Chapter Text
“Yet I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about you.. all the time.”
Asahi’s words repeated in his head over and over again; they were practically embedded into his brain. Etched to the very thoughts that he swore to himself: he shouldn’t be having. But those words, those fleeting touches, and the kiss. It was all real, wasn’t it?
Reki held his hair, pulling slightly on the green strands. Since the park, he hasn’t been able to even breathe the same way. He felt like everything was crashing down on him; it was so overwhelming. He didn’t know anything about relationships, no matter how many romantic scripts he studied, no matter how many k-dramas he’d binge at night, it was so foreign to him. Love was completely out of his view. And not to mentioned, how awfully he messed up? Seriously, couldn’t his panic attack wait for another time?
Reki jerked his head back onto the headboard in a moment of frustration, banging it. His weight shifted on his bed as his body registered the pain and yelped. Slowly, he let his hand shot to the back of his head, rubbing it with a groan. He turned his attention to his alarm clock where the time was displayed.
10:09AM
Midday was coming closer and Reki had still not gotten out of his bed. Still not gotten up. Still not gone to where Asahi wanted to meet him.
Reluctantly submitting to his thoughts, he reached for his phone on the bedside table and brought up Asahi’s contact.
Asahi 𖤓 13:47PM : ‘Would you like to come to the park today? You can write some stories if you’d like.’ - THURSDAY
Although the message was sent only a couple of days ago, it weighed on his mind heavily. Because at the start of that day, they were just going to hang out as friend. Because by the end of that day, they had become something differently.
Asahi 𖤓 21:51PM : ‘Could we talk over some coffee? There’s a nice cafe that just opened. I can do 10ish. Please?’ - FRIDAY
Yet today was Saturday, and all he’d done was overthink in bed. Reki huffed in desperation, hovering over the keyboard. Knowing Asahi’s obliviousness, he’d be thinking Reki was right on his way. There was no point of sitting and doing nothing all day, especially since Asahi was practically the only person he talks to. But what else could he do?
”Stupid.. stupid.. stupid…” Reki groaned louder, dropping his phone almost violently onto the mattress. He hugged himself tightly. He let out a quiet whine.
A sound buzzed from his phone. A new notification.
Hesitantly, he peaked from his cover of arms and watched his phone screen light up. Just as quickly as it lit up, the phone screen dimmed again.
The actor muttered under his breath before reluctantly reaching out to pick it up. He knew who texted him. He knew what the message was. He was just too scared to see it for himself. He watched as his phone came on again, a single notification displayed at the bottom.
Asahi 𖤓 - 10:13 AM
’Are you there?’
Reki tapped on it as he tried to keep his phone illuminated, when suddenly, the screen changed and- Oh fuck. It’s on ‘read’.
”S-shit..” Reki gasped, suddenly gripping his phone with two hands. Why was so he clumsy?! He gulped as 3 dots appeared onto his screen, signalling that the other was typing. Asahi was typing. He was online.
He watched as the 3 dots continued to appear and disappear, holding his breath. Until they just didn’t come back. And he was offline.
”Fuck…. Fuck fuck fuckfuck… Why am I such an idiot?!” Reki cried into his cold room, his hands pulling on his hair again. He didn’t want to mess up like this, he just did. He wanted to be with Asahi. But he was scared. He was always so scared of everything. Scared of talking to people, scared of being himself, and sometimes scared of acting.
No.
No!
What was it that Tsukasa told him that day?! He should just have that confidence. He could do this! He should just ask Asahi if they could talk. That’s easy enough, right?
So, with a newfound confidence, Reki gently picked up his phone and returned to Asahi’s contact. He took a surprisingly deep breath and typed.
‘reki ° 10:19 AM : ‘hey im sory are you there pls’
Great going, dumbass! His expression contorts into a cringe, biting his lip. Now he sounds desperate. But luckily, Asahi’s online status returns again.
Asahi 𖤓 10:19 AM : ‘I’m here.’
Reki bit his lip harder, trying to make sense of the simple message. Had he messed up? Does he not care?
‘reki ° 10:20 AM : ‘we should talk ’
A reply came almost immediately.
Asahi 𖤓 10:20 AM : ‘Yeah’
He was biting his lip so hard it began to bleed.
Reki shut off his phone. Nope. He couldn’t do this. The back of head was still pounding, the pain increased by his dizziness and confusion from just a few, simple texts. He’s practically cancelled on Asahi. Ghosted him. Vanished. All because his stupid little homosexual heart couldn’t take the fact he had to hold a conversation.
It’s fine. He could just sleep on this until tomorrow. And tommorow, he had someone he needs to talk to. Someone who would help him out.