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Atsushi sighed, and glanced around his empty apartment. It was close to Christmas, and it seemed like everyone had something to do for the holiday. The weretiger knew it was to be expected, but that couldn’t help the lonely feeling he felt. Glancing out the window of his apartment, Atsushi watched as snow fell silently, and the faint glow of Christmas lights shown in the distance. Frowning, the teen gazed at the cup of tea in his hands, letting his eyes follow the drifting steam from the hot liquid. Taking a careful sip from the beverage, Atsushi suddenly spit it out in shock as his door slammed open, and the sound of his suicidal fellow investigator’s voice echoed around the silent room.
“Atsushi-kun!” the brunet sang out, watching as the weretiger coughed up the tea in his throat, and shakily putting the mug on the small coffee table. Walking further in the room, Dazai glanced around, and noticed there was not a single Christmas decoration in the boy’s home. Kneeling down, the older investigator rubbed comforting circles against the coughing teen’s trembling back. “Sorry for scaring you.”
“D-Dazai-san,” Atsushi coughed out, feeling his chest finally able to breathe normally as he took in some much-needed breaths. Dazai chuckled softly, and stood back up. Atsushi really didn’t have anything festive anywhere. Wow. Seeing the brunet glancing around with a slight frown, Atsushi cocked his head to one side, and glanced around as well. “Is there something you need?”
Glancing back at the weretiger, Dazai took in the lonely waves the teen was letting off. No one should be lonely on Christmas. Smiling softly, Dazai reached out, and patted the silver hair of the teen, as he thought about the past. During this time of year, he would’ve dragged Odasaku around with him to any and a lot of Christmas shops that he wanted to check out, even if it was a bother to the older Port Mafia member. Atsushi studied Dazai’s expression, and noticed a small twinkle of sadness in his brown eyes. What was he thinking about? Swallowing, the teen gently nudged into Dazai’s warm hand, which brought the other back from wherever he was.
“It doesn’t seem like you’re busy…wanna look around with me?” Dazai asked, still holding out his hand. Atsushi blinked, but slowly took the waiting hand in his own. Helping him up, the brunet walked towards the open door, while the teen slipped on his thermal jacket, and a beanie. Once outside, Atsushi locked his apartment door, and slowly followed Dazai down the stairs, and away from the complex.
“Where are we going to look?” Atsushi asked, pressing his hands more firmly in his jacket pockets. Dazai hummed slightly, and looked up towards the clear sky. Was he alright? “Dazai-san?”
“Hmm…Oh. It’s a little antique store that sells really pretty and creative Christmas stuff…I used to go there a long time ago…” Dazai responded, feeling the weretiger almost snuggling into him for warmth. Lacing their arms together, the brunet snickered at the sound of shock Atsushi let out, before continuing their walking. As Dazai got closer and closer to the small building, Atsushi noticed that he seemed to get a little more distracted than usual. Tightening the grip on their arms, the teen stuffed his face in Dazai’s shoulder, ignoring the way his face lit up in embarrassment. “Wha…?”
Glancing down at the younger investigator, Dazai let out a small sigh, and brought him closer. He could tell the weretiger was trying to comfort him, and knowing it made a small soft smile rise on his face. Feeling Dazai pull him closer, Atsushi clenched his eyes shut, and held the brunet’s trench coat tighter. Rubbing his back softly, Dazai slowly began to walk again, and the teen let go enough so that the other did not have any problems moving. Staying quiet, and just taking everything in, Atsushi shyly glanced up at Dazai, and observed the way the Christmas lights made his brown eyes shine, and the way the slightly cold breeze made his brown curls bounce. Feeling eyes on him, Dazai looked at the weretiger at the corner of his eyes, and secretly watched as the teen looked him up and down, taking in every one of his features.
