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The night had been long, too long, as Zachary sat hunched over the toilet in misery the next morning, the whole room around him spinning and his organs actively rebelling against him. Well, that’s what happens when you basically give yourself alcohol poisoning, isn’t it. He groans, retching into the bowl one last time, then slumps back, wiping his face and mouth with the closest towel in reach. What had even happened last night..? He winces, wading through the intense brain fog of his hangover, trying to put the pieces together. He was with Luke, right? Maybe he could- oh, shit.
The night before..
“You do realize I’m only going to this godforsaken rave for the alcohol, right?” Zachary hisses at his roommate, buttoning up his suit jacket meticulously in the dim reflection of the car window.
“Yeah, yeah, you don’t have to be an asshole about it.. I know,” Luke replies, nudging him playfully with his elbow. Zachary flinches away and snarls at him. Just seeing the people he was going to have to be around for the next several hours was making his head throb.
Luke grabs him by the elbow and starts dragging him to the door, earning himself a flurry of half-formed sputtered curses from the butler as he snatches his limb back, staying a few strides behind the shorter brunette so he could glance around suspiciously and sulk. Luckily he didn’t recognize anyone yet from his.. part-time job.
The rave was loud, distressingly loud, and Zach already wanted to go home. This was a waste of his time, he had perfectly good liquor at home that didn’t require him to be out with people, especially his insufferable roommate.
Luke, however, looks absolutely delighted, greeting several people before beelining to the bar, Zach now following him closely as he honed in on his primary objective: not having to remember this whole ordeal in the morning. Zach had no idea how he’t let Luke talk him into this. He was probably drunk or exhausted from both jobs, considering that was his primary two states of existence anyway.
He hums as Luke slides him a glass of gin. The man knew him well enough to order for him correctly, at the very least. Zach sips from it, savoring the flavor on his tongue. It was much better than the stuff he had at home, that was for sure, but paying for rent for two people put a stress on his bank account that was unforgiving towards his addiction, so he usually had to resign himself to drinking less sophisticated brands. Better than being sober and even more miserable.
He eyes what Luke had gotten, it looked like a simple whiskey over ice, as they both shuffle back into a corner and observe the crowd from its relative peace. Luke nudges Zachary again, much to his annoyance.
“Hey.. lay it easy on the drinks for tonight, okay?” He warns quietly, and Zach rolls his eyes.
“I’m not a child for you to police. Go off and do whatever it is you came here to do tonight,” he growls, waving Luke off with a gloved hand.
Luke doesn’t budge, opening his mouth hesitantly before closing it, pressing his lips into a thin line, looking away briefly. Zachary raises an eyebrow, silently urging him to go on.
“Well.. I did want to hang out with you but you probably just want to be left alone so… I can find someone to talk to,” Luke finally says cheerily, but Zachary is suspicious. He winces, feeling a pang of guilt in his chest. Maybe.. just for once he could humor Luke and not shove him away.. don’t be silly. It’s for his own good that Zachary was so cold.
Zachary shrugs. “You’re a sociable man, I’m sure you can. I’ll be back here or.. somewhere, when you’re ready to go.” He sighs, tentatively reaching over to nudge Luke back in the same manner his roommate always did. Breadcrumbs. “I won’t get too drunk.. hopefully. This gin is excellent.”
Luke lights up temporarily at the touch, then hums softly. “I mean.. if you really promise. I highly doubt you’ll do anything stupid, all you do is whine and complain when you’re drunk anyway,” he teases, and Zachary rolls his eyes. He wasn’t wrong but did he have to bring it up?
“Yes, yes, now go away so the alcoholic can be depressed,” he teases back anyway, shooing Luke away as he trudges back to the bar with an empty glass.
He sits alone, paying no mind to the other people who came up to order drinks. He felt.. disappointed, almost. Like he was missing out on something. Maybe if he was just a normal man with a normal job that didn’t kill people or drown himself in liquor he would let himself feel the way he most certainly did for Luke. But these feelings alone were risky. He had to be prepared to die for this job, and being in love with his roommate made that incredibly complicated, naturally.
But of course, as they seemed to do every night, his feelings persisted, which of course lead him to ordering drink after drink. Finally, he gets up, swooning slightly and ducking his way through the crowd, hoping he wouldn’t bump into Luke, wherever the man was. Zachary at last slides into an empty elevator, pressing whatever button was the highest floor. He needed some air to clear his thoughts.
There were tables on the rooftop, he noticed, with one other man smoking and scrolling
on his phone, whom he paid no mind. He slumps down roughly, laying his head down on his folded arms with an exaggerated sigh. He was so drunk, and it was barely even 10pm. Luke was going to kill him.
He sighs and looks up at the sky. He could barely make out any stars, but the moon was there, cold, distant, unforgiving. Like he was one to talk.
