Work Text:
Songs:
Arcade โ Duncan Laurenceย
Promise โ Laufey
Another Love โ Tom Odell
Remember Me โ UMI
Runaway โ AURORA
Gilded Lily โ Cults
Memory Reboot โ VรJ & Narvent
Line Without a Hook โ Ricky Montgomery
The Exit โ Conan Gray
Falling Behind โ Laufey
ย
โโโโโโโโ SAVE FILE 01 โโโโโโโ
"All I know, all I know,
loving you is a losing game."
-Arcade, Duncan Laurence
โโโโโโโโ LOADING... โโโโโโโ
The first thing Kenma forgot was something small.
So small that nobody noticed.
Not Kuroo.
Not Yaku.
Not even Kenma himself.
It was just a controller.
His favourite one.
The one he'd had for years.
The one with the tiny scratch on the side because Kuroo had dropped it when they were younger and insisted it was "battle damage."
Kenma stood in front of his desk, staring at it.
He knew he owned it.
He knew it was his.
But for some reason...
he couldn't remember why it mattered.
"Kenma?"
He turned.
Kuroo stood in the doorway, still wearing his school uniform, a confused expression on his face.
"You've been staring at that thing for like five minutes."
Kenma blinked.
"Have I?"
"Yeah."
"Oh."
Kuroo walked over and picked up the controller.
"You left this at my house yesterday."
Kenma stared at him.
"...I did?"
Kuroo laughed.
"Yeah. You came over, played games for three hours, complained about my Wi-Fi, and then forgot your controller."
Kenma looked away.
"That sounds like something I'd do."
"It is something you'd do."
Kuroo smiled.
But Kenma noticed something strange.
He didn't remember any of that.
Not the game.
Not going to Kuroo's house.
Not complaining about his Wi-Fi.
Nothing.
He forced a small smile.
"Guess I was tired."
Kuroo shrugged.
"Probably."
And that was it.
A normal explanation.
A normal answer.
A normal day.
So Kenma ignored the strange feeling sitting quietly in the back of his mind.
โโโโโโโโ SAVE FILE 01 โโโโโโโ
The second time it happened, he forgot something everyone else remembered.
"Kenma."
"Hm?"
Yaku looked at him.
"What are you doing?"
Kenma glanced down.
He was standing beside the court.
The rest of the team was already paired up.
The drill had started.
"..."
He didn't know.
"I forgot."
The words came out before he could stop them.
Yaku frowned.
"Forgot what?"
"The drill."
There was a pause.
Then Kuroo called from across the court.
"Receive practice."
Kenma looked over.
"Oh."
Right.
Of course.
He knew that.
Didn't he?
"Sorry."
Yaku watched him carefully.
Kenma apologising wasn't unusual.
Kenma forgetting something wasn't unusual either.
But the look on his face was.
It wasn't embarrassment.
It wasn't laziness.
It was confusion.
Like he had opened a game and found that his save file was missing progress.
โโโโโโโโ SAVE FILE 01 โโโโโโโ
Nobody worried at first.
Because Kenma was Kenma.
He got distracted.
He spent too long gaming.
He hated paying attention to things he found boring.
That was normal.
At least...
that's what everyone thought.
Until Kenma started writing things down.
โโโโโโโโ SAVE FILE 01 โโโโโโโ
He bought the notebook on a Friday.
It was plain.
Black cover.
Nothing special.
The kind of notebook nobody would look twice at.
The first page had a title.
Things I shouldn't forget.
Underneath, he wrote:
Charge my Switch.
Practice starts at 4.
Buy snacks after school.
Yaku gets annoyed when Lev calls him short.
Kenma stared at the last one.
A small smile appeared.
That was obvious.
Everyone knew that.
He closed the notebook.
Problem solved.
โโโโโโโโ SAVE FILE 01 โโโโโโโ
Except it wasn't.
Because the notebook kept growing.
Every day, there were more pages.
Some things were important.
Some weren't.
Kuroo hates overly sweet drinks.
Lev is terrible at lying.
Kai always notices when someone is upset.
Yaku pretends he isn't worried when he is.
Kenma stared at that last sentence.
He didn't remember writing it.
But it was true.
That was probably why he wrote it down.
โโโโโโโโ SAVE FILE 01 โโโโโโโ
Kuroo noticed the notebook first.
"You've been carrying that everywhere."
Kenma looked down.
"Oh."
The notebook was in his hands.
He hadn't even realised.
"It's nothing."
Kuroo tilted his head.
