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There would always be a place that is someone’s healing. Lugar na kahit hindi pa napupuntahan ay alam nang magiging paborito at magiging sabik na sabik kang mabisita. Something to look forward to, that for whatever reason it pulls you, it catches you, does not leave your mind when somebody mentions a vacation or a getaway. At sigurado ka na kapag tumapak sa lugar na ‘yon, babalik-balikan mo na.
Para kay Gemini, it’s Aurora.
Something about that place makes him tear up just by watching videos online, he will just catch himself typing it to his search bar on a random day watching how gorgeous it was. There would be a lot of reviews about how hard it is to go there, how inaccessible some things are, but he still wants to experience it regardless. Ganoon naman dapat ‘di ba? Kahit gaano pa kahirap yung daan patungo sa lugar na ‘yon hindi alintana dahil gusto ng puso.
Nakikita niya ang sarili niyang rerenta ng motorsiklo saka babaybayin ang buong probinsiya ng Aurora kung saan man siya abutin, o kung hanggang saan man ang kakayahan ng katawan at kasipagan niya.
But there’s this particular place that is on his bucket list that just won’t leave his mind, it keeps on bugging him no matter how he shrugs it off for a while and will try to think of something else to go; Parang Hills, Dilasag, Aurora. It carries some memories na hindi niya maibaon-baon sa limot. He hasn’t been there, never in his life, pero sagrado na ito sa kanya. That is the place they both planned to visit anyway.
Planado na nilang bibisitahin nila ito sa panahong makapagtapos sila ng kolehiyo, that they’d visit Aurora and will stay there for a week or two. They both made a joke about being an island guys. Lokal na mags-surf tuwing umaga kumbaga. Hindi pa mawawala lahat ng what-ifs. What if makihalubilo tayo sa mga tao roon? Let’s try doing their everyday lives. Let’s do something like an outreach program kapag kaya na natin. What if we try new things we will never dare to do right now? Feel ko kasi once we’re there I’d like to try everything. Hanggang sa umabot na ng dalawang taon mula nang maka-graduate sila hindi pa rin sila nakakatapak sa pangarap nilang lugar.
Huh. Minumulto pa rin talaga siya. Hindi niya rin talaga mawari bakit tandang-tanda niya pa rin lahat nang iyon kahit dalawang taon na ang nakalipas mula nang marinig niya ang boses na nagmamay-ari ng mga salitang ‘yon.
What if we live there or buy a property, saya siguro ‘no?
Siguro nga. Siguro nga nagawa na nila lahat ng iyon kung hindi lang sila humantong sa kung nasaan sila ngayon. If things were different, would they still fulfill that dream together?
“Dingalan bus stop! Dingalan bus stop!” Napatigil si Gemini sa pagmumi-muni sa bintana ng bus na sinasakyan nang marinig ang sigaw ng kundoktor na nakarating na sila.
He’s here. He finally set his feet on his dream local place.
Ang dami na niyang inabot na aberya sa Cubao pa lang. He knows that buses to places like these are on schedule. Muntik na siyang hindi tumuloy ulit, baka nga wrong timing pa, hindi pa talaga dapat siya pumunta rito. Tadhana na ang nagsasabi sa kanya na huwag muna. But he’s still here. Even how many bus transfers he had from Cubao to Cabanatuan, Cabanatuan to Dingalan, and Dingalan to Baler again, when he could’ve rode a one way bus to Baler kung nakaabot lang siya. Ngunit kahit gaano pa kasakit ang likod niya sa tagal ng biyahe, tumuloy siya. Nandito siya. What is love without being inconvenienced nga naman ‘no?
In his defense, he could’ve brought his car but he didn’t, he wanted to experience everything. For a week he wants to be a different Gemini. He wants to do something that is out of his comfort zone, yung iba sa ginagawa niya sa pang-araw-araw. Kasi ramdam niya na yung pagsasawa na ulit-ulit na lang ang ginagawa—gigising, papasok sa trabaho, matutulog. He is starting to feel the burnout that adulting is trying to give him. Tipong lagi na siyang napapatanong sa sarili na wala na bang iba? He feels like he is stuck from something he can’t quite name, o hindi kaya’y parang may kulang—pero hindi niya pa alam kung ano.
You will figure things out sooner or later, they say, pero kailan?
He already had his itinerary prepared, but for tonight, he’d gone straight to the accommodation he booked to rest. He stared at the ceiling with nothing in mind but excitement to see what was ahead of him for this whole trip.
