Work Text:
There was a problem.
Problems were supposed to be easy.
The mind of Osamu Dazai was undeniably an intelligent one, whose mental capabilities far surpassed the average individual. Even though for all his years in high school with atrocious grades, that was due to negligence, not a lack of competency.
He could crack codes, recognize patterns, solve any conundrum put before him.
Or at least, that’s what he liked to say.
He had a list of shortcomings so long that he would never dare voice them.
But those were a different category of “problem”.
This was something he couldn't, or wouldn't, find the solution to.
His classmate Chuuya Nakahara. They’d been together since they were first years, through smoking in bathroom stalls, through nights talking about nothing until dawn, through Osamu’s attempts and Chuuya’s sharp temper. Countless reasons either or both should've left.
But they didn't.
As graduation came around the corner, the deadline messed with Osamu in ways he hated.
Chuuya was given a dozen scholarships for his athletic capabilities over the last few years. No doubt, he’d be going places with his abilities.
Meanwhile, his GPA was suffering and his social life was lacking, and it was certainly getting him nowhere good, and he knew it. Oda had graduated last year and told him to do well. As if he knew what that meant.
All he knew was that Chuuya was good. Chuuya was always there.
If only Chuuya were a girl.
Or maybe if only Osamu were a girl.
The thought brought a wave of shame to him for a moment, but then he suppressed it. He didn't think of Chuuya like that. He wasn't gay, and he wasn't a girl.
And yet, the thought lingered with him throughout the week. A problem he couldn't fix with mere wit.
Chuuya was a boy.
Osamu was a boy.
That wasn't right. That wasn't how it was supposed to be. That wasn't how Osamu was supposed to feel.
And one evening, that longing slipped through.
They were playing DVDs on Chuuya’s chunky television. The movie was dumb, but it was mostly just to fill the boredom anyway. Osamu spent the first hour just watching Chuuya.
Soft jaw, long lashes, freckled cheeks, full lips… pretty. Osamu thought Chuuya was pretty.
“…I wish you were a girl.”
“Used to be.”
A beat of stillness. Processing.
“…what?”
“I was assigned female at birth,” he explains flippantly. Then… he laughed. “What? I was clever. C'mon, I thought you deduced that ages ago. Aren't you supposed to be a prodigy?”
“Chuuya… is a girl?”
“No.”
Once again, they both fell silent. Only the film playing in the background, now a nuisance, was to be heard in the room.
“And I don't want to be a girl, okay?” he snapped.
“Oh. Okay.” He hesitated. “You can do that?”
“Yeah. You can.”
“Oh.”
Osamu knew when he had hit a nerve, and not the usual rage-baiting kind. The kind that made him swallow the words on his tongue and realize he had screwed up. Really, truly screwed up.
“I’m not a girl anymore, never felt like one. Got that?” Chuuya muttered.
Osamu, recovering from the revelation, finally found the capacity to articulate. “I just said I wished you were one. Doesn’t mean I stopped thinking of you as you are.”
“Okay. Good.” He nodded stiffly. “Don’t tell anyone.”
“Yay~ blackmail~!”
“You!”
An assault of tickling sent Osamu giggling in his partner's arms. Maybe it could be fine like this. Maybe he loved it.
He loved Chuuya Nakahara.
———
Extra:
“Man, I wish god made me taller.”
“Well, he must’ve put those inches elsewhere.”
“No. No he did not.” *laughs in trans*