Work Text:
First of all, you wipe the top of the vial with an alcohol wipe.
Rin watches as Michitaka begins what is now their weekly tradition.
Next, you open the packet containing the fixed syringe, careful not to touch the open ends with anything, including your own hands. Draw in the same amount of air as your dose.
Michitaka has known that he is trans ever since he was young. While his family (excluding his brother Senri) hasn’t been the most supportive, with the help of his friends (and later on his own practice) he was able to transition in his twenties.
Rin, on the other hand, didn’t know that transitioning was even a thing in the first place until he met adult Michitaka. Until he was already nearing the end of his life.
Next, insert the needle in the vial, and push the drawn air out. Turn the vial upside down, and draw your dose out.
Michitaka keeps saying that it’s never too late to transition, to be your true self. And Rin is grateful that he has a chance to be himself, he has a chance to feel alive for once. And he is grateful that he has someone like Michitaka beside him, someone who not just understands him, but someone who knows what it feels like. And someone who actually loves him for himself.
He just thinks it’s a cruel joke that he is being granted this joy after over a thousand years of existence, when he is this close to dying.
And maybe, just maybe, he wonders if he’d find the will to live in those now long gone years if he had a chance to transition back then. If he had someone like Michitaka.
Next, you wipe the injection site with an alcohol wipe, let it dry in the air, pinch your skin lightly, and inject at an angle. Once done, you gently wipe the injection spot again and dispose of the needle and syringe in a sharps bin.
The movements seem to come naturally to Michitaka. Like it’s a domestic part of their life. Like it’s part of a boring routine.
Rin sometimes still has trouble believing all this is real. Maybe it comes naturally to Michitaka because he, well, has been taking testosterone for a larger percentage of his life? While it probably hasn’t even been one percent of his own life for Rin.
Rin wonders if he should be envious of Michitaka. For knowing this was an option longer than he did. For being able to experience this joy for longer than him.
For not having to live in a body he hated for such a long period of time.
But when Michitaka turns to him with his warm smile, Rin realizes he could never resent Michitaka.
“Are you ready?” The weekly question greets him again.
“Mhm.” And the weekly answer comes.
First of all, Michitaka wipes the top of the vial with an alcohol wipe.
Rin would never, in the first place, know about all this if Michitaka weren’t there.
Next, Michitaka opens the packet containing the fixed syringe, careful not to touch the open ends with anything, including his own hands. He draws in the same amount of air as Rin’s dose.
And Michitaka taught him that despite everything, he could learn to love his own body, and in turn, love himself. Not just because self-love is good. But because it’s possible to become someone he actually loved.
Michitaka inserts the needle in the vial and pushes the air out. He then turns the vial upside down and draws in Rin’s dose.
Rin knows that Michitaka will love him no matter what, to the point of choosing to die together with Rin. Michitaka’s heart with Rin is the ultimate proof of that. However, it gives Rin a special joy to know that he now has a body that both he and Michitaka love. Yes, Michitaka will love him even without that. But it gives Rin so much more euphoria to know that his partner loves the same body he himself has learnt to love over time. If Rin has to describe the feeling, he’ll say it feels like Michitaka loves him for what he was always supposed to be.
It makes him actually feel alive for the first time in over a thousand years. And it makes him want to be alive.
Michitaka wipes Rin’s injection spot with an alcohol wipe. He lets it dry in the air, pinches the skin lightly, and injects the dose at an angle. Once done, he gently wipes the spot with an alcohol wipe and disposes of the needle and syringe in a sharps bin.
And then Michitaka, as usual, turns to Rin with his comforting smile, and gently kisses him on the lips, his eyes filled with nothing but adoration.
“You did great.” The weekly praise comes.
“It’s because I have an expert looking after me.” The weekly remark comes before Rin leans in for another kiss.
—
First of all, you wipe the top of the vial with an alcohol wipe.
In the beginning, Rin used to think that these moments were proof of how much time he had lost.
Now, as Michitaka continues the routine, he thinks of these moments as something to cherish while he still has time left.
Another week.
Another injection.
Another morning he gets to wake up beside Michitaka.
Another chance to exist as himself.
Another chance to live.
And when Michitaka smiles at him, Rin smiles back.
Because for the first time in over a thousand years, tomorrow is something he wants to see.