Work Text:
You don't wanna be here. You shouldn't have agreed to come here. Why did you let your friends convince you? Because of course everything went against your luck. He is still here or maybe he moved out but is just visiting?? Doesn't matter, it was still a horrendous idea to come here. Whatever you told yourself or thought didn't matter anymore. You felt the truth. Saw it with your own eyes when you saw him in that crowd.
You can only pray he didn't see. You hoped he didn't. And if he did... then hopefully he didn't recognize you. You've changed so much after all. Everything about you changed a lot since your teenage years. Maybe if you were actually over it you could've visited your family here. You know for a fact that they still live here despite how limited your contact is. Your moms always tried their best even if you were a difficult child. Even if you just straight left one day after another. You just wanted to get as far away from here as possible. Everything that could've reminded you of your feelings. And just so happened that you weren't getting along with your parents at the moment... it gave you everything you needed in your head to justify leaving. They didn't know where you got the money from or where you went. You just told them that you were moving out, that's it. You never said goodbye to him either, or your sister for that matter.
You weren't the closest with you family but you just... couldn't understand why they would care so much about you when you couldn't feel the same. You tried. But it didn't matter, you'd always get wrapped up in your own head. So the realization that apart from all that you also had feels for your best friend hurt more than anything. You didn't want have feelings for him! He surely had none for you, you were just best friends and neighbors that's all. You realized how clingy you were. You realized how often you were thinking or talking about him. And every time you hung out any kind of misstep or awkwardness that you caused by saying the wrong thing, or doing the wrong thing like being too close to him or hugging him too often... it hurt so much. You could tell he was uncomfortable. Of course, he was! His best friend was being a weirdo to him. You obviously apologized and instantly backed off but it felt like your heart was getting wrapped into a knot every time it happened. It was just further confirmation that he didn't feel the same. Yet you kept doing it in hopes that maybe he'll reciprocates at some point...
You were so hyperaware of everything whenever you were near him, any small difference. You hated it. You started pulling back naturally. How else were you meant to get over him? It was for the best. He was probably having more fun that way rather than having to deal with you being weird. You barely saw him at all that week despite his attempts to hang out with you. Maybe your moms told him that you were having a tough time and he just felt pity for you? Maybe he just wanted to be polite and hope you could hang out like before but you obviously couldn't. Some part of you hoped that maybe he'll start hating you for acting like that. It would've made it easier to move on. Even if you'd loose an amazing friendship, you weren't sure if it was worth the heartache it caused. You suppose the answer is no. You just left. No note or anything. Didn't speak a word to him ever again since you were eighteen.
Now here you are, back in this place because your friends convinced you. Maybe you wanted to prove to yourself that you've gotten better and that you don't have any feelings attached to this town anymore but of course you still did. You grew up here. With him. He never fully left your mind, did he? Despite all the years. You didn't even know what he looked like until you saw him tonight and everything just hit you like a bucket of cold water. Why? You don't even know him anymore at this point. He sure as hell doesn't know you anymore. You changed. You're not that depressed desperate teenager you were back then. You've gotten better. You had your friends and life so why? Your friends even started joking about how you were 'loveless' since you never took instressed in anyone. You didn't mind that. It was correct after all and you were content with that. But apparently it was only because you still weren't over your teenage crush! What the hell even.
You hated this, you hate everything about this place. Everything that reminded you of him and yet you still choose to sit here on the beach next to the water. One of his favourite places. What is wrong with you? Why do you love this guy so much? Why can't you make proper decision whenever you're here? It's why you left. You should just go back to the hotel room and just spend the rest of your stay there. You are proud of yourself for one thing though. You at least aren't crying. If this was teenager you right now you'd probably would've been sobbing. You've made some minimal progress you thought to yourself bitterly. You sigh before getting up taking a look at the water one last time. Funny how you used to love this place too once upon a time.
"___ !" You hear someone yell your name. You don't recognize that voice... your breath hitches as you look behind hoping it's one of friends and you just misheard... It's not. It's him. Cove holden. He's right here in person. This is the last person you wanted to see. You turn away, walking the opposite direction from him. You don't want to know what he has to say or think. You don't want anything remotely related towards him. "___ ! Stop!" You don't stop. You can hear his footsteps getting closer to you so you speed up. "Please! I just want to talk to you!" You hear him shout. When did he get the confidence to be like this? The Cove you knew back then wouldn't have probably approached you or at least would've given up, right? Or are you misremembering things now?
You break into a full on sprint as fast as you can while hearing him do the same behind you. You used to chase each other like this at this beach when you were younger. You just want to get away from him now. You don't want him finding out the truth. You don't want to acknowledge any of this! Unfortunately for you, he is faster than you. Grabbing your hand, tugging you towards him. The anxiety in your stomach increases. "___ , please... just a moment. At least five minutes... let me talk to you. Then.... then I'll leave you alone for good. I promise..." You hesitate still refusing to face him. But you reluctantly turn your head around to look at him anyway. Maybe this will be the push you've never gotten all those years ago? Truth to be told, you were terrified of rejection. You still are... but you're adult now. You know better, don't you? "Fine..." You manage to get out looking him in the eyes. God... how did he get even more handsome? Whoever gets to be with him will be lucky... maybe they already are? Honestly it wouldn't shock you if he has gotten someone at this point. You'd be dumbfounded if no one has gotten him for themselves yet. It's not just looks obviously. All it took was one glance at him to know it's still the same old Cove despite his new confidence.