"Are you writing a diary?"
"No."
"Secret strategy notes?"
"No."
"Are you writing embarrassing things about me?"
"No."
"That's disappointing."
Kenma rolled his eyes.
"You'd be impossible to write about."
Kuroo grinned.
"There he is."
Kenma smiled.
But when Kuroo walked away...
he opened the notebook.
A new sentence had appeared.
One he didn't remember writing.
Kuroo makes you feel safe.
Kenma stared at it.
His fingers tightened around the page.
Why would he write that?
It was true.
He knew it was true.
But the fact that he had forgotten writing it scared him.
โโโโโโโโ SAVE FILE 01 โโโโโโโ
Yaku was the first person to notice.
Not because Kenma forgot things.
Because everyone forgot things.
It was because Kenma started checking.
Before answering questions.
Before speaking.
Before doing anything.
Like he was waiting for his own brain to load.
"Kenma."
"Hm?"
"Are you okay?"
Kenma looked up.
The question surprised him.
"I'm fine."
Yaku didn't believe him.
Not because Kenma was lying.
Because Kenma sounded like he was trying to convince himself.
"You know you can tell me if something's wrong."
Kenma looked down at his notebook.
Then back at Yaku.
"...I know."
And he did.
He trusted Yaku.
More than most people.
But he didn't know what to say.
How could he explain something he didn't understand?
โโโโโโโโ SAVE FILE 01 โโโโโโโ
The first time Lev noticed...
was the next week.
"Kenma-san!"
Lev ran into the gym.
Kenma looked up.
"Morning."
Lev smiled.
"Ready to lose again?"
"...Probably."
Lev laughed.
Then stopped.
Because Kenma was looking at him strangely.
"What's wrong?"
Kenma hesitated.
"..."
"What?"
"...Sorry."
Lev blinked.
"For what?"
Kenma looked down.
"I forgot your name."
The gym went quiet.
For once...
Lev didn't immediately make a joke.
Because Kenma wasn't teasing him.
He wasn't bored.
He wasn't pretending.
He looked scared.
Yaku, standing nearby, noticed immediately.
And that was the moment he knew.
Whatever was happening to Kenma...
wasn't just forgetfulness.
Something was wrong.
And nobody else knew yet.
โโโโโโโโ SAVE FILE 01 โโโโโโโ
Yaku didn't say anything.
Not immediately.
Because saying something would make it real.
And for some reason...
he wasn't ready for that.
Kenma was still standing there, staring at the floor.
Like he was waiting for someone to tell him this was a joke.
Like he wanted someone to laugh.
"Kenma."
"Hm?"
"Come here for a second."
Kenma tilted his head.
"Why?"
"Because I said so."
A small smile appeared on Kenma's face.
"That's not a good reason."
"It works on Lev."
"Lev isn't smart."
"Hey!"
Lev immediately turned around.
"You heard that?"
"No."
"You definitely heard that."
"I didn't."
"You did!"
For a second...
everything felt normal again.
But Yaku noticed.
Kenma laughed.
But it was delayed.
Like he had to remember how.
โโโโโโโโ SAVE FILE 01 โโโโโโโ
After practice, Yaku stayed behind.
He wasn't usually the type to pry.
Kenma hated being questioned.
Everyone knew that.
But everyone also knew something else.
Kenma was terrible at asking for help.
The gym slowly emptied.
Kuroo left with Kai.
Lev got distracted by a vending machine.
Fukunaga disappeared without anyone noticing.
Eventually...
only Yaku and Kenma remained.
"You forgot Lev's name."
Kenma looked up.
"Yeah."
"Has that happened before?"
A pause.
"..."
Kenma looked away.
That was enough of an answer.
Yaku sat down beside him.
"How long?"
Kenma was quiet.
"A few weeks."
Yaku frowned.
"A few weeks?"
"I thought it was nothing."
"Kenma."
"I thought I was just tired."
His voice was quiet.
Too quiet.
"I play games until late. I don't sleep enough. It made sense."
Yaku looked at him.
"And now?"
Kenma didn't answer.
Because now...
it didn't make sense.
โโโโโโโโ CHECKPOINT โโโโโโโ
The notebook was the thing that bothered Yaku the most.
Not because Kenma wrote things down.
That was actually smart.
It was because of what he wrote.
Yaku picked it up carefully.
"Can I?"
Kenma hesitated.
Then nodded.
The first pages were normal.
Schedules.
Reminders.
Small facts.
Things Kenma wanted to remember.
Then...
