Chapter Text
Semin has always liked girls. They were cute, smart and friendly. Most of the time at least. He has always admired them and lately he himself was starting to act more feminine in some ways. Acting cute for his fans, colourful stage outfits and glittery album concepts. Even tho his friends were teasing him for it at first, he actually kinda liked this feeling. But that doesn’t mean he wants to give up on being boyish at all. He has been enjoying doing workouts lately, especially with Junhyuk. Compared to Semin, he has always been more „manly“ and grown-up but at the same time more childish as well. Sometimes he wishes he was like Junhyuk, handsome, masculine, popular.. - not that he’s not popular, girls have been confessing their feelings to him from time to time since middle school. Ever since their debut, there has been even more Confessions - even one from a guy. So Semin really likes girls and wants to be like Junhyuk - not the other way around, he‘s sure about that.
-
„Oh, but you know what’s even more insane??“ his friend asks as Semin and two more friends walk down the corridor from their classroom, heading to the cafeteria for lunch. „It wasn’t a pretty girl that was waiting for him, but a boy! Dude, that loser wrote a love letter to another guy!“ he exclaims, clearly holding back a laugh. His two other friends were starting to giggle and one even made a whole act of throwing up.
Semin just smiled. He never told them about the guy that confessed to him. It was a about a year ago now, and by all honesty, he felt flattered. He never had the experience of liking the same gender but he admired his braveness. He knows that most people aren’t exactly quill about queer people. He still kindly rejected him.
As they keep on walking, they pass the vending machines, where Junhyuk and his friends mostly spend their break. One of Junhyuks friends always sticks out to Semin. It’s a, rather masculine, pretty girl. She’s about a year older than Semin and she’s always, physically, very close to Junhyuk. He never thought much about it, cause they knew they weren’t allowed to date anyways. But he can’t say he wasn‘t curious - and maybe a little jealous as well. Of Junhyuk of course. He also has girl friends but none of them appealed like this to him.
Junhyuk doesn’t look up as they pass them. Semin does look at him. Sometimes Semin thinks that Junhyuk might be acting oblivious in situations like this, because he and his friends aren’t exactly hard to notice. It doesn’t bother him tho, it makes things less awkward for the both of them.
So now that they‘ve almost reached the cafeteria his attention shifts back to his friends. They were still making fun of the guy. Semin wonders if Junhyuk heard what they were talking about and if he also thinks it’s laugh worthy.
-
„How was school?“ the first question got asked. „It was alright“ the last word got spoken. Semin and Junhyuk don’t talk much, maybe because there just isn’t much to talk about. Promotions are exhausting and they both need their privacy. Even if there‘d be a chance to talk neither of them would know what to bring up, except from talking about some game or trend. They’re not the type to open up about their emotions in general let alone to each other.
Semin knows the conversation should end here. It always does, yet he can’t help but wonder what Junhyuk would say about that guy. He never heard him talk about guys in that way. Not that he himself has thought about guys like that before but he‘s just so curious.
So he asks. They were both on their phone, just waisting some time before going to sleep. They were alone in their room, door closed. „Has a guy ever confessed his feelings to you?“ A simple question. Yet it changed so much.
„Huh?“ Junhyuk slowly moves his eyes over to where semin is sit-laying in his bed. „Why would you ask this all of a sudden?“ he asks, putting his entire attention onto him. At first Semin was scared, scared he would think he‘s weird for even mentioning something like that. But the longer the silence lingered, the more he realised that Junhyuks face only shows pure confusion. So he answered.
„Ah.. you know, my friends were talking about it today and uh..“ he trailed of looking anywhere but Junhyuk, getting more nervous as seconds pass. He didn‘t know why. But Junhyuk just kept looking at him, waiting for him to continue. „There was a guy that confessed to another guy and they were.. laughing“ he deadpans. He looks up at Junhyuk now, brave enough to face whatever he has rode himself into.
