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Max woke up with a jolt, his heart beating out of his chest as he worked to calm his breathing. It wasn’t the first time he’d woken up from a nightmare. He had been particularly susceptible to them when he first left the Isle, but they had calmed down.
But now the nightmares were back, and arguably worse than before.
Over the course of the weeks after they returned from Wonderland, Max had a nightmare every night. He dreaded going to sleep, and his grades, which were already subpar due to his lack of interest, were suffering from his lack of sleep.
While he never had the best reputation in his classes, he had generally tried to pay attention to them, but now he found himself dozing off in them, only to jerk awake from an elbow in his side (usually by Hazel or Felix, though Chloe and Red had joined in occasionally).
He had dark bags under his eyes, and he wasn’t able to muster up much energy outside of attending class. Soon enough, Hazel had enough, and she cornered him before his last class.
“Smee’s room, one hour. They haven’t been sleeping after we got separated. Be there, or you’ll meet my hook.”
It was a lie, and they both knew it. But the attempt to be indifferent was appreciated. Max knew that he was the real reason all the VKs were getting together. He couldn’t bring himself to care, he just had one more class to get through.
Before he could walk into the classroom, he heard Hazel shout out.
“Oi! Madrigal! Make sure this one doesn’t hide back in his room after class, would ya? He gets to hang out with the rest of his crew that he’s been seriously neglecting.”
Max held in a groan as Luis’s figure appeared next to him. Biting back a remark that he didn’t need a babysitter. He would’ve gone to the Smees’ room himself… probably.
“Oh, uh. Sure thing Hazel.” Luis responded.
Somehow, Max made it through the class without falling asleep. He could see Luis sneaking glances at him from across the room, and for once, Max didn’t mind it.
When class was dismissed, Max heavily contemplated rushing out of the room to avoid Luis, just to see how the other boy would react. But while he yearned to cause mischief, he lacked the energy to do so. While he hated to admit it, he was glad Hazel finally decided to bring back one of their old habits.
So Max gathered his supplies and waited as Luis approached him.
“So uhh, I don’t really know what I’m doing. But I assume you’re meeting Hazel somewhere?”
“Yeah, we’re meeting in the Smees’ room,” Max explained as they started walking. “Hazel knows I usually tend to avoid these things, or that I’d just forget after class. Hence.” He gestured towards Luis.
“Wow. I guess under all that sass she does care for her crew.”
“Don’t let her hear you say that,” Max remarked. Then, quieter, he added, “But yeah. She’s a good captain.”
Eventually they arrived at the room, knocked on the door, which Hazel and Felix answered.
Felix ushered Max into the room while Hazel blocked Luis from following. Once seeing that Felix had Max handled, she closed the door and joined Luis in the hallway.
“You didn’t hear this from me, but thanks for making sure he got here,” Hazel told him, spinning her hook around her finger.
“Yeah, uhh, I didn’t mind.” The two stood in silence for a moment, then Luis spoke.
“I know I don’t– or I guess you might not–” Hazel raised her eyebrow questioningly. Luis took a breath and started again, “Is he okay? I know I don’t know him well, or maybe not even enough to ask… but he looks like he’s been struggling.”
“He is.” Hazel answered simply, before adding on, “Struggling, that is. He tries to keep everything in, to not burden anyone else with it… but he struggles, and after long enough, if he doesn’t say anything, we take action ourselves.”
“You look after your own, it’s admirable.”
“Hmmm, careful that almost sounded like you’re complimenting me,” Hazel turned back to the door, “He’s always had issues sleeping, but it only gets this bad occasionally. That’s all you get. Now, I have a pile of blankets and a group of boys to wrangle.”
With that, Hazel opened the door and closed it before Luis could even think about peeking into the room. He was left alone in the hallway, and ultimately started walking back towards his dorm. Hazel knew how to help Max the best, he could trust her.
When Hazel reentered the dorm room, she was pleased to see that Felix had dragged Max to the nest of blankets on one of the giant beds. He was sandwiched between Squeaky and Felix while Squirmy lay across their legs.
It was clear Max wasn’t thrilled about being in the middle of their cuddle puddle, but some of his tension had lessened. His hat had also been taken off and hung on the headboard.
“Did you really have to recruit Luis to drag me here?” He asked quietly.
“Would you have preferred I asked one of the princesses? And, for that matter, can you tell me you were going to come here yourself? Directly after class?” She added on seeing him about to object.
Max shut his mouth and went back to sulking.
“And he was conveniently there, so don’t feel like I did it for any specific reason. Purely for my own benefit.” Hazel teased as she walked over, discarding some of her sharper accessories before joining them on the bed.