Yaku reached a page that made him stop.
Things I know about myself.
I like games.
I don't like crowds.
Volleyball is important to me.
Kuroo is my best friend.
Yaku's fingers tightened slightly around the notebook.
Kenma noticed.
"What?"
"Nothing."
But it wasn't nothing.
Because Yaku knew Kenma.
And Kenma would never write something like that unless he was afraid he wouldn't know it anymore.
โโโโโโโโ CHECKPOINT โโโโโโโ
The next day...
Yaku told Kai.
Not because he wanted to worry people.
Because he needed someone else who understood.
Kai listened quietly.
"So..."
"Yeah."
"He doesn't want Kuroo to know."
Yaku looked surprised.
"You figured that out?"
Kai smiled sadly.
"Kenma wouldn't want Kuroo worrying."
Silence.
Everyone knew Kuroo.
He was loud.
Protective.
Always trying to fix things.
If he found out...
he would blame himself.
Even if nobody told him to.
Especially if nobody told him to.
"What do we do?"
Kai asked.
Yaku looked down.
"Help."
That was the only answer.
"Until Kenma tells us otherwise."
โโโโโโโโ NEW PLAYER JOINED โโโโโโโ
Lev was the hardest one to tell.
Not because he wouldn't understand.
Because he would.
Maybe too much.
"Wait."
Lev stared at Yaku.
"You're saying Kenma is forgetting things?"
"Quiet."
"I'm being quiet."
"You are literally shouting."
"I'm whisper-shouting."
Yaku sighed.
Lev looked down.
For once...
he wasn't smiling.
"Does Kuroo know?"
"No."
"Why?"
Yaku didn't answer.
Lev looked toward the court.
Kuroo was there.
Laughing.
Talking to his teammates.
Being Kuroo.
And Kenma was sitting nearby, watching him.
Like he was trying to memorise something.
Lev understood.
"Oh."
Yaku looked at him.
"What?"
Lev swallowed.
"...He doesn't want Kuroo to worry."
Nobody said anything.
Because that was exactly it.
โโโโโโโโ AUTOSAVE... โโโโโโโ
After that...
the notebook changed.
It wasn't just Kenma writing anymore.
Everyone added things.
Small things.
Things that mattered.
Kai wrote:
You are a good friend. Don't forget that.
Yaku wrote:
You are more annoying than you realise. But the team needs you.
Kenma stared at that one.
"That's mean."
"It's true."
"You wrote it."
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because it's true."
Kenma looked down.
A tiny smile appeared.
Then Lev grabbed the notebook.
"I'll write something."
"No."
"Why?"
"Because you'll write something stupid."
"I won't!"
"You will."
Lev ignored him.
A few seconds later, he handed it back.
Kenma looked at the page.
Kenma-san is the best setter ever.
Underneath:
Even though he is lazy.
Kenma looked up.
"Seriously?"
Lev grinned.
"You're welcome."
For the first time in days...
Kenma laughed properly.
And Yaku noticed.
Because even if Kenma forgot things...
even if memories disappeared...
right now...
he was still Kenma.
โโโโโโโโ SAVE FAILED โโโโโโโ
That night...
Kenma opened the notebook.
He flipped through the pages.
So many memories.
So many things he was afraid of losing.
Then he reached a page near the back.
A sentence.
One he didn't remember writing.
Kuroo likes someone.
Kenma stared.
His chest felt strange.
He didn't know why.
He knew Kuroo was his best friend.
He knew Kuroo mattered.
But why did that sentence hurt?
He turned the page.
There was another sentence.
Don't forget that it's okay if Kuroo is happy without you.
Kenma froze.
Slowly...
he closed the notebook.
Because for the first time...
he wasn't scared of forgetting something.
He was scared of what he had already forgotten.
โโโโโโโโ CHECKPOINT โโโโโโโ
After that day...
the team changed.
Not in a way Kuroo noticed.
Not immediately.
They still laughed.
They still argued.
They still played volleyball.
Everything looked the same.
But small things were different.
Kai started walking closer to Kenma when they left school.
Yaku started asking if Kenma had eaten.
Lev stopped shouting his name from across the gym.
And Tora...
Tora stopped teasing him.
Which was probably the strangest thing of all.
Because everyone knew Tora.
Yamamoto Taketora was loud.
Proud.
Dramatic.
The type of person who could turn a normal conversation into a speech about passion.
Usually, he was the first person to annoy Kenma.
"Kenma!"
"What."
"You have to admit I'm getting better."