We’re finally here, huh?
“Why are you making me choose? Tangina, hindi naman ‘to basta-basta na pipili ako. Para mo lang akong pinagpipili kung mas bagay ba sa’yo yung kulay pula o asul—hindi naman ganoon kadali ‘yun, mahal.”
“Mahal, no. I am not making you choose kasi gets ko naman. Kaya kitang hintayin alam mo ‘yan, pero Fourth—”
“Gem, please? Huwag ngayon.”
“Hindi ka ba sigurado sa’kin?”
“Gemini naman eh, huwag mo namang gawin ‘to.”
“Ang dali lang naman ng tanong, Fourth. Pero bakit parang hirap na hirap kang sagutin?”
Gemini opened his eyes at bumungad sa kanya ang parehong kisameng tinititigan niya kagabi. Napanaginipan na naman kita. He said in his mind, he smiled bitterly before he stood up to check it was already ten in the morning. Halata ang alinsangan ng araw kahit na nasa loob pa lang siya, pero wala siyang magagawa dahil kumukulo ang tiyan niya sa gutom, ngayon niya lang napagtanto na hindi siya kumain ng gabihan sa sobrang pagod. He freshen up quick and went outside. His accomodation is just a few kilometers away from the beachfront, wala pa masiyadong turista, sometimes it really is a nice idea to travel during weekdays kahit na medyo patay ang ibang establisyimento na nabubuhay lang tuwing sabado at linggo. He smiled to himself, Aurora is really beautiful, maaliwalas kasi hindi ganoon katao hindi tulad ng ibang pasyalan. Tanging mga lokal lang ang mga makikita’t maririnig kahit na pa’t hindi niya maintindihan ang natibong lenggewahe nila.
Ang ganda pala na dagat at maaliwalas na daan ang bubungad sa’yo tuwing umaga ‘no? Hindi tulad ng syudad na maingay, rumaragasang sasakyan, aligagang mga empleyado st estudyanteng nagmamadaling makasakay papunta sa trabaho at makapasok sa paaralan. Dito, tahimik, kalmado. Malayong-malayo sa gulo ng Maynila.
Tinanghali na siya ng gising, dapat ay maaga siyang babiyahe papuntang Dilasag, kasi aabutin na naman siya ng siyam siyam bago makarating doon. Ito lang siguro ang natatangi niyang problema sa Aurora; bakit oras ang layo ng mga gusto niyang puntahan sa isa’t isa. May na-book na rin siyang accommodation sa Casiguran, and will probably rent a motorcycle going to Parang Hills. This trip is really not for him to unwind, pinanindigan at niliteral niya talaga ang salitang paglalakbay. Nagdadalawang-isip na tuloy siya kung bakit hindi niya dinala ang sariling kotse, it would be more convenient, pagod nga lang ang laban.
Gemini then realized that province life or traveling is a privilege talaga eh. Parang you will never learn or experience peace kapag wala kang pera. Wala kang ibang ginagawa kung hindi ang magkandaugaga may maihain ka lang sa hapagkainan, magkandakuba-kuba malampasan mo lang ang isang araw, matustusan mo lang lahat ng pangangailangan hanggang sa susunod na sahod. He is considering himself lucky that he got to experience this, he got to discover the beauty of his own country kahit na mismong bayan mo na ang humahadlang sa’yong makita ang mundo.
Bahagyang umambon nang makatapak na siya ng Casiguran, halos dasalan na niya ang lahat ng santo na huwag mauwi sa matinding ulan dahil paniguradong madulas at maputik ang daan sa Dilasag. Pero sa loob-loob niya’y bahagyang namumutawi ang saya, dahil sa kasabihan na kapag inabutan ka ng ulan sa isang lugar paniguradong babalik ka. He rarely believes those things, but he wishes he could go back. This trip might’ve been nothing but stressful for him but it could never change the fact that he loves this place.
Once he reached Dilasag with his motorcycle, bumungad sa kanya ang luntiang tanawin. Parang Hills is so green. It might not be as good compare to Batanes or some places but it’s beautiful on its own. Bahagyang maputik dahil sa maulang panahon pero kitang-kita mo pa rin ang natatanging ganda nito. The grass are greener, mabigat ang hampas ng alon sa mabatong dalampasigan, rinig na rinig niya ang huni ng dagat, at ibon na malayang lumilipad sa himpapawid hindi pa man siya nakakalapit sa dulo. May iilang motorsiklo siyang kasabay, mga kapwa niya sigurong naghahanap ng sagot, gustong kumawala sa mundo, gustong hanapin ang sarili. Pare-pareho sila ng patutunguhan subalit iba’t iba sila ng dahilan, iba-iba sila ng dinadala.
