Chapter Text
Did you already feel like you were drowning when you looked at the sky? Like the sky itself wanted you to look at nothing but itself in a way that was desperate, pitiful, and more importantly, nostalgic. For my part, yes, but not only because it is a canvas of a pale and fade blue, but because it reminds me of the constant blue between him and me. I don't remember much of what happened the few days we had the chance to spend together; the only thing I remember correctly (unfortunately) was his blue and white long dress. A white pure as clouds and a blue similar to the sky.
The perfect couple of colors to match his blond hair, which was longer than when I used to see it and touch it every day, days before we fell apart in different words.
And now I'm here, trying to run after someone who probably doesn't know I'm still alive. He's been the cause of my suffering but also of my endless motivation. I would love to know him in secure, even if it means far away from me like now, yet a part of me wishes to find him again to stay with him forever. So yeah, I look at the sky until I drown in it and think about everything, him, and how I should feel about it.
Who can believe me, believe a man who's blinded by remorse, amnesiac by despair?
Who would know Tanjiro and Zenitsu would break up that easily? Even after everything they shared, their relationship was at the top of the healthiest, always there when the other needed it, always caring deeply, and loving every single thing about the other. Tanjiro was the kind of lover to cherish the other a bit too much, maybe until a form of worship that the blond one was certainly not complaining with, after all, he liked being praised—the type of person who feels everything at the same time wanted to show it to his boyfriend. It was his love language to thank his partner by showing him his gratitude.
But Zenitsu was also the little storm of the couple, always overthinking and not saying what he thought deep inside; maybe that's one of the reasons they didn't stay together forever like they used to say every time they could to anyone who dared to ask about their bond.
Whereas Tanjiro stayed by pure logic in the Demon Slayer Corps, mainly to cure his sister even if she conquered the sun, Zenitsu disappeared a few weeks after the end of their relation. Tanjiro wanted to go back in time to solve the problem of their relation but it was impossible and when he gained the motivation and had almost reached enough courage to talk to Zenitsu about what happened between them, he was already far away from the Demon Slayer Corps.
Deserting the Demon Slayer Corps is not really perceived in a good way. But it didn't seem to keep the blond; instead, the only thing he left from his time there was his uniform in the butterfly estate, and surprisingly, he didn't tell anybody, not a single word about it. On a random night, he was gone. Nobody saw him at this moment.
Saying that the uniform was the only thing he left is a lie. Behind him, he left people, a lot of unspoken questions, and, to finish, a former lover who wanted to speak to him, maybe to build something again.
Now, Tanjiro can't focus between two missions, between training and dinner, only thinking about the same thing: Zenitsu's departure. Why did he just disappear like that? Without telling anyone. Everyone seems to quietly turn their page with Zenitsu, and perhaps that's what Tanjiro should do, but it was impossible for him; the quiet departure of his ex-lover was way too bizarre, like it was preparing, and most importantly, that's not at all what the blond would have done. Tanjiro simply can't get over this, and this begins to rot his brain completely.
He tries to show the best of him, for his sister and for his friends, but it's hard, and some nights when he's not on missions, he lets every hidden feeling come out until he's crying all night, but he doesn't forget to be in this state only when he's alone; he can't show that to Nezuko or anyone else. He absolutely wanted to keep his image that every slayer is used to seeing.
It wasn't until a mission, only a short time after his seventeenth birthday, that some pieces of the puzzle finally began to fall into place in Tanjiro's mind.
It was supposed to be a simple solo mission, like he used to have because of the painfully small number of demon slayers left. What he hadn't expected, however, was to meet someone whose existence would forever change the way he saw the world...and, above all, the way he viewed Zenitsu's departure and Zenitsu himself.
That person was a young man, only a few years older than Tanjiro, with ash-gray hair tied meticulously in a bun. His name was Kageo.
After Tanjiro had been injured during his battle (against a quite enraged demon during all the night, to say the least)—mainly on his left arm and left knee,
Kageo had taken him to his humble house on the outskirts of Tokyo to treat his painful wounds. Even after Tanjiro thanked him countless times and insisted he was ready to leave, the older one refused to let him go.
"You need to rest," he said, "at least until tomorrow."
With how exhausted Tanjiro was, he had no choice but to agree.
It wasn't until he woke up a few hours later, when the sun was at its highest point, that he noticed the tense expression on his host's face. After a long wait and repeatedly asking if something was wrong, Tanjiro managed to get Kageo to speak.
"Zenitsu."
He had heard the name while Tanjiro was asleep.
The poor demon slayer had been suffering from restless nights for quite some time, and the pain from his injuries had only made his sleep more troubled, enough for him to start talking in his dreams. And right after Kageo pronounced this name, Tanjiro's mind went crazy, thinking about Zenitsu and only him.
Kageo's next words pulled Tanjiro completely back to reality.
"I hope we're not talking about the same person."
For the first time in months, Tanjiro felt a kind of hope, the one when you know there is a high chance it doesn't go where you want but also the kind of hope that fills you with a feeling of inexplicable happiness. Perhaps Kageo knew something—perhaps he knew where Zenitsu was. So, without hesitation, he gave Zenitsu's full name: Zenitsu Agatsuma.
To Tanjiro's surprise…the surname meant absolutely nothing to the grey-haired man.
The brief tension gradually faded, replaced by a comfortable atmosphere. As the hours passed, the two found themselves laughing together more than once.
When Tanjiro finally returned home, he wrote Kageo a letter to let him know he had arrived safely and to thank him once again.
This act of sending a letter naturally led the two to a friendship by correspondence.