“Oh! We’re here!” Dazai suddenly exclaimed, startling Atsushi out of his gaze. Feeling a blush rise on his cheeks, the weretiger turned his face away from the brown eyes and glanced at the building. It was small, but lights shone brightly from inside the window, and the teen took in the cute little Christmas display the window had. Letting go of the brunet, Atsushi walked up to the window, and gazed over the cute little dolls and things. Dazai grinned when he noticed the amazed expression on the teen’s face, before walking towards the shop’s door, and opening it. Hearing the jingle of a bell, Atsushi took his eyes off the display, and locked them on Dazai. “Come on. There’s more cool stuff inside.”
Nodding, Atsushi slid inside the shop, and sighed comfortably when a blast of warm air hit him. Glancing around, the teen took in the warm scent of…sugar cookies? Smiling softly, Atsushi turned around towards Dazai, and watched as the brunet glanced around with something akin to sorrow, yet contentment. Frowning, Atsushi gently reached forward, and took the other’s hand in his. Getting out of his daydream, Dazai took in the teen’s worried expression and gave him a sad smile. Opening his mouth to say something, Atsushi was interrupted when soft footsteps began to make their way over to them. Turning around, the teen came face to face with a sweet looking old woman who was smiling at them kindly. Atsushi smiled back, but when Dazai’s breath hitched softly, the weretiger brought his attention back to the brunet. He was not prepared to see Dazai looking at the old woman like he’d seen a ghost.
“Hello gentlemen…oh…” the old woman greeted, but trailed off as she looked over Dazai. The brunet swallowed a nervous lump in his throat, and tried to give her a smile, but it was shaky. Atsushi glanced at the two, looking confused, but slowly moved out of the way when the kind woman slowly made her way towards Dazai. Reaching her hand out, the brunet froze up as she placed the palm of her hand over his left eye. Atsushi tensed, but held his breath. Dazai swallowed again, and stared into the observing blue eyes with his own brown. Taking her hand back, she smiled softly at Dazai. “It’s good to see you back darling. It’s been what…four years? I thought you’d never come back. There was something left for you dear. Come to the front desk while I go fetch it!”
Dazai nodded softly, and the shocked pair watched as the old woman walked towards the back of the small store. Dazai glanced at Atsushi, and the teen noticed a little uneasiness in his expression. Taking his hand again, and blushing, the weretiger gave the brunet a small smile, and nodded towards the back. Dazai took a breath in, but nodded, slowly pulling the teen with him towards the direction of the old woman. Once they got to the back, the old woman carefully lifted a gift bag out of the desk’s drawers, and gently placed it on the desk in front of the two investigators. Dazai stared at it, while Atsushi looked at the note attached to the ropes of the bag. Reaching out, the brunet carefully undid the note, and opened it. Seeing the familiar hand writing made Dazai gasp softly.
“Oda…” Dazai whispered, and Atsushi furrowed his brow. Who? Glancing at the old woman again, the teen frowned when she looked a little sadden. Who was Oda? And what is in the gift bag? Biting his lip, the weretiger stuffed his hands inside his jacket, and watched anxiously. Licking his lips nervously, Dazai’s hands trembled. “O-oh…”
Dazai,
I know you secretly wanted this. Please take good care of this snow globe. Also, don’t give up living just yet. It may not be here now, but you will find something or someone you want to protect. Not including me or Ango. Someone will shine to you soon enough. But anyway, Merry Christmas Dazai. Enjoy the snow globe, and don’t break it…or else.
-Odasaku
Clutching the note to his chest, Dazai trembled softly and closed his eyes. Placing the note gently in his pocket, the brunet opened his eyes again, and carefully opened the gift bag. Inside was the same snow globe that Odasaku and him encountered the night they came to this store. Taking it out, Dazai held it gingerly in his hands, and smiled. It looked exactly the same of when he first came across it. Atsushi watched as Dazai shakily turned the gear, and perked up as a soft melody of Silent Night gently filtered through the room. Dazai bit his lip, and closed his eyes as memories began to reappear.
