Chapter Text
Dipper Pines hung his head over the bathroom sink and furiously massaged his aching temples. To say that he was experiencing a degree of emotional turbulence would be...something of an understatement.
The good feelings were definitely there. For four straight years, he and Mabel had done everything in their power to ensure that come summertime, they would be in a position where they could afford to spend the season in Gravity Falls, a place that had become so much of a second home to the pair that if Dipper was being truly honest with himself, it was starting to displace their first home. For him specifically, this had gotten more and more difficult as the years went on, forcing him to study diligently to keep his grades up, and take increasingly large class loads during the school year to offset the fact that he wouldn't be leaving himself any time to take summer classes. And despite the difficulty of that burden, he'd willingly shouldered it, and was somehow managing to gut it out.
True to form, Mabel had taken a much more blasé approach to things, and still somehow managed to blow off every summer in its entirety without any sort of repercussions. And tempted as he was to ask how she'd been able to accomplish this, he'd refrained from doing so. Because he knew in his heart of hearts that at best, he would receive an unsatisfying answer, and at worst, he would receive an infuriating one. As with many things, it just seemed healthier to turn a blind eye and let Mabel be Mabel.
This year had been especially tough, because with sophomore year now behind him and junior year in sight, the ghastly specter of college was casting its shadow all over his scholastic life, and that was already adding so many additional complications to his already packed day-to-day routine. But for the moment, that was something Future Dipper could deal with. Present Dipper had put in the work, served his time, and now he was finally at the Mystery Shack once again, ready to put away his worries about the future for a while and trade them for a summer of adventure and mystery!
Sadly, sometimes ridding yourself of one pest just invites another one to step in and take its place. Something that was made readily apparent to Dipper as a large, calloused hand gripped him by the shoulder and derailed his train of thought.
"Come on, Kid!" Stan said gruffly as he gently shook the younger Pines. "It's gut check time. We need you on this."
Between handing the reigns of running the Mystery Shack over to Soos during their first fateful summer in Gravity Falls, and his own personal adventures with his brother being spread further and further apart as age began to creep up on the older pair of twins, Grunkle Stan had been finding more and more excuses to eschew properly dressing himself in favor of bumming around the Shack in his boxers and an undershirt. This was one of those times, and it wasn't making the conversation any easier on Dipper.
And not for the first time since this ill-fated conversation had begun, Dipper let out an exasperated sigh.
"How could I possibly sign off on this?" He asked, mostly rhetorically. "This is a terrible idea."
"You say that about all my plans, and it's never stopped you from stepping up when you're needed."
"Yeah, but that happens after everything goes wrong," Dipper replied sourly. "You're asking me to take point on this one."
"So we might have to break out the first-aid kits a little earlier than usual. Big deal."
Dipper let out an annoyed grunt as he briefly turned his attention to the bathroom mirror. The bus ride from California had been long and exhausting, a story that was readily told by the deep bags in his eyes. All he wanted to do right now was burrow into his bed and hibernate for the rest of the day...or three.
Admittedly, he wouldn't have been doing that even if it wasn't for this current big of chicanery. But at least in that case, it would have been his poor decision to make.
"Grunkle Stan," He said, after several moments of contemplation. "How many times would you say things have gone horribly, some might say apocalyptically wrong when we've tried to harness the weirdness of Gravity Falls for our own gain?"
"Literally every time," His grunkle immediately replied, without an ounce of shame. "But the streak's gotta break at some point, right?"
Dipper allowed a groan to serve as his response.
Now it was Stan's turn to sigh.
"Look, Kid," He said, his tone taking an uncharacteristic serious turn. "I know how this sounds, and your instincts are right on the money. Normally, there's no way you should let a bum like me sell you on something this ridiculous."