Ramdam na niya ang pag-usbong ng kasiyahan sa puso, ibang-iba pa rin talaga ang mga pinapanuod na videos online kapag nakita na nang personal. Maaaring may mga patong na filters na nga ang mga nakikita niya online pero halos walang pinagbago ang itsura nito sa totoong buhay. Hindi siya makapaniwalang narating na niya ang dulo ng Aurora na dati’y pinapangarap niya lang.
Parang dati lang pinapantasya lang nila kung ano ang gagawin nila, paano ang magiging postura nila sa mga litrato. At kung paanong pinaplano na ni Gemini kung saang parte ba niya dapat gawin ang matagal na niyang binabalak. Kung paano niya ititiyempo ang isang bagay na magbubukas ng bagong kabanata para sa kanilang dalawa.
Dati. Dati ‘yon.
He also remember reading somewhere that if you’re lucky enough, you’d see the milky way from this place, sana nga’y tunay na busilak ang puso niya para pagbigyan siya ng mundo. As if it has the same myth as Mayon Volcano, na magpapakita lang si Magayon kapag alam niyang mabuti kang tao. He laughs to himself. Mother nature really has some funny ways to show her beauty.
Kung sa iba siguro wala namang espesyal sa lugar na puro damuhan, isang espasyong wala ni isang establisyimento. para siyang nakatayo sa gitna ng kawalan. Siya lang at ang kalikasan. Pero para kay Gemini iba ang pakiramdam.
Gayunpaman, walang ibang katumbas ang kapayapaang hatid ng lugar higit pa sa inaakala niya. Tahimik, malayo sa lugar na kinagisnan at pinagsawaan na sa araw-araw, tahimik kumpara sa maingay niyang isip. Ipinikit niya ang mga mata at dinama ang pagdampi ng malamig na simoy ng hangin sa balat niya. Sa ngayon ayaw na muna niyang mag-isip nang kung ano. So he moved forward hanggang sa mapunta na siya sa mabatong bahagi. He sat in front of it after he took some shots and still can’t fathom how this view is now on his own gallery, hindi na lang basta-basta sa internet.
Huminga siya nang malalim at ninamnam ang simoy ng hangin. Parang ngayon lang siya nakahinga nang maluwag, kahit na hindi niya maiwasan ang pagkirot ng puso at unti-unting pamamasa ng mga mata, dahil man ito sa tuwa o sa hindi niya malamang dahilan. There’s still this heaviness in his heart while staring at the nothingness. Masaya siya oo, pero bakit mabigat pa rin?
Plano natin ‘to eh. We both planned to go here. Pangarap natin ‘to, mahal.
He sat there for minutes he didn’t count, he didn't want to. He wants to stay here for as long as he can. Kahit na pa hindi mapakali ang isip niya kakaisip ng mga posibilidad at mga baka sakali. Even his mind is still reminiscing what they could’ve had. All of the what-ifs. All of the things he wished he did or probably doing. Tangina, kung magkasama sila ngayon, masaya siguro silang pareho. Baka punong-puno ng masasayang alaala ang gallery niya. How can he continue this trip thinking about him whenever he looks, whatever he is doing?
Tangina, tignan mo parang nakikita ko siya. He said to himself when he looked to his left. Gemini double looked and noticed the blonde guy sitting on the grass, watching as the sun slowly set, waiting for the sky to get darker from its yellowish hue. Something about it pulled him to come closer, but he remained from where he was seated. Malakas ang kabog ng dibdib niya, he knew that side profile, the guy might be blonde but he knew it from the heart. There's no way that he's wrong. His heart knows him, his soul can feel him. His whole body craves for him. Dalawang taon simula noong huli niyang nakita ang binate pero alam niya sa sarili niya hindi siya kailanman nagkakamali. He can recognize his ex from far away when they are still together. Kahit gaano pa ‘yan kalayo alam niyang siya ‘yon.
That's Fourth. His boyfriend of four years, now an ex for two years. Six years na pala sana sila.
