Chapter Text
Jax had been... a wildcard, ever since they unabstracted her. Even more than usual. Part of was probably because of being abstracted. It wasn't like undoing it was an exact science. Caine hadn't been able to do it when he was at his most powerful, and while his better understanding of people helped, well.. none of them really understood how the scans worked. So there were... lingering effects. Sometimes Jax complained about seeing random colours and the light being too bright. One time, she'd smashed all the lights in her room and buried her head under the covers, still yelling that it was too bright until Kinger had thought to put a bucket over her head. Honestly, Pomni was half convinced that Jax's irritation at him had resolved it more than the bucket. Occasionally she would suddenly freeze in place and her pupils would vanish for a moment as she... sizzled, static coursing across her body, before snapping back to normal like nothing had ever happened. Or at least acting like nothing had happened- maybe it was extremely painful and traumatic, and she just didn't want to admit it.
But side effect of resurrection or not, Jax was not... stable.
The first thing she'd done when they pulled her back together was to freak out at Caine's return. After they'd explained the situation, she'd called them all "&%^$ing morons" for believing him. Immediately, they'd all looked at Caine, who insisted that he really had turned off the censors, and Jax had smirked and gone "Ahhhh, that was me. Gotcha."
Then she'd told Pomni that she hated her and wished that they'd deleted both of them instead of bringing her back. Then, before anyone could even react to that, she'd hugged Pomni tight and started crying, apologizing profusely.
That... was about the temperature of how she'd been acting since. Violent and unpredictable shifts in mood and temperament, from her most angry self to her most unconcerned asshole self, to vulnerability, back to verbal abuse, and then into affected disinterest. Whether it was a symptom of how she'd been split into pieces as part of her abstraction or just disordered emotional regulation from the trauma of it all, Pomni had no idea, but it made dealing with her... difficult.
It also made her coming out very, uh. Rocky.
It started off sincere. She got everyone together, wearing that maid dress again.
"What... is this, Jax?" Zooble asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow.
"I'm a girl," Jax said, holding her arm with one hand and looking down and to the side. "I... guess I always have been. But I mean. I'm one now."
"Are you... serious?" Zooble asked, her eyes widening.
"Ha!" Jax said, her head snapping back up, her eyes big and that usual rictus grin on her face. "Of course I'm not serious, moron. I'm making fun of you. That's what I do. This whole genderqueer shit is your thing. I only wear this kind of outfit ironically. What do I look like? Some kind of faggot?"
"Jesus fucking christ, Jax," Zooble said, getting angrily to her feet. "This-"
"This is too far!" Gangle said, clenching her ribbons into fists. "Apologize! Right fucking now!"
Jax looked completely caught off guard by that. Maybe as much at the fact that Gangle had gotten mad as anything else. After a moment, she drooped like a wet rag, all the smug cruelty draining out of her.
"I'm s-" she said, swallowing and fighting with herself for a moment. "That wasn't what I meant to say. I didn't mean any of that."
"Wait, is that including the whole... girl, thing?" Caine asked. "Or do I need to update my personnel files again?" He leaned over to theatrically stage whisper into Kinger's ear. "I already updated it recently, to cross out the "abstracted" part."
"I-"
"Of course he didn't mean that part either," Zooble said. "This is just another fucking game to him. Fuck you, Jax. Seriously. I always knew you were an asshole, but I thought maybe you'd at least-"
"Ribbit knew," Jax said.
A deathly silence fell over the group. Ragatha let out a little gasp.
"That's why-" Jax said, and then swallowed. "That's- that's what happened with Ribbit, alright? She... she found out. I told her. And then I got- I was sure that she- I thought she'd tell people. So I... I didn't want to talk to her anymore."
"I can't believe you," Ragatha said, her voice shaking with anger. "You made me promise never to mention her again. All this time, we've been acting like she was never even here, and now you bring her up? As part of a joke? I can't believe you could be such a-"
"Jax is telling the truth," Pomni said, and suddenly all eyes were on her. "I... already knew."
"What do you mean you knew?" Jax said, turning on her as well, her eyes tiny, pinpoint focused with the intensity of her emotions. "What do you fucking mean you knew?! How could you possibly know?!"
"I saw it," Pomni said. "When... when you first abstracted."
Jax's eyes shrunk to points. "...That was real?" she asked, hoarsely.
"Yeah," Pomni said.
Jax's eyes widened to that flat, wide look again, her mouth shrinking down to almost nothing.
"Then you saw-"
"Most of it. Yeah."
"And... my mom..."
"Only you talking about it."
"I'm confused," Kinger said. "What does this have to do with maids?"
"Nothing!" Jax snapped. "Forget it! I'm done talking about this!"
"What?" Zooble said. "You can't just-"
"I can do whatever the fuck I want!" Jax yelled. "I said I'm done with this! And if any of you bring this up again, I'll-"
"Jax."
Maybe it was because Pomni knew what had happened last time. Maybe it was just because Jax wanted to be convinced not to make the same mistakes again, and only needed the tiniest push. But one word was all that Pomni had to say to make Jax stop, red with anger, and stalk away, her hands balled into fists. But without finishing the threat, at least.