"You missed three serves in a row."
"That was tactical."
"It wasn't."
"It was."
"It wasn't."
Normally...
Kenma would sigh.
Normally...
he would tell Tora he was being annoying.
But lately...
Tora had started hesitating.
Because what if Kenma didn't remember him saying it tomorrow?
โโโโโโโโ SAVE FILE 01 โโโโโโโ
The first time Tora realised how serious it was...
was during practice.
"Kenma!"
Kenma looked up.
Tora was standing in front of him.
Holding a volleyball.
"Can you set for me?"
Kenma stared.
"..."
Tora's smile slowly faded.
"Kenma?"
"I'm sorry."
The words came too quickly.
Tora froze.
"What?"
"I..."
Kenma looked down.
"I know I should know."
Nobody spoke.
Yaku looked over.
Kai stopped what he was doing.
Even Lev went quiet.
Tora swallowed.
"Know what?"
Kenma's fingers tightened around the ball.
"...Your approach."
A pause.
"I know I've seen it before."
His voice became quieter.
"I just can't remember."
For once...
Tora didn't know what to say.
Because Kenma wasn't saying he didn't care.
He was saying he cared so much that forgetting hurt.
โโโโโโโโ SAVE FILE 01 โโโโโโโ
Later that day...
Tora asked Yaku.
"Is he scared?"
Yaku looked at him.
"What?"
"Kenma."
Tora looked down.
"He acts like he's not."
A small silence.
"But he is, right?"
Yaku didn't answer.
He didn't need to.
Tora clenched his hands.
"Then why isn't Kuroo helping?"
The question wasn't angry.
It was confused.
Because everyone knew Kuroo would help.
Kuroo always helped.
Yaku looked toward the court.
Where Kuroo was laughing with everyone else.
"Because Kenma doesn't want him to know."
Tora frowned.
"Why?"
Yaku sighed.
"Because it's Kuroo."
That was enough.
Tora understood.
Kuroo would panic.
Kuroo would search for answers.
Kuroo would blame himself.
And Kenma...
Kenma would hate that.
โโโโโโโโ PLAYER JOINED โโโโโโโ
The worst part was pretending.
Everyone got good at it.
Too good.
When Kuroo asked:
"Why is everyone acting weird?"
Kai smiled.
"We aren't."
"You are."
"No, we're not."
"You definitely are."
Lev immediately panicked.
"We're justโ"
Yaku stepped on his foot.
"Ow!"
Kuroo stared.
"...What is happening?"
"Nothing."
"That was suspicious."
"It wasn't."
"It was."
Nobody looked at Kenma.
Because they all knew.
Kenma was the only person who could lie to Kuroo and somehow make it believable.
โโโโโโโโ SAVE FAILED โโโโโโโ
Kuroo noticed one thing though.
Kenma was quieter.
Not normal quiet.
Kenma was always quiet.
This was different.
Like he was listening for something.
Like he was trying to hold onto something.
One evening after practice...
Kuroo caught up to him.
"Kenma."
"Hm?"
"You okay?"
Kenma stopped walking.
The question was familiar.
Too familiar.
"I'm fine."
Kuroo frowned.
"You always say that."
"Because it's true."
"Is it?"
Kenma looked at him.
For a second...
Kuroo thought he saw something.
Fear.
Then it disappeared.
"I'm just tired."
Kuroo wanted to believe him.
So he did.
Because that was easier.
โโโโโโโโ NEW SAVE CREATED โโโโโโโ
That night...
Kenma opened the notebook.
There were more pages now.
More handwriting.
More memories.
More proof that people cared.
He stopped at one page.
It was written by Tora.
The handwriting was messy.
Almost impossible to read.
But Kenma managed.
Kenma:
You're annoying.
Kenma blinked.
Then continued.
But you're our annoying setter.
So don't forget that.
Kenma stared.
A small smile appeared.
"Tora..."
He whispered the name.
He knew it.
He knew who Tora was.
He knew his voice.
His personality.
His ridiculous confidence.
For now.
And maybe that was enough.
โโโโโโโโ SAVE COMPLETE โโโโโโโ
The next morning...
Kuroo walked into the gym.
Everyone was already there.
Kenma was sitting with his notebook.
Yaku beside him.
Lev and Tora arguing.
Kai laughing.
For a moment...
Kuroo smiled.
Because nothing looked wrong.
Nothing looked different.
Except...
when Kenma looked up at him.
There was a second.
Just one.
Where Kuroo felt like Kenma was looking at him like a stranger.