"Why did you leave?..." He asks. You snicker unable to hold it back. Figures that's the first thing he asks. You pull your hand from his and instead cross your arms trying to secure yourself at least a little. "Why? Because i wanted to get away. From everything." You look to the side still unable to look him in the eyes for longer than a few seconds. "Even from me?" You take a deep breath and swallow before answering. "Yes." You say as confidently as you can muster. For a moment he doesn't answer you before stepping closer. "Why? What did i do?..." Your lips curl up and you try to force yourself to let it out but you just... can't. You look up at the sky letting your hands go down to hands instead of having them crossed. "I..." You shake your head before looking back down at him. Well, he's actually a lot taller than you so you still look up. You just sigh, frustrated with yourself before looking to side again. "Please... tell me. I need to know." Need? He needs to know that? He probably thinks he did something horrible but all he did was be an amazing friend. You were problem. This whole mess is your problem that you wish you didn't drag him into.
"You didn't do anything. This... this whole place, my whole life was the problem. I couldn't do it anymore. I needed to get away from everything and everyone. Anything that reminded of this place." You retaliate. You can see out of the corners of your eyes that he looks at you stunned. "Even your family?... Your best friend since childhood?" Yeah, he doesn't need to remind you how ungrateful you are. You are aware and still you don't regret it. For some reason. Why are you like this? "Yeah. Yeah, everything and everyone just like i said." You finally manage to look at him longer than just a few seconds. You need to see and hear this next part clearly to be able to memorize it. You can see multiple emotions running through his face as he processes your answer. The next part is not what you expected though.
"I'm sorry." Now it was your turn to stare him dumbfounded. Why is he apologizing to you? He hasn't done anything! You just told him that! "You didn't do anything." He looks frustrated for a moment before looking at with determination you've never seen him express before. Not this intensely at least. "Yes! That's the problem! I should've noticed, i should've done something! I shouldn't have just given up on my best friend when he needed me." You feel at a loss for words... of course he'd say something like this. Of course... this is Cove James fucking Holden after all. "Cove, I'm the one who shut you and everyone in my life out. Especially you. You couldn't have done anything. You did the right thing by giving up on me..." You want to say something more but you don't. If he has given up on you than why is he here? Closure? Or are both just lying in each others faces.
"I didn't. I mean, i thought i did. Give up on you that is... especially when you left without a word." You hear his breath hitch and you can't stand to look him in the eyes anymore so you avert your gaze from his. "And when i saw you tonight... I just wanted to hug you tightly and never let go." You let out a disbelieving short laugh. He can't be serious, right? Why does he still care so much?... "Cove. You don't even know me anymore. I might be the worst person alive right now for all you know." You respond looking at him again. You finally notice the tears swelling up in his eyes. "But you're not! You know i could always tell whenever you were lying to me... whether it was big or small. I could always tell but i kept my mouth shut. Figured if you didn't talk to me than you would probably talk to one of your moms about it or maybe even Elizabeth. So it was fine, i may have been your best friend but i didn't want to cross your boundaries... especially that week when you left. I wanted to just... yell at you to talk me, to let you know that i... you could tell me anything." He sniffles, tears rolling down his face now. "But i didn't. I thought i just needed to patient and eventually things would go back to normal... Even if hurt seeing you take care of yourself less and less each day." You were a mess. The way you looked was your last concern... You never want to be like that again.
"Then you disappeared... and i-i felt like my whole world got flipped upside down, you know that? My best friend just left... without a word or a goodbye. Nothing. Your moms told me you just moved out and they didn't know any better than i did. Do you have any idea how i felt?... Like a failure. I should've given you something to stay... anything. Friendship, support... but it wasn't enough." This absolute moron... he really is trying to blame himself when he didn't do anything wrong. You don't know whether to angry or sad... "You were a teenager. There isn't anything you can take blame for... it was my fault. I couldn't deal with the way my life was going... and i couldn't... i couldn't deal with my feelings either... it was too much."
"You should've talked to me..." You shake your head. "I couldn't..." He steps even closer to you and puts his hands on your arms. "Why?... Please... talk to me now." Your breath hitches, you're unable to hold your tears back. "I didn't... y-you would've..." You're unable to finish. God, you really thought you were better than that yet you feel like you're a teenager all over again. "I would've what?... ___ please... look at me." He gently lifts your chin to meet his gaze with one his hands. You're both sobbing messes. "We've spend so much time apart... and i still care. There is nothing you can say that would make me change my mind about you." You simple breath for a few seconds while looking at him. He never lied to you, did he? You always trusted him no matter what. You're... going to trust his words now too. "I... i ran away because i felt awful. I felt like a burden to everyone in my life... especially you. You didn't deserve a friend like me... you were so kind and i just couldn't stop myself... no matter how much my moms tried i just couldn't give them the gratitude they deserved for raising me. Elizabeth tried so many times too... despite being you know... and she couldn't get through to me either. I didn't want to see anyone upset because of me anymore... So i ran. I ran as far away as could from everyone hoping you'd have a better life without me in it..."