4 Years Ago
Oda sighed as he was dragged to yet another Christmas shop by his suicidal best friend, who was glancing around at all the glittering Christmas decorations with his sparkling brown eyes. It’s not like he hated going out with Dazai to look at holiday things, but when the snow came and Christmas drew closer, the young brunet would always drag him around to like, ten different shops, just to look. Rubbing the back of his head, Oda watched as Dazai picked up a snow globe, and turned the gear on the bottom. He observed the way the teen gazed at the object as the fake glitter snow swirled around the ceramic snowman in the middle. Dazai really looked like he loved the snow globe.
“-Saku…Oda…Odasaku?!” Oda blinked out of his thoughts, and noticed Dazai was now in front of him, showing him the melody playing Christmas decoration. Shaking his head, Oda studied his friend’s expression, and smiled softly. Dazai looked just like a little kid. “Isn’t it pretty? And I like the song that plays! It’s Silent Night, right?”
“Hmm…Yeah, it is,” Oda confirmed, as he listened to the soft melody. Hearing it begin to get quiet as the wind-up gear reached its end, the red head noticed the brunet’s eyes getting sad and hollow. Frowning, Oda reached up, and gently moved a piece of brown locks away from Dazai’s bandaged covered left eye. Twitching slightly, the brunet glanced up at the other, and put a fake smile on his face. “What are you thinking Dazai? You looked happy about it a minute ago.”
Seeing a shocked expression rise on the brunet’s face for a second before it disappeared, Oda raised his brows slightly. Dazai never used to hide his thoughts, and feelings from him before, so why was he doing so now? Letting out a sigh, the red head glanced around, and noticed a huge fluffy Santa hat. It was dark red, and the puff ball on the end of it was huge. Biting the inside of his cheek, Oda walked over to it, while Dazai was still gazing at the now silent snow globe. Picking the hat up, Oda hid it behind his back, and slowly made his way back to the distracted brunet. Smirking, the red head took the hat from behind him, and forced it onto Dazai’s head.
“O-Oda? W-what?!” Dazai gasped out, almost dropping the glass object as he fumbled around. Grabbing the globe, Oda placed it back on the display table, before pushing the hat further down the brunet’s head. Dazai wiggled around, but soon twitched as the fur of the damned Santa hat brushed against his ears. Squirming, Dazai’s hands latched onto the red head’s wrists as chocked giggles rose from his throat. “O-Oda! Nohohohohoho!”
“You definitely need some cheering up,” Oda growled out, smirking as he saw the way Dazai’s face was lighting up with a red flush. More giggles rose from the teen’s lips as the red head ruffled the hat more on his head. Seeing the end of the hat bouncing behind the teen’s head, Oda snickered silently, and grabbed it. Dazai felt the hat being pulled, before something furry touched his neck, and if Oda wasn’t holding onto him, the brunet was sure he would’ve hit the ceiling. Hearing the squeal rise from the teen, Oda smirked deviously, and gently scratched at the back of Dazai’s neck. “Come on! Laugh, it’s good for you. Don’t you know that?”
Shaking his head, and scrunching his shoulders up, Dazai yelped at the adding sensations of his friend’s nails, before finally breaking down. Hearing the snort, Oda’s smirk changed into a fond smile as the teen’s bright laughter flooded the air around them. Dazai squirmed, begged, and squeaked as the red head had no mercy on his ears and neck. Wrapping his arms around the wiggling teen, Oda pinched the other’s hip lightly, adding onto the neck and ear tickles. Dazai’s laughter finally rose to a new velocity before someone coughed lightly, interrupting it. Turning around slightly, Oda noticed an old woman watching them with a soft smile on her face.
“I think he may need to breathe my dear,” she pointed out, and Oda glanced at how Dazai’s face was flushed a dark red that matched the Santa hat, tears made their way down his cheeks, and his laughter had finally gone silent against his huge forced smile. Glancing back at the old woman, Oda nodded, and released the brunet from his binds, who slumped down to the floor, panting. “There we go. So, is there anything I could help with for you gentlemen?”
“Y-yeah…p-punish this man for physical assault,” Dazai panted out, slowly getting back to his feet. Oda rolled his steel grey eyes, and gave the old woman a small smile. Glancing back at Dazai, the red head snickered slightly as he took in the sight of the Santa hat on his friend. Pouting, the brunet took it off, and placed it back on the shelf. “But no…we were just glancing around…unless Oda wants to buy me something?”
