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when you're famous, sometimes you're the only thing you hear about. valk would know. in between his schedule he scrolls, scrolls through the millions of comments on both himself and dom. he's heard just as many warnings not to do it, but he's already too far gone.
valk is painfully aware of why comments on himself are so attractive — they're extreme; one moment he's being praised, the next he's threatened. though the latter seems to appear less often, the weight of it's still there. dom tells him that he's feeling more of the negativity, but valk lies, reassuring otherwise. he knows that it's true, though. when he's preparing for a photoshoot or performance he'll stare at himself in the mirror beforehand, searching for blemishes that should be meaningless then beg for a touch-up on his makeup; the night before he'll linger in the dance studio, perfecting a move he already had to-a-T hours before.
"you don't need to do that," dom tells him after noticing he's been searching for pimples and scars on his face. "you're fine."
"are you sure?" he asks.
"yeah. they're what makes you yourself. an inphernal. plus, you've got makeup on. i'm sure everything's been covered well."
valk hums. my fans don't think that, though. valk pulls himself away from staring at the mirror, turning to meet dom's eyes. "i guess you're right."
after dom turns away, valk asks the makeup artist for a touch-up either way.
ever since debut, some fans and all haters would always look for imperfections. no matter how weak the camera was, inphernals like those would do whatever's in their power to search and dissect. with the way camera quality improves over the years, it doesn't help valk. he's exposed, an easier target for inspection. it's like he's being skinned alive, put on a test every time he makes a public appearance.
—
valk is famous, you love him, and he's one of the only things you ever hear about.
you're not angry with that fact. you're exhilarated.
he's perfection in inphernal-form. flawless in every way. delicate, glowing skin with consistently bright, sunny eyes that have your heart jumping through the screen you watch him on; smooth vocals you find yourself falling asleep to; glittering personality you haven't seen in anyone else. he's all you want. you think he could be yours, and you're sure it's possible. valk isn't the type to betray his fans. you would know. he doesn't have a secret girlfriend or boyfriend to waste his time on. you would know because the first time he was caught with a partner, he wrote a two-page hand-written apology to his fans. he was forced, of course, but by the way he worded it, he had to be sorry. had to be.
you reach your hand out towards your computer screen. it's the brightest thing in the room. your curtains are closed, yet sun tries to push through. you don't need it. you have the real sun in front of you, and it's valk.
you're watching another one of valk (oh, and dom's) FLIPSIDEvibe's. specifically episode 17. you've watched this one a million times, but you can never get enough of it. your heart flutters everytime valk laughs or smiles.
he's a flower, you think.
then your heart pangs.
you realise you're staring at him through a screen. he's not speaking to you. he's not smiling at you. he's likely smiling at a camera.
you're nothing special to him, and it hurts. but all hurt goes away when you realise all you need to do is put yourself out there and he'll notice you.
—
the concert is over. valk can rest. he chooses not to.
he opens his phone, head hanging over it. he doesn't watch where he's watching, only trails after his brother, assuming he's walking towards the escort-van. he scrolls through the comments. after a while, kind comments seem to appear less kind and more parasocial. fans will tell them they want to get married to him. to never get a girlfriend. to smile for them. that they want him as a birthday present. that they want to date, and so on. it's unnerving, how blatant their obsession is. comments aren't like this for dom. dom's fans speak about him as if he's living, as if they're equals while his fans put him on a pedestal he doesn't want to be on… anymore.
valk always knew that he wanted to be known, that he wanted to be popular and loved. what he didn't know was that popularity came with the cost of being viewed as an actual inphernal and not something else.
valk seethes. he's meant to be the positive and bubbly sibling, but he can't help but bottle up jealousy until it's stirring in his stomach, pushing it's way up his throat. he tried to fix the issue by reading his hate comments in the hope that they would speak of him like a real inphernal, hate him like a real inphernal, but they didn't either. his fans and haters are just as bad.
he freezes. someone screeches his name. valk lifts his attention away from the phone, turning his head to the side. the guttural sound sent a shiver through his body. it was animal-like, perhaps unreal. yet all it is is a fan, waving at him with intense ecstasy, grinning ear to ear, eyes uncomfortably crinkled at the edges. valk stares back, each set of teeth glowering at him, yellow and brown teased against the edges.
"valk! smile for me! i love you!"
he doesn't smile.
"valk! i said smile!"
they're getting angry. valk can hear it. his fingers are twitching, ready to write another unnecessary apology, this time for not smiling.
"smile, valk!"
he tries. it's not a real smile, not the ones he's practiced in the mirror. they'll notice. apology, he thinks, think of an apology before i have to write it.
an arm hugs his shoulder. it's warm, familiar. it's dom. dom leads him away, telling him not to worry and to ignore it — simple instructions for a complex issue, though valk isn't surprised. dom wouldn't get it. dom doesn't have to deal with what he does.
he's brought into the van. he looks out the window, then realises the fan had a phone in their hand. it's on and recording.
—
you're infuriated. who does valk think he is, giving you such a fake smile like that? who does dom think he is, getting in the way? you've spent so much time and effort into valk. bought albums, built your photocard collection, ran fan accounts, chase after events, find them in public appearances. you've done so much to support him, but he can't give you a simple smile. you know he might have been tired after the concert, but that shouldn't mean anything — a smile isn't some exhausting task.
i told you to smile for me, you say on one of valk's posts.
why didn't you?
what's your issue?
is dom controlling you?
you're better than that. he's just your brother, you don't need to listen to him.
valk doesn't reply, of course. sure, he may see your comments but that's not enough to satisfy you — you're furious, and fury is best when shared, so you post the video you took of valk. you think you're calling him out for disrespect, for entitlement, for his attitude. others seem to agree when your video gains traction online. everything goes how you want it to. now all you want is for valk to learn from this because you know he can be better.
—
valk sees their comments first. then he sees the video. the company he's signed under will do so little to protect him, so he's left to be bomboarded with hate and unreal criticism. it gets so bad to the point where he starts writing an apology to put out to the public before his manager ever tells him to do it first. he's went through this a million times, but he's still not mentally used to it. half-healed wounds reopen every time a scandal comes out, every time he's bombarded on the internet for miniscule issues previous cuts begin sting more.
even after he puts out the apology he knows he'll have already lost some fans, aka inphernals that are too stubborn to forgive. he doesn't have an issue with that reality, if his fans stop holding on to him as a whole, not staying to hate either, he'll have far less pressure put onto him. he'd be free.
a day after his "scandal" has become widespread, he posts the apology. valk doesn't read through the comments this time, he already knows what they'll look like. parasocial, subtly controlling. that's how it's always been.
not for dom, though.
and valk's jealous for that. he'll never get the sort of fans dom has. if he tries to get rid of the fans he currently has, he'll be left with none in the future. he's stuck with them, perhaps bound by some unspoken spell. he hates it. but at this point, he's beginning to consider whether or not having no fans is the superior option to having the ones he currently has.