Chapter Text
May 24, 2315. Location: Skeld, hallway near Navigation. Time: 18:45 (6:45 PM)
The halls never seemed so quiet before. Red walked alone. Not because anybody had instructed them to. But because they could not bear hearing any other voice. The flicker of the emergency lights cast the hall in dull red light and distorted their reflections until they barely resembled themselves. Their boots reverberated throughout the hallway.
Brown was gone.
It was a thought that haunted them, again and again, unwilling to dissipate.
Brown was gone.
Their hands shook and they stared at them. It was those hands that had made the accusations. It was those hands that had signed the report. It was those hands that had been unable to save the people who had placed their faith in them. They clenched them into fists.
"…Captain."
It seemed like the wrong word somehow.
They came to a halt at the observation window overlooking the stars. Space usually made them feel comfortable, but today it was empty. There they were staring back at themselves in the glass. Their tired eyes, dark circles, a scar on their face, a captain that could not save their crew from danger.
“What kind of captain am I?”
Silence was the response. However, even in the silence, their mind supplied the answers. The smile of yellow, the laughs of cyan, the explanations of brown, the disagreements of purple, blue healing everyone. Even the warnings of lime. They had disregarded everything. They always assumed that they were doing the right thing. They assumed that confidence is the key to being a good leader. But now, it felt like arrogance.
“I voted out Yellow, and they were innocent…”
The words escaped before they realized they spoken them.
“I ignored Lime…”
Thier voice cracked.
“I kept telling everyone everything would be okay.”
Their reflection didn’t disagree. It simply watched. They leaned against the window.
“I kept thinking I’d have another chance.”
Another meeting. Another discussion. Another apology.Another tomorrow. Brown didn't have another tomorrow. Neither did Yellow. They sat down on the cold floor as they slowly slumped against the wall. For the first time since being made captain…
…they cried.
They did not cry out loud.
It wasn’t an explosion of sobs.
They just sat quietly and their tears kept falling.
"I let everyone down…"
“I failed all of you…”
The sentence barely escaped their lips.
Minutes passed.
Or maybe hours.
Time had stopped meaning anything.
Eventually they wiped their face with their sleeve. Thier communicator buzzed. Their didn’t answer. It buzzed again. Still nothing. For once, they didn’t want orders. They didn’t want another mission. They wanted one impossible thing.
To go back.
To the first meeting.
To when everyone was still alive.
To when the arguments were small.
To when Brown could still roll their eyes at their terrible jokes.
To when Yellow still believed in them without hesitation.
To when nobody looked at them with fear.
“…If I had listened…”
The sentence never finished.
Because they already knew.
They couldn’t change it.
The dead would remain dead.
No apology would rewind time.
No speech would erase what had happened.
They rested their forehead against their knees.
“What if they never forgive me?”
The question hung in the empty hallway. They imagined Yellow answering. Probably with kindness. That somehow hurt even more.
Brown would probably tell them to stop sitting on the floor and start fixing the problems that were still in front of them. Blue would remind them that guilt wasn’t a treatment.
Purple…
They couldn’t even imagine what Purple would say anymore.
Would they forgive them?
Did they even want to?
Did they deserve it?
The answer that came to mind was immediate.
No.
They didn’t. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Their stomach twisted.
“…But I still have people to protect.”
The realization was quiet. Almost fragile. They looked back toward the stars. They hadn’t changed.
The universe hadn’t stopped because of their mistakes.
The ship was still moving.
The survivors were still breathing.
Black. Purple. Green.
If they let guilt consume them now…
More people would die.
Red slowly stood. Their legs felt heavier than before. They placed a hand against the cold window one last time.
“I’m sorry.”
They didn’t know who they was apologizing to anymore.
Brown?
Yellow?
Their crew?
Maybe all of them.
“I can’t promise you’ll forgive me.”
Thier voice steadied.
“I don’t think I deserve that.”
They took a slow breath.
“But I can promise…”
Their fingers curled into a determined fist.
“…that I won’t waste the lives you entrusted to me.”
The captain who had walked into this hallway wanted to hide. The one walking out still carried unbearable guilt. That hadn’t disappeared. It probably never would.
But for the first time since Brown’s death…
They wasn’t running from it.
They would carry it.
Every order.
Every decision.
Every rescue.
Every sacrifice.
Brown’s calm judgment.
Yellow’s faith.
Blue’s compassion.
Lime’s warnings.
Even the people who were no longer beside them because of every choice they made.
The weight would never disappear.
Perhaps it wasn’t supposed to.
As Red reached the bridge door, they hesitated only once.
They wiped the last trace of tears from their face. Not because they was finished grieving. But because the people still alive needed a captain.
And this time…
They intended to become one worthy of the title.