Letting out a sigh, Oda shook his head, and when Dazai went to protest, the red head glared lightly at him. Keeping their eyes on each other, Dazai puffed out his cheeks in protest, while Oda huffed. Watching the red head raise his hands, and wiggle his fingers some more, Dazai yelped, paling slightly, before fleeing out of the store. Once he heard the bell of the door ring, Oda sighed, and turned his attention back to the old woman, who was now smiling fondly at him
“I’m guessing you two are pretty close?” she asked, and Oda nodded. Glancing at the snow globe again, the red head gently picked it up. Dazai really did seem to like it…and he knows that the brunet doesn’t get presents due to the kind of life he has. Feeling a hand on his own, Oda twitched in shock, before turning his attention back to the now frowning shop keeper. There was a knowing look in her blue eyes. “Tough life? I don’t think I’ve ever seen that many bandages on someone like that.”
“You could say that…” Oda sighed, giving the snow globe a small shake. Nodding softly, the old woman gently tugged Oda towards the checkout desk, and brought out small gift bag. Oda watched as she set it up, before she held out her hands. Blinking, the red head placed the item in her hands, and watched as she placed it in the bag. “Oh! Um, I could pay for that!”
Shaking her head, the old woman just gave the flustered red head a pen and a piece of paper. Holding it, Oda bit his lip. What should he write? Feeling his internal struggle, the shop keeper patted his hand softly, which made the other’s thoughts stop. Letting out a breath, Oda gave her a smile, and began to write.
“Are you sure? I can really pay for it,” Oda pressed on, handing her the note. Seeing her shake her head again, the red head huffed, but accepted it. He watched as she tied the note to the strings softly, and grinned when she nodded, satisfied with how it looked. Meeting her kind blue eyes again, Oda pushed the fit towards her. “Can you keep it here? If I leave with it now, I won’t hear the end of it from him.”
Laughing softly, the old woman nodded, and watched as Oda made his way towards the exit where the silly brunet was waiting. Pausing, the red head gave her a small wave, before the bell rang again, signaling his leaving. That was the last time the old woman heard of the pair.
Present Time
“-Zai…Daz…Dazai-san?” Shaking his head, Dazai focused back to Atsushi staring at him with concerned eyes. Blinking, the brunet glanced around, and glanced at the snow globe. Oh…right. He was with Atsushi. Letting out a soft sigh, Dazai smiled softly at the worried weretiger, before placing the Christmas decoration back in the bag. Locking eyes with the old woman, he noticed she was smiling sadly at him. “Dazai-san…Who’s Oda?”
“Oda…was a really important friend,” Dazai mumbled out, swallowing back a sad sigh. Even though it had been four years, it was still hard to speak of the deceased red head. Feeling a hand cupping his left cheek, Dazai focused back on the shop keeper, and cupped his hand over her’s softly. She smiled at him, and rubbed her thumb under his left eye. The brunet let out a shaky breath, but leaned into her touch. Atsushi watched this, and realized he’s never seen Dazai this vulnerable and open before. “Thank you so much for keeping this for so long…It really means a lot.”
“No need to thank me dear,” she replied, taking her hand away. Dazai nodded softly, before taking the bag gingerly, and glancing at Atsushi. The teen looked confused still, but he kept quiet, and just gave Dazai a small smile. Returning it, the brunet glanced around, taking everything in one last time, before turning back towards the old woman. “Stay safe out there…And take good care of this young one here…like he did with you, my boy.”
Atsushi flushed slightly when the old woman brushed his bangs back, giving him a warm smile. Dazai nodded, and gently grasped the teen’s hand in his. She smiled at them, and watched as the young teen smiled at the brunet. Closing her eyes, she thought back to when she first encountered the two. The red head was so caring…and now the brunet had someone to look after. Hearing the bell ring, the old woman opened her eyes, and stared up at the ceiling. He would be proud…she just knows it.
