Chapter Text
Kaizen had always been good at pretending. Pretending he wasn’t hurt when people said things they didn’t understand. Pretending he didn’t notice the way his chest tightened whenever Rylan laughed beside him. Pretending that the feelings he couldn’t explain were something he could simply ignore. For years, he had convinced himself that if he tried hard enough, if he followed the path everyone expected of him, everything inside him would eventually fall into place. But some feelings don’t disappear just because you’re afraid of them.
Kaizen was never an open book. He never told people how he felt, especially when it came to his best friend, Rylan. He loved hanging out with Rylan, maybe loved it too much. He loved everything about Rylan, his laugh, his smile, his looks, his personality. but he didn’t LOVE Rylan. Of course not. What boy could like his best friend? Rephrasing that, what STRAIGHT boy could like his best friend?
He liked girls. He especially liked a girl named Aveline. She was pretty, smart, and outgoing. The kind of person everyone naturally wanted to be around. She always knew how to make people laugh, always had something interesting to say, and somehow made even ordinary moments feel special. Naturally, she was everything Kaizen thought he was supposed to want. She was perfect.
Perfect for anyone. Anyone except Kaizen.
Because no matter how beautiful Aveline’s smile was or how easy it was to talk to her, something was always missing. Around her, Kaizen felt like he was playing a role. Around Rylan, he felt a happiness he couldn’t explain, and he hated that.
Kaizen hated how easy it was with Rylan. He hated how a single smile from him could ruin every thought he was thinking. Around everyone else, Kaizen knew exactly who he was supposed to be. He knew what to say, how to act, how to keep every thought in place. But Rylan had a way of breaking down those walls that Kaizen spent building , making the walls feel pointless.
And maybe that was the worst part.
Rylan never asked Kaizen to change. He never pushed him to explain the things he kept buried or tried to uncover the parts of him he wasn’t ready to share. He simply existed beside him, offering a kind of comfort Kaizen didn’t know how to handle. Somehow, without even realizing it, Rylan made him feel seen in a way that scared him.
That was why Kaizen kept his distance.
Or at least, he tried to.
“Kaizen?”
His thoughts snapped back to reality. Rylan was standing beside him, eyebrows slightly raised as he looked at him with that familiar expression .. the one that always made Kaizen feel like he was one second away from being figured out.
“You’ve been staring at the same page for like five minutes,” Rylan said, letting out a small laugh. “You good?”
As Kaizen snapped back to reality, he realized he had completely forgotten they were in class, third period, to be exact. “Yeah, I’m good… just thinking. I kinda zoned out.”
He stared three rows ahead where Aveline sat. Hearing her laugh, he felt something twist in his chest, or maybe his stomach. He couldn’t tell. He forced himself to look away, shaking off the feeling before it could turn into something he didn’t understand.
Aveline was perfect. She was everything he was supposed to want, everything that made sense. So why did his thoughts always seem to drift somewhere else? And by somewhere else, he already knew exactly where they went. His eyes slowly drifted back to Rylan sitting beside him.
It made him feel worse, as he felt something heavy settle in him, maybe his heart. He doesn’t understand these feelings, or maybe why he’s feeling this way. It’s not normal. Especially with the background he grew up with, feeling his feelings wasn’t considered normal.
Snapping him out his thoughts this time was the bell , third period ending and he was still on the same page. Rylan looked at him with concern but surprisingly didn’t say anything.
It’s now free period , but it feels different then other days . Kaizen and Rylan always hang out during free period but this time kaizen is nervous , it’s awkward even .
Rylan looks at Kaizen with more concern then earlier , seemingly getting more and more worried
“Dude.. Are you serious okay.?” Rylan says slowly , obviously trying to get his attention. Then ,
Rylan suddenly says “Are you thinking about Aveline?”
Kaizen jumps at the random name drop . He spurts out “N-no I’m not! I was zoned out dude. I wasn’t thinking about her..”
Rylan stares at him then rolls his eyes , seemingly unconvinced.
“If you say so .”
Kaizen finally looks back at Rylan , ignoring the feeling in his chest.
“Alright , what do you wanna do for free period?” Kaizen says after finally composing himself.
Rylan thinks for a moment.
“We could …”
He trails off , obviously not knowing what to do.
Kaizen thinks along with him. “We could skip the rest of the day .. go home maybe .?”
Rylan glances at him. “Are you saying that because you don’t wanna do work?”
Rylan pauses “or are you thinking about Aveline?”
Kaizen twitches at her name once more “what’s your obsession with her!” He says in embarrassment
Rylan rolls his eyes playfully. “You have such a visible reaction to her name , that’s why. And I was joking! I know you just don’t wanna do school work
He looks forward , looking thoughtful.
“in third period..” Rylan starts ..
“you stayed on the same page all bell. What’s up with that?”
Kaizen turns to him, still walking .
“I kept zoning out . That’s all..”
He turns back , obviously not wanting to go back to those train of thoughts.
“My house or yours .?” He continued
Rylan thinks for a second.
“Mines closer, let’s go.”
Kaizen trails slightly behind , even though he knows the way , he follows Rylan. He follows him to one of the hardest places to pretend in .