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Enjin was thirteen again.
Small frame, skinny hands, weakened muscles, all due to years of malnutrition. By now it was getting better, but alas.
He was in the No-Man’s zone again, watching for Alto, eventually, finally, spotting the man. He kept his umbrella out now that it was raining, chasing after this hero who gifted him his name and new life, raindrops splatting against the fabric.
Blap. Blap.
His shoes (new and shiny from his jobs) crunched against the ground, trash shuffling as he kicked it out of the way to catch up to the man. He was sauntering oddly, which Enjin paid no mind, just wanting to greet him again, to give thanks.
Being some paces away, Enjin felt comfortable enough to shout out “Hey!” He risked a smile, so very grateful for this man. “Do you remember me?”
Alto snapped to look at him.
Blap Blap Blap.
That was not Alto.
Instead of the man he expected and remembered in this memory, he was met with his son. Yes, the two looked closely alike, but Enjin knew Rudo did not suit a beard and his cheeks were fuller. Still that of a child.
But instead of Rudo’s normal childish face, he was met with the haunted mug Alto had sported before he had run off. To the Sphere, Enjin assumed. Somehow.
Enjin paused, smile slipping off his face as the rain batted at the other boy? Man? At Rudo?
Blood marred his forehead, his nose leaking the red liquid, too; but that wasn’t what horrified Enjin the most. His hair was too dark, his eyes too; just like how his father looked. Driven mad by something he couldn’t figure out, words stuck in his throat in shock. Something deep inside of Enjin tried to claw its way out, screaming that this wasn’t how this memory was supposed to go, that he had to save his little brother as without Rudo his life would be so very different.
”What… what are you doing here…?” The supposed to be fifteen-year-old hissed out, staring unblinking and harshly at the pre-teen Enjin. The blonde swallows awkwardly, taking an awkward step back in fear.
Fear? Of Rudo?
That was his little brother.
Blap blap blap blap.
”You’re… Rudo…” Enjin tried shakily, watching as his little brother stared down at him. Rudo rattled out a harsh breath, coughing. But this wasn’t a polluted zone yet.
He shouldn’t be struggling.
”You… need to leave.” The other ground out with what seemed to be a monumental effort on his part, but despite his words, he in contradiction took a shaky step forwards. Enjin once more tried to soothe his scratchy throat by swallowing. “Before long, I’m going to break down and disappear.” Enjin heard Alto, not the preadolescent squeak that clung to Rudo’s vocal timbre. Enjin shook his head.
”No—brat, we need to get you to Alice or—“
Rudo coughed, a wet sound rattling from his esophagus. More blood splattered down his face as he hacked; Enjin could practically smell it, metallic tang mixing with the rain-soaked dirt.
Enjin made a panicked whine in his throat, wanting to step forwards, but something was thrown at him instead. He caught it without hesitation, expecting the watch, but was met with gloves instead. He panicked, looking back up to Rudo. This was not how this is supposed to go, something wild in him snapped once more, but he couldn’t act. He just froze and continued to be frozen. Rudo needed those gloves, that was his vital instrument, what was he doing?
Blapblapblapblap—
Rudo coughed once more, eyes rolling into the back of his head as he fell over into the trash-ridden ground. Enjin finally moved, panicking and rushing to his little brother’s side. His frame was returned to normal, no longer adult-like; Enjin too had aged up to his typical size.
He tried shaking the kid, but he got no response. His eyes weren’t closed, but instead lifeless and hollow, like that of a body.
But Rudo wasn’t dead. Rudo couldn’t be dead.
”Hey,” Enjin tried uselessly, shaking the kid’s head. “Hey!”
Rudo only moved to Enjin’s giant hand patting the side of his face, limply lolling as the older brother tried to get a response hopelessly. This hand that he had grown with was as big as the kid’s face. That always surprised Enjin: how small the kid was. How fragile he seemed, even if Enjin knew he wasn’t.
