Archive of Our Own

Being a mom was the most terrifying thing Shannon had ever done. In fact, it was so terrifying that she hadn't seen her son in years.

She wasn't a shitty person — or, at least, she liked to think she wasn't. Really, she tried her hardest to be the best person possible for Christopher especially when her husband was so eager to get away from the both of them and even when her husband's parents were criticising her every move. Helena and Ramon Diaz were like vultures preying on the weak.

She'd already felt shitty enough when Christopher was born and it turned out that he had cerebral palsy. After everything she'd done, after how careful she was the entire pregnancy, after all the articles and books that she'd read, she'd managed to condemn her baby to a life of hardships.

There was no book that could have prepared her for that.

It was her fault that Christopher would have to struggle and fight for the rest of his life. If Shannon could have just been a better person, a better wife, a better mother, then maybe everything would have been okay. Maybe God wouldn't have punished Christopher in her stead.

When Eddie finally came back, after so much time away, after leaving her despite knowing about everything that was happening around her, she couldn't take it anymore.

It was better this way. It was for Christopher's sake and for her mom's sake and for her sake too because she was allowed to be selfish after raising Chris for years alone.

Her mom being sick wasn't an excuse and it wasn't really the reason she left. It was a catalyst.

When her mom died, rasping and crying and confused on her death bed, Shannon thought about going back. Well, she didn't think about it as much as she felt that she had to. When she did take the time to actually think about it, she realised that this was her chance.

Eddie hadn't wanted to come with her, still too trapped under his parents' thumbs. He hadn't wanted to be her partner, her equal, in a long, long time. He hadn't wanted her and, to be honest, she doubted he had in a while. They married young, pregnant and Catholic. When Shannon really thought about it, of course she'd wanted to marry Eddie and a part of her would always love that she did, but she hadn't married him for any of the right reasons.

She'd married him for the great father she knew he could be, for the laughter they'd shared, for the early dates and that first summer when they fell in love. She didn't marry him for the absent father he had been, the shouting between the both of them, the cold shoulders and the distance.

Her wedding had been a child's fantasy. Her marriage had been a mistake.

The only thing she could never regret out of all of it was Christopher.

That's why she knew she had to do what was best for herself and for him and stay in L.A.

With Eddie back, he could be the father she knew he had in him: a good, loving parent. Christopher didn't need her in his life. He didn't need her anywhere near him. She was destructive and he'd only grow to loathe her and she couldn't bear that.

So, consumed by it all, Shannon stayed away.

And then she got Eddie's call.

—

They met in a parking lot. Shannon had had to prepare herself for it on the drive over, taking deep and slow breaths and trying her best not to cry at the thought of it all. It was for Christopher's sake. He needed her to do this so that he could get into a good school. Then she could leave and be out of his life for good. He didn't even have to know she ever came back.

Shannon pulled into the parking lot, wiping her eyes, sucking in a breath and getting out of the car.

Eddie spotted her before she spotted him.

It was strange to see him. He'd lost some of his baby face, all angles and sharp lines now, and he'd grew some more stubble than he used to have. His eyes lit up upon seeing her.

Shannon looked away. Whatever he wanted, she knew she couldn't give it to him. Just being here was getting his hopes up cruelly. She knew he was still trapped in the fantasy of a perfect suburban life with a wife and a kid and a picket fence but it wasn't fair for him to include her in that dream, not when she'd never wanted that.

"Shannon," Eddie breathed, coming to a stop in front of her.

"Hi, Eddie," she said quietly. "Do you have the forms you needed me to sign?"

Eddie frowned. "Yeah, but, can I just—"

He cut himself off, moving to hug her. She let him, hugging him back briefly and closing her eyes. She'd missed him so much — he was her best friend — but that alone didn't sustain their marriage and it never would.

She pulled back first, hands falling to her sides. Eddie handed her the papers.

"Do you have a pen?" Shannon asked. Eddie was looking at her strangely. It was a mix of love and fear, like she was an animal he was scared to spook. She hated it.

"Yeah, I have one," Eddie said, pulling a pen from his pocket and giving it to her.

Shannon leaned against her car and signed everywhere she needed to before handing the papers back.

