Chapter Text
Camp Utopia opened in 1972 as an arts camp for high schoolers. It was built on love, passion, and a philanthropic grant by Amy Morrison after she had apparently glimpsed ‘utopia on Earth’ at Woodstock in 1969.
Its first years were influenced heavily by Motown, the Beatles, and Carberet, shifting with popular culture towards Queen, Madonna, Run-DMC, and Cats, landing nearly 30 years later onto the flourishing scene of pop groups and gritty musicals. Backstreet Boys, Destiny’s Child, Phantom of the Opera, and Rent, each prominent in their respective circles.
In the summer of 2000, the vocalists of Camp Utopia had fully embraced sharing the spotlight and completing their projects as groups. The cliques and social taboos that defined them at school all faded away during the summer and every jock, geek, weirdo, and thespian all merged under the title of artist for a mere ten weeks. Some held that title much longer.
Oh Haewon was on her fourth summer and had been designated a camp counselor in charge of making sure her group of four incoming freshmen did not get lost, drown themselves, piss themselves, or miss their mommies too much. Every well-behaved fourth year camper was asked to be a counselor and, though the job was technically optional, it was strongly encouraged.
Haewon agreed to be a counselor for the benefits: the air conditioned counselor cabins that had bathrooms inside of them, the early move-in, the extended curfew, and the weekend excursions. All of this for what was essentially emotional counseling. Dealing with feelings was tedious at best, but doable given the circumstances.
Roommates were to be decided during counselor orientation which was the Friday and Saturday before the other campers came. That Friday morning, the eight female counselors would pick straws to determine both their roommate for the summer and their partner for all of the teambuilding activities and training for the weekend camp. There were two cabins for the eight of them and the straws were also being used to determine the pairings for each cabin. A lot was riding on a singular straw. It was stressing her out.
Haewon passively knew all of the counselors but was only particularly close to Bae Jinsol, varsity swim captain at her high school and lifeguard at camp. However, she was suspicious the girl would find a way to rig the drawing in order to room with Seol Yoona. It wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility, though it was as likely as it was unlikely.
Bae had admitted to Haewon that she had a crush on Yoona at the end of summer last year with the confusion and distress that came with finding oneself attracted to someone that was the same sex as themself. Haewon hadn't cared, but she knew the same couldn’t be said for everyone, even at Camp Utopia. Even with Willow and Tara in Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Bae had called her the night the episode dropped, half-ecstatic and half-crying about feeling seen in her favorite tv show and Haewon had felt a mixture of emotions that she’d yet to unpack), especially with the complexity of people’s reactions to Buffy.
Yoona was a cheerleader at her high school and tended to work at the nurses’ station. Haewon didn’t have the nerve to be honest with Bae about just how unlikely it was that she would like her back. Bae wasn’t dumb. She probably knew it enough herself.
Haewon arrived at Camp Utopia around 8:15 that Friday morning with her two suitcases, one packed with clothing and hygiene items and the heavier one with VHS tapes and a few DVDs, books and writing materials, her portable CD player, snacks, bug repellent, and sunscreen. After three summers, she knew just how dull things could get beginning around week three and aspired to be more than prepared for the mid-season slump.
Built along the bank of Lake Marshall, Camp Utopia was about 400 acres of forest disturbed only with camp essentials and trails. Throughout were wooden cabins, the dining hall, the main hall, the recreation room, the music and arts hall, outhouses, a large patch of clearing where weekly bonfires were held.
In the Main Hall there was an administrative room with the day telephones, the nurse’s station, the package/mail room, the library, and the computer lab with its sole desktop computer and printer for staff or counselor use.
Each camper cabin was one large room equipped with a landline, four bunkbeds, furniture, and a small cable tv that occasionally played more than static. The counselor and staff cabins were larger, two bedroom cabins equipped with a small kitchen, a bathroom, and a living area. Those amenities were the creme de la creme of summer camp living.
The fresh air filled Haewon with a brewing excitement as she walked from the parking lot down the short path of packed dirt that led her beneath the wooden arch that read ‘Camp Utopia’ in faded yellow paint. It was a short way to the Main Hall where she was supposed to wait for orientation to start.
