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clambering off stage after the lights had cut out for the final time that night was easier than most big shows they had done in the past. julian could feel his skin thrumming with excitement, like he was young and spry again, playing to gradually growing audiences, not a divorcee pushing 50 who could barely stand hitting those high notes anymore (god, one way trigger, what was he thinking?)
however tired he was, though, was tucked away in the back of his mind in favor of turning to admire his favorite smiley drummer, who he usually lagged behind for to give him time to shuffle down the drum pedestal steps and catch up to julian for a bit of banter before crawling their way into the usual cramped trailers festivals gave them. but this time, fab didn't look too hot. his face was scrunched a bit, and he visibly winced a time or two as he hobbled down those stairs and made his way towards julian.
julian laid his hand over the small of fab's back on instinct, rubbing his back with his thumb gently. fab glanced up at him wearily, a small smile still gracing his face despite the pain he was obviously in.
"such a great show tonight, man, you really killed it out there...really great start to the tour, jules." julian felt his face go a bit hot.
"thanks, man...you did fantastic out there, too." fab let out a quiet laugh, and julian swore his heart was about to pound out of his chest. he continued to guide fab along to their trailer, briefly forgetting what he initially was going to question fab about. the lights in the trailer were mostly off save for a desk lamp and the ever-present kitchenette lights, and neither of the two made the move to flick on the overheads as they shuffled in. the door clicked shut behind them.
the thought finally re-dawned upon julian once they sat on the cheap trailer couch and fab laid back with a notably strained groan. he reclined against the couch as far back as he could manage, clearly attempting to fold his back in half the opposite direction of how he usually scrunched himself up at the drumset. julian frowned softly, hesitating before settling next to him.
"you need me to grab you some meds or something..? you...you look impaired, man."
his weak attempt at humor didn't elicit a reaction; fab simply glanced over and gave a strained smile. "oh, no, i'm okay...meds won't help, anyway, i just--i just need to rest up, that's all." he patted julian's knee. "just...getting old, y'know," he chuckled. julian's frown didn't waver.
"c'mon...i feel bad, y'know, it's really my fault your back has gotten so bad, with how hard i wanted you to play back in the day." fab simply shook his head while lightly squeezing julian's knee. he didn't pull his hand away, even when he really should have. julian relished in the feeling of it lingering, a nice pocket of comfortable warmth in the cool trailer. julian's heart ached.
fab had shut his eyes and leaned back in an attempt to relax and soothe his ever-present back pain by simply staying still. julian still felt guilty. if only he hadn't pushed fab to play so hard to the point where he had to basically snap his body in half to get a loud enough sound, and if only he had some foresight to see how awful that would have been for his body in the long run...
julian hesitantly slipped his hand between fab's shoulderblades, rubbing as best he could manage with the couch almost holding his hand in place. fab peered over at him, curious.
"are you trying to give me a massage? you kinda suck, man." his tone was playful, a teasing glint in his eyes paired with a sly little grin. julian's hand faltered. even after all these years, he still had it awful for fab...his face went hot. fab's grin only grew.
fab sat up properly, away from julian's hand, and turned his back to the other. he glimpsed over his shoulder after a few moments. "i wouldn't be opposed, you know...like you said, the back pain is your fault...it's a way of apologizing, yeah?" julian flushed and looked away for a few moments.
"shit...i'm no masseuse, man, i can't..."
fab grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently. julian glanced back up to see fab's pleading look, his sweet eyes worming their way to the depths of julian's mind. damnit!
"...i can try...i'll do my best, okay?" he continued after a few moments. fab's face immediately lit up with a sweet grin. the flustered, bashful feelings curling through julian's chest had him feeling like he was young again.
with a bit of hesitancy, julian pulled his hands back, raking his eyes over fab's back and trying to figure out where the best place to start would be. he decided on running his hands over fab's shoulders carefully, digging his fingers into the muscles right next to his neck and circling his thumbs right next to his shoulderblades.
fab grunted as julian moved down and dug his thumbs into a particularly tough knot, which julian was honestly glad about; he didn't need to worry about hurting fab if he kept making stifled noises of relief. he felt his face go hot again. he was making fab feel good. making him feel nice and relaxed. his heart swelled.
