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"I don't think it's real," Armin said quietly. He was on the edge of the bed with his back to Jean as he slipped on his discarded shirt. "I read it in a book somewhere that in times of crisis, in the face of mortal danger, people gain this sort of impulse. It is a need to be able to pass on their genes. Because that's what humans want most, to be able to survive. We obviously wouldn't be able to procreate, but it's the same sort of thing really. You just want the intimacy, just a little hope of life. So don't say something like that to me again. Don't tell me you love me."
Jean swallowed and sunk a bit more heavily into his lumpy pillow. He hadn't meant to say anything to offend. It was just something that had come out as he neared his climax. It's not like he didn't mean it. From the corner of his eye he saw Armin struggling to do all the buttons of his white shirt. His shoulders looked tense and his arms were moving back up to redo the buttons he had fumbled over.
"Your hands are shaking."
"Yeah, thanks. I know that," Armin snapped.
"Sorry."
The smaller boy slumped heavily and whined. He had his head in his hands and not only were they shaking but so were his shoulders. Somehow - Jean did not quite understand the reaction but he definitely knew that somehow - this was his fault. He moved across the coarse, rumpled sheet on the mattress and placed a hand on the back that was before him. The boy's breathing hitched and he pushed back into the light touch so Jean pressed more firmly just as a reminder that he was there. He shuffled closer and slid his arms around to encircle Armin's frame.
"Are you crying?"
"No. Are you?"
Jean hooked his chin over Armin's shoulder just to be as close as he could be for the time being. "No," he said, "But I sort of want to. I wasn't lying or anything."
"You might not even know if you are though."
"I'm not lying. Do you not feel the same way about me?"
"No."
"No?"
"No, I- You mean a lot to me," Armin said softly. His body was still so warm through the thin shirt. That was the warmth he was so used to feeling by now. This was the warmth he refused to lose. Armin meant something to Jean and knowing that he also meant something to Armin made him want to cling to this warmth even tighter. He needed to stay here and forget about the outside world. For now they could be a world on their own and they could take their time for every touch, every whisper of breath, every drop of sweat.
It was Armin who broke the silence. "We'll be going on our first expedition in a couple of days. What do you think it will be like?"
"Really scary and dangerous so we shouldn't bother thinking about it right now," Jean replied as he started undoing Armin's shirt buttons again.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm deciding that I want to be a little bit selfish. We have more time and I want to touch you more. I want to memorise every inch of your skin and I want you to do the same for me." Jean didn't say that he was scared of being forgotten, nor did he mention that the thought of one day forgetting Armin frightened him just as much. He only accepted the kiss bestowed upon him and concentrated on the moments that belonged to them.