretending? Who was pretending?''

''Me. And. Alvida.'' Benn grits out, frowning.

Shanks's mouth goes wide, pressing his palm onto his mouth, his face contorting into this dramatic betrayed look,'' No way, Benn, you fooled me? And here I was, thinking that somebody finally cracked your shell. So you mean to tell me that all these times I caught you staring at Alvida while she wasn't looking, you were pretending? Damn. You really got me fooled. I can't believe it—''

''I never stared at her,'' Benn counters, and Shanks raises an eyebrow in response. ''It's called analysing.''

''Analysing?'', Shanks remarks, giving him an unimpressed look.

''Yeah, I was just—'' Benn tries, feeling hot all of a sudden.

''Staring.'' Shanks finishes, grinning all toothy, and Benn resists the urge to smack him, and instead he asks, a little reluctant,'' Are you not going to say goodbye at least?''

Shanks offers a timid smile, almost melancholic, then his mouth presses into a thin line. '' If I saw him again, I don't think I could control myself.''

Benn frowns, taken aback,'' Control yourself? And from what exactly?''

''From staying.'' Shanks almost chokes out, and swallowing hard, he confesses timidly,'' I'm scared I would just abandon everything.''

''Shanks—''Benn attempts to soothe, but Shanks interjects, his face plastered with guilt and shame,'' Truth is I want to. To hell with the titles, with doing the good thing for the world, for Roger—What about what I want? I had one good thing, one fucking good thing, and you know what happened? I lost it, I lost it all—all of it, Benn.''

A bitter laugh escapes Shanks's lips, and his eyes suddenly glisten under the shimmering light of the sun,'' This life ain't even mine. Even with this cursed arm gone—'' He grits out, clutching the left side of his loose shirt,'' I am compelled to carry on Roger's legacy. Sometimes I would look at Buggy's wanted posters and feel this disgusting jealousy of how carefree he was living, how being a simple pirate was all I ever wanted, but instead I'm left with brain-cracking riddles, a freaking god to fight—and fuck it, I'm being annoying ranting all this shit to you—''

''You're not annoying, Shanks.'' Benn quickly counters, his voice gentle,'' I haven't heard you be this honest in a while, and frankly I missed it.''

''Don't get so smart with me now, Beckman,'' Shanks huffs, trying to settle his emotions.

''Smartest man of East Blue—''

Shanks groans, pinching the bridge of his nose,'' Oh my god, here we go again—''

''And you know it,'' Benn grins, a cheeky smile plastered on his face, and Shanks rolls his eyes, irritation prickling his skin. Benn glances at the chair behind him, and before he even moves his body in an attempt to sit down, Shanks yelps out, his voice flustered,'' I wouldn't recommend sitting down there.''

Benn raises an eyebrow at Shanks, then looks back, squinting his eyes at the chair, and he remains momentarily speechless before he looks at Shanks again with newfound respect,''Well—''

''No, don't say it.''

Benn tries to hide his chuckle, and when he hears Shanks grumble something under his breath, his mouth presses into a thin line. Then, rubbing the back of his neck, he slowly exhales,'' Listen...I understand how complex this situation is, and I can't decide for you. But one thing that I'm sure is that no matter what kind of pirate we are, we are still pirates, and you know what pirates do when we can't have something? We steal. You are free, Shanks, even if you think you might not be. Those responsibilities, they are not only yours. You have our crew that carries part of it with you, and you know how far we are willing to go for you. So instead of taking all that on yourself only, give us a share.''

Shanks stares at him pensively, then, squinting his eyes shut, tries to find a counterback. Benn adds, a playful grin tugging on his lips,'' But leave us out of the depressed lover act though and just say goodbye for god's sake.''

The ropes have already been cast one by one, the ship and crew more than ready to leave this icy island behind, and as the sails unfurl, the crew springing into action, Buggy feels a bitter taste on his tongue, and the ship slowly approaches Shanks's ship to move past it. His chest tightens at the thought that maybe last night was a dream; a fabrication of his twisted mind, and that just like how the waves move in a swift motion, this feeble memory will be swept away by time.