She turned the bend where the trees cleared out for civilization and was surprised to see a familiar face already waiting.
“Hey, Haewon!”
Seated alone with her suitcases on the front steps of the Main Hall and currently waving at her like a maniac was Lily Morrow. This felt ominously like an omen.
After three summers, Haewon only knew that Lily was friendly, a bit eccentric, and extraordinary at singing. She’d never interacted with her much. It wasn’t that Haewon didn’t enjoy her friendliness, but it extended to everyone around her, so she didn’t feel as if Lily was being nice to her specifically, only that she was probably a kind person.
Lily had grown out her hair a bit since last summer. Instead of a short dyed bob, her naturally black hair hung messy and layered, brushing the top of her shoulders, bangs cut at the eyebrows. Her eyes were rimmed with dark liner, her graphic tee tucked into baggy cargos, and mid-rise combat boots. Characteristically, however, was the paperback book splayed facedown on her lap. She was known to be something of a bookworm.
Haewon blinked against the sun, dragging her suitcases over the rocky dirt. “You’ve gone grunge.” Haewon herself was makeupless, wearing an old striped t-shirt over capris and sandals, and she was eeriely sure she’d forgotten deodorant that morning. She gave Lily a scrutinizing once-over. “You look hot.”
Lily startled, eyes widening at Haewon. She placed a hand on her book before it slipped from her knee. “What?”
“You look hot.” Haewon repeated. She stopped at the steps in front of her and gestured with a jerk of the chin. “You’re wearing combat boots and cargo pants in June. You’re going to die of heat stroke.”
“Oh! Ha. Ha.” Lily looked uncomfortable and Haewon didn’t understand why. She tugged absently on her shirt collar. “Yeah, I plan on changing once we get our room assignments.”
“I mean, it’s cool. Whatever floats your boat, dude.”
She sat several feet away from Lily in a section of the stairwell shaded by the pine trees and pondered if it was worth opening her suitcase and finding her CD player. There was still 45 minutes until orientation began, but surely Bae would arrive before then so she’d have someone to talk to.
It was odd that they were the only people there except for the groundskeeper. She’d thought at least a couple of the adult staff would have arrived, but the parking lot was barren except for the maintenance truck and the camp’s vans. Lily must have been dropped off by her family or a taxi.
“Isn’t it so weird that this is our last summer at camp?” Haewon angled her head to look at Lily who was addressing her with those wide, expressive eyes. She appeared slightly distraught. “We’re about to be adults who can’t do fun things like this anymore and go to college and get jobs. We all live cities, some states, away from each other. We’re never getting our adolescence back, Haewon. This is it.”
Haewon drew her bottom lip between her teeth in thought. She wasn’t one to be sentimental about trivial matters like the inevitability of aging, but tried to channel a bit of empathy into her response. “Better make the most of your summer and not die of heat stroke so you can become that boring adult.”
Lily scoffed. “You don’t care?”
“No.” She leaned back to prop herself on her elbows and gave her a little smirk. “Change is inevitable. We’re in the 21st century, babe. A new millennium. The 1’s a 2 now and they say anything is possible. Including aging.”
Lily’s eyebrows were lifted beneath her bangs. Most people didn’t appreciate her bluntness and she was carefully watching to gauge her reaction. This was possibly the longest one-on-one conversation they’d had in the three years they’d been going to this camp and it was obvious this was not the direction Lily’d expected it to go.
“Age is dumb and arbitrary,” she grumbled. “Who said turning 18 means you can’t go to summer camps anymore?”
“The people who want you to get jobs and leave your parents’ houses.”
“You’d be one of those people, amiright?”
“I would like to grow up and leave Neverland, yeah.”
Lily was looking at her as if she were the representation of everything wrong with her dream world of endless youth and summer camps. Sometimes Haewon forgot how juvenile some teenagers were. Some of them enjoyed set curriculums and being told what to do.
“Okay, anyways… What’re you going to college for?” Lily pivoted.
