Archive of Our Own

Eunyung absolutely hates a clean house.

It's not like he does everything in his power to make it filthy. It gets to a point that everything just starts smelling bad, bugs start hiding beneath things piled on top of each other, and moving around the house becomes a burden. He's gotten the best of that, honestly.

But…the constant cleaning? Sweeping everyday, washing all those dishes in the sink, even just getting out of bed at midnight to throw away an unfinished bag of chips.

It all sucks.

Clearly, his dorm mate doesn't think so.

Haejoon Goh, the guy he met after feeling a bit rebellious one day and swiping the wallet off a random civilian. The civilian really wasn't so random since they turned out to be what everyone called a "mad dog" and ended up moving in with Eunyung.

Ever since, he's been annoying Eunyung about keeping the house as clean as possible, even without guests around. He doesn't like for the floor to not be shiny and squeaky, doesn't like for the sink to have even the slightest bit of grime, and absolutely despises crumbs lying around the place.

Eunyung hates it, and he's lost count of how many times he's made that known.

One day, a day when they somehow both managed to sit down at the table and eat at the same time, Eunyung thought to ask why the other was so deeply indulged in his cleaning fantasies.

"Why do you love to clean so much? Don't you ever get tired of doing the same thing over and over?"

"What? No, it's not hard to keep a clean house if you stay consistent."

"But…I dunno, just seems annoying."

"My mom always taught me to. It makes the house more…livable, I guess?" Haejoon was avoiding eye contact with Eunyung as he glanced out the open window. Eunyung even said he hated that.

He just hated it all.

Haejoon's mom. He'd heard…or rather, experienced a lot involving her. Haejoon's sudden episodes really threw him for a loop every time they'd come out of nowhere.

She seemed like a nice lady. Haejoon actually isn't that bad of a guy when he isn't pissed at the world. Sometimes, Haejoon reminds Eunyung of himself. It's strange, they grew up in completely different environments. Haejoon's mom sounded loving and caring. She had her differences, obviously, but she spent her time devoting her life to her son. Not like every mother is obligated to, but they should at least care for their kid a bit, right?

Eunyung couldn't really recall a time that happened.

His mom was very closed off. She didn't like to stand up to anyone but Eunyung, all because she assumes she automatically has an advantage over him just because she's the one who gave birth to him.

Whenever Eunyung's father would have his episodes, she'd stand back, cowering herself over in a corner twiddling her fingers. She didn't even try to tell him to stop, she just let it happen and blamed it on the fact that Eunyung was even a little defiant at times.

She always used the excuse that she's went through something similar. That the abuse she got was to the same degree- that it still affects her just as bad in the present day as it did when it was happening.

All she ever thought about was herself, and it made Eunyung heat up with anger everytime he even saw her face.

He couldn't tell if it was because she was the way she was or because she genuinely didn't realize what she'd done wrong.

When they all lived together before Eunyung started his runaway attempts, the house was never really kept clean. If Eunyung's mom wasn't at work, she was rotting in her bed until her husband got home and demanded something to eat. It was like her sole purpose was to serve as his dog.

That also made Eunyung feel an indescribable anger.

There'd be trashbags floating around the kitchen after Eunyung refused to take them out on a whim one day, the sink would be full of empty shot glasses or bowls used from previous nights that were completely disregarded, and those empty beer cans would surround the small table in the middle of the house.

He never really thought anything about it. It was just always a mess. A great representation of his situation.

But after living with Haejoon for a couple of months, he realized how completely contrasting it feels to live in a place where he doesn't have to worry about tripping over the trash scattering the floor.

It's not fun to clean at all. It's a complete nuisance.

But something just felt completely different about it.

That horribly terrifying house. The one that left Eunyung chilled to the bone after finding out he would have to live there alone. He did anything to get away from that apartment.

It wasn't nearly as bad as before.

The eerie creepy feeling, all that. It had all faded. Not completely gone, but definitely not nearly as dominant as it was before the black haired boy arrived. He could go to bed at night without feeling his heart sink to his stomach.