"I feel like a 'But' is coming…"
"But…" Stan continued, momentarily pausing to let out a snort of amusement. "This isn't just another one of my get-rich-quick schemes. I mean...yes, it is a scheme that I thought up. And the point is to make a bunch of money in a very short amount of time. But it's kind of an all hands on deck situation…"
"The Shack's been having a bad year," He said. "And that's no surprise; I've weathered a ton of those. Sometimes, snake oil just doesn't sell. If it was still just my head on the chopping block, I'd gladly take it on the chin. But it's not just me who's on the hook here, it's—"
"Soos," Dipper muttered.
"That's right," Stan said with a nod. "And credit where credit's due, the big guy's done a great job of keeping this place afloat. But his bag of tricks ain't all that deep. So now, it falls to me to step in. It's...Stan Time."
Dipper could swear he heard the faint sound of ominous thunder rumbling in the distance.
"Besides," His grunkle added with a bit more levity in his voice. "This is different from all those previous boondoggles. We aren't bringing in something malicious that will inevitably turn on us the moment we let our guards. We're just...taking advantage of something we already keep around anyway. Well, two somethings, technically speaking. Which is, of course, why you're so important to this plan."
"Because Wendy is one of those things?" Dipper deadpanned. "She's going to kill me if I try to get her to go along with this. And I don't mean that figuratively. You know she wrestles bears, right? Even the manotaurs give her a wide berth these days."
"She would kill me if I tried to get her to go along with this," Stan corrected him. "And...pretty much...literally anyone else too. But she likes you! That's your edge!"
"She doesn't like me that much," Dipper muttered, instinctively averting his eyes. Wendy was, and he was starting to suspect would always be something of a delicate subject for him.
The thing was, there were two Wendys in play. Wendy Corduroy was, in one sense, his best friend in the entire world, bar none. She was also one of the people he felt closest to, ranking only below Mabel in terms of people who were most important to him. A good chunk of his motivation to make it back to Gravity Falls every summer stemmed from knowing that those scant summer months were the only part of the year when they could spend any significant amount of time together. And that resolve was only further reinforced by her having proven time after time that those feelings were very much mutual.
In another, far more problematic sense, Wendy Corduroy was also the girl of his dreams. She was strong, beautiful, amazingly awesome, and a frequent co-star in his daydreams about how his idyllic future would play out. A sentiment which he knew was...very much one-sided. And though he'd largely managed to come to terms with that over the years...seeing her always brought at least some of those feelings rushing right to the forefront of his heart.
It made their friendship a rather turbulent one on his side. But that was his problem to deal with, not hers. And if the only other option was to cut her out of his life entirely...well, that wasn't much of a choice at all.
She was worth a little heartache.
"She uh...also mentioned that if I let you fall asleep before she had a chance to swing by and see you, she'd break me in half," Stan said, suddenly sounding a little nervous. 'Which...should be any minute now. So…?"
Dipper let out the longest, most exasperated sigh yet. It rippled throughout reality and caused a young, raven-haired girl in Michigan to frown, equal parts out of annoyance and jealousy.
"I will...very gently bring it up," Dipper said, grudgingly. "And drop it the second she starts to react negatively. Which will be instantaneously."
"That's all I ask," Stan replied.
And with Dipper barely being able to even process the movement, Stan abruptly shoved a small backpack into his hands with force that it knocked both the wind out of his chest and the smarmy reply he'd been prepping out of his mouth.
"Knock em dead, Romeo," Stan chuckled, giving the still wheezing boy an encouraging slap on the back, before quickly making himself scarce.
Dipper had read accounts of people who had, against the odds, managed to survive bear maulings.
Right now, he almost envied those people.
As he was swung to and fro like some kind of chew toy, the deeply ingrained, primal instinct present in all humans to cry out in terror when their life was in danger warred with the much more modern urge to puke his guts out as the g-forces in play did terrible, terrible things to his digestive tract. Nevertheless, Dipper quite literally sucked it up, clamped his mouth shut, and figuratively held on for dear life.
Fortunately, it wasn't too much longer before his movement was abruptly arrested.
