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The flickering light hung heavy over Shizuku. Night has come, and the only lights she could make out through the window were the ones casted by the street lights in front of the company building.
Training today was over. It was really draining, and Shizuku felt sweat sticking uncomfortably to her body. Her teammates were leaving the training room, bragging about some things that she couldn't quite hear well, it wasn't meant for her in the first place anyway.
Shizuku is the last one to leave the musky room, she heads directly to the bathroom.
She stops in front of a sink, but doesn't look into the glass in front of her yet. She splashes her face with ice cold water, she hisses under the change of temperature, but she feels a little bit more fresh. She grabs her pink towel and wipes her face. While doing so, a familiar smell made itself comfortable in her nose.
"Airi…" She whispers to no one. She knows that if someone were to hear talk alone like this, saying the name of her rival, they would mock her and look at her weird. She doesn't care.
Shizuku finally raises her head, she is faced with a familiar expression, cheeks and nose a little red from the cold. Her hair are tied in a messy ponytail, some strands covering her eyes. She doesn't understand. What do people see when they look at her ? How does she look through other eyes ? Is she still clumsy ? Does she move in a maladroite fashion when she doesn't know the dance fully yet ? She wanted to rip off her skin. Shizuku sighs, and looks at the pink towel again.
Airi, Airi was the first one to see beneath all of this. Airi is the one who is encouraging her in these dark times, she is the only one who sees her as her equal.
Shizuku wishes she was like Airi. She wishes she could be like her, hopeful, kind, a true idol. Airi was hard-working, and her work ethic was admirable for anyone with eyes. Shizuku always had her eyes on Airi's back, seeing her move forward, shining under the sun's light. Airi was her compass, she couldn't live without following her directions. Shizuku made peace with the fact that she couldn't live without Airi. Someone needs light after staying so long in the dark.
Does she deserve to stay by her side ?
Shizuku takes her stuff and heads back to the training room. The flickering lights make her head throb, but she can't do anything about it. Shizuku puts the new music their group has been training for on her phone. Shizuku has to practice it to be at the others' level tomorrow.
Shizuku wasn't the best at dancing, nor singing. She knew that. That was why she would stay later than the others to practice alone. She couldn't be left behind, bacause she didn't want to get hit by the teachers, and also because she had nothing else to offer.
Minutes and minutes pass, and for the whole time, only one thing was on Shizuku's mind: pink hair and a shining grin. That was the only thing fueling her movements, otherwise stricked by fatigue.
Shizuku couldn't count how many times she wanted to quit, give up, leaving this place. In fact, it happened everyday, she would cry silently on her pillow at night, wondering why her steps were wobbly, and her voice shaky. Sometimes, she felt so small, even though she was one of the tallest among the other girls. Maybe she wasn't cut out for this.
Her legs hurt so bad, and she felt like her body was close to collapsing at any moment. However, Shizuku keeps going, because this was the only way to get out of the maze. She feels tears coming slowly down her red cheeks. Shizuku stops, panting. She crouches over a little, hands on her knees, to catch her breath.
However, after all of this, hope still remained.
"Shizuku ?" A voice asked, gentle and shining.
Airi was standing at the door, with a fluffy scarf covering her chin and her training bag. She had a surprised look on her face, head tilted to the right.
The darkness within Shizuku's heart shrank a little, she smiles instinctively, like every time she saw Airi.
"Airi-chan ! What are you doing here ?" Shizuku asks. Standing back up and jogging up to Airi.
"I could ask you the same question ! It's late already, what the hell are you doing at this hour ?" Airi asked, looking behind Shizuku to see a phone and a water bottle on the floor. "Were you still practicing ?" She continues, dumbfounded.
Shizuku nods and looks at the floor. "I can't afford to fall behind.."
Airi stares at her with wide eyes, she has a strange expression.. Shizuku thinks. After a few seconds, Shizuku clears her throat, and that make Airi jump like a cat.
"Hahaa sorry.. zoned out a little ! Let's get out of here, Shizuku. I'll buy some tea !" Airi proposed with a toothy grin.
If it were anyone else, Shizuku would have refused. But never would she refuse Airi, because she could follow her blindly anywhere.