"Pomni, what the hell is going on?" Zooble asked. "What did you see?"
"Um," Pomni said. "I... don't think it's really fair for me to talk too much about what I saw in her mind."
"Her mind?" Zooble said. "Are you serious?"
Pomni nodded.
"I can't believe this," Zooble said, flopping back down onto the couch and crossing two of their arms.
"So w-what do we do now?" Gangle asked. "Are we supposed to... treat her like a girl? Or is she just going to get mad?"
"I... don't really know," Pomni said.
"Ugh," Zooble said. "Of course she had to find a way to make this a problem. She can't just transition normally, it has to be some kind of new landmine."
"Don't worry!" Caine said, making an exaggerated check on his little writing pad. "I have updated the files with the correct gender marker!"
"Thank you, Caine," Ragatha said. "But, um... maybe don't mention that directly to Jax just yet."
Caine created a zipper across his mouth and pulled it shut, nodding.
"Can you... see when you do that?" Zooble asked apprehensively.
"Of course I can see!" Caine said, throwing away the zipper. "Did you forget that I have HUNDREDS OF ALWAYS WATCHING EYES!"
As he spoke, the cloud of eyes burst out from him again, all staring at Zooble.
"You have got to stop doing the eyes thing," Zooble said.
"Then you've got to stop giving me such good set ups for it!"
Jax didn't come out of her room the next day.
Of course, Pomni wasn't going to just settle for leaving her alone. Not after last time. After Jax missed breakfast, Pomni came and knocked on the door.
No response.
She knocked again, a little harder.
No response.
She knocked again, a little faster.
No response.
She knocked again, a little harder AND a little faster.
The cycle continued for a while, until she was practically pummelling the door and finally, Jax yelled from within.
"Oh my god enough! What do you want?!"
"I want to make sure you're not abstracting again in there!" Pomni called back.
"I'm not! So go away!"
"I don't want to," Pomni said.
"You- what do you mean you don't want to?!"
"I'm gonna stay here and make sure you're okay."
"I don't want to talk, Pomni," Jax snapped.
"That's okay," Pomni said, sitting down and leaning her head back against Jax's door. "I can do the talking."
Jax didn't respond.
"Everyone's pretty confused, you know. They don't know what to make of it. I don't think they'd believe it if it wasn't for me confirming it. Heck, I don't know if I'd believe it if I hadn't seen it myself."
Silence from within, still.
"But... I'm surprised you told everyone, even if you didn't really do a great job with it. You've changed since you came back. I think... maybe for the better?"
Pomni frowned.
"Not all better, though. You really have to stop kicking people down flights of stairs in adventures. You do it like, every time we see them."
Silence.
"Wow, you didn't even chime in to say that it was a running gag? You really aren't talking, huh?"
Pomni sighed.
"You know, it's a lot harder than I thought to carry on a one-sided conversation," she said. "I didn't really try talking to you that much that much after you abstracted. I guess maybe I should have. Then I'd probably be a little better at it by now."
More silence.
"Okay, I'm kindaaa running out of meaningful things to say here. Maybe I should try singing? Lt me give that a shot. Uh, what do I sing, what do I sing... oh! I know! Daaaaaisy, Daaaaaisy~!"
"There's nothing worse than a reused joke, Pomni!" Jax called from the other side of the door. "At least pick a different song!"
"Ha! I got you to talk!" Pomni said.
"That doesn't count!" Jax called. "You just- you tricked me into it!"
"Gotta start somewhere," Pomni said.
There was a pause, and Pomni winced. God, hopefully Jax didn't draw the same connection she just had.
Without her talking, of course, silence descended again.
Just as Pomni started to wrack her brains for what to talk about next, though, Jax spoke.
"Hey Pomni?"
"Yes?" Pomni said.
"Do you... really think I can be... y'know."
"I... think you already are, Jax."
Pomni heard a soft thump from the other side of the door.
Then, a few moments later, she heard the door creak, and Jax opened it just enough to poke her head out and glare down at Pomni.
"There, you've seen my face," Jax said. "I'm not abstracting, alright? So scram already."
"Alright," Pomni said, standing up and dusting herself off. "But if you keep hiding in there, I'm coming back after dinner."
"Ugh," Jax said, rolling her eyes. "You better not stay all night. You really need your beauty sleep."
"And Jax?"
"What?"
"You looked good in that bow."
Jax flushed red, her eyes shrinking to points. "S-Shut up!" she snapped, slamming the door shut.
Pomni walked off to meet with the others again, humming to herself happily.
When Pomni came back after dinner, she was pretty optimistic about how things would go. Sure, Jax was still shutting herself up in her room, but they'd connected towards the end of the last time. Surely it would go smoother this time.
Just proof that she hadn't learned anything after all.
"Hey, Jax, still-"
"What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
Pomni paused, taken aback by Jax's sudden angry outburst.
"I'm... sorry?" she said.
"You should be," Jax said.
"Jax, what are you... talking about?"
