Chapter Text
“That is not be the best idea.” A quiet voice said.
Bucky looked around, while he couldn’t immediately place the voice, he noticed that it had a thick accent and it fluctuated a lot. Yelana, she was the best guess he had. The only other person it could be was Alexy and he couldn’t be quiet to save his life.
A part of Bucky wanted to break down the door and interrogate her, well ask her questions, with her in his metal arm unable to escape. He knew that it wouldn’t help, Yelana was trained just like him, she was actually trained better than him, he was a weapon that had to be activated and programmed, she was raised, never knowing anything other than fighting. She wouldn’t give up anything, no matter what he did. Well maybe if he threatened that little archer that she had some surveillance done on. No he couldn’t do that.
He decided to put his ear up to the door hoping to get some more information.
“Well why not this could solve so many problems!” That voice sounded like Bob, “And isn’t Bucky like his best friend ever? Why wouldn’t…”
“Because Bob! He left. He left Bucky alone, here, with no one and now he is back and we need Bucky to not get all weird with feelings.” Yelana cut him off.
“He had Falcon.” Bob tried.
“You don’t understand Bob. He left Bucky, it wasn’t like how Natasha left me. She did many wrong things but, now, I understand why she did it. She died to save the world, she was ready too, not the way I was ready, but in the way where she knew if she didn’t go, the world would never feel right. Steve just, left, he didn’t need to, he knew that he wasn’t supposed to stay gone.” Yelana explained.
Bucky stopped listening, he didn’t need to hear more, he didn’t need his feelings, the ones that felt like a stab wound that never stopped gushing blood, explained. His head started spinning like a bingo cage, thoughts spinning in his head but he couldn’t grasp any of them, no matter how hard he tried he just had to wait for a ball to fall into the catch.
Why were they talking about Steve? He was gone, he had chosen his path, had chosen his person. He had come back as, as an old fucking man, nothing changed in the past, nor present, nothing. He could have stayed, Bucky was fixed now, his brain was back to, well he wasn’t able to be controlled anymore, and Steve was free. They could have had a house together, maybe a dog, or a cat, but he chose her.
Bucky’s thoughts were so loud he didn’t notice the door opening, the door to the storage closet that Bob and Yelana had been talking in. Yelana looked at Bucky, then walked off grumbling. Bob watched Bucky, watched as the man’s world imploded on itself again for the third, no seventh, how many times can a man be broken.
“Bucky?” Bob eventually asked, his hand moving to rest on Bucky’s shoulder.
Bucky snapped, grabbing Bob’s arm and slamming him against the wall, his other hand grabbing his gun and putting it to Bob's head.
“Just me.” Bob said with a smile.
“Sorry.” Bucky grumbled, letting go of Bob.
Bob put his hand back on Bucky’s shoulder, “It’s ok. I’m used to it.”
Bob started to follow Yelana, but Bucky stopped him.
“Bob.”
“Yeah?”
“Can you tell me the truth?”
“Of course.”
“Is Steve here.”
Bob went quiet for a second, thinking about what to say next, “Yes he is. I don’t know how, and I don’t know if it’s your Steve, but there is a Steve Rogers here.”
“Thank you.” Bucky said.
“Of course.” Bob replied.
Bucky stood there, he stood there for a long time, he didn’t keep track of time, he couldn’t with his thoughts the way they were. He stood there trying to rein in the emotions that were festering in his chest like rot in a log, rot that had stopped aching, and stopped tearing him apart when the Thunderbolts came together.
“Bucky?” He heard.
He turned, his stupid heart fluttering hoping to see Steve, yet falling when all he saw was Ava.
“Oh Ava. Hi.” He said, trying to smile.
“Are you ok?” She asked.
“I, yeah, just another world ending event happening, what’s not to be OK about?” Bucky joked.
"Weren't you like some sort of weapon experiment? Because I think they failed. You are a really terrible liar.” Ava said.
“Look kid, just leave me alone.” Bucky said, taking a step from his place.
“Bucky I get the world is ending again or something but this is different. This is like how you were in Bob’s shadows fucked up mind palace.” She said.
“What does that mean?” Bucky hissed.
“Look you always have a sort of broken soldier, ready to cry at any point in time but won't because you’re too strong for that, thing to you, that's normal, but this is more of a,” She paused looking at Bucky like he had gotten ketchup all over a new outfit that she had bought for him, “Sad the world hates me and wants me to suffer kind of look.”
“Well thank you Ghost for your opinions but I am fine.” He grumbled going back to walking away from this situation and where he stood before.
“Well if you need to talk…” Ghost called out, “Uh the rock guy seems good at that, or fire boy he never stops talking.”
Bucky ignored her, walking to the bar. He was hoping to get wasted, well as wasted as he could pretend to get with his super-soldier serum. It was quiet, which was nice, he poured himself a glass and spun it. The ice clinked on the glass beautifully, like rain falling onto a tin roof, it called him, reminded him of simpler times when he could just have a drink with Steve and they could talk about anything, or nothing.
