Work Text:
Jonah is five months old.
And as it is suited for first time parents, Steve and Dustin have absolutely no idea what they’re doing. They‘re just making it up as they go on each day.
So when Jonah is fussy on a tuesday morning, that is not unusual. He has days like that. Steve walks him around the living room while Dustin folds tiny onesies fresh from the dryer.
“Shh…” Steve bounces him gently. “What is it, buddy?”
Jonah only cries harder. Seemingly just miserable. Steve checks his diaper, which is dry. Bottle? Refused. Nap? Impossible.
He just won’t settle. Not in Steve’s arms, not in Dustin’s, not in the swing and definitly not in the carrier. So maybe not so usual.
By bedtime both men are exhausted.
“This isn’t like him.” Steve is pacing the nursery, Jonah pressed against his chest, face red from crying. Dustin rubs his own eyes, visually thinking: “Maybe he’s getting sick?”
Steve immediately checks his temperature again, absolutly normal. “No fever.” Jonah cries harder and Steve’s heart twists violently in his chest, “I don’t know what’s wrong.”
By midnight neither of them has slept. Jonah hasn’t stopped crying for more than two minutes at a time. Steve sits in the rocking chair, Dustin kneels in front of them. “Maybe gas?” “We burped him.” “Again?” Steve tries but expectatly, nothing. Dustin gently rubs Jonah’s tummy, nothing. They try cycling his legs again, still nothing.
By two in the morning Steve has started crying too. Silent tears from exhaustion while Jonah still screams against his chest.
“I know baby, i know. I‘m trying to fix it but I don‘t know what‘s wrong” His voice cracks. “I’m trying” Dustin immediately stands, walking over to his mate lightly carassing his neck, Jonah cries get louder, if that is even possible at this moment.
Steve instinctively bends his head, pressing his nose into Dustin’s neck. Breathing in his mate, the familiar smell of Dustin always helped.
Warm laundry detergent. Vanilla. Home.
Steve takes one shaky breath, then another. Normally his shoulders would begin to relax by now. Tonight nothing happens. Steve’s whole body stays tense.
“I can’t even calm down enough to calm him.” His voice is breaking now. “I’m making it worse.” Dustin‘s heart was breaking for Steve, their baby was miserable and Steve couldn‘t fix it. “Steve, love, you‘re not making it worse. He can‘t tell us what‘s wrong but you are definitly not the reason he‘s that upset.” Dustin gently cups Steve’s face.
“Look at me.” Steve tries, but when Jonah let’s out another devastating cry his eyes immediately dart back to his son. “What if we miss something? If he‘s really sick and we don‘t know” Dustin tries his best to be reassuring, “We won’t.”
“How do you know?” Dustin doesn’t answer immediately because… He doesn’t have an answer. He’s terrified too. Instead he reaches up and brushes tears from Steve’s cheeks. “We’re both here.” Steve laughs bitterly. “That doesn’t feel like enough.”
Jonah suddenly cries so hard he coughs. Both fathers freeze. Steve instinctively rocks harder.
“It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.”
He isn’t sure whether he’s talking to Jonah or himself.
At three in the morning Dustin finally calls the pediatrician’s after-hours line. The nurse asks dozens of questions.
Fever? No. Eating? Yes, between crying. Wet diapers? Plenty. Breathing normally? Except for the constant hiccups from constant screaming crying for hours, yes.
“Has he by any chance started chewing on his hands?” Dustin blinks. “…Actually.” He looks toward Steve. Jonah has two determined little fists shoved into his mouth between cries. The nurse laughs softly. “I think your little guy may be teething.”
Silence, Steve just stares at the reciever in Dustin‘s hand. “…Already?” “It happens.”
The next morning the pediatrician confirms it. Swollen gums, tiny white ridges beneath the surface. “He has his first teeth coming in.” Steve almost laughs, “Teeth?” The doctor smiles sympathetically, “They can make babies absolutely miserable.”
Dustin looks ready to cry with relief. “So nothing’s wrong?” The pediatrician chuckles. “Only that he’s teething.”
Back home Steve kneels in front of Jonah on a blanket. He gently touches Jonah’s little cheek, Jonah immediately shoves his fist back into his mouth. Steve sighs dramatically. “Yeah, I would’ve cried too, buddy.”
They buy every teething toy in the pharmacy: Cold washcloths, Teething rings, Infant pain medication approved by the pediatrician, Frozen pacifiers. Nothing works long enough to give Jonah‘s tiny lungs a break. Well… almost nothing.
Late that evening Steve is sitting shirtless on the couch. Jonah is sprawled across his chest. Still visably unhappy, still fussing but quieter now.
Steve gently rubs a cool washcloth across Jonah’s swollen gums. The baby immediately bites down. Hard. Steve winces, “You have no teeth and somehow that still hurts.” Dustin laughs for what feels like the first time in twenty-four hours.
Jonah dozes off eventually … for exactly eleven minutes, then wakes crying again.
Steve closes his eyes, silently relenting. Dustin sits beside him without speaking he gently leans against Steve. Silently offering his mate comfort
Steve automatically turns his face into Dustin’s neck again, trying to regulate, trying to breathe.
Dustin can feel it immediately. Steve’s breathing is still too fast. His muscles remain rigid, his heartbeat pounds against Dustin.
“If I can’t even calm myself enough to breath…”
“Steve, love.”
“…How am I supposed to help him?”
Dustin reaches over, carefully resting one hand over Steve’s racing heart. “You know what Jonah needs right now?” Steve shakes his head. “You.” Steve looks at him helplessly. “I thought parents were supposed to know.” Dustin lets out a tired laugh. “I’ve got some bad news for you, Dad. We’re making this up as we go.” Steve actually smiles even just a little. “Oh, we are? Didn‘t notice.” “Oh absolutely.” “I thought you knew everything.” “I have literally no idea what I’m doing.” Steve laughs through exhausted tears, “Seriously?” “Seriously. I spent twenty minutes today trying to convince him a rubber giraffe would solve all his problems.” Steve seems to consider it for a moment, “…Did it?”
“No.”
Steve snorts.
Almost as if he understands the conversation, Jonah lets out one tiny whimper and turns his head. But instead of crying he simply buries his face against Steve’s chest. Listening. Steve instinctively wraps both arms around him.
Jonah sighs, A long sleepy, content sigh. Then finally !finally! falls asleep.
Steve and Dustin don’t dare to move, Nnot even an inch. Not for fifteen minutes. Not for thirty.
Eventually Steve whispers, “…He’s asleep.” Dustin smiles. “He is.”
Steve looks down at their son. His cheeks are still blotchy, tiny fists still curled, one drool-soaked teething ring resting beside him.
“I hate seeing him hurt like this.”
“So do I.” Dustin rests his head against Steve’s shoulder. “But we can‘t fix teething for him, Steve.” Steve shakes his head.
“No. But we got him through today.” Steve looks down at Jonah again and places small kisses on the top of his son’s head.
“I guess…” He smiles tiredly. “…that’s our job.” Dustin reaches over and laces their fingers together. “You see? Making it up as we go“ Dustin‘s face sports a teasing grin, Steve settles on grinning back, not wanting to agitate their finally sleeping baby. And if they both had panic written across their faces when Jonah moved an inch that night, nobody needed to know except for them.
“Dust? Do your ears ring too?“ “Oh, yeah.“