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Creature’s deficit wasn’t exactly subtle. The Skrendle brothers had opened him up and poked around carelessly, washing him clean of the Gatlian he once was; a person not even Creature could recall. Both Kenny and Harper found it to be heart-wrenchingly tragic, both his current condition and the manner in which he arrived to be such a way.
His memory constantly lapsed, confusion was the base emotion he felt (besides blind kindness), and he had a habit of drooling. Everyone on the team didn’t treat him as lesser or as an idiot despite him constantly referring to himself to be one. It was unspoken amongst the Gatlians that Creature’s current state wasn’t his fault and therefore undeserving of any real criticism or insensitivity, even when he was clueless to current dealings.
Harper especially felt awful for Creature, knowing who he was before the Skrendles got their filthy, uncaring hands on him. Thinking about how he landed in such a situation made her firing tract feel like it was locking up; how he didn’t want to be hurt on that stealth recon mission. It really did haunt her, and the series of events is hard to clear from her mind on the nights where she is stuck in the horrors of the war. It had been years, and those episodes didn’t crop up as often, thank god—but they remained just as intense. This was true for all the Gatlians of the team! Their hard nights all looked different of course, but it was only another point of bonding between the ragtag group as they discussed flashbacks and comforted each other through all of them.
She thought about how Creature—then Professor Creed Turian-- didn’t want to infiltrate the lab on Zephyr for fear of getting hurt. He wanted to help the Gatlians the resistance brought back to base, not to fight. Harper wrestled with the guilt of convincing him to come with the team when he expressed concern and fear. She hoped that before his mind was damaged that he did not blame her, or Colonial Wesson for that matter. Professor Turian was so compassionate and endlessly kind, a big softie! Especially considering the firepower he was packing, as well as his size. Professor Turian was on the bigger end of Gatlian body types, making him imposing on his own and even more so in the mech walker.
The augmented firearm caught herself thinking of him often; both as Creed and Creature.
Kenny, uptight and sometimes painfully gullible, quietly noticed when Harper got spacey. He too felt immense guilt for his friends but mainly his home planet and people, he knew that specific look. There was something about the distant and wide-eyed expression that differed from the panicked-filled stare that popped up in his friends. He was sure the other Gatlians noticed too, but didn’t find a point in talking with them about it. Not that it wasn’t their business or anything, but how does someone explain that look?
Just barely loud enough for his voice to carry across the living room without calling the attention of the Gatlians in other rooms, Kenny’s voice shook Harper from her mind. “H-Harper? What’s the problem?”
Her eyes fluttered, moistening the bulging spheres, then blinked before looking over to Kenny. “Uh, I’m good..I’m good.”
Kenny’s antenna flicked as his face sat still in an unwavering silent prod for honesty. “Come on, I really am okay, Kenny. What, a Gatlian can’t think and reminisce?” Another flick of his antenna before clearing his throat and speaking. “I don’t me-mean to push, we’re all traumatized so I know you probably are packing some..l-luggage? Being a part of the-what was left of the Gat-Gatlian military.”
Harper knew what Kenny had been through, and how he blamed himself for the destruction of Gatlus and the countless lives lost in the two consecutive waves of the G3. She really didn’t think Kenny should blame himself as badly as he did; he was just as much a victim to the gang as his loved ones were, as Sweezy and Gus were, herself and Creature. She could understand how he felt, even if it was just a fraction of the pain. She did blame herself for the death of Professor Turian, and the creation of Creature. It wasn’t that she was keeping his past and her connection to him a secret, it just wasn’t really something she cared to talk about. She shut her eyes tightly, and sighed. “Look, I don’t feel super awesome about admitting this, but I know who Creature was before he became…that. I don’t mean to shit on Creature, I love him, but he was really cool at one point. Before I joined the resistance.”
Her eyelids fell halfway over her eyes, her gills dropping as she looked down to her own hilt.
The wording hit Kenny like a bus, he knew what she meant by that. Guilt washed over Kenny, he had an idea of what Harper was about to say to him yet sat in stunned silence--which he realized probably was not productive nor helpful. “B-Before you joined? What ha-happened..!?”
He threw his antenna up, his eyes snapping open as wide as he could get them.
Yeah, real subtle, Kenny. Keep your cool, idiot.
Kenny relaxed his expression and pulled his antenna back, blubbering.
“Uh, i-if I can ask, s-sorry.”
Harper didn’t look up from the tattoo on her handle, she just swallowed hard and steadied her voice. She really did not want to tell Kenny but she felt that if anyone would understand and not judge her, it would be the Gatlian that is convinced he is responsible for ending a whole planet.
Pulling her eyes up to meet Kenny’s was painful, she would have rather gained another scar down her other eyelid instead of looking him in the face. She could tell he was trying hard not to have a severely shocked expression, instead wearing a gentle and compassionate mask. Harper knew it was sincere, she figured he was just trying to be supportive by not looking like a teen hearing fresh gossip.