"Why the hell did you bring me back, huh?"
"Because we all missed you, Jax," Pomni said.
"Why did you bring me back?" Jax asked. "Why me and not her?"
"Her? Jax, which her do you-"
"You know which her I mean!" Jax yelled. "Do you think I give a fuck about Kinger's wife?! Her, Pomni! Why do I get to come back and she stays dead? How the hell is that fair?!"
"...We tried, Jax," Pomni said. "I know you were, kinda out of it, and freaking out, but after you came back... we tried. We tried on everyone. They were all too far gone. You're the only one who was recent enough. Even then, it was just barely."
"You should have tried harder," Jax said. "You should have started with Kaufmo. Maybe then it would have been early enough for him, and when you finished, it'd be too late for me. Woulda been better that way."
"Jax..."
"What if I abstract again, huh?" Jax asked. "Are you just gonna drag me back again? Am I the only one who's not allowed out? Even if I deserve it? Even if I deserve worse?"
"If you abstract again... that's it, Jax. There won't be enough left of you to put back together."
"Huh. Good to know."
"Don't you fucking dare, Jax."
"What, you got a problem? Mad that Jaxxie's messing up all your hard work again? Don't you know that's what I do, Pomni? I fuck up, I ruin everything, and I hurt everyone. That's my job! That's my role!"
"I thought you said you were the funny one!" Pomni yelled. "What's funny about this, Jax?! What's funny about losing you? No one laughed when you died the first time! No one was grinning and rolling their eyes! There's nothing funny about you being gone! It's just sad!"
"You said it yourself, Pomni," Jax said. "I'm not the funny one. I've never been the funny one. I'm just the shitty one. The mean one. The one you're all better off without."
"Don't say that," Pomni said. "Don't you ever say that."
"What are you gonna do it about, pipsqueak?" Jax sneered. "I could do it right now, and there's nothing you could do. By the time you could find Caine to open the door it'd be too late. And I'm the one with all the keys, remember?"
"Yeah? Well you're also the one who taught me how this place works. And I have a bobby pin."
Pomni reached into her pocket and pulled out a pin. She didn't actually have any pockets, of course, and even if she did, there wouldn't have been a bobby pin in any of them. But what did that matter?
"What?" Jax said. "What are you going to do with that?"
"I'm going to stick it in your lock, and I'm going to wiggle it," Pomni said, doing just that.
"Yeah? So what. That only works in-"
There was a click, and Jax's door swung open, casting a long beam of light into the dark room and onto Jax, sitting and leaning back against her dresser.
"-cartoons," Jax finished, her eyes widening to squared off cat pupils again.
Pomni spun the pin around her finger and squeezed it. It shot out of her hands, bounced off the door frame, and perfectly slid itself into her hair.
"We're people, Jax," Pomni said. "But you aren't entirely wrong about us being cartoons."
Jax looked like hell. Of course, there was no human signs of it. No bags under her eyes. No mussed hair. No bleariness in her gaze. But Pomni could still tell. The haggard way she slouched. The exhaustion on her face. If she'd ever been doing alright since coming back, she wasn't now.
"...Anyone ever tell you that you take the things people tell you way too seriously?" Jax said, looking away.
"You have no idea," Pomni said, walking in and sitting next to her. "Pretty silly for a jester, huh?"
"No kidding," Jax said. "Ha. Get it? Cause you don't joke enough. I crack me up."
"Heh," Pomni said.
Jax dropped her head onto her knees.
"At least the close the door again," she said. "It's too bright out there."
"Okay," Pomni said.
She stood up and closed the door. The room fell into darkness. Not complete darkness. But dark. Dark enough that she could barely see. Still, she made her way back to Jax and sat down again.
Jax didn't make any comment on that. Didn't demand she leave. Didn't yell at her for meddling.
The two of them just sat like that, together, in silence.
Pomni raised a hand and reached out for Jax.
"Don't," Jax said, without looking up.
Pomni lowered her hand.
The silence between them dragged on. For a long time. At some point, Pomni closed her eyes and leaned back against the dresser, listening to her and Jax's breathing. Funny. Jax was always going on about how they couldn't die of oxygen deprivation, but she still breathed.
Just as she started to think that maybe this silence could be comfortable, Jax's voice cut through it.
"Get out."
"What?" Pomni said.
"I said get out," Jax said, leaping to her feet, suddenly angry. "I'm not abstracting, okay?! You've seen it already! So get the hell out! Leave me alone!"
"Jax, I-"
"Get out!"
Jax flung the door open and Pomni squinted in the sudden light, covering her eyes. She stood and reached out, confused.
"Jax-"
Before she could do anything, Jax's hands were on her back, shoving her forward, and she stumbled out into the hallway.
The door slammed behind her.
...She really did never learn, huh? Why would she expect that just because Jax let her close for a moment, that it meant something?
Sighing, she sat down by the door again.
She could hardly leave now could she? Sure, Jax wasn't abstracting yet, but she was clearly not doing well. Pomni would never forgive herself if she left her alone.
Oh well. Who needed to sleep in a bed anyway?