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Episode Lacey: The Summer Dip in Dupont
A Summer Nandroid Fanfiction Created by Uncle Scraps
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Downtown Dupont: Lacey’s Hideout
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Summer was especially brutal in Dupont; the scorching summer sun was like an oppressive force upon the people of the destitute city. It was so hot, you could fry an egg on the sidewalk…in the shade! The sun was so brutal, you could get a sunstroke while you were inside. There were cases of people passing out on the street, and androids melting in the hot blinding light. The only organism that seemed to survive and thrive were the abundance of horseflies, mosquitos, and every other kind of insect whose sole purpose in life was to make everyone’s lives miserable without end.
But what was worst part of the summer wasn’t just the heat, but the humidity too. The humidity made the air feel thick and heavy, like wading through a lead blanket. All of this made Dupont a living hell, which is impressive in itself given the current situation.
I’ve been awake since…well…yesterday, haven’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks, staring up at the ceiling and counting the cracks as I contemplate my life choices and slowly descend further into madness. Between the hot days, the thick humid nights, the lack of air conditioning, and of course, that one *BASTARD* of a horsefly who was clearly sent by Satan himself just to torment me, I’m at your wits end.
As I begin to hallucinate that all the cracks are the borders to my new country of “Crack-andia,” and I prepare to invade the rival country of “Asbestos-stan,” I hear a familiar whir of servos enter my room followed by a voice calling out to me.
“Hey! You okay there Sweetie? You’re looking pretty… “*STEAMED*” …right about now. Kehehehe!”
I weakly crane my head up to look at the intruder who’s dad joke is pushing me towards heat-induced violence. Seeing the Nandroid standing before me in my doorway (there used to be a door the doorway…once upon a time), the Nandroid had long platinum blond hair that was tied up in pigtails and the tips colored faded violet. Her face and body plates were all spray painted a faint caramel brown, which was off-putting when compared to the Nandroid’s “natural” coloring of eggshell white.
For attire, the Nandroid was wearing an outfit that no garden-variety Sterling-fearing Nandroid would be caught bricked in. She was wearing this white schoolgirl’s uniform consisting of a grimy white shirt with a stained maroon tie, a short blue miniskirt with a dirty yellow sweater wrapped around her waist, a undershirt with a tiger design that was fraying at the hems and pink fur boa calf stockings that were matted in sections with dirt and fluids. The whole ensemble, along with her appearance, made her look like a “Gyaru” of Japanese culture…who was homeless. This Nandroid was Lacey, an outmode Nandroid who one fine day in Dupont saved my life and put a roof over my head, albert cracked and on the verge of a full-scale war.
“Go away Lacey, I’m too baked for your jokes.” I groaned as I laid my head back on my sweaty old mattress, the comeback wasn’t lost to me, but at this point I didn’t care. “Come back in an hour when I’m all well-done.”
“Boo! Well, suit yourself Hun…” Lacey gave a small pout before she turned towards the outer hallway, looking back with a teasing smile as she looked to me and winked. “…I was just gonna see if you’d be interested in a nice refreshing swim. But if you want to sit here and stew in your own juices…”
Lacey walked out into the hallway, staring ahead with a smug smile as she stopped and waited.
“…and 3…2…1…”
Lacey turned around to see me standing before her, my body sweating profusely as I looked to the Gyaru Nandroid in disbelief.
“Woah-woah-woah-woah-woah…woah!” I stammer in objection, holding my hands up as I look to Lacey in disbelief. “You’re telling me that there’s a pool…a pool in Dupont?”
“Yeah…” Lacey replied, crossing her arms as she smiled at me, her custom orange optics staring at my sweaty face as she nodded lightly.
“Now this is a pool…that you swim in?” I inquire, cocking an eyebrow as I rolled my wrist to emphasize my question. “Like a public pool, or a swimming hole?”
“Oh yeah!” Lacey responds again in a sultry tone, her smug expression unchanged. “The others are over there now, and I wanted to see if you’d want to join, but…if you’d prefer to stay here…”
I stood there, contemplating whether to go for a refreshing dip in a cool pool, or stay here in my oven of a room, staring at my ceiling country while that *BASTARD HORSEFLY FROM HELL* can continue to torment me. So, I had to make the tough, life-altering choice of either ruling a country, or go swimming in a pool.