Then Kenma smiled.
"Kuroo."
And everything was normal again.
But Yaku saw it.
And so did everyone else.
The moment Kenma hesitated.
The moment he had to remember.
And that was when they realised...
they didn't have much time left before even the easiest memories became difficult to reach.
โโโโโโโโ FINAL SAVE โโโโโโโ
The days continued.
Practice.
School.
Games.
Homework.
Laughter.
On the surface, nothing had changed.
But the notebook grew heavier.
One page.
Then another.
Then another.
Kai wrote reminders.
Yaku wrote things Kenma always forgot to tell himself.
Lev filled entire pages with terrible drawings that somehow still made Kenma laugh.
Tora's messages were loud, encouraging, and full of crossed-out words where he'd changed his mind halfway through writing.
No one mentioned why they were writing.
No one had to.
The notebook had become something they all quietly protected.
The only person who never touched it...
was Kuroo.
Kenma had asked them not to let him.
No one broke that promise.
โโโโโโโโ SAVE FILE 01 โโโโโโโ
Kuroo smiled more often these days.
His phone buzzed.
He'd glance down.
That same soft smile would appear.
Lev noticed every time.
Tora noticed too.
Even Yaku caught it occasionally.
No one said anything.
Kenma noticed.
He always did.
And every time...
he found himself hoping whoever was on the other side of those messages made Kuroo happy.
He couldn't explain why that thought made his chest ache.
Only that...
it did.
โโโโโโโโ SAVE FILE 01 โโโโโโโ
One evening, after everyone had left, Yaku sat beside Kenma in the empty gym.
"You okay?"
Kenma looked at the court.
"...I don't know."
That answer was new.
"I keep reading my notebook."
Yaku waited.
"And sometimes..."
Kenma smiled faintly.
"It feels like someone else wrote it."
Silence.
"I trust him."
"...Who?"
"The version of me that remembers."
Yaku looked away before Kenma could notice the tears gathering in his eyes.
"I think..."
Kenma continued quietly,
"...he was trying really hard."
"He was."
Yaku's voice barely came out.
"He really was."
โโโโโโโโ SAVE COMPLETE โโโโโโโ
Life kept moving.
Volleyball matches came and went.
The seasons changed.
The notebook filled.
Some pages became familiar.
Others felt like stories about someone Kenma wished he knew.
Still...
every morning...
he read them.
Because even if he couldn't remember every moment...
he believed the person who had lived them.
And for now...
that was enough.
โโโโโโโโ LOAD SAVE โโโโโโโ
That night, before going to bed, Kenma turned to the final unwritten page.
He rested his hand on it for a long time.
Then, almost absentmindedly, he flipped one page further.
There was already something written there.
His handwriting.
Neat.
Careful.
As though whoever had written it wanted to make absolutely sure it would be read.
You love Kuroo.
Kenma stared.
He read the sentence once.
Then again.
And again.
Nothing.
No memories.
No warmth.
No ache.
Just words on a page.
He looked toward the bedroom window, where the city lights shimmered beyond the glass.
Somewhere, his phone buzzed with a message.
He didn't check it.
Instead, he reached for the pen resting beside the notebook.
Slowly...
carefully...
he wrote beneath the sentence.
I wish I remembered why.
He watched the ink dry.
Then, with a quiet breath...
he closed the notebook.
โโโ ๏ฝฅ ๏ฝก๏พโ: *.โฝ .* :โ๏พ. โโโ ๐ช โโ โฆ A / N โฆ โโ ๐ช โโโ ๏ฝฅ ๏ฝก๏พโ: *.โฝ .* :โ๏พ. โโโ
tbh, imo, this was the worst one-shot out of the series. its kinda too similar to shirabu's ig? except instead of how shirabu still remembered some stuff, kenma forgot everything. it was supposed to be like a game that didnt save, and everytime he slept he forgot one.ย
but the art that i made for this imo is like the best one out of the series, so go look!:ย ย https://www.instagram.com/p/DbNNQiHiYl-/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
if the link doesnt work and u cant copy and paste, jst go to my work acc (@yoruhana83) and look for the art!
the song Arcade rlyyyy matches kenma honestly cos like games and that stuff.
anyway, this is the last fic of this series! but im working on new things so dw~
- โพ*ฬฉฬฉอหฬฉฬฅฬฉฬฅโง ๐จ๐ธ๐ป๐พ โงหฬฉฬฅฬฉฬฅ*ฬฉฬฉอโพ