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Mizuki didn’t like sleepovers.
Well, not entirely. Let me rephrase that—Mizuki didn’t like the intimacy of sleepovers. Ever since she transitioned, it was something she always wanted to do, like it was some rite of girlhood she needed to pass in order to, well, pass.
But when she thought more about the closeness of another person who could see her body up close or the vulnerability of lying next to someone with all your defenses down, it terrified her more than any horror movie imaginable. (And believe her, her whole life has been one at this point.)
So when Ena brought the idea up one late night, after Kanade and Mafuyu had left the call, Mizuki almost sputtered both a yes and no simultaneously. Granted, she could make up some lame excuse of her mother being pissed at her or needing to water the dog and walk the plants or something, but the ache and wanting to be like any other girl pulsed alongside her erratic heartbeat. Maybe it was fine. It was Ena, after all. If there was anybody she could trust the most, it would be her, right?
Ena sighed. “Earth to Mizuki? Is that a yes or—”
“Yes!” Mizuki replied, way too quickly for it not to sound desperate. She cleared her throat to remedy it. “Um, I mean, yeah, no, that’d be cool! Totally! Um. Awesomesauce.”
Or maybe she’d regret her choice until the fiery pits of hell swallowed her whole.
⋆. 𐙚˚࿔𝜗𝜚˚⋆
She stared at her form in the mirror, cradling her let-down, wet hair in one hand. Water droplets ran down her bangs, trailing down her face until they slithered past her Adam’s apple and her too-wide shoulders and down her flat chest.
There was only so much makeup and tailored clothes could hide. Only so much bright smiles and a cheery persona could mask until the agonizing dread bled through and stained everything in its dark, murky color until—
Her phone buzzed on the vanity top, briefly lowering the music she’d been playing. Mizuki grabbed her towels and wrapped her hair and body before checking the notification.
Enanan | Just now
we still on for tonight?
Reply to Enanan
Yeah! Just make sure to actually get here on time lol :3
Mizuki snorted, falling back into a warm familiarity as she messaged Ena back, forgetting about the mirror as she imagined the girl in all her beauty, standing there at the doorway impatiently. She knew it was silly—being afraid of showing herself to the girl who had seen her broken and at her most vulnerable. Ena knew all her colors, studied her as if she were a portrait in a museum, cherished her as her muse. At this point, to play pretend around her would be lying.
Still, the doubt that came from her cruel, early years never stopped clinging—remained and circled within her like cigarette smoke, too much to waft away.
Another ping.
Enanan | Just now
shut up
im gonna arrive in half an hour
you better actually have something planned
Mizuki smiled and decided not to reply, just to mess with her.
⋆. 𐙚˚࿔𝜗𝜚˚⋆
Once the clock struck six, and after Mizuki finished drying and dressing up, she prepared a few snacks, drinks, and a movie. According to a wikiHow article she read the night before and a few TikToks she watched, she needed food and activities. When her parents came back from the store, though, they brought back a 2000s chick flick and Truth or Dare cards. Whatever, she’ll make do with what she has.
Soon enough, the doorbell rang. Mizuki scrambled to set everything proper and opened the door. Ena stood in the doorway, arms crossed and impatient even though it’d only been half a minute. “Took you long enough,” she said as she let herself in before Mizuki could greet her.
“Whoa, there, Enanan! Shoes off!” Mizuki caught up with her and grabbed her by the wrist. Ena flushed and rolled her eyes.
“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Ena slipped her shoes off at the genkan. “Anyways… You really didn’t have to do all of this so suddenly. I meant that we could have a sleepover whenever you were available, not literally the next day.”
Oh.
Mizuki laughed sheepishly, scratching the back of her head. “Well, uh, you know! Early bird gets the worm and whatnot.”
“I really don’t think that’s how it’s used.”
“Let’s go to the living room!” Mizuki diverted, leading Ena to the couch where a tray of chips and small sandwiches sat alongside two bottles of soda, then dimmed the lights for the sake of atmosphere.