"Dude, what the hell?" Exclaimed the creature who only moments prior had been thrashing him around as if believing he was hiding delicious candy within his frail, fleshy body. "Why am I doing one-hundred percent of the hugging here?"
Dipper gave his companion an exasperated look.
"Maybe it's because I can't move my arms," He said sardonically, as he jerked his head towards the impossibly strong arms that were currently keeping his arms pinned firmly at his sides. As well as denying anything remotely resembling blood flow to the affected areas.
To her credit, it seemed like she quickly took his meaning. And without needing further prompting, she gently placed him on the ground and released him from her hold.
"...Whoops," She said, letting out an embarrassed laugh as she scratched the back of her head. "Err, sorry about that, Dip. Guess I got a bit of...tunnel vision there—"
"It's fine, Wendy," He said, giving her a reassuring smile as he frantically shook his now-numb arms, urging his body to repair itself with all the expediency it could muster. It still took too long for his tastes, but the very second his limbs could move under their own power again, he threw himself forward and returned the favor as enthusiastically as he could, feeling only the slightest bit of embarrassment as the act buried his face in her ample bosom.
"I'm happy to see you too."
Of the many things that had come between him and Wendy over the years, the height difference between the two of them had always been among the most annoying. Wendy had always been a big girl, which was absolutely not something he had a problem with on its own. It just became frustrating when it was compounded by his own, significantly less impressive stature. Despite there being less than a three-year age difference between them, the height disparity only served to exacerbate the issue. Honestly, in hindsight, Dipper was shocked Wendy could stand to be seen with him back when they first met, given that he looked like some kind of overdeveloped baby next to her amazonian frame.
He'd hit a bit of a hope spot during his first year of high school, when he'd finally gotten the growth spurt his parents had long been promising he was due for. It wasn't a lot, but it felt like he'd finally closed the gap enough that the two of them could look like something vaguely resembling normal when standing next to each other.
The joke had very much been on him when he'd returned to Gravity Falls that summer, only to find that Wendy's crazy lumberjack genes had apparently been saving one last surprise in store, as he was greeted with just shy of 7 feet of Corduroy at the bus stop. Proving above all reproach that she was well and truly her father's daughter.
As with so many things, however, he'd managed to move past his initial frustration and appreciate what he had. Wendy was still his friend. She still valued him, as was handily proven when her response to his show of affection was to pull him into another vice-like hug, crushing him against her soft, yet well-toned body.
...it was a small mercy that he'd had the presence of mind to discreetly pivot his waist to the side just before the time of impact. Yet another problem of his that he'd very much prefer not become hers.
A short time later, the duo lounged on the roof of the Mystery Shack, a 12-pack of Pitt Soda sitting between them as they looked out at the gorgeous landscape that sprawled beneath them.
"So...that being the state of our finances," Dipper said, concluding his explanation of the circumstances. "Grunkle Stan was hoping I could convince you to—"
"I'm in."
Barely managing to refrain from embarrassing himself with a poorly timed Pitt Take, instead choking down the frothy liquid before it had a chance to escape, Dipper turned and gave the redhead an incredulous look.
"Seriously?" He asked. "I haven't even told you what he wants you to do."
"You said Soos is in trouble, right?" Wendy asked, prompting Dipper to hesitantly nod in agreement.
"Well then, yeah," She said. "You guys are like...my family. And if Soos is in trouble, that means you're in trouble. And, well…"
She turned to him, and flashed him a dazzling smile.
"When have I ever been able to let that kind of thing stand?"
"...Practically never," He admitted, choosing not to bring up Mabeland.
"Never ever, you dork!" She replied, giving him a swat on the arm. "I could never leave you in the lurch, because I know you'd do the same for me!"
"..Fair enough," Dipper replied, hiding his smirk as he took a drink of his soda. The powerful temptation to correct her was tempered by the knowledge that Wendy would never willingly forsake him like that.
...Plus, that was clearly a playful swat. But...it still stung something fierce…
"So what's the play?" Wendy asked, taking her now empty soda can and effortlessly crushing it against her forehead. "We gonna go out into the woods and bring something cool back to drive up business?"
