Chapter Text
I rested my head on my hand. When will this class ever end? The teacher's speech seemed to drone on and on. I can't wait to get home.
Soon enough, the sounds of the bell that indicated the sweet release of the class arose through the speakers.
The teacher rested the chalk in his hand on the blackboard and faced towards us to announce the end of class.
"Thank you all for coming today, class. You are now dismissed. Make sure to return home and rest well. Don't forget to complete your homework."
As the teacher finished speaking, everyone started packing their bags in preparation to leave the school. Well, that was another day of afternoon classes for me. Better head home now.
Actually, now that I think of it, it's kind of early. Maybe I could go shopping on the way home.
"Ena? Do you have a moment?"
As more and more people left the room, the teacher suddenly came up to me regarding something.
"Ugh, what is it? I don't think I did anything wrong, so did my brother get into trouble again? He always causes such a ruckus…"
"No, nothing of the sort. You don't seem to be getting enough sleep at home. You keep dozing off in class and your eyebags are really showing."
The nerve! I slammed my hands down onto my desk, ringing out a sound like something hitting a wall.
"What? My eyebags? No, they're not! How dare you!?"
The teacher backed up and adjusted his glasses, maintaining his composure despite my outburst.
"Please calm down. I did not mean for my comment to be rude in any manner, I was simply voicing my concern."
I picked up my backpack and dashed out of the classroom. What kind of position was he to pick fun of my appearance when his face has more wrinkles than an unironed shirt?
Whatever. I'll just take out my phone and check my social media posts, that'll make me feel better for sure. My selfies always perform so well, and everyone always leaves such nice comments. Maybe I could even ask Airi if she wants to go shopping…
Huh?
Phone in hand, I found myself staring at my reflection on the dark powered-off screen. I could see dark circles under my eyes and the skin under them droop down. My teacher was right… My eyebags really are starting to show… Maybe I shouldn't have reacted to harshly towards him earlier, I jumped to conclusions too hastily…
Whatever, I'll just ignore it for now. Nothing a little concealer can't fix. Let me take a look at how my pics are doing!
Oh, would you look at that? My most recent selfie has so many likes on it! Let me see what people are saying… Hehe, so many praising me as well!
"awww your so adorable ^w^" - makeupfanatic 19:21
"you should become a model" - cosplayer223 19:54
"whats your routine i NEED to know" - phoneaddictmeow72 20:24
Maybe I'll message Airi right now about going shopping together…
"hey airi wanna go shopping later?"
The icon indicating she was typing a response appeared not long after.
"sorry too busy with idol activities tonight :( maybe another day? how about tomorrow?"
"lol its fine dont worry, tomorrow sounds fine"
I looked up and furrowed my brows as I thought about what I had just done. How stupid of me to forget that Airi was still a part of a popular idol group… Of course being an idol would take up a massive section of her schedule, how could I possibly forget that?
I looked back down towards my phone and opened up my contacts list… Hmm… There's Mom… Akito… Hmm…
I don't really have any actual friends besides Airi, huh?
Might as well go shop alone. I'm sure everyone else is too busy to come shop with me.
As I walked over to the mall that I wanted to shop at, I could hear the sounds of chatter and walking suffocating the air as a crowd of people were bustling around it. I could vaguely sniff the aroma of beauty products and food from outside.
For what reason would the mall be so packed today? Was there some sale I was unaware of? Ugh, talk about annoying… I don't wanna have to fight my way through so many people. Maybe I'll just go home…
"Ena? Is that you?"
Huh?
I twisted my head around to see a familiar girl with black hair tied into twin braids and a pair of jade green eyes looking back at me.
"Futaba…? What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to drop by to buy some art supplies! I never expected to bump by you here!"
"Oh… Haha… Yeah…"
"Were you planning on buying art supplies too? Maybe we should head in together!"
"Oh, I was on my way home from afternoon classes. I thought there was too many people here today so I gave up…"
"Ah, that's a shame. Do you still paint, though? I always loved your paintings back when we were under Yukihira-sensei's guidance."
I could only wince as I thought back to the words he so coldly declared to me back then.
"That's… It's nothing for you to be worried about."
"Huh? So you don't draw anymore?"
"No, no! I still draw… It's just… It's been rough… Nothing turns out the way I want it to… All I can think of is what Yukihira-sensei said to me back then… and what he said… I'm nothing but a talentless artist searching for praise…"
"Don't say that! I like your art and your style, it was unique, and I wish to see you improve… Seeing yourself in such a way… I doubt you'd be capable of much if you stick to such a mindset."
"Whatever! You wouldn't even understand because you actually have the capability to be an artist unlike me! I'm just a hopeless person who gives up whenever it gets hard!"
