Work Text:
Stay Gold was late. Late for a very important date. Not a date. She didn’t really do that. But a date.
Training. Not training training, she wouldn’t be late for that. CPR training.
Why was Tracen mandating CPR training? The plot demanded it.
No, sorry, that's not right. Stego stopped and looked at her script. Hmmmmm
Aha! ‘To aid in the post racing careers of Uma Musume and the general safety of public life.’ Whatever that meant.
Regardless, Stego was late, very late. She was moving quickly through the academy grounds, dodging the various plot points occurring for other fics on her way. She found it strange that Saint Lite was racing against Forever Young? They were supposed to be really age different in horse age.
…. Whatever a horse is anyway.
“Hey Stego!” A voice rang out. “I’m sorry Oguri Fat! I cannot stay I’m very late!” “Hey!”
Stego left the gray haired Uma behind, who was now sulking into her 83rd hamburger. She didn’t mean it really, but she was late and needed to go.
At full speed now, she blew past dozens of stand by Uma’s many of them with names she didn’t recognise, like they were just there to fill gate slots. Every step took her closer and closer to the training hall. Which hadn’t existed before today. The Director just does that sometimes.
Stego came screeching to a halt. Something was wrong. She checked her script again. She then realized she never put it away, but had stopped holding it. She really hoped the reader hadn’t noticed that.
Apparently, she was supposed to ‘be swarmed by adoring fan girls.’ But Stego couldn’t see any fan girls around. She must’ve skipped that par-
“STEGOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” Ah, there they are. The girls seemed to just appear from nowhere, wasn’t there supposed to be the Tracen army sorry, security force or something? Where were they?
The script appeared again, where was it coming from? It didn’t say anything, strange. Oh, she forgot her glasses. She dipped into her inventory and put them on.
GET TO CPR TRAINING
Ah, right. She took off once more, dodging screaming fan girls, fan boys, fan them’s and all others. Eventually, she arrived, out of breath at the door. Stego opened the door and entered, and finally arrived at the training.
It was clear she was late, most of the people there were standing around a cpr dummy, and the instructor was explaining what was happening. She snuck into the corner and found another dummy, taking place beside it.
She listened intently to the instructor. At least, she tried, it was really hard to hear her. Or him. They? She didn’t know, the instructor looked more like a talking blob, as if it wasn’t important to the reader what they looked like.
Ah, that's why she couldn’t hear her. She’d be de-uma’d. She was merely musume. She started digging her butt and found… nothing. Shocking really. Anyway, she found her ears in her pockets this time, it was always the second place she checked.
She reached up and re-Uma’d, her ears wiggling around. She had to move them around a few times, getting them on the right side and facing forward. Eventually, she could hear the instructor properly.
“Alright class, we’re going to practice rescue breaths now! Remember, put their chin into proper position, and block their nose before breathing.” Stego looked at the dummy below her. It looked really peaceful. So, she did what she was told. She grabbed the chin, moved into it’s scripted proper position, pinched those nose, and breathed.
How many should she do? One? Two? Ten? No ten was too much. Five? Yeah, five. She liked five. It rhymed with Stego.
Five breaths later, she was done.
Wow, that was easy. Was that all CPR was? Stego looked over at the other Uma’s in the room. They all seemed to be doing some sort of, compression? It looked like they were groping the dummy. If the dummy had boobs this would be very different.
Mmmm, boobs…
Maruzensky had nice boobs. Stego sometimes wished she had nice boobs.
Are big boobs squishy? Or is that a milk thing? Why are milk in boobs, that’s really strange.
Do birds have boobs? No they lay eggs it wouldn’t make sense.
Horses? Do horses have boobs?
….
What's a horse?
Stego looked at the script again.
‘Woman dressed as police officer offers to let you pay the fine in a different way’.
What? That can’t be right. Oh, wrong one, sorry chattini. Sorry, reader. Except anyone named Steve, Steven, Daniel, Leo, John, Tiffany, Joanne, Karen, Jessica, Jehova or Theodosia. And definitely any League of Legends players. Go take a shower.
Anyway, back to the script.
‘Silence Suzuka breaks her leg’
Oops, sorry, that one hasn’t happened yet, gotta remember not to tell Suzuka that.
Ah, here we are.
‘Stego realizes that she’s missed the rest of the lesson, and needs to leave now to help out the newest Horsefem at Tracen.’
Wait what! She hadn’t missed the lesson! She had been paying attention.
“Alright class! Well done everyone, that's all for today. Make sure to remember to always-”
Stego ran out, not hearing the last part of the speech. She needs to find this Horsefem! She could smell a pear wriggling! It wasn’t good!
Oooooh, Agnes Digital was kissing Fuji Kiseki, so cute!
She remembered Neo Universe talking about a Voyager, or was it a voyage? She wasn’t sure, they did all kinds of things.
“He….hehehehehe… EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!”
Ah, that’s A.P Indy remembering she has a girlfriend again. Gosh, that girl really has no aura. But she had dreams of the turf. And tarmac, strange.
And there’s Agnes Marie. Wow, she’s such a perfect, Creation of an Umamusume.
She should really read all, sorry, meet, all those stories eventually.
Ah! There are the legs in the fountain, just like the script said!
Time to go. This is getting close to 1000 words afterall.