It must’ve taken me all of…three seconds.
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Downtown Dupont
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As with trekking the urban jungle of downtown Dupont, one must always be aware of your surroundings. Keeping tabs on the scrapper gang territory, being observant of feral outmodes and vagrants, and of course, keeping your eyes peeled for valuable scrap to salvage. It’s not Hawthorne Grove, but when you understand the environment, it’s not too bad. That’s the power of denial baby!
Passing through crackhead alley, Lacey and I passed through abandoned building after abandoned building, both to avoid the heat and also to dodge the homeless and outmodes who too were trying to avoid melting in the sun. By now, it was almost noon, and the temperature had risen to almost a hundred degrees! I looked outside a broken window as an old man and woman were sucking the moisture out of an old fire hydrant with a dirty washcloth. Another homeless man, delirious from the heat, was fighting with an outmode over salvage when they shattered a window. I watched as the man dropped what he was doing, and gathered the broken glass, thinking it was ice.
Yep…just another day in Dupont.
“Are we there yet?” I ask, stepping over an exposed pipe as I followed Lacey through a derelict building, wiping sweat from my brow. “We’ve been walking for hours, my feet hurt, there’s flies everywhere, and they’re all going into my mouth.”
“Oh! Chill out sweetie, we’re almost there.” Lacey replied with a cheeky smile as she ducked under a collapsed gateway. “Just a few more blocks and we’ll all enjoy a refreshing swim.”
I sigh, inhaling a cloud of flies and coughing, as I follow Lacey through a dead hedge, wincing as the bramble poked and jabbed me. But I pressed on , imagining the pool I was going to be swimming in a few hours.
“Keep it together, just keep it together.” I say to myself as I push through the bramble. “Soon you’ll be swimming in a cool pool, enjoying a refreshing dip as the rest of the world burns around you. I don’t even care if it’s warm…so long as I can swim in it.”
Very poor choice of words.
As we make it through the dead hedge, I hear the sound of voices talking, arguing, and laughing, both Lacey and I recognized said voices as Lacey’s sisters, more outmode Nandroids who live with us…and also dress…er…” differently.”
“We’re here, Lacey smiled as she and I approached a large brick wall, Lacey gesturing towards a knocked-out section at the bottom. “Well, what are you waiting for sweetie? Humans first.”
I look at Lacey suspiciously, thinking this was some sort of trap. But at this point, my brain was melting out of my ears, and I knelt to crawl through the hole in the brick wall. Sure, living in Dupont was shitty, but at least we have a decent pool to swim in, right? Right?
Wrong!
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Downtown Dupont: Abandoned Pool
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I really didn’t know what I expected, the pool was everything one would expect from a derelict slum that was Dupont. The “pool,” if one could even call it that, was actually the capsule of an abandoned skate park, full of stagnant rainwater and runoff that blended together into a lovely shade of brownish green with a rainbow hue. It was less of a swimming pool and more of a bog, a cauldron of smelly sludge that only the most desperate of swimmers would dare to traverse. Hell, just looking at this tar pit was giving me cholera, and then the flies! Oh god the flies!!!
The rest of the area wasn’t any different. It was a small park; the concrete was riddled with eroded cracks filled with weeds. There was a large collapsed building nearby that was made of brick, but the roof had caved in, and the only wall that hadn’t been demolished yet was riddled in graffiti, some of which was so profane it would make a southern sailor with Tourette’s blush.
As I swatted away a handful of flies, I took a deep breath (big mistake), dry heaved, and then turned to Lacey.
“Well…this is an incredible smell you've discovered!” I gagged as I wiped tears from my eyes, I then pulled up the collar my shirt over my nose to keep from passing out. “I don’t know about you androids, but for us humans, we have a preference to not go swimming in toxic waste.”
“Well of course not, you silly-Billy.” A voice called out to me, prompting me to look over to see another Nandroid approach Lacey and me. “What? You take us for, savages?”