"Oh, Ena-"
"But I'll prove myself to them! I can make it in the art world despite not having any talent! I'll show them all! I'll show everyone! I'll prove myself to Yukihira-sensei and… and to the person you would refer to as my father…!"
"I… I'm sorry. I didn't think it would be such a sensitive subject…"
"Well, you shouldn't have-…!"
What was I doing? I haven't met Futaba in such a long time, and now I'm yelling at her for something that's not even her fault.
"I… Sorry. I shouldn't have blown up at you like that…"
Why am I always so on-guard with everyone about myself? It happened with my teacher earlier as well.
"Ena…? Are you alright…?"
I don't even know.
"I… Let's just leave it… Thanks for what you said about my art, though… Maybe… I'll really sit down and try to make myself better one day."
"Well, it's no problem. Sorry for taking up your time, I'll start looking at the store now. Hope you have a safe trip home!"
I watched as Futaba smiled and waved her hand as she walked off into the mall. I could only look back with a pained expression. Maybe she didn't experience her world crashing in on her because she didn't have someone to break her rose-tinted glasses at such a young age.
If only I could say the same for myself…
I should get home. Not like there's much else I can do now.
I made my way home and headed up to the entrance of the house.
I entered the house with the sound of the doorbell ringing as I opened the door.
"I'm home!'
The echo of the tap running accompanied by the sound of water splashing and rubbing with a sponge like wiping a misty window with your hand told me that Mom was washing the dishes. I looked into the dining room, where I could spot Akito sitting at the table eating a slice of cheesecake.
Mom looked up from washing the dishes as I walked up towards the two.
"You're home earlier than usual. You didn't go shopping like usual?"
"Huh? No. Airi was busy with her idol activities and the mall was jam-packed with people so I just decided against shopping today. Akito, you didn't happen to have saved a slice of cheesecake for me, did you?"
Akito's face tensed up into an annoyed expression.
"Yes, of course I did. It's in the fridge. I knew your annoying ass would bother me about it if I hadn't left a piece for you."
"Hehe, thank you soooo much. I'll just grab the slice and head on over to my room then."
As I grabbed the plate of cheesecake from the fridge and was about to head up the stairs, I could hear Mom faintly chuckling.
"Her love for cheesecake must be something she takes after her father, isn't it?"
I stopped dead in my tracks. My feet felt frozen in place as I turned around towards the bottom of the stairs.
Did Mom just compare her to him, of all people…?
"Hey, I'm nothing like that person! Not even one bit! Do not ever mention him around me, you hear?"
"Oh! Right… The topic of him is a sore spot to her." She faintly muttered to herself.
"Sorry, Ena!" I hear her call out as I stormed off into my room. I could faintly hear the two talk downstairs as I reached for the handle to my door.
"I'm really sorry… I forgot how touchy of a topic your father is to you two."
"It's fine."
I sprinted past the doorway and slammed the door to my room before resting my back against it and sliding down onto the floor.
The room had the vague scent of oil paints still present from the night before, my unfinished painting sitting on the wall opposite of me.
I don't feel like painting right now. It would only remind me of him and his words.
I threw myself onto the bed. Maybe I'll post a selfie… It would make me feel better.
Click! Aaaand post! Hah… how pointless. Such a thing only delivers ephemeral joy.
I'm a mess.
Actually, when am I not a mess?
I always act so defensive of myself against everyone else, no matter how well-intentioned they mean about it… My teacher… Futaba… Even Mom… I just let whatever words spill out of my mouth without even taking a second to think…
I can't converse with anyone normally… The only friend I really have would be Airi…
Who would even want to be friends with me anyways? I'm just a cold, rude, and talentless person… A waste of space.
And even if I'm friends with Airi… Do I really deserve being friends with someone like her…? With someone as famous as her? All I did was let my thoughts leak out in her favor when she was being picked on when we were young… and she took it as me defending her.
Anyone could have done that. Anyone could have stood up for her then. So why does she still stick close to me as my friend? I don't get it.
Do I even matter to people? To people online, I'm just a girl who takes and posts selfies of herself. They don't know anything about me.
They don't care about my art. They don't care about me as a person. Do they care at all? They wouldn't care if I posted art on social media, would they?
In fact, does anyone even care at all? I'm probably just a nuisance to everyone.
If no one cares, what if I disappeared? Would anyone even mourn me if I was gone? They would probably be better for everyone else in my life. They wouldn't have to worry about someone like me anymore. They'd probably forget about me not long after. Yeah.
I should just disappear… Shouldn't I? It would be better for everyone.
I should just disappear. I don't want to be here anymore.
I should just disappear. No one would want me here anyways.
I should just disappear.
Should just disappear.
Just disappear.
Disappear.
Disappear.
Disappear.
…