Fear climbed his way up his gut, making the organs feel like it was floating and numb as adrenaline rushed his body. This giant body that was meant to help.
Why couldn’t it do anything? He was no longer a helpless child: why couldn’t he do anything?
”Rudo, come on kid,” he whimpered accidentally, but didn’t cringe. His little brother wasn’t responding in front of him so he didn’t care about how he sounded. If Rudo or any of his kids for that matter wanted to make fun of him later, fine; as long as Rudo responded.
Rudo did eventually, but not in the way Enjin wanted.
More blood splattered out of his lips, eyes still moribundly blank. Enjin paused, retracting his hands and hovering over him.
Was he even helping?
How was this connection he had made to Rudo helping him?
BLAPBLAPBLAPBLAPBLAP—
Enjin didn’t notice that Umbreaker had disappeared.
~~~
Enjin woke with a gasp, sitting straight up out of bed.
Cold sweat dripped down his back, making his frame shiver as his mind reeled from the shock.
He took in gasps to breathe, chest working overtime to try and supply what he thought he was lacking.
The first thing he noticed is that it wasn’t raining.
A groan escaped his frame, dragging his tattooed hands to his face and covering his eyes. He was in his room. He was safe.
Rudo was safe.
The area he claimed as his own was dark, laundry basket full of wrinkled yet clean laundry lazily tossed to the side, his coat hanging on a hanger on the door. Umbreaker was where she should be, rested against his nightstand and bed. Enjin pulled his hands down, before swinging his legs over the side and making his way to the bathroom. By the state of his blanket, it was pretty clear he had been struggling to try and sleep without restlessness. He walked over to the sink, pushing the handles until he found the cold water, splashing it into his face, all done on autopilot. He still felt numb despite what should have been a shock to his system.
He dragged his eyes up to look at his frame after staring at the sink like it had to be watched, noticing he was shaking slightly. Enjin, at his big age of twenty eight. Shaking.
He groaned again, the sleepiness feeling he got each night faded, already gone by the smile action of standing up. He made his way back to his bed, sitting down on it, staring blankly at the wall.
What he really wanted to do was check in on Rudo, to see his chest moving without an agonized motion. To see his face peaceful, to see him just… being him, and not his father.
But Enjin wouldn’t, as that would likely wake up the boy. Enjin didn’t want to wake him if he didn’t have to. As if he even was sleeping; that in itself was a miracle that happened once a blue moon.
Instead, Enjin decided to walk around to wear off his energy.
He’d just pace in his room, but his neighbors might come after him if he did, so he made his way to the cafeteria. Maybe a bag of barbecue chips would be awaiting him, if he just forgets that he had eaten the last bag they had yesterday.
He didn’t really think on the way there, dragging himself like a zombie to the room.
He’s always had nightmares. Hell, being a Cleaner meant you had issues, a common side effect being nightmares. He’s seen people fight and die; he’s seen memories he’s wanted to forget, too. Like Alto.
Never before had he seen someone so close and recent to him die, though. His true connections only spawned after Enjin was gifted his name, and most of his trauma came from before it. His nightmares were always from the past, as that haunted him more than anything his time at the Cleaners threw at him.
He really wanted to see Rudo.
He felt as though he blinked, and he was opening a cabinet. He should have been disappointed at the lack of the chips he wanted, but still felt too numb. He shuffled his way over to a table, stool screeching in the silent room as he pulled it out to sit down and stare at the gray table-top. He was there for some time, finally checking the clock to see it was only one in the morning.
He really needed sleep, so he got up once more and started the trek to his room, still feeling numb.
Somehow, with his mind being absent, he was presented to Rudo’s door.
He blinked slowly, realizing where was at. Subconsciously he must have dragged himself here, as he just couldn’t seem take his mind off the kid. Enjin considered knocking, but once more, didn’t want to wake the kid. He didn’t input the shuffling noises coming from the door until a click noise was made at the handle as it swung open, only to reveal Rudo who blinked up in surprise at Enjin, his face falling back into that natural faux annoyance.
