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He can’t breathe. He feels like the air is stuck in his throat. Each time he takes a breath, he’s wheezing. He never knew how hard breathing could be.
Mikleo finds himself on the floor, fingers curled around his shirt. His glasses are discarded somewhere on the floor. He’s never quite felt like this. His heart feels heavy, and it’s like his shoulders are being pulled down by a weight on them.
And it makes it harder to breathe. He feels like he’s being crushed. He
He can’t. He can’t hecanthecanthecant---
Mikleo breaks.
He feels the sobs shake his body, and tears on his face. He can feel his hair stick to his face. He curls in on himself, gasping for air. His arms are around his shoulders, and he presses his cheek against the floor.
There’s a crash outside the room he’s in, his room. He curls tighter on himself, and tries to calm himself. He’s still wheezing, barely able to draw in a breath.
“Mik? Mikleo?”
At the sound of Sorey’s voice, Mikleo’s heart tightens. He remembers why he’s so upset. So hurt. He can remember the way Sorey stood, the smile on his face, as he reached over and --
It hurts. His heart hurts. It hurts so much.
It feels like he’ll never be fixed. That a part of him will always be broken. The cracks run too deep.
Mikleo presses a hand against his mouth. He’s gasping against his fingers, but he needs to be quiet. Leave. Leave, leave, please leave.
“Come on, Mik.”
He hears the doorknob rattle, and a sigh on the other side. Mikleo pulls his arm over his head, and presses his face further into the floor. There’s more rattling, and a click and he knows Sorey picked the lock to his room. It’s something they had both discovered was very easy to do.
“Mik…” Sorey’s voice is soft, and Mikleo can hear him pad over, his hand touching his shoulder, “Hey, Mikleo. Look at me?”
Mikleo shakes his head, and curls tighter. Sorey sighs, his fingers curling around Mikleo’s wrist. He tugs gently, and pulls Mikleo’s arm away from his face.
Mikleo can’t see, his eyes still filled with tears. He can barely see Sorey through them, but he doesn’t need to see him to know what he looks like. The sad, pitying look on his face. Mikleo closes his eyes, turning his face back to the floor.
Sorey carefully works his arms around Mikleo, finding it easy with the way Mikleo doesn’t fight back. He’s limp in his arms, and Sorey tugs him close. He runs his fingers through his hair, leaning his head against Mikleo’s.
“Shhh, it’s okay, Mik. It’s okay.”
Mikleo makes a strangled noise, and he feels the last of what was holding him together break, and he lets out another sob. He arms curl around Sorey, and he buries his face into his neck, and cries.
“Y-youuu…you juuustt…”
Sorey tightens his grip, and brushes his lips against Mikleo’s ear without thinking. He freezes, and can feel the shift in Mikleo the moment he does. Mikleo pushes Sorey away, his gaze downcast. He can feel himself calming down, but he feels hollow.
“Mik...Mikleo... Please.” Sorey leans forward, lifting a hand and placing it against Mikleo’s shoulder. Mikleo recoils, and scrambles backwards until his back hit the bed.
“Please...Sorey. Stop”
“No, Mik.” He sucks in his breath, and crawls forward, right up to Mikleo, “No. I’m not going to stop. I’m not going to just leave you.”
Mikleo shakes his head, and draws his knees up to his chest. “Soreyy….” He can feel the panic building in his chest again, and his breathing is starting to show it. He idly realizes he’s hyperventilating. Sorey’s arms are around him again, and he struggles for a moment, before falling into his embrace. Sorey runs his hand down Mikleo’s back, and he sits down properly, pulling Mikleo right into his lap. “Doon’t…Suree…Please…”
Sorey runs his fingers down the back of Mikleo’s neck, and he carefully presses his lips against Mikleo’s forehead. Mikleo’s eyelashes flutter, and he pulls away, but finds himself quite trapped in Sorey’s arms. “Don’t…”
“What happened, Mik?”
He shook his head, “You...I saw you and…”
“Oh.” Sorey’s eyes widen with realization, and all at once he understands, and he laughs.
Mikleo blinks through the tears in his eyes, and stares at Sorey in shock.
“I think I understand.” Sorey’s smiling, and he waits until he’s certain he has Mikleo’s eye, and leans closely, very slowly. Mikleo’s breathing becomes shallow, slowing as Sorey draws nearer.
Sorey smiles, and gently presses his lips to Mikleo’s. He gets no response, and it takes a moment of him moving his lips against Mikleo’s before Mikleo returns the kiss. Mikleo clings to Sorey’s front, and lets himself forget everything except the feel of Sorey’s lips against his. Somehow, they’re softer than he expected. And so warm. Mikleo finds himself drawn into Sorey.
