Work Text:
When you’re the ship’s only doctor, any health related problems come your way. For Doctor, this means opportunities to make content for their streams. A routine check-up with Engineer becomes a stream where their chat gambles channel points on what the short-tempered crewmate will say. Captain coming in with a stomachache from whatever Cook made that morning is an opportunity to plug in their sponsorships.
The only downside is the fact they can’t share certain parts of the job, even if this would make numbers. Curse Mira HQ HIPAA policies!
After breakfast today, Cook pulled them to the side before Doctor could go back into Medbay and start the long awaited “AMA: Being a Doctor Employed By Mira!”
“Hey, Doctor do you, um, have a second?” Cook asked, glancing around nervously.
“Uh, no-”
“GREAT! I could really use some help and advice, so let’s go!” Cook quickly interrupted. They grabbed Doctor’s hand and quickly dragged them into Medbay.
This shouldn’t take too long, right?
Wrong.
So here they were, sitting on their gamer chair and tapping away at their phone as Cook nervously fidgeted with their apron.
“Uh, Polus to Cook? Are you going to say something any time soon?” Doctor asked irritably. “Some of us actually have work to do.” And chat members to greet, they think to themself.
“Sorry, sorry!” Cook apologized. A deep breath, and-
“I need your advice on how to confess to someone!” They blurted out.
“Wh-”
“LIKE, in a lovey-dovey way!”
“Wait, who-”
“And! I don’t know if they feel the same way, but I don’t want to accidentally ruin our friendship and-”
“COOK!” Doctor shouted. “Geez, LOL? Calm down, and take a deep breath.” They gesture for Cook to copy them, and they both take a few deep breaths together. “Okay, you’re good 2 go?” A nod. “Slow down and try again, lmao?”
Cook fidgets with their hands this time, but slows down as they speak. “Well… Recently, I um, I’m pretty sure I’ve started feeling something for someone on our ship.”
Doctor looks up from their phone, intrigued. “And who is it?”
“Well, it’s Guard-” A groan interrupts Cook. “W-what?” Cook asks, confused.
“You wanted to ask me about advice with Guard? Wow. Like. Wow.” Doctor goes back to typing on their phone. “Just confess, duh. GG EZ, Cook. You’ll both be smooching visors in no time.”
“W-w-what!?” Cook sputters, flushing. “T-that’s too forward! I don’t even know if Guard likes me like that!”
Doctor could only look at Cook incredulously. Guard? Not like Cook in a romantic way? Oh, you have got to be kidding!
“And besides,” Cook continued on, not noticing Doc’s look, “they haven’t been coming by the cafeteria for any meal unless I’m busy or away from Cafeteria! I think they’ve been avoiding me, actually… Maybe they know and they’re trying to let me know that they don’t feel the same…” They deflated at that, visibly trying not to tear up. Doctor could only sigh.
“Look, Cook, I’m just going to be real. Guard’s just shitty at understanding their feelings, and I doubt they’re smart enough to realize how you feel unless you corner them in their rancid security office.” They lean back in their chair, sighing. “And even then, I think you actually have a shot with Guard. Like, TBH, I’d be surprised if they didn’t feel the same considering how differently they treat you compared to the rest of the crew.”
“I dunno… Are you sure?” Cook asked quietly, still unsure.
Doctor could only sigh as they went back to typing on their phone an announcement of a delay for their fans. They needed to wrap this up fast.
“I’m like, super sure, Cook. As the crew’s doctor, that, may I remind you, sees everyone almost daily, I can reassure you that your grouchy crush does share those feelings with you. You can either go and profess your love like my chat does to me, or become a lurker for the rest of your life, never saying anything to them.”
Cook thought to themself, face flushed at Doctor’s words. “Maybe you are right-”
“GREAT! Good talk, Cook!” They quickly jumped off their seat, pushing Cook back towards the Cafeteria doors of Medbay. “Don’t forget to like and rate my advice on your forms after my stream is done.”
“W-wait, don’t-!”
“Pssshaw, don’t worry, your little crush secret is safe with me, since this technically counts as a therapy session? In Mira’s codebook or whatever, so I can’t use this in my content.”
A relieved sigh came out of Cook. “Thanks, friend! You really helped me out! Good luck on your stream!”
Doctor smirks. “Luck? I think you need it more, friend,” they teased. “Anywaaaays, see ya at lunch or whenever I’m done today, GTG!” They locked the doors before Cook could respond. Phew! That was that!