“There’s one last place I want to bring you to,” Dazai muttered out, watching as their breaths were made into mist in the frigid air. Atsushi nodded softly, letting the brunet lead him towards an area near the ocean. Once they came to some cement stairs, the pair walked up them, and Dazai led the weretiger to a grave. There were also five unmarked graves before it, but seeing the brunet’s expression, the teen couldn’t bare to ask. However, when they stopped walking, Atsushi took in the gravestone Dazai was looking at. At the bottom of the grave were flowers, and a photo of three men. The teen recognized Dazai right away, but the other two weren’t familiar in anyway. “This is Odasaku’s grave…he’s the one in the middle of the picture.”
“Really?” Atsushi asked silently, looking at the man in the middle of the photo. Dazai nodded somberly, before kneeling down slightly. Atsushi swallowed, but did the same. Oda must’ve meant a lot to Dazai if he was being this quiet. Glancing at the brunet, the weretiger watched as the other mumbled something, like he was thinking, before nodding, and standing back up again. Atsushi fumbled slightly, but eventually stood up with the brunet. Turning towards his mentor, the teen froze slightly when he noticed Dazai holding the snow globe bag towards him. Atsushi glanced at the bag, before looking in the brunet’s serious chocolate browns. “D-Dazai-san?”
“Here., Take it,” Dazai responded, still holding out the bag. Atsushi blanked as he stared at the quiet brunet. If that item was so important, why was he giving it to someone like him? Swallowing a lump in his throat, Atsushi quickly shook his head, and held out his hands, shaking them. Dazai frowned, but lowered the bag with a sigh. “What are you thinking Atsushi-kun?”
“I can’t take that Dazai-san!” the teen stuttered out, still shaking his hands. Letting them lower, the weretiger placed them back in his jacket pocket, and looked towards their shoes. Dazai blinked, and cocked his head to the side, obviously confused. Swallowing, Atsushi glanced back up at the brunet, and took a deep breath. “That is special…you shouldn’t give it away like that…especially to someone like me.”
Feeling a growl build in his throat, Dazai gently placed the Christmas decoration down by Oda’s grave, before he slowly stalked his way over to Atsushi. Seeing this, the weretiger tensed, and quickly studied the ground again. When Dazai got close enough, he raised his hand, and the teen slammed his eyes shut, ready to be hit. But when no pain came, he opened his eyes, and felt Dazai’s fingers lightly massaging his scalp as his fingers played with his hair. Atsushi blinked, but relaxed a little, making the brunet smile. He knew that the weretiger would fight this, but he wanted him to have it. Moving his hand, Dazai gently cupped the boy’s face, and swept his thumb across his cheek. Atsushi flushed, but slowly allowed his eyes to meet the brunet’s warm ones.
“Atsushi-kun. I really want you to have the snow globe. Yes, it was given to me by someone special. Yes, it means a lot to me. But that’s why I want you to have it. You also mean a lot to me…and Oda would want me to give it to someone special,” Dazai explained, bringing the shocked teen closer to him. When Atsushi realized, he was in a hug, the teen buried his face in his mentor’s shoulder as he tried to soak in all his comfort. Everything about this moment meant a lot to him. Closing his eyes, Atsushi allowed Dazai’s cologne and overall scent relax his nerves. “Now do you understand? Or do you need more convincing?”
“Nohohohoho…” Atsushi giggled, feeling Dazai wiggle his fingers stealthily down his sides. Squirming lightly, Atsushi pulled away from the other’s warm embrace, and looked at him with sparkling sectoral heterochromia eyes. Dazai smiled softly at him, and the more he stared at them, the more he realized how much the weretiger’s eyes looked like a sunset. Grinning, the brunet gently squeezed the giggling teen’s waist, and listened as more gaspy laughter and squeals came out of the other’s smiling mouth. “A-alrighihihhihihit! I’ll tahahahahahake it! Just plehehehehease! S-stop!”