Haewon despised small talk and Lily seemed to be brimming with it. Unfortunately she didn’t have anything handy to occupy herself with without opening her suitcase and the girl seemed to be taking advantage of this.
“Computer science.”
“Ew! What?”
“Technology is definitely the future, Lily, and I’ll have my career set before everyone else figures that out.”
“But that’s so…” she waved her hands, “boring!”
“Uh huh. And you’re going to be a Music major, I assume?”
“Well, yeah! I love music.”
“Do you also love being homeless?” Haewon inquired teasingly. Lily’s expression soured immediately. “Society’s moving away from the arts. Surely you can see that.”
Lily scoffed again, fidgeting. “What’re you even going to this camp for?”
“I enjoy music and the arts. It’s nice for hobbies and summer camps, but sustaining yourself on it is a dream.”
“If it weren’t for dreamers, we wouldn’t have women’s suffrage and civil rights. We’d only have jaded people like you saying ‘it is what is’ because society says so. Maybe I am a dreamer. Better than whatever you are.”
Lily huffed and turned her body away. Haewon’s goading smile wavered.
She hadn’t meant to offend her. Not really. Though there was something about her happy-go-lucky attitude that grated against her own pessimistic one like sandpaper. Maybe that was why she had never spoken with her before.
The girl was muttering underneath her breath in irritation and she had her book open as if she were reading it, but Haewon could see her eyes weren’t moving.
Was she expecting an apology? Did she win her arguments at school by pouting? She figured that tactic would’ve stopped working in the second grade at the latest and definitely would have gotten her bullied after middle school.
”I’m not saying to lay down and take shit,” Haewon conceded after a moment of considering it wouldn’t be good to have a counselor hating her this early in the summer. “Letting go of some things is just a part of getting older.”
Lily set her chin and turned away from her even more. Haewon opened her mouth and then closed it, irritation itching beneath her skin. A child unwilling to grow up. Did she expect to make it in the music industry with that sort of attitude?
They spent the next five minutes in tense silence with Haewon swatting mosquitos and sweating through her shirt, and Lily reading her book somehow without ever turning a page.
The sound of a car pulling up made Haewon’s shoulders lower in relief. Thank God. A buffer from this oppressive awkwardness.
Marion, an adult staff, was the third to arrive and carried a box full of what looked like t-shirts. Maybe early thirties, pleasant yet purposeful in everything that she did, and didn't treat the students like kids. She had been Haewon’s favorite counselor since the beginning and it had been thrilling to find out that she would be their supervisor.
“Lily and Haewon! You two are bright and early. What is this? A carpool situation?”
They were both quick to shake their heads in denial.
“Nope, my dad just dropped me off early,” Lily explained. “He had work.”
”I’ve always said ‘on-time is late.’” Haewon supplied a toothy smile. Lily side-eyed her.
Marion snorted. “Always full of crap, Haewon. I love it.” Haewon’s smile brightened, pleased. “Speaking of crap, I’ve got a lot of it in my truck that I need help with. Go ahead and put your things in your cabin so you can help me.”
”We haven’t been assigned rooms yet,” Lily said.
“Oh, of course.” Marion smiled and nodded in a way that sent a bit of unease into Haewon. “This actually makes things easy for me. You two can be the first roommates.”
“Wait —” Lily spluttered.
“What happened to straws?” Haewon asked quickly.
“We’re not doing the straw thing anymore. Too much drama.” Marion put the box down on the staircase and dug around in her satchel bag. “I decided to assign roommates based on vibes this year and you two seem like you’d work together well.”
Haewon was going to be sick. “But —”
“I know you’re pals with Bae, Haewon, and I also know she’s the only person you talk to.” Marion pulled out two keyrings with three keys on each. “I’ll put Bae in your cabin, but I think you’ll really like rooming with Lily; she’s nice. Now, here are the keys to your cabin, your bedroom, and the skeleton key for most buildings you’ll need access to. Don’t lose them. Dear God, please don’t lose them.”
Haewon made eye contact with Lily who looked away.
“Do we have a choice? Maybe a roommate reconsideration…”
“Nope.” Marion dangled the keys in front of them impatiently. “Grab five counselor shirts and drop your things off so you can help me set up.”
