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The horizon must have been cracked in some way; all the hues of yellow and orange were spilling from that edge of the visible world, the sky reaching to touch all surfaces of deep blue water and rough sides of buildings with warm fingers of the setting sun. This kind of blood was a special sort, one that shifted the mood of anything it touched—but only for the stretch of an hour and a half.
Such a time provided different values to individuals, depending on how the light touched them. A marigold highlight was cast onto a seagull’s shoulders, and the bird shook its feathers and settled deeper into its nest to tuck in for the evening. On the boardwalk that snaked along the harbor, a cluster of university students, on break, were granted an illumination to their loose, carefree jostling limbs and laughing faces.
Summer was such a time in which many persons took advantage of their freedom as individuals. Time and time again, the sun climbed upward to shake these people from their slumber, and when the day’s crier settled back behind the sky’s border, within this glorious span of months, many found their burdens somewhat rested with ease, as only participation in recreation would call upon them the next day.
The gull slid its eyes closed. The students eventually stepped off the boardwalk to be welcomed back into the main town, onward to wherever they would end their time together. They carried the music of their laughter as their forms faded.
In, and out. Coming and going. Hither and thither. Everything passing like leaves in a wind. Everything comes back to its destined point eventually.
A great ray traced the edge of the boardwalk, chasing after the people leaving, and stopped to rest. Breathe in respite. The sun’s palms sculpted a setting with its gentle palms: of a single figure left in one span of the boardwalk, pacing at such a slow speed so as to restrain himself from breaking into an anxious walk. The warmth meant nothing to him in that moment, for only worried thoughts poked into the tissue behind his skull.
Josuke Higashikata had thought that such anticipation would become a foreign concept to him after first dating his boyfriend. Waiting was something so regular to every human being, but why did such an experience have to bear such weight? He could hear his mom already, giving his shoulder a gentle push in a mock scold. She’d tell him “it’s only been a week, and you’re seeing him again whenever he arrives!” or something along those lines.
But…what was Josuke really thinking, anyway? That somehow, a little week’s trip to Tokyo would create a rift in their relationship that not even Crazy Diamond could repair? He and Okuyasu got into nonsensical little arguments here and there, and before the both of them knew it they’d run back to each other, apologizing a million times and telling the other over and over again that they’d never say a petty thing again.
Okuyasu had appeared glad for his boyfriend, but Josuke’s guilt only stabbed deeper into his own heart when he’d noticed the little hesitation in Okuyasu’s expression the day that Josuke had let him know about the upcoming trip. Josuke had wanted to take him along so, so badly, but Tomoko had already made the plans and it was mainly for a university tour and overall mother-son bonding. Always good to start early, his mom would say. Josuke almost let out another thousandth weary sigh at that. Sure, he was going to turn seventeen in not too much time, but the trip had only served as another reminder that someday, Josuke and Okuyasu couldn’t be the carefree spirits they’d been ever since they first met.
Now, it was time to see each other again. Josuke could hardly wait, but at the same time, whenever he caught a figure in the distance that he thought could be the one he looked out for, and it ended up just being another stranger, Josuke caught himself thinking that he wanted to wait a bit longer. Cling on to the snapping rope that only tried to twist around his gut.
He was just overthinking. Okuyasu wouldn’t ever slip away from him, but even with somewhat smaller events like this, Josuke was scared that the Worst Possible Scenario would reach him some day. He worried that the more he hoped for a perfect streak of a relationship, he’d only jinx himself and violà, the opposite would occur.
Josuke knew he loved Okuyasu, and Okuyasu loved Josuke back. In the end, that was all their relationship boiled down to. A wonderful, warm, sweet, feathery-feeling, back-and-forth exchange of little touches and acts of appreciation. Constant reminders, cycling again and again as regularly as Josuke breathing on that boardwalk, that those two boys held each other in their hearts.
So how did these thoughts find their way back into his brain?
Josuke decided to press the pause button on his pacing and resorted to wandering toward the pier, and ultimately found a nice spot at the end to sit and swing his legs above the water’s surface. He set a bag to rest next to his hip, and kept one hand against the bag out of extreme paranoia. Words may sometimes speak louder than physical affirmations, but Josuke would rather lop off an arm than lose this gift for his boyfriend. The ocean often hungered at inconvenient intervals.
And he was overthinking again.
Josuke let momentum bring one leg outward in a long swing, until it near straightened at the knee. He watched his leg swing back down, leaving it loose to nature’s physics until the appendage cast a still shadow upon the ocean’s skin. He should focus on the small things around him to ease his mind, like the little laps of water against the pier’s splintered legs, or the tiny feather tickled by the wind just a few feet away from him.