Shizuku nods happily, but she forgot how tired she was, so the rough movement made her head throb, she felt her legs wobble and gravity felt weird too.
"Oop!" She felt small but strong arms around her body, keeping her from falling.
"Airi-chan.. i'm sorry.." Shizuku mumbles, not finiding within herself energy to move.
"Don't be. Don't overwork yourself though… it'll do more harm than good." Airi whispers, her arms still around Shizuku. The latter smells a familiar smell, the one on the pink towel. She breathes in, and feels relaxed. Airi is really amazing, Shizuku thinks. She's so caring and strong.
Airi moves back with what could look like a blush.
"Let's go, Shizuku !" She huffs, leaving the room first, and Shizuku silently watches her back, before grabbing her things.
The cold air of winter hit Shizuku like a truck because of her warm body from practice. She sucks in a breath sharply, her head still dizzy, she wishes for the tea they'll drink to make her feel better. Shizuku and Airi were walking in a comfortable silence towards a convenience store no too far from the company building. Shizuku traces back her conversation with Airi, and remembers how she got no answer back then.
"Airi-chan, you also stayed pretty late tonight, what were you doing ?" Shizuku asks. Airi sighs softly, with what seemed like a sad smile.
"I was signing some papers with our manager, i have a feature in a variety show coming soon." Airi answers. Shizuku hums thoughtfully while nodding. Their eyes meet.
"That's great, Airi-chan. You'll be able to inspire more people that way !" Shizuku says with a smile. Airi looks away, and whispers, "i really hope so.."
The admiration Shizuku felt towards Airi grew stronger everyday, it made her work harder. Seeing Airi get more opportunities like this made her eager to do her best too. Even though Shizuku got many modeling job offers - a lot for an idol so young - she gave her absolute all to all of them, because like Airi said, what you were born with doesn't make everything, hard work and passion played an even bigger part in their jobs.
However, Airi didn't seem very happy right now. Did something happen ? Shizuku will press for answers later.
They arrive not so much later to the convenience store. They enter and head directly to the drinks section.
"Since you drink warm stuff in summer, i figure you drink cold stuff in winter ?" Airi asks curiously, standing in front of the large refrigerator. Shizuku nods happily - weaker than earlier in the training room- and starts explaining stuff about the body temperature and "thermoregulation". The whole time, Airi stares at her with an expression similar to the one earlier in the practice room. Shizuku blushes and takes two bottles from the freezer, finishing with a "and so that's why !"
Airi giggles and takes the bottle that Shizuku was handing to her.
"You know, it's really cool how you know so much things ! It's a thing i really admire, Shizuku." Airi says softly.
Shizuku is taken aback by this, "admire" ? This word, coming from the mouth of the person she admires the most, made her heart flutter, and skip and beat, and even stop ! Shizuku chuckles nervously, scratching her cheek. They go pay for their drinks and leave the store.
"'Admire'… there isn't many things in me to admire, Airi-chan." She says with a sad smile. Airi stops and frowns, she stands in front of Shizuku to block her path.
"What are you saying, Shizuku ? If there's one person who i really admire, it would be you, dummy !"
"Huh ?"
"Don't 'huh ?' me ! You're the most admirable person i know ! Every time i fail at something, i just think of you to keep going. If you're here with me, i can't give up, that's how much you inspire people. Even now, i ask myself if i really can be an idol, but practicing with you makes me think that maybe i can do it. You work harder than anyone else, and you choose to be nice even when people aren't ! As your rival, i know that more than anyone else !" Airi says, seeming frustrated. Shizuku looks down in guilt, did she really deserve this ? Does she deserve to stand by Airi's side ?
"I want to stay by your side, Shizuku." Airi continues with a gentle smile.
Shizuku looks at her with wide eyes, tears starting to well up her eyes.
Maybe she does.
She walks forward and embrace Airi in a hug.
"Huh ?"
"Airi-chan ! T-thank you for being here !" Shizuku sobs, not really being able to express all her actual feelings.
"Ughh you…" Airi's smile could be heard. "You have the talent to make me feel better at any moment…"
"As a rival, you surpassed me already, Airi-chan."
"Like i'd ever." Airi chuckles.
It's an incredible feeling to be admired by someone that you admire.