Chapter Text
Helen was delaying it. She knew damn well that she was, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell him. Philip was slumped in the passenger seat of the Jeep, looking every bit like he had been stuffed in the boot of a car after weeks of torment.
It looked like the life had been drained out of him. All except his eyes, which were laser focused on the ambulance she was following back to the hospital. She wished she could see inside that head of his, if for no other reason than to know what to say to him.
I’m sorry I didn’t put it together sooner?
I’m sorry you had to see me shoot him?
I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you and your family better?
Philip hadn’t said a word since she had seen him stood with the barrel of Ryan’s gun pressed into his side. It wasn’t like the uneasy silence that clung to them when he first moved in, or the silence that crackled with rage after an argument, but it was still a silence she knew well.
Shock was a hell of a conversation killer.
“The EMT said Lukas should be alright; just some torn stitches and blood loss.” Helen hedged and she could see Philip nod in her periphery. He didn’t say anything, but she heard the low exhale of relief and somehow the silence seemed easier after that.
How the hell was she going to tell him about Anne?
***
Philip felt like he’d been hit by a train. Multiple trains. He’d had adrenaline up to his eyeballs back in the boot of that guy’s car, but now it was over he felt like one of those bags you vacuumed all the air out of. There was so much he wanted to ask but his tongue felt like lead in his mouth and he couldn’t find the words.
Where was his mom? What was with the messages? How did Ryan get her phone? What happened now the guy from the cabin was dead?
“Philip, we’re here.” Helen’s voice jolted him out of his thoughts and, even though she’d been talking at a normal volume, made him jump in his seat. His hands shook as he unclasped his seatbelt and he had to grab back onto the door as he got out of the Jeep because his legs turned to jelly as soon as he tried to stand on them.
Helen was on him in an instant, helping him stay upright until he could stand on his own.
“I know you want to see Lukas but-” Helen started and Philip’s neck actually cracked with the speed he turned to look at her, his mouth already opening to protest whatever she was going to say.
“Don’t look at me like that. Look, the nurses need to redo his stitches and Bo’s with him right now. He isn’t alone. Besides, those two probably need to have a little talk. While they do that I want your statement, from the top. You can write it down if that’s easier than talking about it all.”
Philip wanted to argue. God, did he want to argue. But Helen had a point about Lukas and Bo and he had a feeling Bo probably wouldn’t want to see his face right now. With the killer dead Philip was pretty sure he could wait ten minutes to see Lukas. The threat was over.
It was over. The thought hit Philip like a brick to the stomach. It was over, they could all move on with their lives.
“Yeah, sure, okay.” He heard himself say as he followed Helen into one of the relative rooms and braced himself to write the whole ordeal down.
It would probably make a hell of a story one day.
***
“Lukas.” It was like the breath was punched out of him as soon as Philip saw him. They were like magnets; Lukas sat up in the bed as Philip shot across the room and wrapped his arms around him. Lukas was hot to the touch and he looked tired as hell, but he looked lighter too. Like a weight he was carrying before was gone. Philip pulled back a little and pressed his forehead against Lukas’, trying to imprint every detail into his fried brain.
They were alive they were alive they were alive they were alive.
“What happened? I woke up in the ambulance and you were- you weren’t there and Tony just said that Helen ran off after that guy who had us and-”
“Shut up.” Philip shook his head and pressed a kiss to Lukas’ mouth to shut him up. “You’re not supposed to stress yourself out. I’m fine. He- he was going to kill me. But Helen showed up and he just…let me go.” Philip squeezed his eyes shut at the memory and pressed his face into Lukas’ neck. “She shot him. She figured it all out and she shot him.” He whispered into the warm skin he was trying to hide in.
“Shit.” Lukas swore quietly as he carded his fingers soothingly through Philip’s hair.
“I’m…gonna give you two some privacy. Anyone want a drink?” Bo asked awkwardly and Philip’s eyes slid over to look at him. He couldn’t find it in himself to move away from Lukas, not now he knew they were both going to live. Bo gave him a small smile and Philip gave him a weak one in return.
It was gonna be alright.