“Hey, mate, you alright?” The guy calls from across the rooftop, clearly watching him. Zach groans, sitting up and studying him. He just looked.. tacky, with a white coat and hair bleached to oblivion.
“Yes, and no, I’m not going to toss myself from the rooftop, I’m not that desperate,” he slurs back, then slumps back down, ignoring whatever his reply was. Zach was focused on his misery, not anyone else. Well.. anyone else but Luke, that is.
He pulls out his phone to sit beside him as he mopes, just in case Luke decided to text him. There was no way he’d be able to drive home tonight, at least, not safely with his roommate in the passenger. Zachary could drive home drunk and not care but he would never risk Luke’s life like that, ever. Which is also why he needed to pick himself up and stop pining for a man that hadn’t even expressed interest in him.. ever.
Zachary sighs, picking up his phone and beginning to scroll, silently praying for Luke to text him soon so he could go home and sleep.
...
Luke probably had a few too many drinks, but who knew British people were so fun? He goes back to the bar to one last round, looking around for Zachary, who should still be moping and drinking there, probably. But the man was gone and seemingly nowhere to be found, no matter how much Luke cranes his neck and looks around. Maybe he was in the bathroom..? Of course not, Zach hated public restrooms.
Luke asks the bartender where Zachary had gone, but she didn’t know, handing him back his refilled drink. He takes a nervous sip, suddenly losing the appetite for alcohol. Where the hell was his friend? Luke knew he had.. a relationship, a very poor one, with alcohol, so he was afraid that Zachary had somehow gotten himself hurt or in trouble despite promising not to. Well.. Zach was capable enough. But after five or more drinks? Luke wasn’t so sure.
He continues to ask the people around the bar, but everyone shakes their heads, fueling Luke’s panic. Surely he was fine, surely. Luke finally makes his way to the elevators, pulling out his phone and texting Zach wildly, glass cradled in his elbow as he did so. Where tf are you??? Are you okay?? You told me you would stay in the one place.
Luke sighs and shoves his phone back in his pocket, not really expecting a reply. Odds are Zach was passed out somewhere and he just had to comb through the whole rave to find him. He gulps, running a nervous hand through his hair.
Beside him, one of the elevators ding and a man steps out, looking around cautiously before locking in on Luke, stepping towards him. He was taller than Luke but shorter than Zachary, with stringy platinum blond hair and a tacky white coat over black. Luke stepped back, wrinkling his nose at the smell of tobacco.
“Hey, you’re Luke, yeah?” He asks, and Luke blinks. He sounded kind of strange, not like all of the other people he’s been talking to all night. Maybe he was Scottish?
“Yes, I am.. why do you know that though?”
“Your friend wants you to go on the roof and talk to him, he seemed pretty fucked up. Zachary or whatever? He’s drunk out of his mind, so be warned,” the man yawns, looking Luke up and down.
Luke sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut.
“I’m sure he is.. thank you for telling me. Have a good night,” he says, opening them just to see he was standing alone. Fucking.. weird. He hadn’t even heard the man leave.
Luke steps into the elevator, pressing the button for the third floor and waiting patiently until the elevator stops, stepping out onto the rooftop. It was pretty peaceful, even the music from outside wasn’t too loud. It was obvious why Zach had chosen here to stay instead of the main dance floor. He walks slowly to the very last table, vision swirling slightly. They were both definitely stuck here until Luke sobered up, because Zachary looked like an absolute mess.
He sits down next to his roommate, who was slumped over the table, looking out at the skyline and refusing to look at him. That’s strange, that guy said Zach had wanted to talk to him, perhaps he had just twisted Zachary’s words?
Luke sighs, swirling the amber liquid in his glass before downing it all, burning down his throat. A drink for courage.
“Zach.. Are you ready to go home? I.. probably need to sober up a little, I drank too much, but we can go home in like.. an hour, if you want,” he asks gently, tapping Zachary on the shoulder and bracing himself for Zachary’s response.
Surprisingly, his roommate didn’t snap at him or react harshly at all. He just turned his head to face Luke with bloodshot, glassy eyes.
“Mm… yeah.. we can,” he slurs, and Luke furrows his brow. He was strangely.. passive? Docile? Whatever it was, Luke was concerned. It wasn’t like Zachary at all.
“Are you… okay?” He asks hesitantly, and Zach chuckles, fidgeting with the end of his sleeve.
“No… not at all,” he mumbles, which was self explanatory, considering how drunk out of his mind he was. Luke leans in closer, expecting him to keep explaining.
Zach sighs, looking up at the sky. Luke could have sworn there were tears in his eyes but… that would be silly. Zachary would be the last person he’d ever see cry, even while drunk.
“I just feel like.. such a fucking loser right now,” Zach continues, rubbing his eyes. “I.. I care about you a lot, Luke, y’know that? I really, really do even if I don’t act like it, a-and you have so much potential it’s honestly blinding and I never want my.. shit.. to hold you back from what you can be.. and..”