He senses the moment there’s a shift in Sorey, and he braces for the worst. Instead, when Sorey shifts, and breaks the kiss, his lips don’t leave. They trail down his jaw, his neck. When he finds the most sensitive part, given by the way Mikleo wiggles in his lap, Sorey gently bites on the skin there.
Mikleo all but squeaks in response, not having expected what was happening. He feels shivers run down his back at the way Sorey sucks on the skin of his neck, and his fingers dig into the front of his shirt.”S-So….!” He clamps his lips together, biting down to stop himself from saying anything.
Sorey presses a last kiss to Mikleo’s neck, and pulls back, idly staring down at the mark he’s left there. “I’ve...wanted to do that for a while. Is it...okay? Can I kiss you?” His eyes are full of fire, and he’s staring into Mikleo’s. Senseless. It goes unsaid.
Mikleo’s mind reels, and he can’t think straight. How is he supposed to respond to that ? He doesn’t get a chance to though, as Sorey’s kissing him again. It’s weird, to finally feel his lips against his. The way it feels to have him running his tongue along his lips, the way Sorey bites at his bottom lip. Mikleo can feel his heart racing.
He feels weird. Like his body is dragging underwater, and Sorey is slowly pulling him up.
Mikleo’s fingers dig into the back of Sorey’s neck, and he draws him closer, enjoying how it feels to have Sorey pressed against him. It’s all he’s ever wanted, desired. But he remembers.
Mikleo gasps against Sorey’s lips, and pushes at him. He can’t get out of his arms, but he can twist his face away. “Stop.”
Sorey shakes his head, lips pressing against Mikleo’s jaw. They way he works his mouth against Mikleo’s skin sends his mind spiraling. But he shakes his head again, and pushes at Sorey’s chest.
“Please. I don’t...want this.”
Sorey pulls away, his eyes wide. He looks hurt, on the verge of distress. “You...don’t?”
Mikleo’s eyes flutter closed. He can’t look at him, not like this. Not right now. “Not like this. Just because I’m upset, I don’t want you to…” He can feel himself breaking all over again. “Besides, earlier…”
Sorey twists Mikleo’s face, and pulls him into another kiss. “I want to. I told you that, didn’t I?” Sorey continues to kiss Mikleo, bringing his hands to cup his face. “Plus, you’re the one who always tells me I don’t know the concept of personal space”
Mikleo makes a face, and Sorey kisses him again. “It's just you, Mik.”
There's that part of him, the deepest part that tells him it's not true. He can feel it creeping through his chest, stealing his breath. “Sorey--” He can feel tears growing in his eyes and he's not sure why.
Sorey sighs, and presses a kiss to his nose. “Let me show you?”
Mikleo’s eyes flutter closed again, tears starting to trail down his cheeks again. His silence is enough of an answer to Sorey, and he gently kisses Mikleo’s tears away. His kisses trail back down his cheek, and jawline, and down the the hem of his shirt. Sorey peppers kisses to every inch of skin he can reach, before capturing his lips with his own again. He tilts Mikleo’s head back, pleased with how easy it is, how Mikleo moves to his touch. The feel of Sorey biting at his lip again sends Mikleo reeling, and he all but melts the moment Sorey’s tongue runs along his. Sorey continues to kiss him like that, before abruptly pulling back, a grin on his face. Mikleo blinks, staring up at Sorey. He’s sure he looks positively stupid.
“Hey, Mik?” There’s a pause, and suddenly Mikleo realizes Sorey’s managed to work most of the buttons on his shirt undone. “You…” Sorey’s face is red, and Mikleo can feel his heart racing under the hand pressed against his chest. “You know I love you, right?”
Oh. A different part of him breaks. Mikleo’s suddenly choking on air, and he’s not sure what he’s supposed to say. He’s heard Sorey tell him that before but...it’s different. It’s...all he’s wanted.
Mikleo nods his head, squeezing his eyes closed. He doesn’t see the way Sorey smiles, or how he pulls at the last button of Mikleo’s shirt. Sorey’s lips meet his neck again, and he trails them down to his collar, biting on the skin there. Mikleo gasps, wiggling in Sorey’s lap. Sorey groans against Mikleo’s skin, biting rather firmly before pulling back, looking slightly...put out.
“You...Oh, for.” He sneaks his arms under Mikleo’s legs, and in one motion sweeps him off his lap, and into his arms. Mikleo squeaks, his fingers digging into Sorey’s shirt. He’s very aware of how his shirt hangs open, and how chilly the room is. And in contrast how warm Sorey is.
The warmth is gone the minute Sorey drops Mikleo on his bed. His breath is knocked out of him in surprise, and he stares up at Sorey with wide eyes. Sorey’s got a hand over his mouth, and he looks positively stunned.