As Ena settled on the couch, Mizuki slotted the movie into the DVD player, then joined Ena’s side, sitting like a sad virgin with her legs pressed tight together, hands folded in her lap. Ena looked questioningly at Mizuki, but brushed it off with a sigh as she took a sandwich and bit into it.
Mizuki fixed her eyes on the screen, absentmindedly watching the movie play while her mind was elsewhere entirely.
Why in the world was she so damn awkward?
Once the movie finished, with Mizuki sitting as stiff as a board throughout the whole thing, Ena looked questioningly at her. “That was… fun.”
“Y-Yeah! Definitely!” Mizuki smiled. “Jennifer was, um, so cool… and Needy, too.”
“Mizuki, we watched Mean Girls?”
“Uhhhhh.”
Mizuki deflected. “Um, so, we should totally make a pillow fort or something, yeah?”
Ena scoffed. “What are you, twelve?”
“Hey! It’s fun no matter what age!”
Mizuki grabbed two chairs from the kitchen and dragged them to the living room. Ena rolled her eyes and reluctantly joined her, going to Mizuki’s room and returning with a pink blanket.
After setting the two chairs opposite each other, Ena draped the blanket over them, creating a little cave with an entrance. Mizuki examined it with a thoughtful hum. “Needs more blankets and pillows. Let me go get ’em!” Running off to her bedroom, she closed the door behind her and immediately sighed in relief. Back against the door, she slid until she was sitting on her floor, hugging her knees, heart ready to explode out of her chest.
“God, what’s wrong with me today?” she muttered to herself, pressing her forehead to the tips of her knees.
Yes, she’d been alone with Ena before—more times than she could count on one hand. And every time since the first, this ache in her heart grew more and more until it became unbearable. Almost explosive.
And as much as she wanted to run to her, an equally strong force pulled her back, like twin magnetic forces repelling each other. She’d been conditioned to second-guess people’s intentions, and even though she knew to trust her with all the undeniable proof of Ena’s earnestness, there would always be that poisonous doubt. If she admitted to these feelings now, then…
“Mizuki? Are you okay? I don’t know, you’re just taking a while. Is anything wrong?” Ena asked from the other side.
Mizuki half-gasped before she stifled it, standing up and dusting herself off. “Y-Yeah! Almost tripped, is all!”
“…What could you have possibly tripped on?”
“The… the carpet?”
Ena sighed. “Just come back soon, yeah?”
As Ena walked away, Mizuki knew she couldn’t hole herself up forever; she had to confront these feelings at some point, before she erupted like a geyser.
She steeled herself with what little confidence she had left, taking two pillows and a fresh blanket before returning to the living room, where Ena sat on the couch while examining the box of Truth or Dare cards.
“The hell kind of Truth or Dare is this?” Ena asked, eyebrows pinched.
Mizuki began to set up the pillow fort’s floor with the blanket, replying, “What do you mean? Are they cheesy?”
“No, look at the damn box.”
Mizuki turned to Ena. She held the box out for Mizuki to read.
100 TRUTH OR DARE CARDS, it said in big, bold letters. Mizuki opened her mouth to ask what the problem was before her eyes landed on the smaller text below. (ROMANCE EDITION FOR TEENS!)
Her damn parents.
“M-My parents bought that, I—”
Ena shrugged. “Whatever. It’s here anyway, right? Might as well play.” Ena joined her in the fort and helped spread out the blanket.
Once the two were finished, they sat on opposite sides of the fort. Ena opened the box while Mizuki sat there like a nervous wreck.
“Alright, I’ll bite. Truth.” Ena picked up a card and read it aloud. “Do you have any red flags—huh?!”
Mizuki burst into a giggle. “Oh? I can name a few!”
“Huh?! Shut up! I don’t have any… Well.” She fussed, biting her bottom lip.
“Yeah?”
“Okay, maybe, I have a temper. Maybe.”
“Suuuuure.” Mizuki eased a little. It wouldn’t be so bad if all the questions and dares were this cheesy and PG-13; there wasn’t much harm to it. “Well, since Enanan started so humbly, why don’t I pick Dare?” She took a card and flipped it, reading unconsciously.
