Chapter Text
Yoosung was up late again, the darkness of his room creating shadows of shapes on his ceiling as he lay in bed. He'd promised Zen and Jaehee that he'd go to bed after one round of LOLOL and usually he'd ignore them, but something about the way Zen said “please?” in the messenger made his chest ache.
The blond boy rubbed at the ache, hoping it would go away soon so he could close his eyes without his anxiety rising, but his efforts were hopeless. He squeezed his eyes shut anyway, as if to will away all feeling, to succumb to slumber, but his chest only tightened. There was nothing to be anxious about, he was only going to sleep and if it weren't for Zen, he'd still be up fighting another boss, raiding another dungeon, bringing honor to his guild.
God damn it, Zen .
He swore as he threw off his blankets and paced around his room in the darkness. Was it worth breaking his promise to Zen to rage a few more hours, just enough for him to be too tired to keep his eyes open? He'd be forced to sleep then for sure. Yoosung tangled his fingers up into his hair and growled. No, it’s not worth it. You promised him, so keep your promise.
Anxiety rose up in Yoosung’s chest again and he tugged at the strands of hair he'd gripped before letting his hands fall. If he couldn't sleep and he wasn't about to play more LOLOL, there was really only one choice left.
With a huff, he pulled on his favorite hoodie and kicked on his converse, stuffing his keys and cellphone into his pocket. Walks always calmed him down when he needed it, and late night walks were even better for clearing his head, so with a final glance back towards his computer room, he set out, locking the door behind him.
He trudged down the stairs of his small apartment building, pulling his hood up as he wandered out into the streets of the small village in Seoul where he resided. He and Zen shared the same area, but the blond made a point to head in the opposite direction, just so he wouldn't end up at his friend's doorstep, right after he'd just promised he'd go to bed. Just the thought made Yoosung feel guilty that he wasn't in bed.
He counted the steps he made until his head was full of numbers, no longer enough room for his thoughts of guilt and anxiety and Zen to float around in his mind. He kept his head down for the most part, the path familiar to him due to all the other late night walks he took here.
It wasn't until he reached a local park when Yoosung looked up, a glimpse of white in the distance catching the corner of his eye. The thought of Zen being right there popped up in his mind and the blond froze. He turned his head and there was the aforementioned RFA member, sitting calmly on a bench, reading from his phone and smoking like he belonged there. Yoosung's heart skipped a beat and he rubbed at his chest again. Would Zen be mad if he came over to say hi so late at night or would he be upset that he didn't come say hi when he saw him, even if it was late?
It felt like forever as Yoosung stood there debating his options, but then Zen looked up and… Oh no, he's spotted me! He was about to make a run for it, getting ready to dive into nearby bushes, but Zen was fast approaching and he had no choice but to stand and awkwardly anticipate his scolding. Yoosung squeezed his eyes shut tight in hopes that his tired mind was playing tricks on him, but Zen's voice was clear in the lull of the night.
“Yoosung? What are you doing out here?”
The blond flinched at the question, but opened his eyes to look at Zen anyway, stark red meeting purple. Yoosung's mind blanked, like fuse blew in his brain. He struggled to look for the right words in front of the older man, which usually never seemed to be a problem before.
“I, uh… I tried to sleep, but I couldn't.” Yoosung responded meekly, averting his gaze.
“So, you went for a walk?” Zen asked, even if the answer was obvious.
Yoosung nodded as he rubbed at the back of his neck, his hood slipping from its place over his head. He didn't mind, but Zen's hand shot out as if to save something precious, and not some fabric attached to a sweater. Time froze for Yoosung as Zen faltered, completing the mundane task of placing the hood back where it was.
Zen tried to laugh off the embarrassing gesture, but Yoosung's cheeks were ablaze. He carefully adjusted his hair under the hood and laughed quietly along with Zen, but his heart seemed to flutter against his ribcage.
“What was that for?” The blond whined, gripping his hood and sharing at Zen. He just had to pretend like nothing happened in that moment, like the aching in his chest wasn't there. He mindlessly rubbed at it again as his head dropped.