"Bye, Eddie," she said.

"'Bye'?" There was a slightly hurt tone to Eddie's anger. "I haven't seen you in years and you say 'bye'? I thought—"

Shannon could have laughed. "You thought what, Eddie? That I was going to go back to being the perfect housewife while you did whatever the fuck you wanted? I miss you and I love you but I don't miss and I certainly didn't love that."

Eddie looked like she'd struck him across the face. Shannon shook her head, tears welling in her eyes as she folded her arms around herself in a facsimile of a hug.

"Shan," Eddie said, anger drained out of him. "I had— There were so many— I didn't have a choice. I wasn't doing what I wanted."

Shannon sighed. "And are you now?"

"Yes," Eddie said firmly. "Yes, I am. Christopher misses you. I miss you."

A pang went through Shannon's chest at the mention of her son. She blinked furiously to keep the tears at bay. "I miss him."

Eddie smiled a little. "Then come and see him. He'd love to see his mom."

Shaking her head, Shannon reached for the car door. "He's better off without me."

Eddie placed a hand over hers on the door's handle. "You can't honestly believe that."

"I can and I do," Shannon said, looking away as the tears fell. "Do you… Do you tell him I love him?"

"Every day," Eddie said softly.

Shannon nodded. "Good. Keep doing that."

She opened the door.

"You can't go," Eddie said, sounding panicked in a way that hurt Shannon's heart.

She shook her hand free of his. "Please don't call me."

Please don't tempt me to make anymore mistakes.

She shut the door and focused on the space in front of her, not sparing a glance at Eddie as she drove off.

—

Of course, he didn't listen. Eddie had always been stubborn and he'd never been one to listen to anything she said.

She had a voicemail from him not five minutes later and a text. She waited until she got home to open her phone.

Eddie (14:04): Can we talk some more?

Shannon sat down on her couch and pressed play on the voicemail.

"Shannon, please," Eddie's voice came through. "Can we meet? I won't tell Christopher, I promise. I just need to see you."

Everything in Shannon was screaming at her to say no. She sat on her couch for over five minutes just staring at her phone like it had personally wronged her.

It wasn't fair. Eddie couldn't do this to her. He couldn't drag her back in when all she'd wanted to do was be free. Her freedom had a huge cost, of course it did, but she had finally been experiencing some kind of happiness again in the life she'd built for herself. It couldn't come tumbling down now.

It was times like this that she missed her mom so much it ached.

Shannon (14:10): Okay

—

Meeting with Eddie a second time turned out to be a mistake. She'd forgotten how easy it was to love him and to forget everything else.

She'd gone to the meeting planning to keep it brief and civil. The only reason she went was because she felt that she owed him some element of comfort, however misguided that sense of owing was.

Still, upon seeing him, she just wanted him to let her fall into his arms and tell her that everything was okay, that she was forgiven, that she wasn't as shitty as everyone thought she was. She wanted him to be her best friend again.

"Hi," Eddie said.

They were meeting on neutral ground. Shannon didn't want Eddie to know where she lived and she didn't want to risk seeing Christopher so they met halfway in a park.

They sat together on a bench with Shannon staring straight ahead and Eddie staring unabashedly at her.

"Hi," she said.

"Thanks for coming," Eddie said earnestly.

"What did you want to talk about?" she asked.

They fell into conversation fairly easily. At times, Shannon almost forgot how messed up everything was between them. She told Eddie about her friends and her work in the care home and he told her about his friends and his new job as a firefighter.

"It's going really well," Eddie said. "I've made a really good friend. His name's Buck. He actually introduced me to Carla, who's been looking after Christopher when I'm at work."

Shannon's lips tugged upwards. "I'm glad for you, Eddie. You deserve that."

"It's not the same without you, though," Eddie said.

Shannon's small smile twisted. "Eddie—"

"I know," Eddie said. "I just needed you to know that. Christopher still asks for you."

Shannon didn't know how they ended up kissing. She didn't know why she followed him back to his place, only after a dozen assurances that Christopher wouldn't be there, and she didn't know why she fell into bed with him. It wasn't the easy thing to do. Maybe it was just what she thought she was supposed to do.