Haewon grabbed her keys in resignation. Her summer had been ruined in the span of 30 seconds. That had to be some sort of record.
She picked out five t-shirts with ‘Counselor’ printed on the back in large, bold black text and ‘Camp Utopia’ in small font on the front breast. They were a hideous shade of orange that was likely visible by satellite. The generic camper shirts were more attractive, but she’d leveled up out of them. She had to accept the change even if it was ugly.
She glanced over at Lily who was still picking through the identical t-shirts, seemingly taking her time to avoid walking with Haewon to their cabin. Fine. Haewon started without her.
The camper cabins all had names of famous singers from the 60s and 70s, but the counselor cabins, newer and built in the late 80s, were named after artists. Since the camp was for the general arts and not simply singing, students had asked for some variation.
Theirs was Cabin Basquiat named after Jean-Michel Basquiat, a neo-expressionist painter who’d died at 27 a bit over a decade ago. It was the first log cabin one ran into, closest to the central trail that ran throughout the grounds but furthest from the cluster of camper cabins that surrounded the community restrooms in a wide semi-circle. Relief hit her as it really sunk in that she would never have to use those facilities ever again. It even numbed some of the irritation of her roommate situation.
She dragged both suitcases up the three steps of the cabin. It had a full front porch decorated with two rocking chairs on either side of a checkers table and a bench swing. There was no way she would be using her free time to sit on a porch when she had air conditioning now.
Unlocking the front door, she was greeted with a refreshing hit of cool air and the living area which was directly opposite of the door. There was one of those extra-long, L-shaped sofas and a couple of patterned armchairs facing a home theater system. Against the wall closest to the door was the kitchenette and a dining area. On the right side of the central open area were two doors, one ajar that Haewon could see led into the bathroom, the other was shut but small enough that she assumed it was a coat closet. On the left side of the room were the bedrooms, aptly designated as rooms A and B.
The bedroom contained two beds pressed against either side of the rectangular room with a nightstand in between that contained a lamp and a landline phone. There was a wardrobe on either side of the room and the beds were high up enough to slide their suitcases beneath.
The front door creaked open behind Haewon as she stood in the doorway of the bedroom and she heard a pleased inhale as booted footsteps caused the wooden flooring to groan.
“Wow! This is really nice.” It was Lily, of course.
Haewon couldn’t tell if the girl was musing to herself or if she’d forgotten that she was upset on the walk over. Either way, she didn’t turn around to check.
“Which side of the room do you want?”
She didn’t have a preference and it was better to extend the olive branch if only to feign kindness.
There was the scent of sweat, general nature odor, and a hint of something fragrantly sweet as Lily stood behind her in the doorway. Close, but not touching. As some innate reaction, Haewon held her breath, stepped further into the bedroom to create some distance.
Lily hummed, not seeming to notice her flinching away. She appeared to be taking the question much more seriously than Haewon had ever imagined. Both halves of the room were perfectly identical to Haewon’s eye.
“The sun.” Her finger drew an invisible line from the left bed to the window perfectly centered between their headboards. “The sun is shining more on the left side and I can get more reading done in bed without waking you up with the lamp. I can take the left.”
It was smart, thoughtful. For an unknown reason, this upset Haewon further.
“Sure. Whatever.” Haewon pulled her luggage behind her onto the right side of the room. She could feel eyes on her back. She turned around.
Lily caught her eye. Her hands were twisting nervously. “Maybe we should talk about earlier.”
“Nah, I’m good for now,” she said flatly.
Haewon dropped her suitcases in front of the bed on the right-side of the room and left, ignoring the way Lily gaped at her as she brushed past.
Frustration and disappointment were best compartmentalized to be revisited later during a hot shower or an aggressive game of tug-of-war. She found that she had the potential to say things she didn’t mean in anger and kumbayahs were usually best when not done immediately after an argument.
By the time she had made it back to the Main Hall, there were three more campers who had arrived. Two of them were fourth-year male counselors who both were glancing at but not engaging with a familiar third individual. The female counselor immediately locked eyes with Haewon and mouthed ‘save me’ in full view of the boys. Haewon grinned.