Luke gently shushes him, chewing the inside of his cheek. He’d known this would happen eventually, Zachary did have a softer side to him whether he admitted it or not.
“Hey.. hey, it’s alright, man. You don’t have to… oh, c'mere," he replies soothingly, finally just letting the drunk man slump into his arms, trembling and clearly still holding back tears. Poor guy.
Zach groans, burying his face into Luke’s shoulder. “Please, I just want you to at least know before I can’t tell you anymore… God I’m so selfish, I’m so sorry Luke..”
Luke sighs, struggling to think clearly himself. Zach was literally breaking down in his arms and he was not sober enough for this conversation. On one hand.. he didn’t like guys. Maybe. But on the other hand Zachary was his best friend.. kind of.. and of course the thought had crossed his mind more than once..
“Yeah.. I know, Zachary.. I know,” Luke murmurs, unsure really how to go about this. He exhales slowly, heaving his friend up despite him having at least six inches on Luke, making the position they found themselves in rather awkward, because Zachary couldn’t hold himself upright.
Luke manages a few steps, his own vision disoriented, before Zach ends up tripping on something and taking them both down, Luke landing heavily on top of him with a grunt. He blinks, vision spinning from the vertigo, finally fixing on Zachary beneath him, bright red and speechless.
Luke curses and scrambles off of him, helping him up and not resisting as his friend fell back into his arms again, not crying anymore but still very visibly upset.
“I-I.. I really, probably shouldn’t tell you this… but I really, really might be in love with you and I am so sorry, “ Zachary mumbles after a long stretch of silence, tensing under Luke’s touch.
Luke freezes, tensing as well. He had expected that much, but Zach was saying it like it was something to mourn, not.. well, however confessions were supposed to go.
…
Luke really didn’t want to turn this down.
“Hey.. don’t apologize, sweetheart,” he murmurs, cupping Zachary’s chin with a gentle hand. He was drunk and moving on autopilot and this felt so, so right.
Zachary winces but doesn’t recoil.
“No, you don’t understand. I really can’t love you..” He whines as Luke gently brushed his tears away. “I can’t love you. You deserve so much better.”
Luke chuckles, leaning in closer. He could taste the gin and despair on Zachary’s breath, and it was an intoxicating thing.
“Don’t be silly. You’re falling apart over loving me, and I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t exactly what I’ve been looking for,” Luke mumbles, running his thumb over Zachary’s lower lip, inching closer and closer. What the hell was he saying? What the hell was he doing?!
He pauses, lips dangerously close to Zachary’s. The other man was completely still other than the tremors still running through his whole body. Luke pulls back, studying him closely. He seemed.. afraid.
“Hey.. you don;t have to apologize for this. I.. They say its not a bad thing, for us to feel this way about each other, because God knows I love you too,” he mumbles, before finally pressing his lips against Zachary’s, finally.
Zach freezes, then softens, reaching up to cup the back of Luke’s neck, fingers threading into his hair, pulling his roommate closer and deepening the kiss, tongue lightly tracing Luke’s bottom lip.
Luke opens his mouth slightly, cupping Zachary;s face with both hands to balance himself and give himself the leverage he needed to explore Zach’s mouth with his own tongue, groaning softly into his mouth.
They finally break off for air, both panting and flushed. Luke rubs his temples, the taste of Zachary still lingering in his mouth. He should not have done that, but with the way Zachary is looking at him right now, it was completely worth it. He takes his roommate’s hand, bringing it up to his lips for a chaste kiss.
“I love you, even if.. I’m not supposed to,” he mumbles, and Zach hums, a genuine smile softening his face.
“I love you too, Luke, even if I’m absolutely not supposed to and I’m drunk as hell saying it,” Zach replies with surprising clarity, sliding over to rest his head on Luke’s shoulder, looking up once more.
Luke rests his head against the other man’s, sighing. He was feeling a little more sober, he could probably drive them both home just as long as he stayed alert.
“Cmon, can you walk?” He asks, heaving himself up then helping Zachary up, letting him lean heavily on Luke as he guides him to the elevator, mashing the button for the bottom floor.
Zach laughs, leaning against the elevator wall. “I can certainly try.. my God this hangover is going to be horrid.. can my liver just fail already?”
Luke huffs. “I told you not to drink like crazy.”
“And you really thought I would listen?”
“..Fair enough.”
They weave through the crowd and out to the parking lot, Luke pausing to feel around for Zachary’s keys and yelping as he’s suddenly pinned to the car door, Zach kissing him fervently.
“Please.. excuse that. I cannot help myself, there have been a lot of times I’ve wanted to kiss you and I haven’t been able to,” Zach mumbles against his mouth, stealing one last kiss before letting Luke go.
They both get in the car, silent for the most part until Luke offers his hand, Zachary taking it. Maybe this wasn’t awful? Not the sin it was made out to be. Luke would just have to see where this goes.