You bury your face in your hands. You were so stupid! Yet you still can't think of anything better that you could've done... Hell you're still same as you were before. Your first instinct when you saw Cove was to run away after all... "I felt so overwhelmed by everything... and i didn't know how to deal with my feelings too... i still don't know how to do it!"
"___ ," He wraps his arms around you to pull you into a hug. You let him while your face is still buried in your hands. "You could've told me... i promise." You breath hitches, before you push Cove gently away from you. You need to look him in face when you say this. "N-no, Cove... i couldn't. You were always too kind to me... so patient and c-caring... I cared about you so much. I couldn't handle it when i realized... and ran hoping to get over it. Yet here i am... still crying about it..."
"_ - __ " He stutters your name trying to interrupt you but you continue. "Cove... I was in love with you... I-I loved you so much it hurt... i couldn't handle it... i couldn't think straight around you... I thought... I saw you get uncomfortable whenever i sat too close to you or said something embarrassing... I hated every moment of that! I didn't want you to feel like that around me... You deserved better than what I've done! And I'm so sorry for all those years you spend thinking you did something wrong! I'm just awful at this and i wish things went differently... " You try to breath pausing for a moment. "But here i am, years later and I'm still not over you..." You close your eyes finally letting it all out. Your eyes are burning from how much you are crying. He truly couldn't have picked a worse best friend-
Suddenly you feel his arms wrapping around again even in a tighter hug than before. It pretty much knocks the air out of your lungs. "___ ... We're both idiots then..." You feel very confused. "What are t-talking about?..." You get out in between your sobs. He slightly pulls back to look you in eyes. "I love you. I've always loved you! You never made me uncomfortable, i was just a coward too scared of my feelings..." You felt absolutely speechless... This has to be a dream, r-right? "I still love you... Even if we haven't spoken in years. I just can't help myself... when i saw you tonight i needed to talk you... It felt like this was my last chance ever to do so, and i wasn't going to waste it." He leans in closer to you, putting his forehead against yours. "Now I'm never letting you go. There isn't anyone else in this world that could separate me from you." You start sobbing harder again, you can't even get a word out. Cove holden... your cove, your childhood best friend... The one you shut out more times that you can count... loves you? Always loved you... even back then when you were...
You wrap your arms Cove and sob into his shoulder. He rubs your back while holding you. "It's okay... it's okay... we're here now." You try to calm down enough to be able to speak. "I-it's not though... after everything I've done how am i supposed?..." You don't manage to finish because of your hick. "Then we'll make it okay... i promise. We'll fix everything, together, okay? Just talk to me from now on... that's all i ask." You don't know what you did to deserve to have someone like... to have someone like him love you... but you're not going to waste your second chance. "O-okay... i believe you... I'll do my best." You pull back to look at him. You want to him to know you're being sincere. "That's all i ask for." He says with a gentle smile. His hands move to your eyes and wipe your tears away... you can feel yourself leaning into the touch... yeah, this is all you ever truly wanted. You love him so much, you can't get enough. His voice, his touch... you never want to be apart from him again.
You notice his gaze and follow it. He's looking down at your!- You can feel your entire face heat up. "Can i?..." He asks. "Mhm..." You hummed while nodding. He leans in closer until he closes the gap between you two. He kisses you softly like you're the most delicate thing in the world. You feel... really happy. You put your hands on his shirt. You don't want this to end. You never want to live in a world were you can't kiss him again. So the moment you two break apart, you pull him right back in. "Mhpm!-" You startled him a little but he doesn't seem to mind, he just moves one of his hands down to your waist to pull you in even closer. He tilts his slightly while asking you for permission with his tongue. Yeah, the cove you used to know definitely wouldn't be this bold, but you don't mind. You wouldn't have it any other way right now.
You make out with each other until your both out of breath and have to pull away. Both of you are panting, you can feel a little bit saliva out of the corners of lips going down your chin. You move your hand to wipe it away. Both of you were really desperate. You just look at each other for a few moments. You aren't crying any longer and neither is he. But you'll probably have a killer headache later. "So... does this make me your boyfriend?" He asks. Yep, Cove is still very much Cove. You chuckle. "What do you think? I love you, only you." Cove seems like he is holding back tears again. "Oh my god..." He murmured like it was reflex. "This might be the best day of my life." You chuckle again. You missed this so much. "Let's make it last then."
Cove looks at you again before smiling. "Yeah, i don't want waste a single moment with you ever again."
"I love you, ___ . You're the most important person to me, now and always."