Bae Jinsol was a hottie and the body was crazy. Like ‘make you consider playing for the other team’ crazy. She was on the swim team, but even naturally her proportions were different. There was a silver lip ring pierced midway between the right corner and the center of her bottom lip that had not been there last summer and her hair was chopped short, shorter than Lily’s and dyed a blonde that verged on platinum.
Neither of their families were in the tax bracket for buying their teens flip phones, so they’d called and exchanged letters over the school year. They also weren’t the type to go all of the way to the store to get photos developed just to send them through the mail. That said, the last Bae that Haewon knew was the one with long, mousy brown hair, no lip ring, and some degree of youthful innocence.
Even before this new transformation, her goofiness perfectly contrasted her hotness in a way where many campers had a crush on her. It was practically a rite of passage to become a little into Bae Jinsol.
Rumors had circulated camp for years explaining how she was single, from Canadian boyfriends to Christian upbringings. It turned out she was just into women.
Haewon was the only one to know that, of course. In hindsight, it wasn’t that surprising. They were practically a theater camp and what straight girl made people address her by her surname? However, gay wasn’t in most people’s dictionaries except to be used derogatorily as something ‘uncool’ or ‘lame’. Bae easily flew beneath the layman’s nonexistent gaydar.
“Haewon!” Bae ran up to her, leaving her luggage behind, and enveloped her in a hug that nearly dislocated her shoulders. “It’s so good to see you!”
“Same,” Haewon muttered with the little breath she could manage with her arms being pinned to her sides and her diaphragm being crushed. “I see you’ve gone full textbook lesbo.”
Bae made a sound that verged between laughing and choking before she released her only to slap her painfully across the shoulder. “You’re not allowed to say that!”
“It’s true though. I saw your picture in the dictionary.”
“And you’re dressed like, freaking, Where’s Waldo? if he was in the Rugrats.”
“Your mom.” Haewon responded astutely.
Bae rolled her eyes. “You know, I considered not coming to camp this year since these crappy TVs don’t have The WB, but fortunately Buffy’s season finale was last week.”
“You’re obsessed.”
“Yes. I am. We will be discussing that later. More pressing matters though, I heard we’re cabin mates from Marion, but why’re you rooming with Lily?”
She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I don’t know, Bae. It sucks and she probably hates me.”
Bae crossed her arms. “Dude. How’d you make enemies with the nicest girl in the whole camp? I know it was your fault.”
“As if. She’s a baby.”
”Most people like babies.”
“Not seventeen-year-old babies, you ass.”
This was not a conversation that Haewon wanted to have right now. Bae showed signs of understanding this fact with the intention of ignoring it completely, then she hesitated. She snapped to attention, her eyes tracking movement over Haewon’s shoulder.
“Holy moly, guacamole. There she is.”
Ignoring how lame of a sentence that was only because she was grateful for the distraction, Haewon twisted around. She already knew who to expect.
Seol Yoona was the primary camp hottie. A feminine beauty that drew a lot of male attention, and who had a quiet, unapologetic demeanor. Haewon had had a few interactions with her over the years, a music history course shared and a visit to the nurse’s station after she had eaten dirt on a biking trail her sophomore year. It was Yoona who had leaned into her personal space and treated her scratches with peroxide and Scooby Doo bandaids, and it was Haewon who had avoided her after that because she’d felt weird, confusing things about that interaction. It was probably just indigestion, but just to be safe, she kept her distance.
Marion had called Yoona over to her before she’d fully made it down the trail.
Bae was definitely checking her out, staring at Yoona who was chatting pleasantly with the adult staff. Haewon crossed her arms and watched in solidarity.
It wasn’t that she was checking Yoona out, that would be kinda gay probably. Haewon was merely looking at her and feeling as if, well yes, that white, basically seethrough, tank top was a good idea for Yoona to wear on this hot summer day. And, sure, the long braid with the wisps of hair hanging in her face was an excellent stylistic choice and very practical. And her legs seemed particularly hydrated —
Shit.