“Now hush you, and enjoy our freely given company.”
“More like forced…” Max muttered, but reluctantly leaned back against her, letting his eyes close. Admittedly, the pressure on his legs was a bit too close to when he was almost crushed in the cavern under the maze, but he refused to tell Squirmy to move, and he could convince himself the pressure was comforting.
So he tried to focus on the soft plush bed under him, and listened to the sounds of his crew breathing. Eventually, he did join the rest in falling asleep, and while it started out restful, soon it turned into a fitful slumber.
He woke up, and the guise that the pressure on his legs was comforting was no longer true. Seeing that the others were still sleeping deeply, he shifted his weight and carefully slipped out of the tangle of limbs. He felt bad when he turned back towards the others, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep.
He was actually more well-rested than he had been, but he was disheartened to know that even surrounded by his closest supporters (friends), his nightmares still prevailed.
He reached over Hazel carefully, grabbing his hat from the headboard, and froze as she started shifting.
They had played this dance before: Max would wake up, try to leave, and Hazel would drag him back into the pile. But after everything, a part of Max felt like he didn’t deserve the loyalty of his friends.
So instead of waiting for Hazel to inevitably wake up, he quickly retreated from the room, opening the door right as she sat up, and ignoring her calls as he closed it behind him, speed-walking away, taking as many turns as he could.
He saw a flash of yellow and quickly turned the other way. He could probably convince Luis that Hazel allowed him to leave, but that was a chance he was not willing to take. Especially when he considered how concerned Luis appeared to be about him.
He made it back to his dorm room, considered the time, and decided to attempt his homework. He figured he wasn’t going to be falling back asleep any time soon.
Hazel was beyond annoyed. First, she had told Luis about Max, and then it took ages for all of them to fall asleep, only for her to be woken up right as Max left the room after only a couple hours of sleep.
Hazel had decided that it wasn’t worth chasing Max down, and she would much rather stay with the rest of her crew. Max was incredibly stubborn, and while he occasionally listened to her, virtually nothing would get him to budge when it came to his own well-being.
So she instead ended up doing damage control with the rest of her crew, getting them all to settle back into the pile whenever they each woke up realizing one of their own was gone.
The next day, she was even more annoyed when she realized that Max must’ve stayed up all night.
For once, his homework was done. But that just provided evidence of how long he stayed up. Despite having the work done, Max did continue to doze off in class. When lunch arrived, he seemed to vanish, either gone back to his dorm to attempt a nap, or simply avoiding Hazel (and her mother hen tendencies).
Her foul mood only got worse when the yellow of a certain HK’s outfit appeared in the corner of her eye. She scowled as he sat down at the VK’s table (or at least it once was, since Wonderland that norm had shifted)
“I don’t know how to rate your success Hook,” he paused, then his eyes widened as he realized what he said, “But uhh, I don’t hold it against you. He’s somehow worse and better.”
“Better how?” Felix butted in, “He’s avoiding us more and clearly spent the night avoiding sleep by doing homework.”
“Yeah, but– I don’t know, he’s still tired but seems… lighter? I don’t know how to phrase it. But considering I think he went to his dorm to attempt a nap, I think what you did deserves more credit than you’re giving it.”
“Well, I don’t think he’ll let us drag him into it again… he’s usually too ‘busy’ for us to drag him back again…” Felix sulked.
Usually Max improved a lot more after their cuddling, leaving the morning after, not the same evening. The difference had all the VKs unbalanced.
“Considering I think he caught up on all of his class work for the next week, I think he’ll have a harder time saying when he’s busy than you think.” Luis smirked, “And I could maybe be persuaded to convince him to join you after his last class today.”
“Are you offering to kidnap Max, Madrigal? Wow, forget about the Hearts, I’m clearly corrupting all HKs.” Hazel snarked, but a small smile returned to her face.
“Hey, I didn’t say anything about kidnapping, buuuuut, I mean if he tries to escape I highly doubt he’d be able to fight his way out of my grip. Though knowing Max, he’d probably find a way if he was fully rested.”
“Okay, a half hour after your final class, bring him back to the Smees’ dorm. Try to avoid saying where you’re headed, he’d probably try to run if he knew. Knock on the door, and we’ll go from there.”
So Luis did just that. Max took longer to realize their destination than Luis assumed, though maybe that was the sleep deprivation catching up to him. Instead of trying to run, he just sighed and made a half-hearted attempt to talk Luis out of taking him.
