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You may or may not have developed a crush on Matsuno Choromatsu.
Most would say he isn’t the best choice of boyfriend, and you would get where they’re coming from. He’s a NEET who still lives with his parents, he has zero experience when it comes to dating, and he’s a huge idol geek.
But none of those are necessarily bad things. You have a job, even if it’s only part time, so that’s covered. You haven’t dated anyone, either, but you wouldn’t mind if he were your first. And what’s wrong with being passionate about something? It’s so cute how excited he gets when he talks about Nyaa-chan; why on EARTH would that be a negative?
Okay, so maybe you’ve wondered why he never gushes about you like that. But still, it’s adorable.
Besides, it’s not like you’re serious about dating him. He’s just a friend you talk to sometimes, and usually on the phone, too. No need to take your relationship any further.
But after a lot of thought and discussion with your coworkers, you’ve finally decided to ask him out. It’s worth a shot, isn’t it? You’ll just casually ask him if he’d consider dating you, and if he doesn't like you back, it’s no big deal. All that’s left to figure out is timing.
As you stroll through the local park, towards that fountain you like to sit by sometimes, you wonder when to go through with this. Should you call him now, or should you bring it up the next time he talks to you? The former would get it over with right away, but the latter would make it seem like no big deal. Though you may still want to tell him in person; don’t want to risk those brothers of his overhearing. When’s the next time you’ll be able to talk face to face?
Your eyes land on a familiar-looking man, with a familiar-looking sky blue suit, sitting on a nearby bench.
How about right now?
You can’t believe your luck; this is perfect! You’ll run up to him and ask him how he’s doing, and after you talk for a little bit, you’ll bring up the subject of dating. You walk closer to Matsuno-san, ready to start your conversation, and as you do, you notice he looks nervous. Is something wrong? You should probably ask about that before--
“Sorry I’m late!”
Who in the hell is that?
You can’t tell, since you’re only seeing her from behind, but as soon as she says that, Choro shoots up and whirls himself around to face her. “N-nice to meet you! I’m M-M-Matsu-Matsuno Ch-Choroma…”
You know that flustered stammering anywhere.
It’s how he acts around...cute people.
But you can’t jump to conclusions just yet. He doesn’t appear to have noticed you, so you circle around to the other side of the fountain. And by the time you poke your head out from behind, Matsuno-san and that lady have sat down together. He’s looking down at the floor, occasionally sneaking glances at her.
And while you are annoyed that those glances seem to be directed at the chest area, you can’t blame him for wanting to look at her.
Because she. Is. Gorgeous.
Like, conventionally gorgeous. Her full blonde hair, big brown eyes, confident smirk, and just...the way she carries herself...it all adds up to make an image you thought was only possible through digital editing. You’re not sure what Matsuno-san’s tastes are, but you don’t need to. Anyone would agree this lady is pretty.
“Hi, zansu!” With a smooth, bubbly voice, too.
“Zansu?”
“U-u-u-um, Zan...Isn’t Zan-Zangief super strong?”
That was...weird. Maybe she’s trying to hide a verbal quirk of hers? With looks like that, you doubt it would be a problem, but you guess even attractive people have things they’re insecure about.
“Zangief?” Matsuno-san says. “You mean from Street Fighter?”
“Huh? Y-yes…”
Matsuno-san looks confused for a few seconds before he breaks out into a blush.
See, Miss? He’s still interested. You’re sure this date will go fine...unless it’s not a date.
“U-um...What kind of date would you like today?”
Never mind. It’s a date.
As they get up to go to the movies, you decide not to follow. One, that would be creepy, and two, you’ve seen enough to know what’s going on. You guess this means you can forget about asking him out, but you know what? That’s fine. It’s actually a good thing; you got your answer without even having to ask!
And more importantly, your good friend Matsuno-san, who was so worried about never finding anyone, is on a date, and with someone he clearly finds too good to be true. Who IS too good to be true; you’re honestly a little suspicious. But you know what? That just means he’s even luckier than you thought. You’re happy for him, really.
...
You don’t think your emotions understand. You said, YOU’RE HAPPY FOR HIM.
What’s going on? You explicitly stated that if he didn’t like you back, it would be no big deal. What’s with all this sadness filling up your skull? Mild disappointment you could understand, but sadness? And even envy? That’s ridiculous!