“When I was in the military, Colonial Wesson would take me and Creature on intel and recon missions. And other Gatlians, I mean obviously, right?”
“Y-yeah, obviously…S-sorry not the time for humor.” Kenny’s antenna drooped over his face as he dismissed his own attempt at easing the tension.
“Um…We tried to infiltrate the Skrendle labs on Zephyr because Colonial Wesson knew Garmantuous would be there, and we knew that the brothers already had lots of zombified Gatlians they were grafting to merks. Wesson was convinced that whatever we learned would give us the upperhand in the war, and like, kind of? But I don’t know if it was worth it.”
Kenny’s face shifted from an earnest attempt at softness to focus, Harper could tell that he was following and trying to piece everything together. “I should back up. Like, Creature is so fucked up because of the Skrendles, right? And I know I said he was cool before I joined the force. Because he was.” She exhaled really hard, she was conditioned not to show emotion even when she could feel tears welling up in her eyes.
“Creature, um,” she cleared her throat. "He was a professor. A really smart professor. His name was Creed Turian. He built all the mech walkers that Colonial Wesson used for the militia, and he praised Professor Turian for his genius. I think that he was on the Skrendle brothers’ radar for a long time and called him Creature as some kind of fucked up joke.”
Kenny’s eyes broke contact with Harper’s as he thought of Creature; his habit of drooling, how everyone would have to repeat what the team’s objective was frequently to him, and the fact that his wide body was cut open down the middle to expose his ammunition chamber unnerved Kenny--talk about body horror. Creature, a genius engineer and professor? Hard to fathom.
“Ye-yeah okay, I’m gonna guess you’re gonna tell me about how you talked Creature into something and how you blame yourself.” Kenny did mean that mostly honestly, but a part of him was being sarcastic. Thinking back to how he confessed to the Bounty Hunter and how he revealed his own massive shortcomings. When his eyes returned to meet Harper’s, her face pulled down into a distraught frown, tears in her eyes. Because of her training, (something she mentioned often,) Harper hesitated to show emotion; to see her face curdled down by sorrow fully sobered Kenny to what the mechanically enhanced pistol was about to reveal.
Harper sniffled.
“Yeah, the recon mission. Professor Turian was so worried about getting hurt. He wanted to help, he wanted to stay back at base and help any Gatlians he could that we brought back. He was the brains, not the brawn. I pushed him to go with us, to see what he could do for the ones we found in the base. We found Garmantuous, and I wanted to barge in there and kill him but Colonial Wesson stopped me. Right as we were about to step in, Krubis ran in with a stack of papers and a fly away cut Professor Turian on the face, alerting Garmantous to our position.”
Her gills flicked and wiggled as she blinked away big tears that were gathering at the corners of her eyes. “We engaged, and in the scuffle, Creed got shot. We had to leave him, and..” The same far off look she had earlier returned to her face, the room around them settling into silence.
Its like the room shrunk in size, the silence was suffocatingly familiar to Kenny. He knew the weight of Harper’s guilt. He’s been there and partially still is. The two pistols sat in silence together as Harper quietly relived the moment second by second in her mind. Kenny was one to get a touch awkward with emotions, especially since being hardened in his time with Rel Delmar--Despite still being an emotional individual himself.
Somewhere deep down in Kenny a tiny part of him was comforted, and admittedly relieved he wasn’t the only member of the Biggest Asshole in The Galaxy club; only to have it immediately smothered by the weight of the reality Harper witnessed and is forced to relive. Sat front and center to the intimate and quiet horror of knowing why Creature is this person now, and the death of who he was.
Hesitation held Kenny in place firmly until he worked himself up to scoot along the rug close enough that his antenna could press softly to the top of her barrel, just beneath the metal installment in her skin. Her stuck eyes rolled to look at him before fluttering into full blinks once more.
Blue gills nervously flap in small waves, an angular body shifting in place, adjusting to comfort. “I wouldn’t normally say something like this,”
“I think about Professor Creed Turian a lot.” She fiddled with her cocking mechanism, the sound filling the room. It was a dull sound, like someone clicking a pen under a blanket.
“That’s really heavy, tha-tha-that’s intense, Harper…Did..you have to leave him..?”
Silence.
“...yeah,” she blinked,
“we did.”
Her habit of drawing out the last little sound of each sentence she spoke was choked out. Her voice halted immediately after that last syllable.
Silence, again.
The lightly-sat antenna fell from Harper’s side, resting just above Kenny’s face. Harper’s eyes stayed locked on the blue Gatlian, her face heavy and long.
“Jesus, Harper, I-I uh, am having trouble thinking of something to say, I’m-I’m s-sorry.”
“I didn’t want to tell anyone. Colonial Wesson loved Creed, and Creature doesn’t know who that is. I was the one that said he should come with us, to come save the Gatlians we found inside the lab. There wasn’t anyone to save in there. I’m the one who got him shot, I’m the reason the Skrendles were able to get their disgusting hands on him.”