"Mind taking care of mine too?" Dipper asked, handing her his own can and watching in amusement as she similarly disposed of it. "And uh, no. We've learned our lesson about that kind of thing. Over...and over...and over again. And over."
"Well, you're specifically asking me for help with this," Wendy mused thoughtfully, proving once again that she wasn't just a pretty face tempered with lumberjack muscles. "And if you don't need me to beat something down, then…"
She gave him a sidelong look.
"...Tell me Stan's not expecting me to like, dress up on your old wolfboy costume and pretend to be a monster or something. Please."
Dipper experienced a brief moment of panic as his traitorous mind gleefully tried to imagine how that might actually look, given that said costume was sized for his even scrawnier 12-year-old self, and present day Wendy has so...much...more...surface area…"
"Nnnno, no," He said, fervently shaking his head. "It's...here, give me a second."
Reaching for his backpack, Dipper fumbled around for a bit before extracting what lay within.
A flashlight.
"O...kay," Wendy said, sounding uncertain. "I'm not really sure what…"
She trailed off as Dipper held out the tool to her. Specifically showing off the shard of crystal that was strapped to the front of it.
"Is...that…?"
Rather than answer, Dipper reached for a fresh can of soda, held it up, and turned the flashlight on it. Immediately, it began to shrink. Before it could get too small, he quickly shut off the flashlight, flipped the crystal around, and gave the can another prolonged flash, this time causing it to surge to roughly twice it's original size.
"...Interesting," Said the redhead as she leaned in closer. "Tell me more."
The next day, Dipper suffered a mild heart attack.
"BLORP!" Shouted a voice directly into his ear as a pair of hands began to mold his cheeks like Play-Doh.
He did not jump. Which was to say, his feet did not leave the ground. But only because the accosting hands were holding him in place.
A moment later, Dipper regained his senses.
"Mabel!" He barked, as he angrily shook off, then rounded on his sister.
The delighted grin she wore indicated that she was extremely unconcerned with this reaction.
"Calm down, BroBro," She chortled, clapping her hands in amusement. "I couldn't help myself. You were just...standing there, looking all lost in thought."
"Mabel, hold it together just a bit longer," He pleaded. "It's almost show time. Err...right? Tell me something horrible hasn't already happened—"
"Everything's fine," She said, motioning for him to calm down. "Seriously. Soos is just about done warming up the crowd. We're just waiting on your fair lady."
"She's not…" Dipper caught himself and exhaled sharply. "She's just...putting on the final touches. Let Soos know we'll be out in a few, alright?"
"Can do!" Mabel replied, popping off a quick salute as she pivoted on one heel and started off.
"But maybe you should take a quick peek in her dressing room!" She called back as she disappeared down the hallway. "Just to be sure!"
"Ha ha!," He muttered sarcastically to himself. Nevertheless, he did cautiously begin to approach the room they'd hastily turned into a dressing room for their big star.
"H-hey, um, Wendy?" He called out as loudly as he could, before raising one hand and sharply rapping his knuckles on the door. "Not trying to rush you or anything. Just wanted to check how much longer you'd be—"
It was on the second of three planned knocks that the door abruptly swung open, leaving Dipper trailing off mid-sentence as he had to deal with a new, far more pressing problem.
The complete and total shutdown of his brain.
"Think I'm good to go," Wendy said as she stepped into the doorway. "How do I look?"
Were he still capable of processing complex thoughts, the word "goddess" would likely have been among the first to come to mind. The lumberjill had traded her usual, fairly conservative garb for a one-piece swimsuit. Emerald green, which complemented her fiery red hair amazingly well. It wasn't an especially risque look, especially compared to some of the stuff he'd been blessed to see her wear to the local pool. But Wendy had a knack for making anything look good, because even to Dipper's barely functional brain, Wendy was—"
"Beautiful," Slurred a thick, halting voice. Seconds later, Dipper realized it was…
...his.