He swallows a lump forming stuck in his throat, and he keeps swallowing until his breath falls unevenly, his vision getting blurry, and the ice breeze brushing against his skin stains his tears on his face, until it's all red, and for a minute he doesn't think, he doesn't even hear himself choking back sobs or even feel Alvida resting her hand on his shoulder. His shoulders slump down, his face burying holes onto the deck, and then he feels Alvida giving him a gentle squeeze on his shoulder,''Buggy, look—''

''BUGGY!!''Shanks cries out, a serene smile on his face, and he looks up, his face all flushed and puzzled; then it turns into a profound annoyance as he fervently wipes his eyes with his arms.

''What do you want?'' He says, his heart hammering in his chest yet a frown on his face as the ship moves forward, next to Shanks's ship, and his eyes meet Shanks's bright eyes. For a minute, the world seems to slow down around him; the breeze that kept lingering on his stained cheeks does not seem to prickle his skin anymore, and his breath catches in his throat. Shanks's mouth is moving, saying something, but he cannot register the words; he is just looking at him, tracing every feature of his face, carving each detail into his memory. Then a blazing horn disrupts his daze, and a cold breeze hits his face again. He could feel it again.

''What?'' He says instinctively when he realises he hasn't been listening to what Shanks was saying, and he immediately feels guilty of it, biting his cheeks.

Shanks lets out a huff, then starts running at the end of his ship's deck, and Buggy becomes aware that the ship is moving further from him. He thinks he stops breathing for a moment when Shanks opens his mouth to speak.

''I said that I would see you again. I promise.'' He says, raising his pinky finger, all convinced.

Buggy's breath hitches in his throat, and Shanks continues, a serene look on his face,''And I love you.''

Heat rises to his face, and he mumbles something which only Alvida hears, and she chuckles out loud,'' He might be a yonko, but I don't think he has super-hearing.''

Buggs squints his eyes at her, a fake murderous look on his face and clearing his throat, he glances back at Shanks, trying to pull off a serious face,''You lied about the treasure map. I hope you ain't lying again.''

Shanks straightens up and draws a cross with his finger over his chest, all so solemnly,'' I promise I'm not lying. I want to see you again, Buggy. I'm gonna miss you—''

Buggy feigns irritation,''Blah, blah, blah—save it for when we meet again.'' His gaze softens for a minute,'' Don't make me wait too long. I hate to wait.''

Buggy is already turning his back, and even if they are getting further and would almost be out of sight in the next few minutes, he feels Shanks's burning gaze lingering on his back and then, without thinking, he runs off to the edge of the dock too, and Shanks is looking right at him, and he says, loud enough for Shanks to hear, or anybody else around.

''I love you too.''

He sees Shanks break into a toothy smile, but he turns his head before he sees his reddened face, and, stomping on his feet, he rushes past Alvida and goes straight to his cabin, closing the door loudly behind him. He sits on the edge of his bed, and before the thought of pouring himself something to drink washes over him, he hears the door open and looking up to see Alvida, he groans in frustration,''I thought I laid out clear signs that I wanted to be left alone for the moment.''

''I just wanted to tell you that you did well.'' Alvida offers a small smile, ignoring the jab.

''You don't need to tell me that.''

Like she read his mind, Alvida pours two glasses of rhum and offering him his glass, slumping next to him. Stirring the liquid in her glass as she holds it, Alvida pensively observes the swift motion and Buggy who has been waiting for upcoming jests, observes her carefully. Then Alvida lets out in a low voice, almost murmuring,''I was worried about you.''

''Huh?''Buggy frowns.

She clears her throat, her face bright with embarassement,''Uh, when me and Benn were plotting together, he spoke to me about Shanks and I realised how similar you were to him.''

Buggy's puzzled look contorts to an offended one,''Shanks does not have a fashion style.''