All because everything was just so clean.

He felt like he could breathe in there. At the apartment with his parents, Eunyung always felt like his lungs were being compressed. He couldn't even speak without feeling like a burden.

But there they were, in that house, cleaning it every day and leaving it fresh. A house that wouldn't have been considered one at all if anyone looked at it from the outside.

Eunyung wouldn't tell anyone he felt this way, though.

It'd been maybe 2 months since Haejoon's departure.

Eunyung fully expected everything to be fine after his senior left. Most people staying in the house left, too. It should've stayed the same as before.

It was honestly the complete opposite.

Eunyung would come back to the dorms after rehearsals for drama feeling more fulfilled than he would before. It was a very nice feeling since he finally found something he loved.

Strange word, that is.

It wasn't nearly anything like it was previously.

Empty snack bags scattered all across the floor. Trash bags scattering the walls along with the empty bottles of random drinks that couldn't really be identified anymore. Unswept floors with those crumbs that stuck to your feet everytime you stepped foot on the hardwood floors.

It was all so…annoying.

Eunyung never thought he'd say that. He'd actually liked not hearing all the nagging in his ear all day about keeping the house clean.

…Yeah.

It'd gotten worse at night. He'd find himself trying his best to get rest, but it simply wouldn't work. His roommate was never in, so he was all alone in that cursed room where he could practically smell the spirits floating above him as he tried his best to sleep. It didn't help that sometimes, he even heard voices come from outside the door. Whether they were disoriented groans or the voices of people he knew, they were always present outside the door as if waiting for recognition.

One day, he got fed up. The annoying noises and smells, the sickening feeling of walking in the house and crumbs picking at your skin.

He started trying to clean up.

He recalled Haejoon being there. The other would always start by picking up the trash and collecting it in trash bags, so Eunyung tried to do just that. He slapped on the pink gloves Haejoon left behind and started gradually cleaning the living room.

It didn't last very long. He hated the feeling of those gloves sticking to his hands and making them sweaty, the ache in his back from leaning over to pick things up off the floor, and most of all, he despised how much he kept thinking back to that apartment with his parents.

The mess only built up. He'd added more trash bags to the ones lined along the walls previously, and most of the leftover wrappers continued to litter the ground.

That night when he went to bed, it was anything but what he wanted. The loud scratching noise outside his door that he assumed came from all the stupid ghosts, the sheer smell of them leaving him sick to his stomach.

He hadn't gotten any sleep for the past 3 days after that, and it was really starting to mess with him in every way. He couldn't stay awake in class, truly couldn't even walk straight, and even started zoning out when people would talk to him. It was getting hard to hide it through his stupid laughs and grins.

The next couple of weeks, he tried getting others staying in the dorms to clean. He'd confront them as soon as he saw they left something on the counter, and they'd throw it away.

But if he didn't catch anyone in the act, he couldn't catch them at all. Eunyung hated seeming like a clean freak who couldn't handle a little bit of disorganization, so he resisted nagging them every day. It only made matters worse.

The voices started getting louder, and at one point, even transformed into his parents' own words.

He'd hear them mumble his name in the middle of the night, or even start to see those faces they'd look at him with whenever he tried to catch the smallest bit of attention.

It was annoying.

He was left with eye bags, and people around him started questioning him on what was going on.

One day, he saw Juwan again. Hadn't seen him in ages.

"Hey, Eunyung. Is everything okay? You look like you haven't slept in days."

"Yeah. You?" Eunyung kept it short and sweet. He didn't want anything to slip through his voice.

"…I'm fine. That's unusually dry for you."

"I told you it's fine. You're reaching." He started getting a little too defensive.

"I'll just leave you alone. Haejoon says hi!" Juwan scurried away as he left Eunyung hanging with the memory of Haejoon's presence. The blonde muttered under his breath before dragging himself off to his next class.

That bastard. Why hadn't he tried contacting Eunyung at all?

Like he cared, anyway.