Still, when a key turned in the door and she heard muffled chatter, her heart dropped.

"Shit." Eddie sat up. Shannon leapt out of bed, reaching for her dress and pulling it on as Eddie did the same with his shirt.

She heard a young boy's voice, lively and alight, and she froze.

"Is that Christopher?"

Her whole body ached with loneliness, with fear, with love. God help her, she loved her son. She loved him so much that she'd left but hearing his voice — the thought of seeing him just once…

Eddie frowned at her. "You need to leave."

Shannon shook her head. "He… I can't. I'm his mother, I'm not sneaking out of the window like some hook-up."

"Right now, that's what you are," Eddie said, his words salt to Shannon's infected wound.

She scowled. "You wanted me to see him."

"Not like this," Eddie hissed. "I can't do that to him. You need to go. Please, Shan."

Shannon hesitated. Footsteps came closer to Eddie's door and she nodded and managed somehow to get out of the window without tearing her dress. Before she got in her car, she glanced one last time over her shoulder.

This could never happen again.

—

She was late. It was only two days late but her cycle had always been regular. Two days was enough to make the panic seep in.

She couldn't be pregnant. She couldn't go through that again. There was no way she could bear the heartache and the loss of freedom and the pain, not even just mentally but physically too.

What's more was she didn't want to.

She didn't want another baby, another life that depended on her. She didn't want to be trapped again into her marriage, into motherhood, into her mother-in-law and father-in-law's grasp.

Shannon would never regret Christopher as a person — she would always be glad he came into the world — but that didn't mean she would choose to have him so young or to have kids at all. When she was young, she'd never pictured being a parent as a goal. It was something she had to do, a box to be checked off. Happiness and what her wants were were never in the picture.

Be a good Catholic girl. Get married, have kids, no not like that but now you're pregnant you have to get married and you have to have the child and you have to be a wife and a mother and everything you never wanted to be.

Her mother was dead. Her dad had died a long time ago. Helena and Ramon were eight hundred miles away. Yet all of them dug their talons into her mind and she couldn't rip them out without ripping away the things she needed like her son's love and Eddie's care and her sense of self.

It wasn't fair.

Shannon thought about calling Eddie but she could just picture the hope on his face that this hypothetical child that hadn't even been a thought in her mind would fix everything. She had to be sure that this was even happening first.

The pregnancy test sat on the sink. Shannon sat on the toilet, bent over with her hands covering her eyes. The timer would go off any second now.

She just had to wait.

Her friends were a phone call away but she couldn't bring herself to call them. This was her mess. This was her past life. None of them even knew about Christopher and they only knew Eddie as an ex from another time. None of them had thought it right to ask.

A sob tore itself from her throat. She pressed the palms of her hands against her eyes harder, seeing colours and shapes emerging from behind her eyelids. She was shaking, inhaling deeply and sharply and far too quickly.

This couldn't be her story.

Her phone buzzed, the timer completed.

Nausea overcame her and she gagged, pressing a hand to her mouth and clamping it shut, swallowing the vomit.

It burned on its way back down.

It took her another two minutes to remove her hands from her eyes and another two to stand and head to the sink.

The pregnancy test stared back at her.

It was negative.

Shannon's legs gave out as she burst into tears.

—

She arranged to see Eddie in a restaurant that evening.

When she arrived, she was still trembling.

She could see him waiting for her, hands clasped on the table and a frown on his face.

She approached him quietly and sat down opposite him.

"Shannon," Eddie said, his face brightening. "Listen, about the last time we saw each other—"

"I thought I was pregnant," Shannon blurted out.

Eddie fell silent.

"I'm not," Shannon said, the words coming out of her in a rush. "I took three tests. All negative. I just… I really thought I was for a second."

Eddie faltered. "Would you— How did you feel about that?"

Shannon let out a broken laugh. "God, Eddie. I was so scared."

"You should have called me," Eddie said, his voice taking on an edge.

Shannon bit her lip, shaking her head and blinking away her tears. "I want a divorce."

"What?" Eddie sounded so heartbroken that Shannon almost thought she should take the words back.