Unfortunately for Max, he was once again woken up by a nightmare. Hazel, who had tried to stay awake to keep him there, had slumped against the headboard and didn’t even stir as he left the room.
Guilt pooled in his stomach. Max felt bad for leaving them, but he also knew if any of them woke up and he was awake, he would be coerced into talking about his dreams, and he’d prefer to avoid that for as long as possible.
The arrangement repeated over the next week. Some days Max would arrive at the room himself, while others Luis or Felix dragged him there, sulking.
But he always left right after a nightmare, avoiding everyone, staying up until the next day, and looking no better than he was the previous day.
He clearly had no desire to talk about it, and would continue to run himself into the ground if it weren’t for the others keeping him from crashing and burning.
Most of the teachers turned a blind eye to his dozing, as since the cuddle puddles started he actually managed to get his homework done, if only because he was spending all night doing so.
Luis, throughout the week, kept sneaking glances at Max, and would look to Hazel. Occasionally the two would wander off, and they would return, Luis wearing a disheartened expression, while Hazel seemed to wear her usual expression (but those who knew her could see the clench of frustration in her jaw).
While Max would joke and keep responding with sarcastic remarks, he kept his interactions with the majority of the HKs to a minimum, especially Chloe and Red.
When Pink and he interacted throughout the week, what interaction everyone assumed would crash and burn, actually turned out alright.
Pink’s bubbly personality matched well with Max’s more laid-back attitude, he let her ramble on while nodding occasionally. When Max started drifting off, Pink didn’t mind, and just made sure to keep her voice at an even level until he blinked himself awake.
It was one of the only times Max seemed to not be jerked awake, and it was something Max didn’t actually avoid, as Pink didn’t draw any attention to his short naps, and kept talking as if nothing happened. Pink treated him the same no matter how tired he felt, her kindness and compassion for others shining brightly.
It was after one of these meetings with Pink that Luis found Max. Max was expecting him to drag him back with the others, but was surprised when he fell a step behind him, following him instead of trying to lead him. After a few minutes of walking in silence, Luis broke it.
“You’re worrying Hazel, and the others, but I think she feels overly responsible.” Wow, Madrigal really didn’t pull his punches.
“I just… I don’t want to burden any of them with my issues. It’s not their fault I can’t sleep, I don’t want them to have to wake up with me in the middle of the night,” Max responded. He didn’t have the energy to dodge questions.
“Did it ever occur to you they might want to? Or I guess they want to help you rather than see you suffering alone,” Luis offered.
“Unfortunately Madrigal, some of us only know how to suffer alone.” Max bit back, speeding his pace up, hoping Luis would get the hint, but he just matched his pace.
“I know, I know that. Some people think they need to be strong all the time because if they fall apart they don’t know how they’ll put themselves together… And some people feel like their suffering compared to someone else’s isn’t as big of a deal. My mom, my cousins, my aunts, me.”
“You?” Max was surprised, Luis seemed like he would never allow himself to be vulnerable.
“Yeah, uhh. I guess I try to hide when I’m struggling. I’m supposed to be strong, but there are moments I feel so weak, helpless… In the maze, I could only do so much to help Red, and then the walls grew over me, and I felt trapped. I-I still have nightmares about it, about never escaping, and worse, not knowing if everyone else was safe. With La Familia, there’d always be someone willing to comfort you when you have a nightmare. I miss it… cuddling with everyone, younger and older…” Luis trailed off wistfully.
“Okay,” Max stated, nodding to himself.
“Okay what?” Luis asked, confused. He honestly wasn’t trying to get Max to agree to anything.
“Ok I’ll try to let other people help me. But I’m not gonna be all soft about it, okay Madrigal? I’ll try to stay the night this time and go from there.” Max slipped back into his confident persona, but he fidgeted with his hat and refused to raise his eyes.
“Oh, yeah, okay. Let’s go then. I’m pretty sure they’ll be waiting for you.”
So the two of them made their way back to the familiar dorm. Pausing at the door before Max opened it. Hazel sat up on the bed, eyes filling with conflicting emotions seeing Max in the doorway.
“Well, come on in Max. We have plenty of room.” Hazel called him in, adjusting to clear him a spot in the middle.
So Max stepped into the doorway, pausing then reaching back to grab Luis’ arm, dragging him into the room as well.
“C’mon Madrigal, you need this as much as I do.” Max beckoned him over.
So Luis shuffled into the room, feeling out of place as Max took off his hat and joined the pile. Luis made his way over to the bed, tentatively sitting on the edge before Max grabbed him and dragged him back, landing on Max’s chest with a small oof.