„Yeah okay.. and then? You‘re just curious if that has happend to me before?“ Junhyuk slowly starts smiling. „Why? Cause I‘m so popular?“ He’s grinning now, his eyes not leaving Semins even once. Semin just tsk‘s before continuing. „Forget it. I was just wondering. Wondering if you also think it’s.. funny.“ Junhyuks grin falters, only a little.
„I don’t think it’s funny.“
„And to answer your question, yes, there was one guy that confessed his feelings for me. What about you?“ Junhyuk asks. Semin‘s words got stuck in his throat. He wasn’t expecting this answer. Actually, he wasn’t expecting anything. He slowly starts processing the words Junhyuk has just said. After a few seconds he realised that Junhyuk was still looking at him, waiting for a response.
„Huh?“ was all that Semin could say. „Do you think it’s laughable Semin?“ he asks again.
No. No he doesn’t. He hated the feeling of them laughing at the guy because it felt like they were laughing at him. Wich didn’t make sense, because he wasn‘t into boys.
„Uh.. no i don’t think it’s funny. I think it was very immature of them to laugh.“ he finally says, forcing a smile and pushing down his newfound feelings. Far back where they can’t reach him. For now.
„Yeah i think so too. If they’re being weird again you can tell me, okay?“ Junhyuk says, smiling at Semin and turning back to his phone.
„Yeah, uh- okay.“ Semin mumbles, barely audible. He turns back to his phone too. He starts scrolling until his eyes close, not giving his brain any time to think and process.
-
School was normal. Semins friends stopped talking about the boy who confessed. That didn‘t mean Semin forgot about it. Even though he tried to ignore it, his thoughts kept lingering.
He wasn’t only thinking about the boy though. No, he was thinking about himself.
If he told them about the guy that confessed to him, would his friends be teasing him right now?
Semin didn’t know. And he doesn’t think he wants to find out.
-
They had a filming schedule after school. Just because Semin was used to it at this point doesn’t mean it’s less exhausting. And on top of all his stress are now his worrys and insecurities nagging at him. He made sure to not let it show because he knows he tends to spill his feelings when asked and feeling on the edge.
During their short break, Semin was just listening to some music while trying to ease his mind. Just as he was finally letting his thoughts drift away someone approached him. He felt a weight next to him on the small couch, so he slowly opened one of his eyes to see who was interrupting his half nap. It was Junyhuk.
Semin just blinked at him a few times. Even though they do talk from time to time, in times like this they normally just mind their business. So what could he want from him right now? Junhyuk was looking at Semin for a few seconds before speaking up.
„Hi, you okay?“ he asked.
What.
Was Semin being to obvious? He thought he was being pretty chill the whole time.
„Uhm, yeah i guess. Just, you know, a busy mind“ he replied, smiling slightly while removing one of his earbuds. „Why are you asking this all of a sudden?“ he asked, genuinely confused with this whole conversation.
„Oh, I was just wondering. After what you told me yesterday, I thought maybe there have been some things on your mind. I saw you zoning out some times at school today.“ he stated, like this was the most normal conversation they ever had. It wasn’t.
„Oh haha.. well i appreciate your concern but.. why ask that now? We got like..“ Semin checks the time on his phone, while awkwardly laughing „.. 5 minutes left before we gotta go back to filming.“ he says, as he slowly starts fidgeting with his phone case, his thoughts consuming him yet again.
This made Junhyuk feel awkward aswell. „Ah.. to be honest I just asked, not thinking much about it. Sorry for the bad timing, you’re right..“ Semin just hums. An awkward silence follows. Neither of them speak as the seconds tic by. Semin‘s the first to speak up again.
„Don’t worry I‘m alright.“ he says, smiling and putting his arm around Junhyuk, trying to ease the awkward tension. It’s probably working, because now Junhyuk smiles too, leaning back into Semins arm just a little bit.
„Okay if you say so. Just.. you know i already said this but you can talk to me okay? No offence to your friends or something but I‘m sure i‘d be a better listener then them..“ he says grinning, wich makes Semin laugh now, all the tension dissolving in seconds.
„Yeah, I‘m sure you are.“