She stared down at the table, breathing in and out as steadily as possible. "I want a divorce, Eddie."

Eddie leaned back in his seat as if physically hit with the impact of it. "Why?"

Shannon smiled ruefully. "Look at me. I'm not your wife. I haven't been in a long time. Fuck, I was so goddamn terrified at the idea of having another kid with you, of having another kid at all."

"I don't need another kid," Eddie said and it sounded like a plea.

"You want a family," Shannon said as gently as possible. "You want a son and a partner and God knows what else and I can't give you that. I don't want that and I love you too much to pretend otherwise."

"What about Christopher?" Eddie asked, voice breaking on his son's name.

Shannon exhaled. "I'd like to see him. I'd like to have a relationship with him, but that's it, Eddie. I can't give you anything more than that. I can't even promise to be a good parent. I think I'm past being a parent to him in his eyes, in yours and in mine, but I do want to be there. I love him."

Eddie shook his head, rubbing his jaw. A tear spilled over and rolled down his face. "You're sure?"

Shannon nodded. "Yes. Yes, I'm sure."

Eddie met her eyes, searching for something. Whatever he found made him shed a few more tears. "Okay. For you."

Shannon let out a breath of relief. "Thank you."

Eddie got up, taking a step towards her and loosely holding up his arms.

Shannon chuckled her way through her tears, getting up and throwing her arms around his neck to hug him tightly.

They swayed on the spot with Eddie's arms looped around her waist and his head buried in her shoulder. He pulled back a little, pressing a fierce kiss to her head before letting his arms drop.

Shannon stepped back, smiling at him. "I'll send you the papers, okay? And we can talk about when I can see Christopher."

Eddie nodded.

"See you soon, Eddie," she said, turning and never once looking back.

—

Eddie didn't text her for a few days and she didn't expect him to. When he did text, it was to send a picture of Christopher in his last Halloween outfit.

Upon seeing Christopher's face, Shannon started crying again but she managed to calm herself down enough to send a heart in response.

Eddie responded with a time the next day that she could see him.

When the time rolled around, Shannon was so nervous that she thought she might tremble out of her skin. This was the kid she hadn't seen in years, the kid that she'd left, the kid that she bonded with so intensely but never quite in the way that she imagined a mother would.

This was Christopher.

She sat on the bench in the park (neutral ground yet again) and wondered what Eddie had said to him, or if he'd had to persuade Christopher to come and meet her. Maybe he was having a meltdown at the thought of having to see his deadbeat mom again. God, what was she doing? She didn't deserve this.

However, she couldn't bring herself to get up and leave. She couldn't leave him again. He deserved to see her and what she deserved didn't matter. Christopher deserved to see her face and tell her how he felt and if that was anger and hatred then Shannon would just have to deal with that.

She hoped with her whole heart that it wouldn't be that.

She kept startling whenever she saw a kid out of the corner of her eye, which was unfortunately as she was right next to the kid's playground of the park. Eddie had suggested it so that they would have something to do whilst talking to make it more normal for Christopher and easier for both of them to chat.

Shannon's watch ticked one minute past the designated time: eleven o'clock. It wasn't that late. One minute was nothing in the grand scheme of things. Still, she had this horrible feeling that they might not come at all.

"Mom!"

Shannon looked up and started to cry.

Christopher was hurtling himself towards her at top speed, using his crutches to propel himself along as quickly as possible.

He was so tall, reaching up far past Eddie's waist now, and he had new glasses. His hair was curlier and a little longer on the top and he was beaming, his eyes locked on hers.

The rest of the world melted away. Shannon ran to Christopher, meeting him halfway and hugging him tightly, trying not to let her sobs escape. He buried his face in her chest, flinging his arms around her, crutches and all.

"You came back," Christopher said, his voice muffled against her. He tightened his grip as he spoke as if she was going to pull away first.

Shannon couldn't say anything to that. She knew she'd broken Christopher's heart but she didn't realise how she'd broken hers too. She might not have been the most maternal — broken and melded by trauma and fear — but she'd always loved her dear ones so fiercely and leaving Christopher had been leaving a part of herself behind.

He was here now. He was with her again. She was never letting him go.