Kenny could see the events unfold in her eyes, like a movie being played on the big screen. He knew what she was going through, he knew the weight that was resting on her barrel, it wasn’t a good feeling but one he was unfortunately all too familiar with. He’s never been the one to comfort someone for something like this, just the one being chastised; he didn’t know where to start--or what to say for that matter. “...D-did..did you want a hug..? I-I-I uh, don’t know what to say.”
Her big eyes stayed locked on him, looking past him and not really focusing on his face as she sat in mournful silence. “It was surreal to see him again, it’s like he was infected with the virus but still could move around on his own. He’s not even in there anymore.” Harper didn’t acknowledge Kenny’s offer for comfort, her mouth just spilling her confession in a hushed tone. Kenny could feel the shame that coated her words so thickly, it made the room feel heavy and the air dense.
“He has no idea what a professor even is, let alone that he used to be one. The genius physicist and engineer he was, the big soft squishy guy part of him stuck around at least.” Her eyes rolled to stare at the rug they both sat on. Kenny chuckled softly at that, because yes, Creature was big and soft and squishy, gullible and too trusting for his own good. He was always kind, but Kenny thought that he was too simple for anything else. Not a mean bone in his body; according to Harper he had always been like that. It made him wonder what it was like to be around him before all the brain damage, when he was a genius.
“S-sorry if it’s in-insenstive for me to ask..but uh why didn't you tell anyone sooner?”
Still looking at the rug, Harper’s lip quivered before her words dribbled out like a leaky faucet. “I didn’t want the others to know it was my fault. Professor Creed Turian is strong, and Creature is still strong..but I don’t want them to think he’s like…that..because of me. I feel really guilty about it. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have Professor Turian on our team and not Creature and it makes me feel like a piece of shit. I love Creature with the depth of my heart, but I know that sometimes its hard to be patient with him, and that’s my fault. I don’t want the rest of the team to hate me.”
“Yeah, I g-get that. When I told them all what I did they did hate me for a li-little while but they uh they came around…e-eventually. But my situation was different, our pl-planet was destroyed.” It made Kenny’s glob bladder feel like it was full of stones to say that; being hated isn’t a great feeling. “I don’t think everyone else would hate you, it--it was a little more out of your control and w-was also an accident.”
“But Dr. Creed Turian was the most brilliant engineer on Gatlus, he could have changed the tide in the war-”
“I-I’m gonna be honest with you Harper, we-we uh couldn’t have won that war on our own…no offense…We held them off once but y-you saw what the virus did to everyone uh…we were fucked from the get go.”
Denial and sadness flashed across her face in an overwhelming cocktail of emotions, Kenny felt like Harper wanted to argue that, but didn’t know if she even knew what to say. She sighed and sat quietly, defeated. He knew what was going through her mind, and knew that what he had said may not convince her out of something so concrete in her mind. No one on Nova Sanctus, Gatlus, or Earth could undo the reality Kenny had talked himself into, nor could anyone undo Harper’s perceived reality.
“You’re probably right. I just..I just can’t help but feel like its my fault. Who knows what he actually underwent at the hands of those evil fucking brothers. I miss Dr. Turian. He felt…like a father to me.”
Silence was a recurring theme between the two guns during the conversation.
Laughter from the other firearms seeped down the stairs and into the living room, breaking the fragile atmosphere born from the heavy discussion. Harper was tired of talking, and Kenny was running out of words that weren’t just “I’m sorry”. Not that he didn’t care, he was just unsure of how to comfort Harper. Come to think of it, Kenny didn’t know what he’d want to hear if he was on the other end of the stick. This was hard.
“We sh-should uh, j-join the oth-everyone else. I wonder what they’re laughing at.” Not knowing how else to help, the blue firearm hoped that being with their closest friends would ease the pain she felt in this moment.
Harper chuckled, she could hear Sweezy’s laugh intertwined with Gus's and Creature's and only imagined what ridiculous thing they were watching on the Bounty Hunter’s computer. She wondered if it was one of the human ‘fail compilations’ on Youtube. The guilt that ate at her heart and mind was suffocating and consumed her like a massive wave in the ocean. Maybe Kenny was right, maybe being with them might help. Help remind her of what they’re actually like and not what her mind tells her they’re like when she’s caught in a rut like this. The truth about Creature wasn’t questioned before, and it could be put off until Harper was ready. She loved her tea, she loved Creature. They helped each other--and the Bounty Hunter--save the human race and were thick as thieves. Go be with them, that will comfort you, her mind urged.
Harper’s attention turned outwards, noticing Kenny had already made his way to the stairs and was waiting on her. The gun repositioned herself and scooted across the floor, meeting Kenny at the first step.
“Af-after you.”
“Thanks Kenny.”
“Don’t mention it.”
Kenny and Harper brushed their respective antenna and gills against each other, a kind of hug.