With what motor control he still possessed, he quickly clamped his hands over his mouth, buuuuuut…
...the twin pinpricks of scarlet that now graced Wendy's freckled cheeks strongly suggested he hadn't been quick enough.
"W-well," She said, as she loudly cleared her throat. "If I'd heard that coming from anyone else, I'd be tempted to wallop them, but coming from you, that's…"
"...Actually pretty sweet," She said, letting out a giggle as she made to step towards him, only to stop mid-motion.
"Uh..." She said, looking at him worriedly. "I was gonna give you a hug but...I'm suddenly worried that if I do, you'll have a heart attack."
"That's a very real concern," Dipper wheezed, as he forced himself to look away from the vision of loveliness before him, and grabbed a bundle he'd been watching over as he waited for her.
"Here," He said, as he unfolded a large blanket and held it out to her. "I thought this would help you avoid drawing too much attention while we're...uh, en route."
"My hero," She said with a small laugh, as she slipped the blanket around herself. "All good now?"
Now he was just looking at her beautiful face. He could deal with that.
"Yep," He said with a nod.
"Cool," She replied as she bunched up a bit of the blanket and pulled it over her head like a hood. "Then let's get out there!"
The front yard was abuzz with activity, as Stan had inexplicably somehow managed to once again lure out the greater part of the town's population with little more than vague promises that something amazing lay in wait. With all eyes on Soos, it was child's play for Dipper and his humanoid-shaped blanket to skirt around the crowd and make the way to the stage that the group had hastily erected in the 12-hours or so that they'd had to try and make this ridiculous plan work.
"You should probably crouch down," He said, as he helped Wendy shrug off the blanket. "You know, until the…"
"Right, right," She said quickly, as she took up her position behind the stage.
"You uh...ready?" He asked, feeling it was unnecessary, but doing so anyway.
To his surprise, Wendy looked to him in askance.
"Any chance you could...say something really encouraging right now?" She asked.
The higher levels of Dipper's brain, the ones that overthought everything, were surprised at this rare show of vulnerability in the coolest, most amazingly hyper-competent girl he knew.
However, historically, his mouth had never been subject to their whims, which he suspected was why he so often blurted out the dumbest possible thing at the worst possible moment, especially where Wendy was concerned. And today was no different, save for one thing. Today…
"You're going to kill it out there," He said with zero hesitation, earning him a grateful smile.
...he said the right thing at the right time.
Motioning for Wendy to hold on for one second, he darted around the side of the stage, caught Soos' attention by frantically waving his cap around, and gave him a big thumbs up. Seeing Soos' nod in acknowledgment, he quickly returned to the back of the stage...and pulled the flashlight out of his pocket.
"Here we go," He said, a high-pitched whine ensuing as he let loose the light.
"And now, without further ado," Soos said, gesturing grandly to the curtains at the rear of the stage that were still drawn shut. "I am proud to present the eighth...wonder of the world!"
He paused and stroked his chin thoughtfully. Then began counting on his fingers, only to stall partway through.
"Or...whatever number we're on now," He added, shrugging off the issue as he signaled Mabel and Stan to pull back the curtains.
"BEHOLD!" He proclaimed, as the curtains drew back, revealing…
...an impossibly long and large pair of shapely, feminine legs.
Silence turned to confused murmurings as the local lookeyloos conferred among themselves, trying to determine what it is they were looking at. Then something rose above the din: a shocked gasp, followed by another, and another, rapidly spreading throughout the crowd as more and more people noticed the real attraction…
...the titanic figure that was looming over the stage.
"Good dudes, dudettes, and enbudes of Gravity Falls," Soos continued. "Meet, The Approximately 50 Foot Teen. Give or Take a Few Feet."
Finally having been acknowledged, Wendy leaned over the top of the stage and peered down at the tiny crowd beneath her.
"Sup, Nerds," She said, giving the shocked townsfolk a friendly smile and a wave.