When she looked up, she saw Eddie wiping his eyes, smiling broadly at the sight.

She opened out one arm and he stepped forward into the hug.

Maybe they weren't the family Shannon's parents had always envisioned for her but they were a family nonetheless.

Shannon had missed playing with Christopher too. When they finally stopped embracing, he'd gone straight to the swings to show her how high he could go.

She'd expected Eddie to want to push him but, after helping Christopher get on the swings, he'd gestured to her and took a step back.

It was strange to push Christopher on a swing-set again. She remembered doing it for hours when he was younger. It was one of the only things that could calm him down when he couldn't sleep or when he was missing Eddie. They used to have a swing-set in the back garden just so they didn't have to go to the park to use the swings every night.

Christopher had been such a happy kid.

He was full of life and mischief and laughter. He was the brightness in Shannon's life whilst Eddie was away, even whilst everything else beat her down.

He was still a happy kid.

They'd been going for about an hour, chatting and playing on the slides and the swings, when Eddie suggested they get ice creams. There was a truck not far away that Eddie and Christopher frequented.

"We go with Buck," Christopher said. "He's the best. He likes the mint chocolate but I don't so he gets strawberry so I can have some of his but don't tell him because he thinks I don't know."

"Buck," Shannon repeated, trying to remember where she'd heard the name before. "Your dad's friend?"

"He's my best friend," Christopher proclaimed, "but I guess he's dad's friend too."

Eddie looked down. "He's, uh, been helping out a bit with Christopher. They get on like a house on fire."

Shannon smiled. "I'm glad."

Eddie looked up again. "Yeah?"

Shannon bumped his shoulder with hers. "Yeah. It's good that you have support."

"We went to an aquarium last week," Christopher said, "and Buck told me about whale sharks. They're the largest type of shark but they're nice to people. What ice cream do you want?"

Shannon looked carefully at the menu. "I'll take chocolate."

"Dad always has vanilla but me and Buck think it's boring," Christopher announced.

Eddie rolled his eyes and ruffled Christopher's hair before going up to the woman in the truck and ordering them their ice creams.

Shannon meant it when she said she was glad that Eddie had a friend. Christopher obviously loved Buck even though Eddie kept glancing away whenever he was mentioned as if he was guilty of something. Shannon wasn't sure what.

When Eddie came back with their ice creams, she spoke up, "Maybe I should meet Buck sometime. He's obviously important to you guys."

Christopher's eyes lit up at the idea. "He can tell you about the whale sharks! I forgot some of what he told me."

Eddie looked caught out. "Oh, uh, are you sure that would be okay?"

"Eddie," Shannon chided gently, "he's your friend and Christopher's best friend. I want to meet him."

Eddie nodded. "Alright. I'll arrange something. Eat your ice cream before it melts."

Shannon smiled and licked away the ice cream dripping down the cone. She had a feeling that she was going to like Buck.

—

It was five days later that she next saw Christopher. This time they were going to the zoo and Buck was coming too. Christopher had reportedly already been a few times with Eddie and Buck but he really wanted to show Shannon the monkeys and the penguins. He'd insisted on Buck being there as he thought that going to the zoo without Buck would make Buck sad. Shannon didn't mind. She was actually looking forward to meeting the not-so-mysterious Buck. She felt like she already knew quite a bit about him.

She arrived early, pulling into the parking lot and waiting outside the entrance, leaning against the wall and scrolling on her phone through the various photos of Christopher that Eddie had sent her over the last few days.

"Hi."

Shannon jumped.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." A man was standing in front of her. He was very tall, blonde and smiling almost nervously and he had a birthmark that Shannon remembered Christopher describing as looking like a punch to the face. Christopher hadn't been wrong.

"You must be Buck," she said, putting her phone away and holding out a hand.

Buck nodded and shook it. "And you must be Shannon. Eddie's just getting Christopher's wheelchair out of the car. I thought I'd run ahead and let you know we're here."

Shannon looked Buck up and down. He looked eerily similar to Christopher now she was taking him in. Maybe it was the hair colour or the facial features or maybe it was that charming grin. Whatever it was, it made her smile a little more genuine.

