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"Hey, Ko. You're probably getting sick of seeing me at this point, but god, it's hard. I usually try and bring some happy news for you, though, there's only so much to go around sometimes. It's funny, you know? It didn't feel this bad around now last year, but this time around, I just, I can't. It's been 2 years, and sometimes while I'm lying there, I still expect to be able to roll over and see your face. To have you just come up and collapse on top of me while I'm sitting, or tackle me in a hug from behind. But you aren't there. You can't be, and I still don't know how to deal with that. It's like a phantom pain I'll never be able to numb. Every time there's a space next to me, or sometimes just an empty seat on the bus or train, some quiet part of me thinks you should be there. It hurts so badly, because, well, it's not like we even had that long together. You've been gone twice as long as I knew you, and there were so many years before that, and yet that's the only part of my life that feels real sometimes. It's like I found heaven for just shy of a year, and now, I have to go back to living normally. There's so much more we never got to do. I mean, it really hit me this year, we never even got Valentine's together properly. You, you were there, so sick, and I didn't remember a thing. You were dying, and I, and I, I didn't remember a thing! I, just, I, I…"
Yukari couldn't stop the tears from flowing, her voice growing choked at grief wracking through her system. There were times where she could come here and smile, to act like she was okay after everything, but this was far from one of them. Her hands fumbled for the tissues she kept in her bag, letting the sobs overtake her for a few minutes before she dared try and speak again.
"I wasn't there. You gave up everything, and I couldn't even be there on the roof. I'm glad Aigis was, but the more I think about it, I wonder how you felt there. I know there was no way you would blame me. Always had to be too, perfect, didn't ya? But at the same time, I can't imagine what it must've been like for you either way. I mean, you were 17, Ko. You didn't have family, and you certainly hadn't had it easy, and yet I still didn't get there in time. You always spoke about how happy you were that I was your first girlfriend of all people, and I let you die without me. I would give anything, just to have remembered a day earlier. To know why you seemed so wistful the night before, chatting about our future beneath all those blankets. I've thought about it so, so many times, and it just, it always hurt more every time. But I think I finally understood why you said all that. Obviously, we both wanted that. To have our lives together. But part of me gets it now. At least I think I do. I don't think anyone ever knew what was going on in your head all the time, but I want to hope I did. Because knowing you, I've started to think you were trying to comfort me in your own way. Saying all that stuff, like you were letting me know just how happy you were with me. I hated that that was our last real conversation for so long, because we should have had that, but now, I'm glad we got to talk about that at all. Because yeah, Ko, even now part of me wishes it was you I was living with. Wishes I could come home every day and have you tease me like you used to, and then maybe when I've sorted everything out, it wishes we really could have had that little home together, and maybe a kid someday. And that's just why I'm happy you felt the same. Life doesn't feel right without you, but, I'm only here because of what you did, so I guess you're still along for the ride with me somewhere deep down, aren't you?"
A soft sigh escaped her lips, as her lips drifted up to the sky overhead. It was warm, and plenty of clouds drifted lazily overhead. It was the type of day they'd never really got. Something lazy and peaceful, where they could've just been happy without a care in the world. Life was far less kind than that. Yukari brought her hand to her chest, letting herself just feel the thump of her heart for a second. She remembered all those nights cuddled close, the way Kotone's heart was always just a little faster than her's and smiled sadly at the azure expanse above. A few deep breaths, and she brought her gaze back down to the intricate memorial stone behind her. She'd left a little note to at least have some of her ashes here, watching over Gekkoukan under that persimmon tree that meant so much to her, rather than all at her family grave. It felt right at least, to have something just for her, with so many little messages inscribed upon it. For a girl who didn't even spend a year here, she'd sure been loved. Yukari smiled at the thought.
"I should really get going soon, um, Aigis is stopping by. I'm sure you've heard plenty of times about how much having her there helped after everything, but we spoke recently. She missed that year living together, and well, I think I do too. I'm sure if you could, you'd call the both of us dorks and to cut to the chase, but we were talking about moving back in together. I finally got to spend Valentine's with someone special this year, and it's been hard not to think about. She probably told you already, but I've been scared. Like it's wrong for me to ever have someone else after you, but you deserve to know, and you'd want the best for me too. You're still special. How could you not be? You'll always be the person I first wanted to spend my life with, and you'll always have a bid old chunk in my heart. I'm happy though, Ko. She's really something special these days, and I'm pretty sure if you were still here, you'd be more smitten then me. I thought you were in the first place, but I guess… I guess you two never got that chance anyway. It stings sometimes, thinking about that. We talk about you, and I realise just how lucky I was that you were mine at all. She loved you, so damn much, and she didn't get a chance to know you felt the same until the rooftop. I just wish there was some way she could've had that too. Can't dwell on it too much. If it's any consolation, you kinda helped play matchmaker for us anyway. Still getting the best of us, even now. You were really special though, Ko. I think with all the people in the world, there won't ever quite be someone like you again. And I hope whatever's happening to you now, it's good enough for my Kotone. Love you so much, and I'll see you soon, okay?"
The breeze picked up a little as Yukari turned to leave, though she didn't really notice it, her thoughts on the MP3 player she'd been left behind, and whatever song she it decided to give her. Nor did she really notice the sounds of city life around her, nor the dark clouds in the distance, nor the little blue butterfly that fluttered onto the roses she'd left behind in a shimmer. Life moved forwards, and whilst a part of her rested here too, so would Yukari.