But not much time passed before his brain started to crawl again. Okuyasu would be here before Josuke knew it. Then there would be a tension so thick that one could gather it up in their hands, for thoughts and feelings conflicted, clashed into each other, rolled around with one another, and spun until Josuke grew sick of all this anticipation. This was supposed to be a carefree time period filled with relaxation and leisure among loved ones. Shouldn’t there be some crank he could work back to straighten himself out accordingly? People were not clockwork, but Josuke wished that simplicity was an optional path more often.
If Okuyasu really was upset that Josuke had left for a week, then Oku would just say so. He may not be the sharpest tooth in the cat’s jaws, but Okuyasu was a pretty verbal person.
And Josuke really loved that about him, but that meant getting waterboarded by cold, raw feelings whenever a fallout occurred. If one was even going to happen.
Josuke had talked to Okuyasu while in Tokyo. Landlines were useful inventions, after all. Okuyasu had sounded bright and cheerful as usual, and certainly very eager for Josuke to return, even if a week was a mite’s size compared to what another trip out of town could have been. Was Josuke really just the only one feeling so bad about all of this? Was he torturing himself for nothing?
However, the main thing that bugged Josuke so much was that even though he could hear Okuyasu he couldn’t see him. During those seven days, Josuke had wanted so, so badly to be right there, next to the love of his life, to be whatever source of comfort or love Okuyasu needed at any time of the day. Josuke knew it was impossible to always be physically there for Okuyasu, but it scared him so badly that time could go by in which he wasn’t close enough to make sure everything was always alright.
Last summer had taken a heavier toll on Josuke than he’d considered. Those days had felt like forever in the moment, but when Josuke recalled those times, they only zoomed past with such speed that he could almost feel a rush of cold air after each memory. He’d seen people he’d taken for granted die, cease to exist, just gone, close to all of them in the most horrific way possible. Last summer had felt like a painfully earsplitting wakeup call that people could slip away just as easily as befriend you. He was also afraid that losing a loved one due to conflicted feelings would hurt far more than by death.
Was it not natural, for anyone in a relationship, to sometimes fear that the impossible may occur?
Josuke managed to wrestle his senses to settle, for a small stretch of time. He split his attention between watching the sun’s downward progression and easing his hearing with the gentle water lapping. He kept himself propped mostly up with his palms carrying most of the weight, arms stretched behind them with their bases against the warmed wood. His eyelids even began to slide shut after some minutes…
Then there was a distant sound with some audible, immediate recognition. A word formed by an achingly familiar voice. A word that Josuke had heard ever since he could remember, of course.
It was his name.
Josuke was on his feet faster than he could probably blink. His line of sight snapped toward the source of that voice, that was still calling out his name, but coming closer now. All the twisting thoughts that had broken past the casing of Josuke’s mind were blown away, just like that, at seeing Okuyasu Nijimura darting towards him with the speed of an ecstatic rocket.
In but a flicker and flurry of motion, Okuyasu reached Josuke and (Josuke was immensely glad that he’d thought to put the bag on the ground) Okuyasu did not stop at all but instead launched off his final step to crash straight into Josuke, the rushing one’s arms wrapped around Josuke’s neck before he had time to say anything. Unfortunately, that position made Josuke the cushioning for the landing but with the sudden surge of euphoria, who was he to complain? After such a while of itching, scrabbling anticipation, this felt like an immediate breath of fresh air. He was fine, Okuyasu was here. They were together.
That was all that mattered.
After giving Josuke the tightest squeeze he’d probably ever experience, Okuyasu scrabbled back and pulled his boyfriend upright again, seeming, past his radiating giddiness, a tad sheepish that he’d just tackled someone in broad daylight. Not the weirdest thing they’d done, but aware nonetheless. But that vanished in a split second as Okuyasu grabbed both Josuke’s hands and bounced excitedly on his toes, his breathtakingly adorable smile breaking out on his face. His smile was so infectious that an abrupt laugh broke free from Josuke’s self.
“Sorry man—had to make sure it was really you!” Okuyasu bumped into Josuke again in another embrace, and Josuke was hit with that warmth he’d missed so much, right up against his chest as Okuyasu pressed into him. “Y’know, kinda like how ya pinch y’self to make sure yer not dreamin’? It almost felt weird seein’ ya standin’ there again.”