Out of all places he'd bump with him dito pa talaga. Minsan naiisip niya na lang kung talagang pinaglalaruan siya ng mundo, did he ever made something bad in the past for him to have an out of this world experience. Tangina. Alam niya naman sa umpisa that this trip will never make him move on from him kasi bawat sulok ng Aurora plano nila ni Fourth ang tangi niyang naaalala. But the universe had other plans, or the universe had no plan to make him move past it—from him. He went to Aurora with a promise in his head to leave everything on this place, hindi pa yata matutuloy.
How can he leave everything behind when he sees him again after years of no contact to the place they both love at that? Mas lalo lang siyang hindi makakausad sigurado na siya.
Gemini took a deep breath, tila wala siyang kontrol sa sariling paa as he walked towards the blonde guy. His body knew how long he yearned to see him again, to speak with him again. Even how he convinced himself he doesn't want to, his body and his heart will never listen to him. He missed him so much, aminin niya man sa sarili o hindi, his own actions betrays him without him even uttering a single word.
The more he moves closer the more his heart is beating, the more he moves closer the more clear to his heart who it was. The more he steps his feet the more his heart aches.
He missed that face. He missed that natural blush on his face. He missed those boba eyes. Damn, he missed everything about him. He missed him.
“Hey,” Halata ang panginginig ng boses niya nang kunin nito ang pansin ng binata. Ang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib niya, what if he pushes him away? What if Fourth does not want to see him? Eh ‘di, tangina, pinahiya niya lang ang sarili niya.
Fourth looked up at him and he saw how startled the other too by seeing him. Malikot ang mga mata nito na tila hindi makapaniwala sa nakikita. How can he not? The last time they saw each other they were screaming at each other, breaking things up, how tiring it was, how bad it actually gets. Kahit sino naman magugulat.
“Uy.” He just said, almost stammering. They both did not expect to see each other. Akala rin naman ni Gemini hindi na ulit magk-krus ang landas nila. With all of the myths he believes in? Iisipin niya na kung hindi para sa’yo ang isang tao hindi mo na ulit ito makikita.
Wala na silang update sa isa’t isa, both of their friends tried their best not to update them with their whereabouts. Alam nila na hindi naging maganda ang paghihiwalay nila. Kaya nagiging maingat ang lahat na banggitin ang pangalan nilang dalawa sa mga bagay na hindi naman na dapat. If both of them moved past it, why can’t they? Respeto na lang sa kanilang dalawa ‘di ba?
“Upo ka.” Fourth offered and fixed the blanket he was on. Gemini was reluctant at first, he can’t be in that very close proximity or he might implode. A simple skin touching might trigger him but he sat down anyway. Nabalot sila ng katahimikan. Napapatanong na lang si Gemini sa sarili kung bakit ba kasi lumapit pa siya. He could’ve just stare at him for hours and just yearn from afar, kasi kahit papano ayos na sa kanyang makita lang siya ulit. Oo, mahina na kung mahina, but that is Fourth’s effect on him ever since, hindi na nakapagtataka.
They let the silence eat both of them, watching the waves, the sunset, at maging ang pag-indayog ng mga damo sa saliw ng musikang handog ng hangin. That is enough to fill the awkwardness between them, until Gemini gulped down the lump on his throat and started a conversation.
“We still love this place, huh?” Ika nga at pinagsalikop ang mga kamay na ngayo’y nasa mga binti niya. Hindi pa rin nagbabago ang pintig ng puso niya, para itong lalabas sa dibdib sa sobrang lakas. Kaba pa rin ba ito o normal na pagdadabog lang ng puso niya na makita ulit ang kaisa-isang tao na nagmamay-ari nito?
“Hmm. Funny lang that we planned to go here years back.” Fourth chuckled, and how Gemini missed to hear those. “Pinaglalaruan yata tayo ng tadhana eh.” Fourth smiled, oh how gorgeous he looks sa kung paanong dumadampi sa pisngi niya ang kahel na kulay ng araw na unti-unting lumulubog. How his eyes shine like the constellations of stars that are about to appear as it gets darker. He still looks like the whole universe, and how Gemini still orbits around him.