“Call your ex and tell them you’re seeing someone new?” Mizuki beamed, grinning mischievously. “Easy!”
She pulled her phone out and tapped on one of her contacts, calling them.
“Why the hell do you have your ex on speed dial… Wait, you have an ex?!”
Mizuki put a finger to her lips as the call picked up. “Heeeeyyy, Rui! How’ya doing?”
“Mizuki? This is a rather sudden call. Did you need anything?”
“Yeah, so, listen. I love you platonically and everything, but I’m seeing someone new. Ya hear that?”
“Oh?” Rui hummed. “Really? That’s great news!” He paused, his shit-eating grin palpable in his tone. “It doesn’t happen to be Shinonome-san, right?~”
Ena flared, looking ready to kill that purple twink. Mizuki stuttered, “W-What?! What, um, made you… think that…”
“Oh, I see now,” he said. “She’s with you right now, isn’t she? And this is some kind of prank, hm?”
“Okaybyebyeloveyouuu!!!” Mizuki swiftly ended the call, flushed and unable to look Ena in the eye.
“Whatever. I’m doing Truth again, if the dares are like that.” She grabbed another card and read it. “Have you ever been kissed by… a person of the same gender—what?”
She blushed, facing the floor. She took one of the pillows and held it close to her, debating whether or not to speak before answering, “No, but…” She trailed off. She didn’t continue, but when Mizuki met her gaze, she swore it read as something along the lines of I’m willing to try.
Stop. She needed to stuff herself in a straitjacket and lock herself away in a padded cell, the way she was on the brink of actually losing it.
Mizuki didn’t prompt her to continue and grabbed another card from the Truth pile. “Um, has your partner—what? Wait, I want another card—”
“Finish it,” Ena said, bordering on a threat.
Mizuki gulped. “H-Has your partner… ever made you cry?” Ignoring the thought of Ena as her partner for what was probably the millionth time today—as if the universe itself was nudging them together—Mizuki could think of plenty of times. It was difficult to name even one. But the one that comes to mind the most…
“When you told me… That we should stay together.”
“And we will. I promised.” Ena didn’t say anything more. Her hand hovered over the Truth pile. “I’d look like an asshole if I picked Truth three in a row, wouldn’t I?” she asked. Mizuki shrugged. Grating her teeth, Ena went and picked up a Dare card. Mizuki, in all her power, held down the fort of her aching heart.
When Ena flipped it over, she blinked, registering it before she went completely red in the face.
“What is it?”
Ena stared at her. “It… It says… Kiss the person in front of you.”
For a good minute, nobody spoke a word. Mizuki was just about ready to burrow deep into the floor and remain underground for the rest of her life. The night had already deepened, and the room was dimmer. Not to mention how dry and cold the night breeze was.
Ena finally looked straight at Mizuki, determination in her eyes. “Actually, no. We’re doing this.”
“Eh? But—”
“You’ve been acting strange all night, Mizuki, and I don’t want you hiding anything more from me.” She crawled closer to her until the two were nearly face-to-face. “I won’t force you to open up, not until you feel absolutely sure, but I want to know that you’re also trying, too.”
“Ena, I—”
“If you’re gonna make another excuse, I’d rather you kiss me instead.”
Any fight left inside Mizuki died down with the touch of Ena’s hand on hers. She could do this, right? It was only a kiss—some made-up romantic tradition where people smush each other’s eating holes together. It only had significance if she gave it such.
Yet, that wasn’t true, was it? Of course it was significant. It was more significant than any moment predating this, more powerful than the blur of years that was middle school. A kiss from her may not erase the damage or reduce the doubt, but Mizuki knew it would bring her something worth fighting for. Enough to leave everything else behind.
But she wasn’t strong enough to take that step just yet.
Before Ena closed the gap, Mizuki pulled away, hand clutching the area around her heart. There. She went and did it now—showed Ena the frightened kitten she was.
“Mizuki?” Ena asked, afraid she might’ve done something wrong. “Was that too much? We don’t have to—”
“N-No,” Mizuki cut her off. The emotions that had been simmering thus far now reached a boiling point, poised to burst. “I want to, but—I’m just… I’m scared. I can’t.”