The nandroid in question, who was wearing a maroon wifebeater under a leather coat (which was insane given it’s the summer) and long stockings was Noe, the leader of Lacey’s group. She was the “mother” of the gang but to me, she has always treated me like a workhorse ever since Lacey introduced me to her. It was then that I knew what was going to happen. As she approached the “pool” she was carrying several pool nets, brooms, and mops like they were spears for hunting.
This feeling was confirmed as I saw the other Nandroids appear behind Noe. One of these Nandroids was Eepy, who had long blond hair and a pink grimy onesie. She was carrying towels and an inflatable longer but looked like she was about to pass out per the side-effect of the defective battery she had.
The other Nandroid beside Noe was Akami, she had a rather unique haircut with her bangs covering her eyes and she was wearing a white tank top, which was also grimy, and denim shorts. In her hands were two large buckets of military-grade chlorine.
“Jesus Christ!” I stammered as I see the buckets, noting the hazardous material sticker on them. “Wh-where the hell did you get all that chlorine?!”
“Don’t worry about it!” Akemi replied as she placed the buckets by the pool. “Will this work?”
“Wait…” I say as I look the tar pit beside me, then to the buckets, and them to Lacy and the others. “Are…are you serious? You want me…to clean this pool. Uh-uh! No way! I agreed to swim in a pool, not slave in the hot-ass sun to make one!”
“Aw! Come on sweetie! This will be so easy!” Lacey pleaded playfully as she roped her arm around my neck. “Plus, you’ll have four Nandroids helping you out, so we’ll be done in no time flat! Isn’t that right Eepy?”
Eepy didn’t respond, she was already tucking herself onto the inflatable lounger like a mattress as she draped a towel over herself, all the while snuggling with a bloated racoon carcass like a teddy bear.
“Right…make that Three Nandroids.” Lacy corrected as she unhooked from me, grabbed a broom, and started sweeping away trash, debris, and hypodermic needles. “C’mon Hun, stop lounging and get to work.”
“Right…work…” I grumble as I grab the pool net and start filtering the pool, pulling out…whatever the hell that thing is…as the hot sun glared over my head. “…cause heaven forbid we came here to relax and escape the heat.”
But then again, how hard would it be to clean a pool? I take it would be about an hour and a half, two hours tops.”
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FIVE HOURS!!!
It took almost five hours to get everything cleaned up and finished! Five hours of sanitizing that cesspit with enough chlorine to restart WWI. Four hours of moving debris, trash, and dead animals. But in the end, the pool was…almost perfect. Sure, the color of the pool was an emerald green, and yeah, the pool still smelled funny. But at least it didn’t look like the Swamp of Sadness. Also, despite their deception, the Nandroids were actually helpful. Lacy helped clean the pool while Noe and Akami were busy cleaning up the surrounding area. Eepy helped out when she did…when she didn’t collapse due to exhaustion.
“Okay…” I gasp, exasperated, wiping sweat from my brow as I check the water by looking at a glass of pool water, pouring a little on my skin to test it. “Well, it’s very warm, but it’s not boring a hole in my skin. So, I guess it’s safe.”
“Oh, is that right?” Lacy cooed as she slowly approached me, bearing a cheeky grin as she raised her hands. “Perhaps then our little hot human should do the honors of…testing it.”
“Hey now! Back up Lacy.” I demanded, backing away from Lacy as I grab the pool net as a weapon. I tolerated a lot of Lacy’s bullshit since I joined her gang, but diving into uncharted, and potentially toxic, waters is where I drew the line. “You stay back! I got a net, and I will use it on yo-OOOAUGH!!!”
I was so focused on Lacey, I did not notice Akemi behind me, extending her foot to trip me over. The next thing I knew, I splashed into the lukewarm abyss, shooting out of the water as I look at my so called “friends.”
“Hey! Is your cortex broken?! This water could’ve…could…kill me!” I shout, treading water as I spit out some, wincing at the after taste. “Ugh…yep! It does taste like it smells. I don’t know what I was expecting.”
“Then expect this, Hun!” Lacy cheered as she stripped her outfit and jumped into the water. “GERONIMO!!!”
I yelp as I shield myself from Lacy’s cannonball, looking around for Lacy only to see her standing under the water, waving at me.
