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Amy felt Bibi’s hand moving through her hair. She felt Bibi move her fingers from the top of her head, down her face—tucking a tuft of hair behind her ears—to finally rest on her neck. They felt like they were somewhere between checking her pulse and choking Amy out.
Amy pulled in a slow breath. Her mind was still being pulled back to consciousness, but her heart had already settled on an action: holding perfectly still.
Bibi continued to softly hum as she sat next to Amy on her bed. The girl was close enough to feel her pressure on the soft mattress, pulling Amy into her thrall.
Despite being fully clothed with a sheet over her, Amy felt like she had been laid bare. Bibi’s presence alone was enrapturing like that. She had an intensity, even in the most domestic of moments. Baking, playing board games, walking home from school; they all felt so much more intense with Bibi by her side. The girl was a flame, smouldering even in her least intense moments.
She also scared Amy. Not only when she was mad or when Amy had seen her basement, but also in the peaceful moments with Amy. She left Amy feeling sick with butterflies and deathly afraid of something.
Bibi had moved back to playing with her hair. Amy wasn’t sure why she had decided to feign sleep. She could say that she enjoyed the moment; that was true. Being surrounded by Bibi’s bed, in her arms, with her perfume strong enough to engulf Amy, It was nice.
But it wasn’t peace that made Amy freeze. It was a deeper instinct, a moment of recognition between predator and prey. Amy was so sure that in a single moment Bibi could destroy her. Bibi’s flame could relight, and burn Amy up so fast.
Amy wasn’t sure what future scared her most. Would a “no” crush her heart? Would a “yes” lead to Bibi taking Amy down into that basement and claiming her? She really hoped Bibi wasn’t actually that crazy.
But if it was a yes—a yes where Amy got to tell the whole world—would that be worse? Would she make Bibi worse? What would Bibi’s love feel like without the guise of their current plans?
“Are you alright?” Bibi asked.
Shit, Amy had started crying at some point. Bibi would certainly have questions.
“I’m alright,” Amy mumbled.
Amy pushed her head farther upwards into Bibi’s hand. Bibi continued playing with her hair.
Amy wasn’t blind. She’d noticed how Bibi had stopped bringing Peter up, despite prom rapidly approaching. She’d noticed how their planning sessions had turned into a friendship. She’d noticed the date.
Even if Bibi hadn’t said anything, Amy thought she had a chance. That scared her.
“Do you need me to hit anyone for you? I’ll—”
“No,” Amy said. “Please, just give me a moment.”
Bibi wrapped Amy in her arms. She’d gone from sitting next to Amy to leaning over her while cradling Amy’s neck in her arms. For a moment, Amy suspected Bibi was trying to hold her down, keeping her like a possession. Bibi didn’t tend to let things go—Amy remembered first discovering Snowball—but it had never been this apparent.
“It was just a bad dream,” Amy finally said.
It was a frankly pathetic lie, but Bibi didn’t seem to question it. Instead, she pulled herself off Amy, and stood back to allow Amy to get up.
Amy did so. Pulling herself out of Bibi’s sheets was both difficult and a welcome break. Following the girl out of her room was equally contradictory. Everything about Bibi was contradictory to Amy.
The girl was terrifying and felt like safety. She was intense, while trying to be casual at all times. She was possessive, but never seemed to question Amy’s behaviour. She was always thinking about Peter, but refused to stop talking to Amy, even after she had a date scheduled. Being around Bibi made Amy feel both fragile and alright.
Bibi scared Amy. Not for the reasons she scared Amy’s classmates: the violence, odd behavior, or excessive devotion. Bibi scared Amy, because Amy loved Bibi. She loved everything about the girl and now, Bibi might love her back.