Tinitigan lang ni Gemini si Fourth nang taimtim. He had changed. Ang dami nang nagbago sa kanya. Features, how he style himself, how he speak, how he smiles. After years of being apart ang dami nang nagbago sa kanilang dalawa, maliban lang sa isa—except for how Gemini’s heart still beats for him. Except for how many years had passed Gemini is so sure he still loves this guy. Na si Fourth pa rin talaga ang tanging iniibig ng buong pagkatao niya. Wala pa ring nagbabago sa nararamdaman niya. Two years, two long years that he thought he moved on already but the moment he laid his eyes on him, wala, back to zero. Baka nga pinaglalaruan talaga sila ng tadhana, kasi Gemini already convinced himself na tapos na, wala na. All of the progress he thought he made, nawala nang ganun-ganun lang. Kahit bali-baliktarin niya ang mundo ngayon, his heart who he thought will never beat as crazy as it did with Fourth, will be this alive again with the same person.
“What brought you here?” Fourth asked, Gemini really wanted to stare at him, so much, but he did not want to look weird and to make this whole thing more awkward than it already is.
“The same reason you’re here, maybe?” He kid, as to make things lightly. Fourth just snickered at that.
“Hindi ka naman mali.” Fourth admitted. “I need some fresh air before my bar exam.”
Oh. Oh.
Gemini did not realize na ganoon katagal na ang lumipas. Parang kailan lang isa ‘yan sa parte ng pag-aaway nila. How Fourth chooses his dreams over settling down with him. Mababaw, alam niya. But that is just the tip of the iceberg, marami pa silang dapat ayusin sa sarili nila noong mga panahong ‘yon. Mas naging rason lang talaga ang oras at pagkakaiba nila sa pananaw sa buhay pati maging prayoridad nila.
Gemini was ready to settle down, samantalang si Fourth hindi pa. Malinaw naman kay Gemini ‘yon, he is willing to wait. Mali lang that he was too selfish and immature to make Fourth choose between two things kahit na hindi dapat. Pareho naman silang mali. They can’t compromise, no one wants to back down. Pataasan ng pride. Hanggang sa naging sumbatan na, nagkatumbasan na. Naungkat lahat ng pagkukulang, lahat ng mga problemang dapat naman nang ibaon sa limot. Hanggang sa pareho na lang silang napuno sa paulit-ulit na away that both of them chose to walk away instead of fixing it another time. Kaya pa sana kung hindi lang sila nagmataas at napagod. Fourth maybe did not reach out to focus on his priorities, habang nilunod na lang ni Gemini ang sarili sa trabaho para hindi na niya maisip pa. Until weeks passed, months, years, na wala na talagang nag-reach out.
Wala na. Hinayaan na lang nila.
“Oh, exam mo na.” Tanging nasabi ni Gemini. “Until when ka rito?” He added, just to keep things going. His mind is wandering back to that specific fight, and he does not want to ruin the mood. Baka hanggang dito pag-awayan pa rin nila ‘yan.
“Last day ko na, saved this for last as a lucky charm for my exam.” Fourth smiled. Gemini did too. Of course, he would treat it as such; a lucky charm. He is the one who introduced this place to him anyway. For sure he loved it more than Gemini ever did.
“Time flies so fast, parang dati lang iniiyakan mo pa ang Taxation.” Natawa sila pareho nang maalala ang mga ganoong bagay. Tatambay si Gemini sa condo ni Fourth tuwing weekends o kung kailan man siya available, wala mang pasok, naka-leave sita o kahit kakatapos lang ng trabaho niya, tutulungan sa case digest sabay ic-comfort kasi hindi na kinakaya ni Fourth yung pressure.
“Ikaw ba?” Tanong ni Fourth sa kanya.
“First day. Ito una kong gustong makita eh.” Fourth nodded his head. "Ito unang lugar na pumasok sa utak ko when I'm still planning the itinerary, hindi ko lang na-realize na sonrang layo pala." Gemini chuckled while shaking his head.
“You really are so sure of everything ‘no?” Fourth said after a short silence, and Gemini’s mouth was faster than his brain could even process the words.
“Even with you.” Fuck. Tanginang bunganga ‘yan.
Bahala na. Nasimulan na. Siguro nga panahon na rin talaga para pag-usapan lahat. Kung tutuusin long overdue na ‘yan eh. Bakit nga ba hindi sila nag-usap after that? Bakit nga ba walang nag-reach out? Natiis nila ang isa’t isa o napagod na lang? Nirerespeto yung space that they gave to each other until it fades? Ganoon ba ‘yun? Walang konkretong sagot eh. Walang solid na dahilan. No one initiates? Wala man lang lumunok ng pride? Pucha, ang daming tanong sa isip ni Gemini, na isa rin naman siya sa sasagot. Mga tanong na parte rin naman ang sarili niya sa dahilan kung bakit may tanong in the first place.