***
Philip was lying on Lukas’ bed half asleep when Helen came in. She looked uncertain and Philip pressed a finger to his lips. He didn’t have the energy to move from where he was tucked against Lukas’ side, his head resting Lukas’ chest. The beating of his boyfriend’s heart was comforting, not that he would ever admit that aloud.
“He’s sleeping.” Philip mumbled tiredly. He felt like he could sleep for a week himself. Helen nodded and quietly came over and sat in one of the seats next to the bed, smiling faintly at them.
“You’re good for each other.” She said, and Philip felt his face colour.
“Thanks.” He nestled closer to Lukas, unsure of what to say. They sat together in silence for a few minutes; Lukas asleep, Philip half on top of him trying not to sleep, and Helen off to one side staring at them. There was a weird vibe in the room though, had been since Helen had come in.
“Helen?”
“I have to tell you something, Philip.” She sighed, and Philip sat up slightly.
“What is it? Is it my mom? Where is she? Is she alright?” Suddenly all his questions came flooding back and out of his mouth and he sat up bolt upright. Helen held a hand up and he shut his mouth, staring at her with wide eyes. His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. What if Ryan wasn’t dead? What if it wasn’t over?
“Philip?” Lukas mumbled and Philip looked down.
“Sorry, we didn’t mean to wake you.” Philip whispered as he sat up properly.
“No, you should be here for this, Lukas.” Helen shook her head and Philip’s heart somehow managed to race even faster. He helped Lukas sit up in bed and tried to ignore the trembling in his hands.
“What is it, Helen?” Philip asked again. He was amazed he didn’t stutter considering he was 70% sure he was having some sort of heart attack.
“It’s your mother, Philip.”
And just like that, his heart stopped.
“I’m sorry, Philip. We went to the rehab centre but Ryan…she was dead.”
***
Shit. Lukas looked away from Helen and to Philip, just in time to see the colour vanish from his face.
“No.” Philip’s voice was loud, too loud for the small room they were in, and he was shaking his head back and forth like he was hoping to force that information right back out of his brain and back into Helen’s mouth.
“No, no, no, no, no, no-” Philip’s breathing was picking up now and he looked terrified. More terrified than Lukas had ever seen him. It wasn’t until Philip’s whole body started shaking and the sound of Philip’s painfully sharp intakes of breath were the only things you could hear in that room that Lukas realised he was having an anxiety attack.
“Shit!” Lukas surged into action even though he had no idea what to do to help someone through something like this. All those times Philip had helped him flashed through his mind and here he was unable to do the same.
Thankfully, Helen took the lead. She pulled Philip away so he was sat on the edge of the bed and pushed his head between his knees with a firm hand on his back. Lukas watched wide eyed as Philip shook violently, but his breathing steadied out after a few minutes.
And then Philip was sick.
Or, he would have been sick if they’d eaten something more than the sweets they’d eaten in bed that morning. Lukas couldn’t remember ever feeling more helpless than he did right then; watching Philip dry heave on the edge of the bed as his life fell apart. The guttural sound of dry heaving slowly stopped and Lukas crept closer uncertainly as Helen removed her hand from Philip’s back.
“Philip?” Lukas whispered and he winced as the boy flinched. It hurt something deep in Lukas to see Philip like this, so he did the only thing he knew how to do. He pulled Philip into his embrace.
And then Philip really fell apart. It shredded Lukas’ nerves to listen to Philip cry and he pulled the boy closer, flat out ignoring the pain in his stitches as he held Philip to his chest.
It was the sort of hug his mother would give, Lukas remembered, and he found himself staring down at Philip’s hair wondering how it was he had given Lukas back two memories of his mother in the same day when he had gone years without remembering anything.
“Shh, shh,” Lukas tried making soothing noises and he smoothed Philip’s hair back from his face, and he felt his heart break. Philip’s eyes were glassy with tears and the dirt on his face now had messy tear tracks through it. Somehow he was still beautiful though.
“I’ve got you.” Lukas promised quietly, using his thumb to wipe away the tear under Philip’s eye. Philip nodded and pressed his face back into Lukas’ chest insistently until they were lying back down like they were a few minutes ago.
Except nothing was like it was a few minutes ago, because Anne Shea was dead and there was nothing anyone could do to make that better for her now motherless son.