Mikleo pushes himself up, and he can feel his hair falling around his shoulders. He brushes it back, staring up at Sorey. “What...what’s that look for?” He can feel himself pouting, even though he’s trying not to.
“You look…” Sorey isn’t even sure what word to use. Seeing Mikleo sitting there, propped by one arm, shirt undone and his hair falling around him the way it was, and the look in his violet eyes...Sorey is suddenly reminded all at once why he loves Mikleo so much. He leaves the words, and instead crawls onto the bed, and pulls Mikleo into another kiss. Mikleo returns the kiss almost instantly, finally finding himself getting used to it. He pulls Sorey closer, gasping into their kiss when Sorey’s hand snakes around his side, his fingers rubbing against his bare skin. Sorey’s other hand is on his shoulder, working his shirt the rest of the way off. Mikleo feels the fabric fall to his wrists, Sorey’s fingers trailing down his arm after it. When his hand finds Mikleo’s his fingers curl around it. When Mikleo returns the squeeze, Sorey presses a quick peck to Mikleo’s lips again, before letting his lips trail back down his neck. Mikleo’s head falls back again, his eyes half-closed as he gasps with pleasure. Even though all Sorey is doing is kissing him, it’s driving him crazy. He isn’t sure what Sorey is doing with his tongue but he doesn’t want him to stop.
Sorey presses kisses down to Mikleo’s collar, and nips there gently, pleased by the noise Mikleo makes in response. He continues to run his lips down Mikleo’s chest, working down to his stomach. Sorey has always wondered how soft it was, and is pleased to discover it’s so much softer than he had expected. He can feel Mikleo wiggle under his touch, and he very slowly draws his tongue along the skin there. Sorey can feel Mikleo jump, and hears the gasp that leaves him. A grin spreads over Sorey’s lips and he tilts his head, peering up at Mikleo.
“Do you like that?”
Mikleo makes a strangled noise, and presses a hand to his mouth. He closes his eyes, and nods his head just a little. Sorey’s grin widens, and he gets a spark in his eye, before pressing another kiss to Mikleo’s stomach, then gently runs his teeth along the skin there. He can feel Mikleo shift under him, pressing closer.
“That?”
Mikleo makes another noise in response, blinking at Sorey. Sorey smiles. He can tell by the expression on Mikleo’s face, how he’s gasping, and they way one of his hands reach up, fingers digging into Sorey’s shoulder, that he did like what Sorey had done. And that getting a coherent response might not be possible. He gently runs his fingers along Mikleo’s bare side anyway. “Hmmm? That’s not an answer is it? Do you want me to do that again?”
“...” Mikleo lets his head fall back, and he lets out a shaky breath, finding it hard to breath again. His feelings from before seem like a memory, from long ago, “yeesss.”
Sorey kisses Mikleo’s stomach again, biting down a bit harder than he had before. His reward is Mikleo’s response, fingers of his free hand coming to curl into Sorey’s hair, and his legs shifting to pull him closer. Sorey nuzzles his face against Mikleo’s stomach, pressing more kisses to his skin.
“How about…” Sorey pauses, peering up at Mikleo. He waits until his gaze meets Mikleo’s, and knows that he has all of Mikleo’s attention - not that he didn’t have him completely wrapped around his finger already, “this?”
He presses another kiss to Mikleo’s stomach, before running his tongue up along his stomach, and over his chest. Mikleo’s reaction is almost instant, he’s arching his back up to meet Sorey. The fingers in his hair tighten, nearly pulling at it. Mikleo is gasping, nearly panting, as his legs tighten around Sorey. Sorey laughs, biting once more at Mikleo’s collarbone. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
Mikleo takes advantages of his hand in Sorey hair to tug him over, pulling him into a kiss. Sorey makes a happy noise, returning the kiss almost instantly, his arms circling around Mikleo.
Sorey is so good at this. He’s too good…
Mikleo can feel his chest shaking as panic seeps into him again. He breaks the kiss, pulling away to try and gasp for air. He can’t breathe again.
“Mik?” Sorey’s eyes have gone wide, and he cups his hands around Mikleo’s face. “Hey, hey, it’s okay.”
Mikleo shakes his head, and he realizes he’s started crying again. His vision is blurry, so he doesn’t see, but feels Sorey press a kiss to his forehead. He moves off of him, and curls around Mikleo, hugging him close.
“I’m sorry, Mik. I shouldn’t have...done this. I’m sorry.”
Mikleo shakes his head again, and he reaches up blindly, his hand pressing against Sorey’s cheek. “Nnoo...it’s okayy….?” He can barely get the words out, before a sob shakes him, and he opts to bury his face against Sorey’s chest, and cry. Sorey pulls Mikleo as close as he can, one hand rubbing his back. He cringes each time a sob comes from Mikleo.