Eunyung went maybe two weeks after that with the sleepless nights and uncleared rooms. He made some pitiful attempts to try cleaning again, but they completely failed and ended in him getting overstimulated again. He was starting to burn out in his drama rehearsals too. He didn't have any more energy left to spare for anyone.

He just felt like he was forcing himself to do absolutely everything at that point.

One night, as he was trying to clean up yet again in a last attempt to get some release, the door creaked open late at night. It was past midnight, maybe 2 in the morning when some tall and beefy man came walking through the door without knocking.

Black hair and dark eyes. A brown sweater with some jeans and a small bag wrapped around his shoulder. He walked in glaring around the place in utter disgust.

It was Haejoon.

"…Eunyung?" He sounded shocked at his own words as his eyes widened by a fraction after muttering the blonde's name.

Eunyung felt too many emotions at once. His skin started to heat up, his stomach dropped, he felt light headed, and he shivered at the sound of his name. He couldn't even process all that he was experiencing as he stared at Haejoon in disbelief.

"What…what happened around here, Eunyung?" He kept talking, even though it seems like Eunyung wasn't processing a word being said.

"Why? Why are you back?" Eunyung tried to push something out of his mouth. He couldn't just sit there with his jaw dropped to the ground the whole time.

"We're on break, and the university gave us the chance to visit home. Thought I would stop by and tell you and everyone else hey."

Eunyung still stood silent. He didn't know why, but now he just felt a humiliating sense of embarrassment crashing down on him.

"…Have you been trying to clean? At all?" Haejoon kept his voice gentle as he asked, staring intently into Eunyung's eyes like he was refusing to let this fly.

That feeling within Eunyung only flared up worse after hearing this. "You…you think you can just come back after living your little privileged life and scold me for my way of living? You haven't changed a bit." Eunyung spat it out at Haejoon as he felt his frustration over take any other feelings he was having before. It made him mad. Haejoon shows up out of nowhere after leaving Eunyung to rot, and now he wants to go back to being a clean freak.

Haejoon sighed as he put his bag down in front of the door and took off his shoes. He wandered off into the kitchen and started rummaging through the drawers as he searched for something Eunyung was too dazed to notice.

"Where are my gloves? I didn't take them with me." Haejoon revealed what he was looking for, and all Eunyung could do was glue his eyes to the floor. He'd have to reveal that he tried to clean. He didn't want to feed Haejoon's ego.

"I threw them away. They were too bright, irritated my eyes." Eunyung mumbled an incredibly stupid excuse, and Haejoon did nothing but stare and read his expression.

"You're lying."

"Huh? You don't know that."

"I do. Where are my gloves?"

Eunyung groaned.

"Over there." He pointed toward the drawer closest to the dishwasher, and Haejoon followed the directions and slipped on the gloves as soon as he saw them.

"Did something happen while I was gone?" Haejoon didn't look up from what he was doing. He'd started by washing all the dishes in the sink, talking to Eunyung but placing his entire focus in the task at hand.

Eunyung sighed and rolled his eyes. "A lot happened. I went to school. I came back. I slept. I did it everyday for months." Eunyung was trying to be sarcastic. It should've been pretty obvious that there was just no one there to keep everyone in check anymore.

"No, I mean…hah, why're you so difficult…" Haejoon finished up washing the dishes and moved on to drying them, trying to find something to say.

"You look pretty sick." Haejoon didn't sugar coat it. He scrubbed away at the wet bowls.

"No, I don't. It's the stupid-"

"Eunyung." Haejoon didn't let the other finish his sentence.

Eunyung didn't like how hard Haejoon was making it to stay idle and do nothing.

"Your eyes look sick." He finished up in the kitchen and wiped off his gloves for heading into the living room to pick up some of the trashed wrappers scattered around the floor.

Eunyung couldn't stand watching him do it. He didn't know why, but he eventually joined in just so he wouldn't have to say anything else that'd make Haejoon pity him for whatever reason.

"I'm fine." He was tired of all the questions.

The trash wasn't as hard to pick up as it had been before for Eunyung. His hands weren't itching or getting sweaty from any gloves, and he wasn't left alone to drown in his own thoughts.