"Christopher talks about you a lot," she said.

Buck winced. "Yeah. I just… I wanted to say that I don't have to be here. I can say my sister called or something if you want some alone time with Eddie and Christopher. I know I'm just a random guy from Eddie's work and I don't want you to feel as though you have to let me tag along when obviously you don't know me and I could be a weirdo for all you care and this is your time with Christopher and I really don't want to impose if that's—"

"Gee," Shannon interrupted, chuckling. "Has anyone ever told you that you talk a lot?"

Buck blushed. "Yeah, sorry."

"I'm good with you being here," she assured him. "You clearly matter to the boys. Who knows? Maybe we could be friends too."

Buck smiled. "I'd like that."

"Mom!" Christopher called, sitting in his wheelchair as Eddie pushed him along. "You met Buck!"

"You were right, bud," Buck said. "Your mom is cool."

"I told you!" Christopher grinned. "She's the best, like you and Dad."

Shannon tilted her head at Buck being compared to herself and Eddie. She'd assumed that he was more of an uncle to Christopher but she felt like she was missing something.

Eddie went to pay for their tickets but Buck placed a hand on his arm.

"Nope, I've got it," Buck said.

"Buck," Eddie protested.

"Not hearing it," Buck replied. "My treat. You can get the next one."

Eddie hesitated before doing the unthinkable and backing down. Shannon nearly gaped. She'd never seen him agree to something so readily. He was stubborn by nature and by nurture, but Buck was paying right in front of them.

She decided not to comment and to just file that information away for safe keeping.

Christopher directed Eddie around with enthusiasm. He was insistent that they stop at at least half of the zoo, having been persuaded down from the whole of the zoo as Eddie pointed out that they could go again.

"Can we?" Christopher had asked, eyes wide and looking at Shannon.

"Of course," she had said, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. "I need to see everything, don't I?"

Throughout her tour, she realised that she really had two tour guides. Christopher was as excited as anything but so was Buck. He kept pointing out the fun facts both on the plaques and the ones that weren't on them and he made sure to include Shannon when asking questions and chatting with the boys.

He seemed genuinely lovely.

Shannon could see why Eddie liked him, and Eddie very clearly did like him.

Shannon had been observing the pair of them both with and without Christopher. Eddie kept smiling really wide at everything Buck said, even the jokes he made, which Shannon had to admit had some kind of charm in how bad they were but not as much as someone might have thought had they seen Eddie's beam. He also kept ducking his head whenever Buck complimented him (which was very frequently now that Shannon was noticing it).

"Eddie's an even better probie than I was," Buck said, bumping his shoulder against Eddie's (which Shannon had noticed he did a lot of as well). "He got a bomb out of a guy's leg on our first shift! Calm as anything!"

"You helped," Eddie said, looking down with a pink face. "I couldn't have done it without you."

"Please, I just got in the way."

Eddie frowned a little, meeting Buck's eyes. "You don't get in the way, Buck."

Buck smiled and bumped his shoulder against Eddie's again. "It was still really cool."

Shannon almost felt like she was intruding on a private moment. Christopher didn't seem to notice because he piped up with, "Can Buck push me now? He goes faster than you."

Eddie held up his hands and let Buck take the wheelchair's handles. Shannon let herself fall a little behind Buck and Christopher. Eddie noticed, which she had been counting on, and let himself fall slightly back too.

"You okay?" Eddie asked. "Is it alright that Buck's here? I know you don't really know him—"

"Relax," Shannon said, laughing quietly. "I got the speech from Buck. He's not intruding. We're friends now."

"Oh," Eddie said. Shannon couldn't quite read his tone.

"Yeah," she said. "I like him."

"That's good," Eddie said, his tone still inscrutable. "I mean he's… Yeah, he's great."

Shannon bit back a smile. "You certainly seem to think so."

Eddie pulled a face. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," Shannon said teasingly, picking up her pace again to catch up with Buck and Christopher, who had reached the monkeys and were talking about the dietary requirements of each species.

"Shan!" Eddie hissed but she was already by Christopher's side.

—

Shannon had a good time at the zoo. She learnt a lot about penguins, saw some very cool monkeys and learned new things about Eddie and Christopher too.