He knew, somehow, he caused this. He wishes, more than anything, he could fix it. He continues to hold Mikleo until he calms down, small gasps the only thing shaking him now. Mikleo lets his head rest against Sorey’s shoulder. He’s cried himself past the point of exhaustion. Sorey runs his fingers through his hair in a repetitive motion.
“Sleep, Mik.”
Mikleo shakes his head, and shifts. He wants to look at Sorey, but it’s hard. His eyes hurt, and he’s...so tired.
“You’ve...done this before? Haven’t you?”
“Eh?” Sorey’s eyes widen in surprise, and he stares at Mikleo. “You...That.” He presses his lips together, and tilts his head back, humming in thought. “Ahh...no? But...”
Sorey shifts, pulling Mikleo closer. He doesn’t want him to pull away again. “I don’t know...if you knew this? About a year or so ago, I got asked out? I didn’t really think anything of it, but I went with it?” Sorey can feel Mikleo tensing, and presses a kiss to his forehead. “I hung out with them only a couple times but,” Sorey shrugs, “They...talked about this stuff a lot. And..it made me think of you. I realized...I love you. You’re the only one I’ve ever loved and...So I...broke up with them?” He could see, and feel Mikleo pulling away, and tugs him closer. “Nothing happened, I promise! I’ve just...waited, I guess? I’ve wanted to tell you how I feel for so long…Please, Mik.”
Mikleo stares up at Sorey. He reaches up, and rubs his eyes, before nodding his head slowly. “I...see.”
Sorey makes a distressed noise, and works his fingers under Mikleo’s chin, tilting his head back up. He presses his forehead against Mikleo’s, staring into his eyes. He can feel Mikleo’s hair brushing against his arms, tickling against his cheeks. “I love you.” He watches the way Mikleo’s eyes light up at the words, how they shift away from his gaze, his cheeks turning red. He gently rubs circles with his hand on Mikleo’s shoulder. He can already feel Mikleo relaxing, the tension that had formed in his body dissapearing. Sorey smiles slightly, and closes the distance between them. Mikleo responds to his lips slowly, eyes flickering as he gently presses back. Sorey finds the way he moves his lips against Mikleo’s seems to slowly bring Mikleo more alert. He can feel the way Mikleo curls his fingers into his hair, pulling him closer. Sorey is only too happy to oblige, deepening the kiss with another sweep of his tongue against Mikleo’s lips. He feels when Mikleo’s hand slides down his arm, and his grip loosens as a sign that it’s time to stop. He pulls away, not before pressing one last quick kiss to Mikleo’s lips.
“I think it might be really time to sleep.” Sorey gently leans his head back against Mikleo’s, “If you want...I can stay? I don’t have to though…!” Sorey flushes, suddenly realizing that in this, maybe he is being too forward. Mikleo shakes his head, his arm moving back up to tug around Sorey’s neck.
“Mmnn...Please stay. I would like that.”
Sorey grins, and scoops Mikleo up, causing the other to startle. “Wha--? Sorey…?”
“Hold on, okay!” He cradles Mikleo close and scoots backwards, kicking the blankets up as soon as he’s back far enough. He gently lays Mikleo back down as soon as they’re out of the way, and scoots down beside him, pulling the blankets over them both. “Better?” He’s laughing, pleased with how Mikleo rolls right back into him. He hums happily, nuzzling his face into Sorey’s chest.
“Sorey?” Mikleo tilts his head up, blinking sleepily at Sorey. Sorey smiles down at him, tilting his head slightly in response. “I...Ah.” He flushes, and ducks his head down, hiding his face against Sorey’s chest. He takes a deep breath, then looks back up, his eyes unwavering. Sorey sucks in a breathe, never having had Mikleo look at him quite like that.
“Mik--”
“Sorey.” Mikleo’s voice is low, cutting off whatever Sorey was saying. Sorey stops breathing. “I...love you too.”
Sorey instantly lights up, and he catches Mikleo in his arms, crushing their lips together. Mikleo makes a noise of surprise, his eyes fluttering closed as his hands curl into the front of Sorey’s shirt. When Sorey breaks the kiss, he wraps his arms around Mikleo, holding him tightly. He doesn’t feel the need to reply, Mikleo already knows how he feels. And knowing how Mikleo feels...he couldn’t be happier. Sorey snuggles close to Mikleo, pressing his face against the side of his head. He can already feel the shift in Mikleo’s breathing, that he is starting to fall asleep. Sorey isn’t surprised, not after the energy Mikleo had expelled crying. The emotions Sorey let out have left him feeling exhausted too...It isn’t as fast as Mikleo, but he can already feel sleep starting to creep up on him. Sorey lets his eyes fall closed, and like that, with Mikleo in his arms, he falls into a deep sleep.