But fine. If your feelings insist on being this annoying, you’ll call him tonight and get to the bottom of this.
------
True to your word, you pick up the phone and dial his number as soon as evening rolls around. Thankfully, he picks up. “Hello?”
“Hello, Matsuno-san.”
“Ah, ______-san! Hello! Oh, you’ll never believe what happened to me today!”
Judging by the squeaky tremble in his voice, you have a pretty good guess what he’s talking about. “What happened?”
“I GOT A DATE!”
“Really? That’s awesome!” But even so, you feel your heart sink just a little.
“I know, right? Her name’s Iyayo, and she’s AMAZING! It was like a dream going out with her...well, except for the steep prices.”
“Prices?”
“Right. She’s, uh...not really my girlfriend. She’s a rental.”
“You can rent girlfriends?”
“I wanted to try it before, but they’re usually so expensive. Then we--my brothers and I-- saw this ad for Iyayo and her friend Chibimi, and they were only 500 yen an hour! A sextuplet special, too! It was like destiny!”
“I thought you said they were expensive.”
“Yeah, they...are. You see, 500 yen is just the base price. You have to pay extra if you want to do certain things.”
“What kind of things?”
“Hold hands, or stare at her bare legs, or...look directly into her eyes, or...have a memory of something I’ll probably never get to experience.”
Oh. Wow. This situation is definitely not what you thought it was. “Matsuno-san, have you considered that maybe...and this is just a thought…” Oh, how do you put this lightly? “...that you’re getting scammed?”
“WHAT?! She...okay, I did end up giving her my clothes...”
“Did you really?!”
“Yeah, I...I’m still in my underwear.”
“Matsuno-san!” Why the hell would he let this happen? Why would someone take advantage of him like that? The only good that comes out of this, though you hate to admit it, is that the date didn’t go well.
“No, I’m fine! Really!”
Huh?
“Actually, I think it was all worth it! ______-san, you should have seen her. She’s so cool, and so cute, and at the end of the date she...she called me her boyfriend.”
What?
“I’m still not over it!” He bursts out giggling. “I think I’m actually in love with her!”
...Oh.
Well, now you’ve definitely gotten the answer to your unasked question: he has absolutely no interest in you whatsoever.
That’s...fine.
Come on, emotions. It’s FINE! Stop focusing on it! What you SHOULD be worried about is that this lady just took everything Matsuno-san had for one lousy date, and he’s probably going to go back for more.
Oh, crap. He’s probably going to go back for more.
“So it sounds like you’re gonna go back for more?” you ask.
“Are you kidding me? I HAVE to! I mean, did you SEE her?”
Yes, actually, but that’s not important right now. “Matsuno-san, I’m really worried about you. And your brothers, too! Do you even have any money left?”
“I have some here at home!”
“And what happens when THAT’S gone?”
“I...make some more! Yeah, I’ll get a job!” He’s said that many times, and he’s never gotten a job. Not one that lasted more than a few days, anyway.
You shake your head. “I just don’t know about this.”
“Please, ______-san. I’ll be okay. I really like her. And you know me, and how my life is. What are the odds I’ll ever get a chance like this again?”
He has a point.
“Oh, uh, I have to go now, okay, ______-san? My mom just told me to put some clothes on. See you later!”
But before you can finish your “See you,” he’s already hung up.
Well, that’s that, you guess. Maybe if you’d asked him out a little sooner...oh, who are you kidding? You’re not an Iyayo. Even if this crashes and burns--which you’re still convinced it will--you doubt he’ll consider someone as plain as you. Not after dating someone with the looks of a model, the voice of an angel, and the confidence of a...confident person. How can you ever compete with someone like that?
You don’t, that’s how.
You want to help Matsuno-san, but in the meantime, you absolutely HAVE to get over him. You’re not getting crushed over something like this. His answer is no, and you’re just going to have to accept that A.S.A.P., unless you want those pesky feelings to follow you around for who knows how long.
What you need is some kind of distraction. A romantic distraction. Yeah, something to show you this isn’t the end of the world, and it’s possible to find love elsewhere.
You wonder...are there any rental boyfriends?
And if so, are they reasonably priced?