“Scared of… what?” Ena asked, eyes searching Mizuki for something she wasn’t sure of.
“This.” Mizuki gestured between them. “Everything.”
Ena huffed, eyebrows pinching in sudden anger. Anger at what, Mizuki wasn’t really sure, but she didn’t have time to dwell on that as Ena crawled closer. Until their faces were a breath apart. “Good. It should be scary.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mizuki sucked in a breath.
“Isn’t that what love should feel like?”
Love?
Love?
“Why… Why would love be scary?”
“Because it makes this so much better. Gratifying.” Ena placed her thumb right below Mizuki’s bottom lip, tracing the skin. “Do you want this, Mizuki? Me?”
Mizuki’s mouth felt dry. The words wouldn’t come out, but she knew her answer long ago. Ever since the golden sun draped Ena when she confronted her the first time on the rooftop. Ever since she ran in the pouring rain to find help for her and Airi. Maybe ever since she messaged her the first time when she saw her fan art.
So, she nodded, arms sliding around Ena’s back, subtly pulling her closer.
“Then kiss me like you mean it.” Ena had no reason to hold back anymore as she leaned in and met her lips. Mizuki whimpered, a bit frightened at the strange, novel feeling, but soon sank into that warmth, kissing her back.
Every other feeling and emotion lost its significance as her overabundance of love and the cherry taste of her lips claimed every thought in her head. All she knew of the world now was that Ena was kissing her, and God, it felt good. Maybe that was all that mattered.
After what’d probably been half a minute—that felt like an hour—Ena was the first to pull back, a newfound desperation in her gaze. “I’ve… I’ve been waiting… so long,” she said, lost for breath. “I want to make up for lost time.”
“What?” Mizuki asked. Ena’s words almost blurred together in the haze.
Ena carefully removed Mizuki’s bow and undid her hair, letting the pink spill around her like a holy aura around her flushed face. “Angel,” Ena said, not meaning for it to sound like a pet name, but the way it made Mizuki turn redder only made her want to forgo all of her restraint because, yes, she was an angel. And she would worship her with all her life—a devout believer on her knees in prayer.
When she leaned in, Mizuki thought she might just die at this moment. Was that a thing? To die of such pleasure, your body going completely numb and useless to the array of colors exploding inside of you. Would that be so bad, anyway?
Ena continued, starting with a long, gentle kiss right below Mizuki’s chin, before trailing down. “You’re. So. Beautiful.” She pressed kiss after kiss from her neck down to her collarbone in between each word for emphasis—each one tingling with a strong vibration, making Mizuki giggle.
When Ena worshipped every part of her that Mizuki tried so hard to hide, every different part that felt wrong, Mizuki could forget every doubt, all her fear, and let it melt in the incredible fire of her love.
For the rest of the night, the two fell into a shared rhythm until they tired themselves out, the rest of the world forgotten.
⋆. 𐙚˚࿔𝜗𝜚˚⋆
When Mizuki woke up to the warmth of Ena’s face buried in the center of their chest. Her right hand rested on her back, the other wrapped around her waist. Mizuki made a tiny sound of distress, then confusion, then realization. Events flashed in her head, the night before reforming.
Holy. Shit.
She made out fucking sloppy style with Ena and she—
“Stop moving, you dolt…” Ena murmured, eyes fluttering open. She pulled Mizuki closer, effectively trapping her, her face blanketed by the fort’s darkness.
This was a dream—that was the only explanation for it. Maybe if she pinched herself now, she’d wake up in her bed the day of the sleepover with Ena blasting her phone asking for updates.
She slowly lifted her hand from Ena’s back and pinched her cheek.
Okay. So this was real. Sure.
Mizuki ran a hand through Ena’s hair, admiring her soft snoring and the peaceful look on the usually annoyed girl’s face. She settled to listen to her breathing, feeling more at peace than she had in years. She could remain here for an eternity.
Maybe sleepovers weren’t so scary after all.