Eddie seemed to think it had gone well too. He messaged her slightly more frequently, just updating her about Christopher and what he was up to. They weren't best friends like they used to be but they were surpassing just civil. Shannon liked it. She knew things could never go back to how they used to be before Christopher but she was starting to like the new normal.

Eddie's shield ceremony came up quickly. He'd stuck at his job for a year and he seemed to be thriving in it.

Shannon had seen Christopher many times since the zoo. They tried to see each other at least once a week and she'd even been over to Eddie's house for a few family dinners. Every so often, Buck would come too.

Shannon felt like she was really getting to know Buck. He was funny and kind and he clearly adored Christopher and he was a great friend to Eddie. He was a good friend to Shannon too, even if they weren't friends in the way that most people were friends. Buck wasn't just nice to her for the sake of it. He cared.

She wore her best dress for the ceremony. She knew all of Eddie's coworkers were going to be there as well as Eddie's tia, Pepa, who hated her. Shannon was hoping to make a good second impression. She'd upset a lot of people with her decision to leave and she truly understood why. She knew not everyone could like her or even forgive her but she hoped being civil was still on the table.

She also knew Helena and Ramon were coming and they hated her too. Shannon was dreading seeing them but she hoped civility extended to them as well (even though she expected at least a few little jabs throughout the ceremony).

Christopher was coming too of course. Buck and Shannon had been added into a group-chat with Eddie some time ago and they'd been occasionally messaging each other privately. Mostly, their messages were Buck sending the odd photo of Christopher and Eddie taken when neither of them were looking but lately they'd been plotting.

The plan was for Christopher to give Eddie his new helmet. Buck had suggested it and Shannon had agreed readily. They'd texted a few times back and forth about it and Buck had looped Christopher in on it. Shannon was sure that Eddie was going to cry.

She arrived at the station early, having waited around in the house staring at the clock for about half an hour beforehand until she finally decided she had to leave or she was going to drive herself crazy.

Shannon wasn't sure what Eddie's coworkers knew about her but she hoped it was a slightly flattering portrayal. She wanted to get along with his friends, for Eddie and Christopher's sake if nothing else.

Steeling herself, she got out of her car and walked into the station.

She hadn't been prepared for quite how huge it would be. Even the fire engines themselves were massive. There were a few people walking about and some chatter coming from up the stairs in the loft area.

After a moment of searching, she spotted Buck upstairs and he spotted her. He grinned, bounding down the stairs and coming to stand in front of her.

"Hi!" he said. "Thanks for coming."

"I wouldn't miss it," Shannon said warmly. "It's good to see you. Sorry I'm so early."

"Don't be," Buck said. "I can introduce you to everyone. Eddie's not here yet. Christopher didn't want to get out of bed until it was late so he told me to leave their house early so you'd have a familiar face."

Shannon noted the fact that Buck had been at Eddie's house since at least early that morning and filed it in her mind cabinet.

"It's very big in here," she said, choosing not to press the matter.

"You get used to it," Buck said, leading her up the stairs. "Everyone! This is Shannon."

A bunch of heads turned to face her. Shannon held up a hand, smiling awkwardly.

"Shannon," Buck said, oblivious to the slight tension or choosing to ignore it, "this is Bobby, our captain. And that's Hen and Chimney — they're the paramedics — and Athena who's a police captain but she's Bobby's partner and basically an honourary member of the 118. And that's Maddie. She's my sister and Chimney's partner."

"Hi," Shannon said. "I've heard a lot about you all."

"We've heard a lot about you too," Hen said in a tone that Shannon couldn't quite decipher.

Buck retreated to help Bobby prepare his speech, which left Shannon to go and sit with the others. She didn't understand most of their jokes or why Chimney was called Chimney but she tried her best to be polite and engage.

When Eddie arrived with Christopher, she tried to mask her relief.

"Mom!" Christopher called from downstairs. Shannon came down to hug him, the others close behind her.

"Hi, baby," she said, engulfing him in her arms. "Are you exited?"

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Buck greeting Eddie with a clap on the back and an immediate jump into a conversation about either bees or tornadoes but quite which one she couldn't tell.

