Work Text:
"Not worth it"
"You should be the most important person to yourself", you always said.
And I listened. And I tried. I tried so hard, every day, because you were right.
But I'm scared. What do I do, when all I can see is lack of worth instead?
When I struggle to see in myself anything that would be worth the fight?
I don't see it. Haven't for a while. But it's not your problem to deal with.
Yet, you changed it. Gave me hope. That maybe there is something after all.
Even if I can’t find it. Even if I don't believe. Even if it's a myth.
So I pushed through. Pretending that I'm handling it. Avoiding the fall.
But how long can you run away from something that never slows down?
That unstoppable force, creeping behind you, looking for an entrance.
And when it finally gets you, it binds you. Unable to react, you start to drown.
No matter what you do, how hard you try, there's no place for repentance.
I'm not worth it. Not to myself. So I struggle to accept that you see any in me.
But that's not the worst of it. I believe you, that's what makes it so scary.
Because mentioning my low, seems like too much. A problem, you see.
I trust you. Completely. You care. But that's not your problem to carry.
You have your own things. How can I dump this on you?
I'm already too much. At least to myself. I've done enough harm.
I can't speak up. But wouldn't silence mean pushing you away too?
I want to speak up. But here, in my mind, there's this massive chasm.
I'm scared. No matter what I do, I'm afraid that you'll step back further.
I don't see anything worth in me. You do. At least for now.
I'm trying to recognize something, really. Despite it feeling like a wet burner.
And I'm afraid that if you stop, that it'll prove me right. End of the show.
Because there'll be nothing to find after all.