A little worm of a thought. He’d gotten used to me being gone?! Brief panic, but with a silly base. Josuke chased it away. “I’m sorry, I really did ask mom if you could come,” he said mournfully into his boyfriend’s shoulder. “But man, she’s just a rock in the middle of the sea.”
“Is that a ref—ah, nevermind.” A quick shake went through Okuyasu’s form, like a motion from a dog, and he pulled a bit away from Josuke to hold him at halfway arm’s length. The ecstasy really shone through every bit of Okuyasu, from his eyes down to his toes, if that was possible. “It’s cool—I mean, you’re here now! Bad stuff goes away when the good stuff comes. Kinda like the sunrise, or turnin’ on a lamp.”
A grin broke out onto Josuke’s features. Oh, sweet, sweet, Okuyasu. So beautiful and pure through and through. He also had the soul of a poet, at random times. So much to love about someone like him. “But you’re really ok?” Josuyasu asked him, forcing his features into something a bit more serious, definitely concerned. “I know how lonely it can get—I mean, I don’t think I’ve been out of town since we met each other. I missed you so much, it almost hurt. Oh, sorry.” Josuke ducked his head, heat rushing to his ears. “I didn’t wanna drag your mood down.”
Okuyasu’s head also dipped downward, but just so he could try to make eye contact with Josuke again. “Nonono, it’s ok man! I did miss you, a lot, but why wouldn’t I? I mean, you’re like the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but…” Josuke felt Okuyasu’s arms move in a shrugging motion. “I guess we’re gonna get split up sometimes. It just happens, even if we don’t like it.” Josuke saw Okuyasu’s shoe scuff the ground in an embarrassed motion. “An’ I did wanna go with you, really badly, to also see the city but that’s kinda selfish. It was your big week.”
That got Josuke’s head to shoot back up, and he was about to answer but his skull collided with Okuyasu’s. They both yelped and stumbled back from each other; Josuke clutched the back of his head and Okuyasu clutched his forehead. They both gasped out an apology to each other simultaneously, stopped, looked at each other, then burst into laughter.
They moved to embrace each other for a third time, Josuke giving Okuyasu a reassuring pat on the back. “You don’t have to apologize, bud, I guess we can sign this one off as just a pretty natural event.”
“Yeah,” Okuyasu replied with a little bob of his head, “I love ya, bro.”
Josuke felt a sweet rush up his ribcage, chasing away all his previous anxieties. “I love you too, always and always.”
“Can I kiss ya real quick?”
“What?? Of course!” Another little laugh escaped Josuke, and Okuyasu moved so quickly they almost smacked into each other again. Such a neat little kiss, but Josuke still felt like his heart might burst out of his own chest. Such gestures never failed to make his soul soar into the clouds.
They stood for a second, just looking at each other, so much appreciation for the one that meant most to them.
Then Josuke remembered something quite important.
“Oh hey, I’ve got a gift here for you.” He gestured with his thumb at the lonely little bag, temporarily forgotten at the edge of the pier. “Brought a bit of the trip back to you, heh.”
Okuyasu pulled back from Josuke and blinked at the little item, so Josuke was free to retrieve it and hand it to his boyfriend. “It’s not much,” Josuke quickly told him, rubbing the back of his head quite sheepishly, “but since we like listening to him together I thought you’d want one of your own.”
“Aw, man, ya didn’t have to!” But Okuyasu still seemed thrilled, head to foot, at the The Gold Experience CD he’d extracted from the bag. He’d learned about Prince through Josuke and they’d both been avid listeners together since. It counted as one of their favorite types of dates, just chilling together in Josuke’s room on a lazy weekend. “So now we have another spot, heh. Thanks a million, Josuke.”
“Anything for you, man,” Josuke, still with his arm looped ‘round the back of Okuyasu’s neck, pulled his boyfriend closer to kiss his forehead. “So, wanna walk on back and give it a spin? See if the stores in Tokyo aren’t scamming us?”
Somehow, Okuyasu’s grin had the capability of growing wider, and sent Josuke’s heart even higher amidst the cosmos. “Yeah, that’d be great.”
The even faded from the boardwalk, making way for blackberry shadows on the wood and water. So many treasures both below and above the surface, little opportunities waiting to be grasped, or simply mechanisms of good fortune set ready to be sprung. How fares you on the even of the boardwalk? Either time may tell, or do you choose to embrace the fading light?
But, in correction, the light never fades. It only sleeps, for waking opens the next act of day’s performance. As we have observed, it is not the light that changes the heart, but the soul. What truly lies beneath, feelings shared amongst each other, is merely illuminated by the even on the boardwalk.