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《on a black sand beach….》
Scott had experienced loss before, but none of those emotions could compare to the horror and weight he feels now. His husband's eyes, once shining with warmth and kindness are flat and glossed over. Jimmy is light as Scott pulls his lifeless body into his arms. Jimmy wasn't ever this light before. Without thinking he ignores the battle around him. He ignores the people in the desert calling out his name, his love is the only thing that is important right now. He focuses on the feeling of the warm sand on his feet and trys to ignore the fact that Jimmy isn't warm anymore.
His throat is tight and sore as he looks forward and continues for the flower forest. He can't find the strength to look down towards the weight in his hands that was once a ray of sun in his life. The field of poppys and forget-me-nots flood his eyes and he truly breaks down.
《 love you forever, don't let go of me. 》
Scott feels his knees slam into the flowers infront of the place he built for him and his husband. He looks down at the body of his love and wails. The sound that explodes out of him floods the forest around him. It sounds inhuman, it sounds like a noise a wild animal could only produce. His screams of sorrow and hurt fade into sobs. He hugs onto his husband's body and cries like there is nothing else in the world. Like its just him and his husband. Scott doesn't know how long he was there and he can't find himself to care. He can't find any reason to move from this spot. When tears stain Jimmy's clothes, Scott finally pulls his face off of his husbands chest.
He finds himself hoping, that maybe somehow, someway that the brightness of the sun and stars had returned to the eyes of his love. It didn't. They are still. And glossed over. And dark. And nothing like they had ever been before. His hand trembles as he brings his fingers to close his husbands eye lids. Atleast now he can pretend that Jimmy is just sleeping.
《ill die if I wither in your memory..》
Scott gently pulls Jimmy's weight into his arms and stands. His legs feel like they could wither and snap with any sharp movement. But he starts walking anyways. Walking through the fields of flowers and trying to avoid stepping on any of the poppies that spring out of the ground. He climbs up the hill that towers over the flower field so slowly and wobbly. Tears blind his vision as he continues. His chest feels tight and his stomach feels hollow. Everything feels so bizarre. He almost didn't realize that he had made it to the top.
He stands there for a second, looking over the flower fields. He hates how everything looks the same. He hates how Jimmy's home looks just how it had this morning when they woke up together. He hates how the flowers continue to be bright and tall. He hates how the sun is still towering over him with light. He hates how every tree continues to stand with their beautiful green leaves. He hates how the world continues spinning whenever Jimmy's world stopped. He hates how everything else moved on when he is still so grief stricken. Why does everything else get to live on when Scott and Jimmy are both so frozen?
《gleymdu mér aldrei þó ég héðan flýg (never forget me, even if I fly away from here…)》
He finally starts to dig. Jimmy's lifeless body lays next to him has he digs through the hard soil on the top of the hill. Scott doesn't think about the dirt catching under his nails. He doesn't think about how long digging this grave will truly take. He doesn't think about that. It's hard to think about those little things that would normally bother him when hes thinking about how he will never see his husband's smile again. He thinks about how he will never hear Jimmy's loud laugh again. He'll never wake up to Jimmy's golden, blond hair on his chest. He will never eat breakfast with him again. He will never deal with the silly mistakes that he made that truly made him love Jimmy. He'll never, ever have his husband again.
He notices that the sun isn't shining anymore and that the stars are instead. It is not any better. He finally realizes that the grave is dug, although shallow, it is ready. It's time for him to say goodbye. He chokes out more sobs. He stands, covered in dirt and grime, and heads down the hill leaving his husbands body and the grave. Scott stumbles down, not caring if he falls down. Once he made it to the bottom, he collapses. He stares at all of the flowers before him and starts picking the ones with bright red petals and dark black centers. The ones that represent his love and connection with Jimmy. He picks all of the ones he can reach without moving from his spot on the patchy grass. He grabs the bundle and hopes not to drop any poppies with how badly his hands are shaking. He makes it up to the top again. Too soon for his liking.
He sits next to his lover's body. He caresses his pale face. It's cold. It's never been that cold before. He moves the hair that still is bright even during the night and places a flower behind his ear. Then, he places one in hair. Then, in his pocket. Scott takes Jimmy's jacket off and puts it onto himself, just so ge can keep a piece of the man he loves. Then he brings Jimmy's two hands onto his chest and places a flower between them. His lips leave a kiss on his husbands cheek. He stares. He stares and wonders how hes going to live without him. Jimmy's body makes a thump as his body is placed into the grave, which makes Scott gag and sob. The man cant bring himself to look at the grave as he scoops dirt into his hands and begins the slow and horrific process of burying his love. He focuses on the feeling of the dirt in his hands so that he doesnt focus on the sound of dirt hitting its husbands body. It doesnt work.
A wave of horror hits him as he finishes the grave but planting a poppy on top. His husband is gone. Jimmy is gone.
《gleymdu mér aldrei, elskan mín( never forget me, my love,)》
"Goodbye, my petal."