Work Text:
No one is sitting by Rin's bed waiting for her to wake up.
Minato, of course, is busy. He's the hokage, he has work to do. Kushina could never hold his absence against him. The fact that he made it in time to save Rin in the first place is more than anyone could ask from him. And besides- it's not as if his relationship with Rin ever extended beyond teacher and student. He'll make time to visit, later, Kushina is sure of it, because Minato is kind and thoughtful, but waiting... it's just too much to ask.
Kakashi, on the other hand- is busy also. ANBU keeps him occupied at all times. Well, it does give him some downtime that it really wouldn't be hard to spend with Rin, but Kakashi tends to train. And request more misions. Which is fine, and Kushina's glad that he's such a diligent young man. Minato's said so himself, he's a wonderful asset to Konoha. But, considering the fact that he's the one who injured Rin in the first place, he really should-
Keep caring about the things that matter. Rin won't wake up any faster if he spends his time doing meaningless things.
Rin's parents never show up. They've never shown up. Kushina's never met them. Maybe that's the way that all parents are. Quick to let go of their children. Rin is 14, after all. She's old enough to take care of herself. Far older than Kushina when she-
They don't have any excuse for not being there for Rin. Kushina tries not to get too pissed off about it. Rin's never said they mistreated her, and the records show that they've been loyal shinobi for nearly two decades. Really, there's no problem with any of this. It's just, Rin's the kind of girl to quietly shoulder her problems without complaining, so Kushina worries.
Kushina... Kushina is the only one here who has no excuse. Doesn't she love Rin? She should be there for her.
Kushina is pregnant. She tries to stay off her feet when possible. She hasn't left the village in years, anyways- she has very little to do with her time. She tries to sit with Rin exactly once, for half an afternoon, until the sterile hospital walls start to close in on her and she flees back home, citing a headache. She doesn't try again. Even though Rin really deserves someone there for her when she wakes up.
Even Kushina had the privilege of that much.
But when she looks at Rin's lifeless body, she feels sick. Her chest barely moves. Sometimes, Kushina swears, it stops entirely. And then she thinks about how Rin will react when she wakes up- if she'll cry, and scream, and beg Kushina to take this away from her. Kushina thinks her heart might break if that happened. She couldn't bear it. But Rin's always been a selfless girl- so instead, she might smile and nod and quietly accept her fate. And to Kushina, that might be worse.
So like a coward, she stays home, off her feet, and waits for the baby to come and Rin to wake up.
They get the news that it's happened on a Thursday afternoon. Minato cannot go- he has a meeting with his advisors. It's very important. Kakashi cannot go- he has to guard Minato's meeting. Rin's parents will not go.
Kushina has to go. It's one thing to be absent when Rin first wake up- it's another to deprive her of any human touch entirely.
She rushes to the hospital.
When she gets there, Rin is propped up on a pile of pillows, staring straight ahead, eyes dead. Kushina pauses in the doorway.
"Kushina," Rin says, without turning to look at her. "Thanks for coming."
"Of-" says Kushina. "Of course."
She stands there awkwardly, even though she needs to be staying off her feet.
"You know," says Kushina, mind racing as she tries to remember what it was she had wanted to hear back then. Her memories are all foggy. She doesn't remember it well. "Rin, this isn't... I mean, it's not so bad."
Rin keep staring forward.
"Really," says Kushina. And then again, this time like she means it: "Really! Rin, I mean, there's a little... I won't say there's no downsides. But of course, Minato will be there for you, and Kakashi will be there for you. And,"
She doesn't move.
"And I'll be there for you," Kushina says. You'll be there for me, she does not. This isn't about her. No matter how badly she wants to celebrate that- this is about Rin. This is what Rin has. She chooses her next words carefully. She doesn't want to imply that she had it harder than Rin. "I think it'll be nice for you, to have support from someone who knows what it's like."
"Thank you, Kushina," Rin says dutifully. She doesn't move.
"Are you disappointed to be stuck in the village?" Kushina tries to ask. "You know, you can still be very helpful from within- but, but, if you wanted to stretch your legs, I'm sure we could arrange something."
"It's fine," Rin says. "It doesn't bother me at all."
"...your chakra is a little shot," Kushina bites her lip. "But, with practice, you can regain control! I bet, Rin, you could even practice a little medicine again someday..."
"It doesn't bother me at all," Rin repeats. "In the first place..."
She trails off.
Rin obviously doesn't want to talk. She sits there blankly, like a doll, barely responding to Kushina. She looks tired. She needs her rest. Kushina should leave her alone. She turns.
Behind her, Rin slumps forward, loosing the grace to her posture, like a puppet with its strings cut.
Kushina swallows.
"Rin," she says, quiet enough that Rin could pretend not to hear it. "Something's wrong."
Rin doesn't reply, of course.
"Rin," Kushina says, voice wavering. "What's wrong?"
She can't even hear the sound of her breathing.
"Can you tell me what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, Kushina," Rin finally says. Kushina looks back at her. She's smiling. "I'm a little tired, is all. But I'll be better in the morning."
Kushina should leave it there. She should really, really leave it there.
But something sticks in the back of her throat. The question that has been haunting her since Minato came back with Rin limp in her arms rests on her tongue. And Kushina shouldn't ask it, because she already has a thousand answers prepared: because Rin wasn't thinking clearly, because Rin didn't think she could be saved, because Rin wanted what was best for the village, because Rin just wanted to die close to someone she loved.
It slips out anyways.
"Why did you jump?" Kushina asks. "Rin, why would you- why would you do that to Kakashi?"
Something in Rin's expression breaks. She stares at Kushina, mouth slack, eyes wide, pupils shaking.
"Why would you do that to us?" Kushina asks. She can't stop herself. "Rin, you know- you know we love you, right? How could you think-"
"I know," Rin croaks. "I knew."
"You didn't!" Kushina says, scrubbing furiously at her tears. "If you knew, you wouldn't have-"
"Kushina," Rin says. "I knew."
Her fingers pull out her hospital gown until it falls away to reveal her chest, chidori scar stretched across it. She touches it lightly, like she's afraid it will disappear.
Kushina just wants to help her. She just wants to see her happy.
For a long time, Kushina has known that Rin was unhappy underneath it all. That her smile was for other's sake, and not her own. That Rin has been a kind and selfless girl.
How miserable had she been, to seek death despite knowing what it would do to the people she loved?
"I'm sorry, Rin," Kushina whispers, stumbling forward until she can pull her into a hug. "I'm so, so sorry."
Rin's arms strain for half a second, trying to push Kushina away, until she collapses into her embrace.
"I can't fix it," Kushina says. She runs her fingers through Rin's head. "I'm so sorry. I can't make it better."
Rin isn't crying. There's no snot or tears soaking into the front of Kushina's dress.
"Will you stay, anyways?" Kushina asks. "I'm sorry, Rin. Can you keep being selfless?"
She doesn't move.
"I'm sorry," Kushina says.
"I know it's hard for you," Kushina says.
"I know you didn't mean to hurt us," Kushina says.
"I shouldn't have said anything to you about it," Kushina says.
Rin lies motionless in her arms. Kushina doesn't know how to help her. She doesn't know how to make her want to live. She only knows that right now, Rin is not any happier than she was before Kushina visited. She only knows that she has failed to change anything for Rin.