”What’re you doing up, shit-head?” Rudo snarled, and Enjin just couldn’t find the energy to retort something back. Or even slyly smile. His eyes just snapped to Rudo’s chest, taking in the slightly elevated breaths. Were they always that fast? It wouldn’t surprise him but—
“Enjin?”
Right. Conversation.
“Sorry. ‘M just… a little tired.” The man offered a gentle smile, not fully reaching his eyes or being his playful smirk. Rudo stared at him awkwardly, concern marring the emotion. Enjin grimaced internally. “Couldn’t sleep?” Enjin tried to lead the conversation, to lead Rudo away from the idea of him coming to his door. Rudo shook his head, and Enjin hummed.
They paused in silence that felt oppressive, Enjin not wanting to walk away but knowing he should, Rudo feeling like he should say something. Just as Enjin was about to take a step, Rudo once more spoke.
”I think the reason I don’t sleep so well is because I can’t hear someone breathing.” Rudo murmured quietly, head down like he was ashamed at the admission. Enjin paused, looking down at him, wanting the boy to continue. So Rudo did.
”Regto ‘n I had to sleep together. We didn’t have the room or money for another bed. If I got really pissed at ‘em or too sick to move I’d sleep on the futon, but I could still hear him.” Rudo continued, daring to look at Enjin’s eyes. Some light had returned, but his face was all seriousness. Enjin let out a small sigh; nothing of disappointment, more so exhaustion.
”You’re more than welcome in anyone’s room, Rudo. Mine included.” Enjin continued to look down at the boy he considered his little brother, before sighing. “I’m more than happy to share tonight.” Rudo looked up at him in shock. Enjin shrugged. “I get it. It’s comforting to have some else there. Hell, I’m up from a nightmare of my own that likely could’ve been prevented had someone been there.” A small smile once more returned to his lips, brighter and full of meaning. Rudo shifted awkwardly, but he too had brightened.
Enjin would not mention the nightmare being about the boy and his lineage. Not tonight, as the kid was still unsettled enough by being down here. He didn’t need to know that Enjin too wanted to know what happened to his biological father, where his body may lay. Rudo didn’t deserve that tonight.
”Whaddya say?” Enjin asked, still holding his gentle smile. Rudo nodded sleepily, and Enjin turned his heel and started to make his way back to his room, teen in tow.
Rudo climbed into his bed first, slipping under the blanket and facing the wall. Enjin would have jumped on it to startle him, but he had a feeling by now that because of how he and the kid were behaving, that likely wasn’t the best choice. He followed Rudo’s actions, twisting so their backs could be touching.
”G’night, Enjin.” Rudo mumbled sleepily. Another grin slipped onto Enjin’s lips, though Rudo couldn’t see this one.
”Goodnight kiddo.”
~~~
Enjin woke in the morning from a dreamless sleep, light filtering in. A soft in and out motion greeted his abdomen, and he peeked his eyes open to see Rudo snuggled at his chest. Enjin must’ve grabbed him while sleeping, as Enjin’s arms were holding Rudo in place. The kid didn’t seem to mind, still snoozing, gloved hands by his head. That earned a huff out of the sleepy Enjin, who moved one of his appendages to rub into Rudo’s white locks. The boy still didn’t wake, and even though Enjin knew today wasn’t a day they had off, he’d let the kid (and himself) sleep in.
It was a special enough; he and Rudo were going to be well-rested. And that, that was a rare occasion.
Enjin laid his head back down onto the pillow, letting out a sigh and relaxing his moving hand, keeping it on Rudo’s head. He closed his eyes once more, sleep coming easily as he counted the breaths of the chest in his stomach.
He no longer thought of rain or nightmares, just his little brother who was very much alive and safe with him.