“AH THERE YOU ARE!” Alexy boomed, breaking Bucky’s serenity.
“Aren’t people sleeping?” Bucky asked him in hopes he would get quieter.
“WELL OF COURSE IT’S TWO AM BUT YOU AND I OH WE DON’T NEED SLEEP DO WE! NO! WE ARE SUPER SOLDGERS! WE CAN TAKE ON ANY DAY!” He shouted.
“Look I’m a little tired of this day Alexy can I please have the bar to myself.” Bucky asked, he wasn’t truly planning on staying, Alexy was like a golden retriever, you tell them to leave, they do, for five minutes, getting lonely or bored or both, and returning because he wants the companionship, so Bucky carefully poured himself another glass and waited.
“WELL YES OF COURSE MR. WINTER SOLDIER I SHALL LEAVE YOU TO YOUR DRINK!” He boomed walking right back from where he came from.
“I told you not to call me that.” Bucky grumbled.
He sighed, his fingers wrapping around his glass, feeling the condensation in the creases of the glass. Maybe Alexy could help him, even in the worst spots the man somehow had a way of making Yelana happy, well maybe not fully happy but at least she would give him a real smile. His thumb ripped against the slick surface as he thought, being alone won't help him too much here, will it, Yelana told Bob in secret for a reason.
He sighed, no, Alexy while boastful and kind enough couldn’t help him here. A thousand years of therapy wouldn’t be able to help him, he just had to deal with it, just like everything else. He walked away from the bar, glass in hand, toward his room, not even a twinge of guilt in his chest when he heard Alexy’s boom in the bar, expecting him to be there, then disappointed when he wasn’t. Bucky swirled his drink around in its glass, staring at the liquid, the amber mixture crashing into the ice in his glass like the sea crashing into glaciers.
Suddenly he felt an arm on his shoulder, he looked to his side to see, no one, well no one his height. His head tilting down just a little he saw Steve, a scrawny, sickly, smart kid from Brooklyn, his best friend. In his hand was a glass of scotch and on his face was the most shit eating grin in the world.
“You sure you should be drinking that?” Bucky asked him.
“Oh Shut up. Just because you got into the service before me doesn’t mean I can’t drink.” Steve replied, his words already slurring.
“I’m not saying that!” Bucky drank down the rest of his glass, “I’m just saying you're a light weight.”
“Light weight my ass! I can drink you under the table any day, Privet Barnes!” Steve challenged.
“Prove it, to be Privet Steve!” He retorted.
Why did he say to be? He knew Steve had no chance of being drafted into the army, even if he got in he would be dead in two days. With all of his medical issues, with how scrawny he was, he wouldn’t even make it through a day of basic training. Yet here he stood, barely drunk and telling him that one day he would be a private.
They drank that night round after round and Bucky won. He always won. Until Steve got the serum, then he couldn’t get drunk. They only got to drink together once after he got the super soldier serum, well they only got to drink competitively, like there was nothing wrong in the world once after the experiment. Steve won, for the first time ever, Steve Rogers, the boy who used to get drunk after one glass drank bottle after bottle, he was barely buzzed by the time Bucky passed out.
Bucky stared at his drink wishing that it could do anything to him, wishing that it could make his mind go numb, wishing he could be buzzed, wishing to whatever cruel god was playing with his fate that the alcohol would do anything to him, anything other than burn his throat. He drank down the glass, his prayers not answered, he didn’t care to take off his suit, to get into his underwear to sleep, he just laid in bed, thinking about nights where it was just him and Steve, nights where everything in the world was ok, because he had Steve. Thinking about how he doesn’t get any more of those nights, because he left.
When Bucky woke he was surprised to find Ghost in his room. She looked worried and annoyed, her normal expression. She was fading in and out of the world, one head looking behind her, the other already walking away, another was looking at him very disappointed.
“Good your waking up, makes my life easier. Get down to the bridge.” She said, her ghosts around moving in their own ways as she said it.
“What’s…” Bucky tried to ask but she faded through the wall leaving him behind.
He sighed, lugging himself out of bed he barely acknowledged the glass on his bed. He made his way down to the bridge as ghost told him to do. He got down and was annoyed with how many people were there, not because he didn’t like crowds, but because he had problems with so many of them. The fantastic four had only showed up a few weeks ago, and were mostly fine, but a part of him couldn’t help but feel like they brought this threat to their world. Then there were the others, Sam and his Avengers. Bucky scoffed and walked over to Yelana, hoping that she would have a plan to keep everyone in the, Avengers, Avengerz… thunderbolts, from getting annoyed. Annoyance in their group usually led to something worse, like punching, or more often, killing.
“Morning.” He said to her.
“You’re going with asshole bird man, and the loud, useless, bug guy.” She told him.
“Why me?” He asked, annoyed he would be stuck with Sam who hadn’t been too kind to him the last few months, and the annoying ant guy.
“You need to pick someone up and I’m not sending Bob.” She explained.
“Ok.” Bucky said.