"This is my mom," Christopher announced proudly to the 118.

Shannon smiled. Her moment was cruelly interrupted by the sound of the Diaz family coming into the station.

She turned around slowly, wincing when she saw Pepa, Helena and Ramon and they all scowled when they saw her eerily in sync.

"Hi!" Christopher yelled, unaware of the glaring.

"Hey," Eddie said, stepping away from his conversation with Buck. "Glad you could all make it."

"Hello, Shannon," Ramon said tightly.

"Hi," Shannon replied, twisting her fingers together.

"Abuelo, you've got to meet Buck," Christopher said, saving them from some very awkward small talk.

Buck swooped in like a guardian angel to save Shannon from too much scrutiny to introduce himself to Helena and Ramon. "Hi, I'm Buck. Evan Buckley. I work with Eddie."

Huh.

Shannon hadn't know that was his birth name or his description of his relationship with Eddie.

"He's also my friend," Eddie interjected, smiling.

"And my best friend!" Christopher added.

Before the Diazes could say something no doubt scathing to that, Bobby called everyone over for the ceremony to start.

Shannon took her place on the table with Buck and Hen rather than with Helena, Pepa and Ramon. Christopher came and sat with them too, much to Helena and Ramon's obvious chagrin.

Hen didn't seem to like her all that much but she hadn't said anything that made Shannon think she couldn't be won over.

Bobby gave a speech about how much Eddie had grown and how valued he was on the team that made Shannon a little misty-eyed. At the end of it, Eddie waited to receive his shield and his new helmet.

Bobby put the shield on him and Christopher stood. Shannon helped steady him as he got up and Buck gave him the helmet, which he'd been hiding underneath the table.

Eddie's eyes filled with tears immediately as Christopher walked with a few small wobbles over to the stage to hand him his helmet.

"Thank you, mijo," Eddie said, taking it and kissing Christopher on the head. Christopher grinned and walked back to sit between Shannon and Buck.

As soon as he was declared a firefighter, Eddie came down and hugged Christopher. Shannon gave him a quick hug, murmuring how proud of him she was, and then let him go to hug Buck.

The two of them hugged for a long moment before Eddie cleared his throat and stepped back, leaving a hand on Buck's shoulder as Buck said something to him that made him flush pink.

"Are they always like that?" Shannon asked Hen in a low voice.

Hen blinked. "Buck and Eddie?"

"Yeah," Shannon said, trying to think of a way of showing Hen that she wasn't being negative. "They're all… cute about each other."

That seemed to do the trick because Hen's face relaxed. "Oh. Yeah, they're always like that."

Shannon grinned to herself.

—

After the ceremony and all the hugs and after Helena, Ramon and Pepa had left to go back to Eddie's house ahead of them, Shannon pulled Eddie to the side. Buck was entertaining Christopher anyway and the 118 were chatting away about God knows what (something to do with space?).

"Thanks for coming," Eddie said, giving her another brief hug.

She patted his back. "Thanks for inviting me."

Eddie's mouth twisted into a smile. "Of course. I want you to be here."

"I'm glad," Shannon said. "You've got a real support network here."

Eddie ducked his head. "Yeah. I do."

"Especially with Buck," she carried on. "He's really good to you."

Eddie paled. "What does that mean?"

Shannon let herself grin and gently shove Eddie. "I was married to you. I know when you've got a crush."

If possible, Eddie turned both white and pink at the same time. "I—"

"It's okay," Shannon said quickly. "I like him. I can't think of a better person to be in both yours and Christopher's lives."

"Shan, we're not officially divorced yet," Eddie said weakly.

Shannon shrugged. "We've been separated for a long time, Eddie, and I want you to be happy. I like seeing you happy. Just make sure you treat him right or I'll kill you."

Eddie let out a startled laugh. "Aren't you supposed to be saying that to him?"

Shannon bit her lip, watching as Buck gave Christopher a fist-bump, and laughed. "I have a feeling he's going to give you everything he's got."

And, for the first time in a long time, Eddie laughed with her and Shannon though to herself that, yeah, things wouldn't be so terrifying anymore.