“Even with me, huh?” Tinaasan siya ng kilay ni Fourth. Nagkatitigan lang sila ng ilang segundo, and Gemini said something to him straight in the eye, Fourth knows how straightforward of a guy he is, naiintindihan naman niya siguro na wala talagang preno ang bibig niya.
“Hindi ko naman babalaking mag-propose sa’yo kung hindi ako sigurado sa’yo, sira.” Gemini just chuckled. “But believe me when I say nirerespeto ko yung desisyon mo. Bata pa tayo noon, I might’ve not understood things enough before, pero ngayon gets ko na.”
He really does. Totoo. Gets na niya. Masiyado ring nagmamadali si Gemini, kung dati siguro oo galit siya na hindi tinanggap ni Fourth yung singsing, pero kung siya yung tatanungin ngayon maiintindihan niya. Hihintayin niya hanggang sa maging handa si Fourth.
“Sorry, Gemini. For being not so sure about us before.” Yumuko si Fourth at nilaro ang damuhan gamit ang mga paa. “I had my priorities and settling down is not yet one of them.” Ika nito at ngumiti. “I would really love to marry you, totoo, pero mali yung timing mo eh.” Natawa ito, maging si Gemini.
“I know. I know that now. Sorry din if I came very insensitive and selfish during those times.” Paghingi ng tawad ni Gemini. Pareho silang mali, kung puwede lang akuin ni Gemini lahat, ginawa na niya. If he acted differently back then, hindi naman sila hahantong sa ganito. But then again, both of them were at fault for not trying to fix it. Pareho nilang sinukuan yung dapat kaya pang isalba.
“You’re never selfish for thinking about a future with me. Kung tutuusin ako yung selfish sa’tin kasi hindi kita kayang sabayan sa gusto mo para sa’tin. You were just thinking about me, about us, pero ako ang dami pang dapat unang isipin bago ka, bago tayo.” Gemini hummed, may mga tanong pa rin sa utak niya na hindi niya kayang ilabas. ‘Eh ngayon? Kaya mo na ba akong unahin?’ but he remained silent. Ang corny, tangina, cringe na kung cringe. Pero parang hindi naman na dapat tinatanong ‘yan. Ano ba sila? Wala na. Kahit tanungin niya ‘yan may magbabago ba?
“Okay na ‘yun. Hindi naman kita masisisi.” Hindi mo nga naman masisisi ang isang bagay na hindi pa handa. Hindi mo naman masisisi ang kanin sa pagkapaso mo dahil lang hindi pa ito malamig. Hindi mo naman masisisi na hilaw pa ang isang prutas dahil lang mapakla pa pero kinagatan mo na. Hindi lahat kayang pilitin, hindi lahat kayang sumabay sa’yo nang dahil lang ikaw ang handa.
They watched as the sky turned darker, tuluyan nang lumubog ang araw, katulad na rin ng paglubog ng mga sakit na bitbit ni Gemini, sana lamunin na ng gabi lahat ng mga bagaheng dala niya para sa panahong sumikat ang araw, magaan na. Kung hindi man, ay sana nabawasan kahit papaano. Nag-usap pa sila panandalian, some were just updates about their lives, kumustahan. Like they were just old friends trying to reconnect. Hindi na nila muling inungkat pa kung ano yung nangyari o kung ano sila noon. As long as they are comfortable with each other right now, as long as they can now laugh with each other’s jokes, okay na si Gemini roon.
Fourth stayed here for five days, but mostly in Baler. He learned how to surf as he promised. He had a hiking for a cause in Dingalan at nagpakain ng mga bata sa isang eskwelahan sa hindi kalayuan. Gemini just watched him as he narrate his story with a bright smile on his face. Natupad niya lahat ng balak niyang gawin sa Aurora like what he told Gemini in the past. Hindi lang sila magkasama but at least Fourth can do it alone. Can do things alone without anyone’s help. Ganyan naman na siya kahit noon pa. And that’s what Gemini has admired about him ever since. His dedication and his pure heart to help other people. Sobrang dali niya pa ring mahalin hanggang ngayon.
“Anong oras biyahe mo?” Tanong ni Gemini habang naglalakad na sila pabalik sa gitna ng parang.
