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The first thing he notices when he walks into their room is how beautiful she is, and he is immediately disgusted with himself. He's there to do a job, and it should be the last thing he's thinking about. But as he introduces himself and steps closer, it gets more difficult to ignore. She's sweet. She clearly wants what's best for her family and it sucks so much to see anyone struggle, but he feels particularly bad for her. He knows her husband is uncomfortable, he's not doing a great job of hiding it. He notices her husband isn't doing a fantastic job at anything right now. He'd feel bad for the guy if this wasn't his ninth year in the field and he hadn't already seen hundreds of fathers bumbling through their first night with a newborn and an exhausted partner, woefully underprepared and unknowledgable. Oblivious. He mostly ignores Jim unless he's giving him information on how to help his wife. Whether or not he's listening to the information provided or seething with jealousy is hard to tell. It makes him feel a bit nervous...even scared...and Jim's NOT the first dad in the room to shoot him a glare. No, but this time he actually does feel guilty. Because he still thinks she's beautiful the second time he comes to their room to help baby Cece latch.
He kicks himself again, because he realizes he's a little angrier with Jim than with the other dads. And he knows it's because he's a little more out of his head than he ever is at work whenever he sees Pam. And he's there to do a JOB. He does it, he does it perfectly and by day three Cece is latching right away more than sixty percent of the time, and Pam's milk is lighter and it's transitioning fast, and that's a very good sign.
He didn't get into this for the reason everyone thinks he did, and he damn sure knows people don't think that way nearly as much about male obstetricians, but, he supposes what he does is different enough and it involves, well, touching boobs. He doesn't try to explain himself anymore, and if the odd patient refuses him because he's a guy, he respects their decision of course. Plus, there's no good way to explain why you're a male lactation consultant without sounding like the creep you're trying to explain you definitely are not.
The morning of their last day in the hospital, he comes by to give Pam a folder of booklets and information on breastfeeding, and encourages her to keep it up. He tells her everything looks like it's heading in the right direction, and not to worry about Cece. That she's gaining weight, the milk is there, and she will get better and better at latching. They pass him in the hallway on the way out later. Jim doesn't so much as glance at him. Pam beams and waves, with Cece asleep in her arms, no doubt recently well fed and content. He remembers what it's all about. Not that he had ever forgotten, but he knows Pam made him stumble. Made his professionalism slip only a little, even if it was just in his head.
He makes a last minute decision right before the valet pulls up with their vehicle and grabs a pamphlet from the front desk.
"Jim!" New dad number-whatever looks up, paired with old-look-Clark-has-seen-a-billion-times-from-annoyed-uncomfortable-dads, and doesn't say anything. Clark hands him the pamphlet. "Don't sweat it," he says as Jim stares down at the shiny paper, a little sad but maybe genuinely absorbing something for the first time since entering the building. "You're gonna do great."
Clark is already turned away and headed down the hall to his next consult when Jim looks up.
"What's that, babe?" Pam asks. She was busy talking with a nurse who'd hopped over at the same time as Clark, cooing at Cece and asking all the questions.
"Supporting Your Breastfeeding Partner," he answers lightly, and smiles at her. He opens it up, and feels like he can do this.