Marion said something to Yoona and her head turned so quickly in their direction that they didn’t have time to try to pretend that they weren't watching her. Bae, the idiot, smiled and waved. Haewon, being normal, averted her eyes even though it was a second too late.
“O-oh? Why is she approaching us?” Bae said through her clenched teeth.
Haewon looked up. Yoona was walking up to them nonchalantly, one hand grasping the handle of her large suitcase, the other with the thumb hooked in the belt loop of her baggy jorts. She had a bulky travel bag slung across her back.
“I have a weird feeling…” Haewon mumbled, trying not to move her lips.
“‘Sup, guys?” Yoona said in her low, husky voice that did not quite match her delicate features but fit surprisingly well together.
Out of the periphery of her vision, Haewon could see Bae was either dissociating or salivating and, though she was not at all prepared to handle a conversation with Yoona, she knew she’d have to take point.
“Hi, Yoona, long time no see.” She added some uncharacteristic lightness to sound friendlier than her usual monotone. “How's it hanging?”
“Good.” Yoona kept looking over at Bae in confusion. “How about you?”
“Great.” Haewon could hear the underlying sarcasm in her own voice.
Silence. Haewon was already at the end of her nonexistent rope of small talk topics.
Perhaps Yoona was waiting for Bae to respond, but the girl did not. Haewon smiled apologetically.
Yoona only shrugged. “Apparently we’re roommates, Jinsol. According to Marion, our vibes are compatible.”
Haewon was of the mind that Marion was rooming people in the order that they arrived at camp and this ‘vibe’ thing was a hoax. She gave Bae a look of thinly-veiled concern.
Bae was looking neither at Haewon nor Yoona, but into some secondary dimension between the two of them with an expression that was likely unreadable to Yoona but appeared highly stressed to Haewon. After a few seconds more of silence, Haewon gave her a quick jab in the ribs.
“Sorry!” Bae blurted, still looking somewhere that wasn’t quite Yoona’s face. “Sorry, I don't know why she did that. You probably wanted to room with your friends.”
“Nah, you guys are cool,” she said simply. Haewon had never been called cool once in her life. “I’m gonna put my things away. Do you have a preference? Left or right side?”
Bae shook her head a bit too vigorously. “I can sleep anywhere. I can sleep on the floor.” Haewon swallowed back a laugh, saving that particular comment to rag her about later.
Yoona laughed. Bae’s eyes glistened like she’d seen heaven. “I’m not putting you on the floor.”
“I really don’t care.”
“Me neither, but I‘ll go right. Guess we’ll get along just fine.” Yoona gave them a small smile before she continued walking down the trail. She cast a glance over her shoulder belatedly. “By the way, nice lip ring, Jinsol.”
Haewon’s eyebrows shot up. Fortunately, Yoona had turned around before she could see the slight flush creeping up Bae’s neck.
“Dude, she complimented your lip ring. That’s freaky.”
“Don’t say that!”
“I dunno about you, but if I complimented someone’s lip ring, it’s because I’m thinking about putting that lip ring in my m —”
“Haewon! Don’t give me your false, perverted hope right now.” Bae threaded her hands through her hair, eyes wide. “She’s so hot. I can’t be her roommate. I’m going to die.”
“Wanna switch? I will gladly take that bullet for you.”
“No! Are you kidding me? I’d rather die happy than live in the what-if.”
“Haewon!” Marion, who had finally noticed Haewon’s return, gestured impatiently to the parking lot. “Help unload the truck!”
Haewon gave her a sharp salute. “Yes, boss!”
Marion’s face held the world-weariness of a woman twice her age and, given her work with teenagers, it made sense.
Bae gave Haewon a miniscule, crooked smile as she patted her shoulder. “You know, I wouldn’t worry about the Lily situation. I have a feeling that camp is really going to be a utopia this summer!”
“Shut up, Bae. You offered to sleep on the floor like a dog.”
Her mouth split with a devious grin. “Careful comparing me to a dog, Haewon. You may not like the road that leads down.”
Half an hour in and Haewon already wanted to set the entire summer on fire. Lovely.