he'd worried for the longest time, really, if he was still liked by the rest of the band. they had all had their rifts and disagreements, most of which being more directed at he himself than each other. julian and fab, however...well. arguments didn't happen much. they'd most certainly grown apart, far less likely to have a late night fling or night on the town than they were when they were young and freshly famous, able to slip into any bar almost unnoticed if they were on their own.
he missed being young and free with fab, as cringe as it sounded in his head; he wouldn't dare to say it out loud. but the tour had made it feel like they were able to do whatever they wanted again, that they could stay out late exploring towns they've been in countless times before without a care, even if they were too old to stay out walking that late.
"oh..that's really nice, jules," fab murmured finally, something julian nearly didn't catch from being so lost in his own mind. he shifted his shoulders slightly with a hum. julian dug his fingers in and rolled his thumbs with more force than before, drawing a pleased noise from fab.
after a few moments, julian moved his fingers down the sides of fab's spine, gently pressing them into his back periodically. fab chuckled softly.
"what's that meant to do?"
"hey, man, i told you i'm no good!" julian pulled his hands away. "i can just stop, you know," he continued, without any real malice. fab glanced over his shoulder again, the humor in his eyes making julian feel warm all over. he glanced down and moved his hands back where they were.
he continued on rubbing the sides of fab's spine until he reached his lower back. moving all the way down his back only highlighted how fucked his spine had become through his years of playing, and it made julian's chest ache. if only he wasn't such a control freak...if only, he'd taken notice sooner, and had the ability to care about anyone besides himself...
he clenched his hands into fists to distract himself, digging his nails into his palms briefly to try and snap himself back to reality. he was close to unfurling them, but decided on digging the joints of his curled fingers up against fab's lower back instead, working out the minimal amount of knots; his back was far worse at the top, surprisingly.
fab groaned again, far more pleased than before. he leaned forward a bit to give julian better access to his lower back, which julian quietly thanked him for as he moved his hands down as low as he could possibly go without making the situation far more intimate than either of them intended.
after a few more moments of attention on his lower back, julian dragged his hands back up to fab's shoulders, digging the heels of his palms in on the way up for an added bit of pressure. he mimicked the basic massage motions from earlier to finish off the session, less forceful with his motions.
"ah...hold on, man.." fab laid his hands over julian's, gently nudging them off of his shoulders. they fell into julian's lap with a faint thump. fab glanced back over his shoulder, his usual gentle smile gracing his features. "i think i'm doing a lot better now, jules. hell, it started hurting in the other direction when you went back to my shoulders!" he laughed. julian's heart started pounding.
fab twisted around to face him fully, stretching his back for a few (near agonizing) moments before settling. almost immediately, and by pure instinct, julian reached out to run his hand through fab's curls carefully, petting his hair back and out of his face after a few moments so he could lean forward and plant a soft kiss to fab's forehead.
fab's head tilted back in his grasp. he pulled back and glanced down, only for fab to catch him off guard with a sweet, lingering kiss right on the mouth. his newfangled beard, which julian still hadn't fully gotten used to, scratched against julian's face ever so slightly as he returned the motion. he wouldn't trade the feeling for the world.
"i..uh. i love you, man." fab hummed in response, a fond look in his eyes. julian didn't dwell on his lack of words.
julian was pleased they were given their alone time. he gathered fab up in his arms, pulling him close to his chest whilst leaning back on the couch and kicking out his legs. fab mirrored him, smushing his face against julian's chest while readjusting himself in a manner that didn't tug his back in any wrong directions. julian kept him close.
even with the arm of the couch propping his neck up in a slightly unfortunate manner, julian was finally satisfied. with himself, mainly. his mind was notably quiet now, any doubts from before now dissipated in favor of the warm weight of fab laying on his chest, his curls ticking his neck in a way that could only make him smile. reaching up to pet him as he did before, scratching at his scalp like he did when they were far younger and far more capable of sleeping on a tour couch comfortably, he shut his eyes and let the tiredness from their show finally lull him into a content slumber.