Alvida tutts in annoyance,''Dumb. I meant that you were a dumb as him.'' She cuts Buggy off before he has a chance to protest,''And that you loved him as much as he did. I was skeptical at first when Benn told me about the curse, then after we left their ship, I came into this room to look for clues and I found your stash of Shanks's old posters. It was quite an eye-opening experience.''

Buggy blushes a deep red, and stammers on his words,''That was—It was just—'' Alvida chuckles lightly,''I'm not making fun of you. When I first saw it, I had not yet spoken with Benn and I did not think much of it, so when Benn told me about how Shanks kept your posters, I finally understood.''

Gulping down the rest of his drink in a rapid move, Buggy reaches out to the bottle again and slugs down a mouthful from the bottle. He doesn't dare to look at Alvida, his tongue feels heavy and it's hard to tell if it's because of the alcohol or the words that are stuck in his throat.

''I could never live in the same world as him, and it's cruel how this thought keeps repeating in my mind.'' The weight of his words wears him down and he catches sight of Alvida's playful look turning into an assertive one,''I have been traveling with you enough to know what kind of man you are. You are not someone who gives up and we teamed up exactly because of that in the first place so even if you both are not living in the same world, even if your responsibilities are different, does it make your journey less important? You keep wishing for things to be different, yet you fail to see what changed.''

She inhales sharply, and her eyes remain firm,''Has it never crossed your mind that Shanks may think the same way as you do? That he too realises the difference? But you know what he chooses to do? He chooses to be brave and he is trying to face that challenge. Listen, i don't know what was said between you both, but i know what i saw when Shanks got on the deck and made that promise. I saw conviction, and I know he's going to visit hell and crawl back from it just to see you again so yeah maybe he's from a different world, and you'll never be part of it but instead of viewing it as an insult, have you ever thought that maybe this fucked up world that he's part of, he doesn't want you in it just because he wants to protect you? And that all this time he's been taking it on—''

Buggy's nostrils flare at the abrupt affront, and he rasps, his voice laced with irritation,''I know all about that Alvida. We've talked about it, and I told him that I could shoulder some of his burden for him.'' Then his eyebrows are pinched together, his face growing desolate each second passing and he admits bitterly,''I thought that him keeping things away was because he was still on with that solitary act, and that I was weak and underserving to know, that I was a bother that could not even help him—at first it felt liberating to blame him and then, realising how far he had gotten, I just couldn't help myself from thinking that i was unworthy of his respect—and I did such a good job of hiding it too.''

Part of him had realised what Shanks had always done. How in his own way he had shielded him from these burdens, how he took it all upon himself to carry on Roger's legacy. That thought has always lingered, and that night in his cabin, he had finally understood. Yet his pride could not let him fully accept it. Then again, all his pride had done these years was lead him astray and push people who actually mattered to him. These regrets are nothing but old ghosts haunting him. Turning his back on Shanks that day was one of the most excruating pain he felt and even if his steps felt heavy under the pouring rain, the thought of only needing himself kept him going, his ego swallowing all remaining emotions. So then, if he swore so solemnly that day that he would never need anybody but himself, why did it feel so right to admit that he loved Shanks, and why does he feel comforted crying on Alvida's shoulders?

He chokes back sobs, his trembling hands tightening around Alvida's waist and the notion of time becomes incoherent to him as he stays within Alvida's hold. When he pulls back, his eyes are swollen, his nose runny, and he makes a disgusted face looking at the mess he made on Alvida's clothes. He sniffles slowly, rubbing unshed tears with his forearm and a muffled 'Thank you' escapes his lips. Alvida ruffles his tousled hair playfully in a comforting manner then presses a light kiss to his forehead,'' Get some rest today. Try not to think too much.''

Buggy just nods in approval, and when Alvida stands up, he settles on the bed, tucking the covers up to his nose. He eventually starts dozing off when Alvida leaves, the tension of these past days finally reaching him, so that he doesn't even have time to think about anything.

But before he falls into his deep slumber, he does think about a certain redhair and if his dreams consist of a life where he and Shanks can grow old together, he remembers none of it the next day.