“Alas singko. Hahabulin ko first trip ng van to Baler. Tapos doon na ako sasakay pa-Manila or Cabanatuan.” Gemini hummed.
“Ikaw hanggang kailan ka?” Fourth asked him. They reached the motorcycles already kahit na labag sa loob ni Gemini. Puwede bang huwag na matapos ‘to? Can he have more time with Fourth kahit ngayon lang?
“One week. Pero depende if I want to extend.” Fourth reacted in awe at saka sinuot ang helmet.
Gemini hesitated to wear his, but Fourth is already ready to leave. Gemini bit his lips, wala na siyang iba pang matanong para magkaroon lang ng kahit ilan pang minuto kasama si Fourth, and it scares him that he might say something that would ruin this for the both of them. I might ask him if we still had a chance. Inilubog na lang niya ang mga ito sa kalaliman ng isip niyang hindi na kayang languyin pa ng kahit sino man, maging siya. For now he knows both of them is growing and focusing on themselves, kaya parang wala na ring saysay ang balikan pa ang nakaraan kaya isinawalang bahala na lang niya. Or maybe not now. Huwag muna.
Fourth would leave this place maybe remembering they met again, while Gemini will remember Fourth for the rest of this trip. Baka nga Aurora was really meant for them. Aurora was just waiting for them, for that right moment, at ‘yun ay para pag-usapan ang mga bagay na dating bumabagabag sa kanila. To say those unsaid things they failed to explain. To apologize for all the words they said to each other without meaning any of it. To remind them that there was something here once; there was something here that they cherished once.
They’re not the same they were, but there was something here once that’s hard to forget.
Aurora is for this. Aurora is for them.
At sigurado na siyang babalik siya.
“Good luck on your exam.” I’d be cheering you on. But he left those words unsaid. I’d pray the loudest.
“Thank you.” Ika ni Fourth at nginitian siya. “Calm waves and fair winds, Gemini.”
Gemini can feel his heart ache with the phrase. That’s what they said to each other almost everyday in the past. Whenever they’re having a bad day or just to start the day hopeful. That’s their way of comforting each other.
“Calm waves and fair winds, Fourth.” He said, pouring his all heart as he uttered every word. Because who knows when will be the next time he’ll say that again.
And they both laughed. It’s kind of funny to use the same phrases they used to say to each other, it feels kinda weird how it still can flow smoothly from the tip of their tongues. Memoryado pa rin nila, dala-dala pa rin nila.
They might have ended in a worst way and in bad terms, puro sigawan, turuan, at sumbatan, but at least they met again in a calm way, fair, malumanay, banayad. If Gemini could stop time he would, pero hindi naman p’wede ‘yon. Kaya niya na lang mag-baliktanaw, but he can never go back.
“Oh, and Gem!” Fourth shouted as Gem was about to wear his helmet. Napatigil siya at tinignan muli sa Fourth sa huling pagkakataon. Fourth murmured a word he can’t seem to understand.
“Ha?” He shouted then.
“Ayayaten ka latta, kako.” Fourth chuckled. “Bye na.” He then said waving his hand as he drove his motorcycle away. Gemini is still clueless about whatever is said so he just shakes his head, having a big smile plastered on his face, nonetheless. Typical Fourth. Hindi pa rin siya nagbabago.
He drove back to his accomodation with a light feeling. Kahit naman siguro papaano gumaan. Makita siya ulit, maalala man lahat ng bagay, maramdaman lahat ulit ng sakit. Pero kahit paano para siyang nabunutan ng tinik sa dibdib. Ngayon lang din napagtanto ni Gemini na baka nga may dahilan ang lahat, that it all happened with a purpose. Ika nga nila, ang tunay na nagmamahal ay mahal din ang sarili. And Gemini can’t blame Fourth for it. Siguro noon, oo, may galit sa puso niya kung bakit sila naghiwalay, that how can someone choose anything but you. How can they decide for their future without you in it? He questioned his worth, the love, the years they shared, na all this time where does he stand? Saan siya dapat lumugar sa buhay ng isang tao? Pero ngayon gets na niya. Gets na gets na niya.
Sana lang maibigay ng passion at career kay Fourth ang buhay na hindi kayang ibigay ni Gemini. Gemini would be the happiest person on Earth to see him grow, to see him succeed, to see him get what he dreamt of.
That would be enough for him.