“Relax Madrigal, the cuddle puddle is neutral territory. You’re not going to get kicked out. Don’t question it and just accept it.” Max murmured, clearly already sleepy.
Max subconsciously found himself running his fingers through Luis’ hair as he fell asleep, luring Luis to sleep as he did so. Hazel watched over the two with a fond smile, letting them fall asleep before she let her eyes close.
Max was going to be so embarrassed when he woke up.
He woke up with a jolt, which was unfortunately very familiar to Max. The nights when he would sleep and not be woken up by his nightmares were few and far between.
He found himself once again in the middle of a cuddle puddle, and he shifted in an attempt to leave, but then he registered the weight of another person on his chest, who unfortunately seemed to be stirring in response to his movement.
“Max?” Luis slurred, “Do you need me to get off?”
Max honestly didn’t know what he needed. Unlike previous instances, his legs weren’t trapped, and Luis was really only draped over his chest. He normally would’ve been out the door by now, managing his lingering fear by himself. But he had to admit… it was nice to still be surrounded by the warmth of his friends and not the cold, lonely air of his own dorm room.
“Uhh, no. Nope, you're fine.” He ended up replying. Then let the two of them sit in silence. He had assumed Luis fell back asleep, but was surprised when he heard his voice.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He quietly asked, “No pressure, but sometimes when my cousins would have nightmares we talked about them before falling back asleep. But if you think it’s stupid, we don’t have to.”
“No– umm. I guess I don’t really want to talk about it, but I know I should…”
“I can start if you want,” Luis offered. Max looked down at him in surprise, but Luis kept looking up at the canopy of the bed. Not pressuring Max into any decisions.
“I didn’t realize you had a nightmare…” Max admitted. Was he so caught up in his own head that he didn’t realize Luis was also struggling? But Luis attempted to shrug before answering.
“I got good at hiding them. I, uhh, I guess I try to keep them quiet. And besides, I’m sure mine aren’t as flashy as some of the things you’ve gone through.” Max flicked his forehead in response.
“Don’t minimize your suffering by comparing it to mine.”
Luis’ mouth curled into a rueful smile.
“Using my own words against me… But I guess my nightmares all feel the same. I’m trapped somewhere, recently it’s in the hedges, and I hear voices. Screaming for my help, and I can’t escape to get to them. I get so scared, y’know? Cause I can’t see all the people I care about, and all I hear are reminders I let them down.”
“It seems like your dreams are trying to tell you something Madrigal. You can’t be the hero for everyone if you don’t take care of yourself. Being selfless is all fine and dandy until you don’t have anything left to give people. Say what you want about us villains, but at least we don’t burn ourselves out helping people who don’t understand how much you heroes sacrifice for their sake.”
“If you’re oh so wise Hatter, what are your dreams trying to tell you?” Luis responded, wiping his eyes. His tone was still soft, and he clearly was pondering Max’s words.
“It doesn’t matter. They're just reminders of what being the son of a villain gets me. I hurt people I care about, selfishly caring about myself so much I’ll put others in danger, and that I’ll just end up alone.”
“Care to elaborate?” Luis prompted, “Forgive me, but I think you might be a bit biased.”
So Max explained his dreams, the statue falling on him, how he would’ve done anything to get the pocket watch, how he felt so betrayed he just wanted someone else to feel what he did.
“So yeah, just reminders of how terrible I am.”
Max refused to look down at Luis, expecting the hero to get up and just leave him.
“I think– I think that your dreams are just showing you what you’re the most scared of, like how I’m scared of not being able to help anyone. You care so much for other people that you’re scared of hurting them again, and you regret it so much that you feel like you deserve to suffer–”
“Because I do! I hurt people! I became just like my dad in order to get what I wanted.”
“Do you regret it?”
“Obviously! But–”
“But nothing. I don’t know your dad well enough, but I don’t think he was losing sleep over terrorizing us in Wonderland.”
“Careful, Madrigal, that’s my dad you’re talking about.” But there was no heat behind it, he knew his father was trying, but he knew his dad realizing all the lives he negatively affected was a long shot.
“I’m not saying he doesn’t feel it at all, but considering it’s been weeks and you’re still struggling… I don’t think a bad person would feel bad for so long. But I also think I’m not the one you need to reassure you. I think talking to Red and Chloe might help more,” he yawned. “But for now I want to fall back asleep. You good with that?”
“Uhhh, yeah. Yeah, I’ll stay.”
And they drifted back off to sleep, murmuring to each other before drifting off.
“Thanks, Luis.”
“Right back at you Max.”