Satisfied, Dazai released his tickly touches, much to Atsushi’s relief, and just held the panting weretiger to his chest. The teen let out a little huff, but relaxed into the other’s hold. The brunet was surprisingly warm, even though all he was wearing was his light trench coat. Scratching the back of the weretiger’s head, Dazai glanced up towards the sky, and observed the twinkling stars. Smiling sadly, Dazai just tightened his hold on the younger investigator, and laid his cheek against his soft hair. Atsushi hummed quietly, and wrapped his arms around the brunet’s waist.
“You know…Oda would want me to give it to you,” Dazai whispered, releasing the teen so that he could stare into his eyes. Atsushi blushed, but held the brunet’s gaze. It didn’t look like he was kidding…but would that man really want Dazai to do this? Knowing not to fight his decision anymore, Atsushi just nodded with uncertainty. Dazai nodded, and finally let go of the weretiger. Atsushi watched as the brunet slowly strolled over to the grave once again, and picked up the bag. Turning around, Dazai walked back towards the teen, and handed him the gift bag again, keeping a small sincere smile on his face. Swallowing, Atsushi glanced at the bag once again, and slowly reached out, carefully taking it from Dazai’s hand, and pressing it to his chest. Dazai nodded, and wrapped his arms around the boy’s shoulders. “Now how about we go back to your place, you have tea right? Let’s warm up!”
Nodding slightly, Atsushi let the brunet guide him away from Odasaku’s grave, but glanced back once they were at the stairs. Blinking, Atsushi could’ve sworn he saw someone standing there smoking a minute ago…maybe it was his imagination, but the man watched them leave looking relieved. Glancing back towards Dazai, the brunet didn’t seem to notice, so the teen just dropped it, and listened to his mentor as he talked about the many ways to die a harmless suicide, much to the weretiger’s dismay. Once they made it back to the apartment complex, Atsushi moved the bag to one arm, while he searched for his key. Finding it, the weretiger unlocked the door, and let Dazai in. Slipping off his shoes, the teen watched as the brunet strolled towards the kitchen to make tea, while he himself sat near the coffee table. Taking the snow globe out of the bag carefully, Atsushi place it on the table, and looked it over.
“It really is pretty,” he murmured, lifting it back up, and gently turning the gear. Once he met resistance, Atsushi let the gear go, and place the globe back on the table. Watching the fake glitter snow swirl around the glass, the weretiger closed his eyes as the soft melody of Silent Night played around the room. Hearing a small sound, the teen opened his eyes, and glanced towards his left to see Dazai sitting down. Maneuvering himself, the weretiger pressed his back against the table, moving the snow globe next to him, and motioned Dazai over to him. Not saying a word, the brunet wrapped his arms around the teen’s waist, and laid his head against the flat tummy. Taking a sip of the tea Dazai gave him, Atsushi gently wove his fingers through Dazai’s soft curly locks, while Silent Night continued out. Dazai relaxed against the comfort and closed his eyes. “Thanks for the gift Dazai-san…and whenever you want, you can come over and listen to it.”
Hearing this, Dazai opened his eyes slightly, and refused to meet the soft gaze of the teen. If he did, Atsushi would see the tears that were beginning to cloud his brown eyes. Nodding slightly, Dazai wormed closer to the weretiger’s body heat, and nuzzled his face more into the cute tummy. Smiling at the cute display, Atsushi relaxed against the table, allowing the heat of the tea to wash over his slightly cold body. Glancing at the snow globe, Atsushi watched as the glitter snow still swirled around in gentle rhythms that matched the melody of the music. When it started to slow down, Atsushi put down his tea, and gently wound the gear back up, keeping the music going. Dazai smiled when he heard this, and let out a comforting sigh. Feeling the man relax even more, Atsushi glanced down, and watched as his back began to lift and fall in gentle ways. Moving his eyes towards the brunet’s face, the teen noticed little tear tracks going down his cheeks, but there was also a small genuine smile on his face. Blowing out a small sigh, Atsushi smiled softly down at the now sleeping investigator, and continued to massage his fingers through the other’s curls. He knew they couldn’t stay in this position forever, but for now, that’s all the teen ever wanted.