Even with the delayed start, they should be good to go back to their plans! They head back to their streaming setup, ready to sit on their comfortable gaming chair and-
“Doctor.”
“AUGH!” Doctor shrieked, nearly dropping their phone. They catch it just in time, and look to see-
“UGH! W-T-F, Guard? What’s the big deal?” Doctor glares at the crewmate, clearly unhappy with the unannounced visit. Guard, on the other hand, paid them no mind. They leaned against the room’s entrance with an unreadable expression, deep in thought.
Time to delay the stream AGAIN, Doctor thinks to themself. “Hello??? I don’t have time for you to come up with vague metaphors, just spit it out already, geez!”
That seemingly snaps Guard out of whatever they were thinking. They look around, to make sure no imposter is in the vicinity to sneak up on them, or listen in, if Doctor had to assume. Finally, they walked up to Doctor, and grabbed their shoulders, shaking them as they say:
“I NEED YOUR ADVICE.”
“WH-”
“This whirlwind of emotions is clouding my judgement, like a foggy morning on the way to Mira HQ. Despite your poor doctor-patient confidentiality policy when it comes to our physical health, I know Mira’s iron grip will keep that leaky faucet of yours shut tighter than a bank that received a threat for an incoming robbery.” Guard rambles on, ignoring Doctor’s groan. “Anyways, lucky for you, this problem has a name that you should have expertise with dealing with. And her name is love. This cruel affliction has not only clouded my visor from justice, but has distracted me from my own duties to keep the ship safe.”
“OKAY- I GET-”
“And if I want to make sure no imposter makes it past my watchful visor, I need to be as focused as a catmate waiting for the mouse to pop out of its hiding spot,” Guard finally finishes, shaking their fist to emphasize their point. “So uh,” they stammered, “Can I count on you for help?”
Doctor rolled their visor. “Yeah sure, whatever! Why not!” They replied, slowly removing Guard’s other hand off them before they can be shaken again. “The Love Doctor is in, or whatever, just tell me who you’re crushing on so I can get to some real work.” Even though they’re pretty sure they know who said crush is, it’d be better to just ask. “And straight to the point! No metaphors!”
Guard deflated, clearly thrown off from being restricted from not being able to use metaphors. They struggle to put it into words, but they finally answer Doctor with just one name.
“Cook.”
Doctor could only put their hand in their hands exasperatedly. They could not keep delaying their stream for this. They put their hands on Guard’s shoulders, and sighed.
“Guard. I’m only going to say this once, and only once, and you will get out of my Medbay area, and you do NOT get to say a single thing, do you understand?” Guard nods, so Doctor continues. “Just go to Cook and tell them how you feel. You literally have nothing to worry about or lose, so go to them and profess your love or whatever. And for goodness sake, do NOT use some sort of long-winded metaphor to get your feelings across!”
“But-”
“AH-AH-AH!” Doctor cuts them off, slowly pushing them towards the Medbay-Cafeteria door, “I literally said you don’t get to say a single thing!” The two crewmates reach the door, Guard clearly flustered at the idea of just confessing to Cook. “I already know what you’re going to say, and yes, I am like, a billion percent sure that Cook is going to feel the same.”
“...” Guard stays silent, contemplating Doctor’s words. Instead of going on a long dialogue full of figurative language, they opt for a simple, “Thanks.”
Doctor simply shrugs nonchalantly. “Yeah, yeah, you’re welcome,” they smugly responded, “Make sure you lock my door when you leave. I GTG, and I will crash out if I have to delay my stream one more time.”
Guard simply responds with a salute, heading out towards the cafeteria, presumably to confess their undying love to Cook in an exaggerated manner.
Once Doctor checks that all doors towards Medbay are locked, they make their way to their stream setup. They stretch their back, finally ready to stream. They sit down, and with a quick push of the button, they go live and send out an announcement.
“Sorry to keep you waiting! I was in hot demand today and had to do my duties as the doctor, but we’re here live for the ‘Ask Me Anything!’ stream!” They spin around in their seat as they spoke, excited to stream to their adoring fans.
A small part of them wonders how the two lovebirds are doing, and wishing they could share the gossip live, but alas! The life of a professional can be tiresome. So instead, they focus on the one thing they were dying to do before they were interrupted.
“Let’s see… The first question… ‘Do you have a crush?’ Wow! Okay! Mods, ban this chatter.”