“Ah…yes…androids.” I say as I sigh, adjusting to the aftertaste. “Again, don’t know what to expect.”
“Well…I think that’s a green light for the pool, ain’t it girls?” Noe said to Akami and Eepy as she stripped and dove headfirst into the pool. “ARAPAHO!!!”
“Hey! Don’t leave me out here!!!” Akemi exclaimed as she jumped off the side of the pool in a sprawled fashion and landed on the water with a slap. “NAVAJO!!!”
“Huh…wha…” Eepy blurted, snapping out of her sleep to drag herself to the water and pull herself in, slithering in like a snake. “…Pocahontas…”
It was then that the next hour was occupied by the merriment of me, a lone human, and four outmode Nandroids in a pool that’s probably shortening my lifespan by the minute.
But it was sometime between nearly getting crushed in a game of chicken and being a unwilling test subject in how long humans can stay underwater that I began to feel something, something I had not felt since I was deceived into slaving away in a hot sun to work on cleaning this abandoned skate park.
I was having fun.
Sure, I would’ve loved to go to an actual pool, which of course wasn’t a tar pit loaded of dead vermin and typhoid (sometimes), but really…what would you expect in Dupont? Come to think of it, this is the closest thing to a bath, outside of when it rains, that I have had since joining Lacy’s crew.
As I leaned against the edge, watching Noe and Akemi use Eepy as a floaty, I chuckle as I see Lacy swim up to me, her hair sticking to her Nandroid skin and plates, as she looked to me and smiled.
“So…” Lacy asked, fidgeting a little as she brushed hair from her optics. “What did you think…about all this Sweetie? The pool I mean?”
“Huh, oh…to be honest, the labor was…intense.” I sigh, thinking to the sight of Eepy cuddling that dead animal in her sleep, which made me shudder. “But this pool, it’s not that bad. Sure, it’s warm, it smells and tastes like watered down garbage, and I’m certain I’ll catch something, but…it was nice to take a break from the heat. Thank you Lacy, all of you.”
“Oh Hun! Think nothing of it!” Lacy smiled, her cheeks glowing as she let out a sly chuckle to hide her appreciation. “It was Noe’s idea, really. We androids don’t mind the heat, but you sure as hell do, so we figured a dip in a pool would do. Akemi found this place while scavenging and…surprise!”
“Wait…this was a surprise gift for me?” I ask, touched, but also confused. “…and…part of that plan was to make me work five hours…on my surprise?”
Lacy looked at me, then to the others, then back to me, seeing me look at her with a cocked eyebrow.
“Um…well…” Lacy stammered, trying to think of a response. “…you were surprised that it was a surprise…so there!”
I couldn’t help but laugh, genuinely laugh at the response. It was an odd gesture, but a kind one overall. Androids are strange, and may not get humans, but underneath their quirks and personalities, one thing remains: They want to help humans like me, and they want to ensure that we are happy. That goes double for Nandroids.
I decide to thank Lacy by splashing her in the face, cackling as I swim away from her like a madman. “BWAHAHAHA!!! Retribution! For the country of “Crack-andia”!!!”
“Oh dear! Looks like the heat has gone to his brain.” Noe sighed as she floated in the water, watching Lacy giggle as she chanced me. “But at least he’s happy and not frying like an egg.”
“Do you think she told him it was your idea.” Akami said, clinging to the inflatable lounger that Eepy was resting on while clinging to the bloated racoon and sucking her thumb. “Why doesn’t she just tell this royal roast that she came up with the idea to begin with?”
Noe looked over to Akami, gesturing to how happy Lacy and I were as we chased one another, gesturing to the way Lacy was laughing and happy, the way her cheeks were glowing as bright as thermite, before she answered Akami’s question with her own, a sly smirk on her face as she did.
“Why do *you* think that is?”
Thus, that was the day my crew, my gang, my family of Nandroids and I (against my will) found and cleaned a pool. I’ll admit it didn’t go as I hoped it would, but hey…when in Rome…or Dupont in this case. Plus, in the end, I didn’t die or suffer any serious illnesses…
…well…aside from a serious case of typhoid, but that’s a story for another day.
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THE END