“Sorry, I shouldn't be up so late. I'll be heading home-” His words were cut short as Zen grabbed his arm and dragged him to the nearest park bench.
“It's okay, why can't you sleep, Yoosung?” Zen asked as they sat, staring at the younger boy as he waited for a response.
“Ah, it's nothing, just restlessness.” Yoosung responded, hands shoved in his pockets, avoiding Zen's gaze and staring up at the stars in the sky. He felt almost nostalgic, even with Zen practically boring holes in the side of his head.
“Really?”
“No.”
Yoosung answered without thinking or even catching himself and he knew without even looking, that Zen was frowning in a way that made Yoosung want to hug him. He held back though, looking over from the stars to Zen. He always complained to chat about how narcissistic the RFA member was, but why'd he have to look so good even, under the unflattering light of streetlamp?
Wait, what?
He backtracked slightly, scoffing audibly at the thought. What kind of thought was that, just sneaking up on him and popping into his mind. Maybe the feeling of nostalgia was getting to him, or just the fact that he was feeling tired. Zen's frown gave way to a look of confusion and wow, even without putting on an act, he's so expressive.
“Is something funny?” Zen asked and Yoosung backtracked again. Did he laugh?
“No. Why?” He crossed his arms over his chest as the ache became more apparent.
“Just… You sounded like you were laughing.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“Don't be sorry. What's on your mind, then?”
Yoosung stared at Zen as he pondered the question. What /was/ wrong? Sure, he couldn't sleep, but was he about to tell Zen it was because he couldn't stop thinking about him? After a moment of silence, the blond could only groan and rub his hands over his face to try and will away his frustration.
“I'm just used to pulling all nighters, I guess.” He lied, in hopes that Zen would leave it at that.
“I presume you don't do your homework during that time?” Zen teased him.
“Ah, no. Not really. College is lost on me.” He admitted to his friend.
The frown was back and Yoosung felt his heart sink. He'd just been disappointing everyone this whole time—disappointing Zen. It made sense, seeing as he was the youngest of the RFA members. He should've been interning at an animal hospital by now, or at least working for Jumin.
“Maybe… I'm depressed?” Yoosung sighed. He lifted his head to look back up at the stars. It made sense, with the loss of Rika and living home alone with no one to talk to outside the RFA. There wasn't ever a time he could even bring himself to be motivated enough to clean or do his homework. He had an essay due the next day, even and he hasn't even started.
He felt Zen shift beside him until there was an arm around his shoulders. The blond flinched at the contact, his breath hitching in his throat. He smelled so nice; like expensive cologne with a hint lavender. It wasn't overpowering either, like Zen knew the perfect amount to use every day. Zen was talking then, but Yoosung didn't seem to catch anything of what he was saying.
“Hey, are you listening?” Zen sighed as Yoosung was pulled from his thoughts.
“Ah, no. Sorry.” He mumbled, casting his eyes downwards.
“I said, if you need anyone to talk about it, I'm here Yoosung.”
The way Zen said his name caused warmth to bloom from his chest.
“Thank You, Zen. You're a good friend.” He smiled. He knew Zen only ever meant well for him.
Just as Yoosung was about to say something else, the actor was on his feet with him in tow.
“Let's get you home, then. It's late.” Zen led Yoosung out of the park, back towards the path to his apartment.
The walk there was quiet but not uncomfortable between them. Zen had an arm draped over his shoulders still and Yoosung’s mouth felt dry, their closeness affecting him more than it ever should've. He could still smell Zen's cologne, and he wondered if he even minded that. It wasn't too strong or unpleasant, after all.
They reached his apartment soon enough and Yoosung parted from Zen's touch, grateful now that he saw him at the park.
“Thank You Zen, for listening.” Yoosung smiled, giving Zen a quick, one armed hug before rushing into his apartment building. He was blushing again and he didn't want Zen to see, rubbing at his cheeks as he ran up the stairs to his flat.