Wait, what thoughts?

"Is something bothering you? Has the dorm supervisor been annoying you still?" Haejoon was trying to think of all kinds of possibilities, but it was getting hard.

"I told you, it's nothing-"

"Your roommate maybe?" He just wouldn't give it up.

"Don't have one."

"You don't have a roommate?" Haejoon didn't want to believe Eunyung, but it made sense since he'd left Eunyung with the decision of having to find another one.

"No. I don't." Once again, Eunyung made sure to keep everything short and sweet.

"Do you still hear them?" Haejoon paused what he was doing for a moment as one of the caps to a bottle rolled away from his grasp.

Eunyung followed as he froze and slowly stared up at the other. How did he know? Were they even talking about the same thing? Were they both thinking about the ghosts?

"I…don't know-"

"So you do. They bothered me a lot when I was here, but it was a lot less when you moved in with me." Haejoon resumed what he was doing after contemplating for a moment, like he was trying to find the right words to say.

Eunyung just scoffed and grabbed a nearby sponge to scrub the floors. He desperately needed to get the crumbs off, he couldn't stand them any longer. They stuck to his feet like parasites.

Haejoon hesitated very clearly for a moment before saying something. Eunyung could feel his glare as Haejoon waited for the right time to say what he wanted to say.

"Do they use your parent's voice?"

Eunyung completely stiffened.

"I mean, you look like you haven't gotten sleep in days, and when the house is dirty, they get angry and do stuff like that. It looks like-"

"Just…just shut up." Eunyung didn't let Haejoon finish his sentence.

Eunyung didn't want to accept it, but Haejoon hit everything right on the nail.

Not only was he hearing their voices, but the dirty environment became suffocating again. It was compressing his lungs and breaking away at his energy, just like it did when he stayed with his parents. He never realized the serious impact it had on him.

The environment became silent, but it wasn't the drowning silence Eunyung was used to. It was actually more of a comforting silence. Since Haejoon read right through him, he didn't have to compress any of his feelings within himself.

One thing he did finally come to realize was the thoughts he'd been drowning in for a while.

Not only was he hearing his parent's voice, but he was letting their expectations get to him.

Everytime he walked into the house and saw the trash scattered everywhere, he thought of the life his parents wanted to build for him. He thought about how they'd always tell him his behavior would end him up somewhere worthless one day,that he would contribute absolutely nothing to society and simply be a junkie wasting space somewhere.

He was living up to that expectation for the past couple of months.

He hadn't been cleaning anything anymore after eventually just giving up on the whole thing until recently, his theater aspirations were going downhill because of the way he was feeling lately, and the jobs he'd wanted for himself slipped away from his desire as well.

He simply didn't want to do anything of the such anymore. Their whispering voices nagging him at night made it hard to do anything.

He pushed himself too hard one day. He tried to do his best at everything the first night his thoughts took a turn for the worse, whether it was school work or his performance at rehearsals. Everyone expressed their concern for him, but he rubbed it off and widened his grin just a little more.

It was exhausting. He, once again, lost all of his energy at the end of the day and couldn't sleep that night because of the stupid sounds. What was he, a psych patient?

"My mom always told me to keep the house clean. I don't think I realized it, but she was just trying to distract me from all she was going through." Haejoon started off his sentence slowly. He continued picking trash up off the floor as Eunyung would scrub behind him in silence.

"She said she wanted me to be able to roll around the floor. Honestly, it worked. Made me want to clean more often."

Eunyung stayed quiet. He kept scrubbing.

"I don't like thinking about it. I took everything back the for granted, but…" Haejoon hesitated for a moment, "learning about your situation really makes me want to confront it more." He said the second part of his sentence way quieter than the rest.

Eunyung kept scrubbing, but it was clear it became quickened. He was trying to distract himself from his own thoughts again.

Haejoon had it well. His mom, his loving mom, tried her best to help him grow up in a place that would help him in the future. She hid all the abuse she was being put through just to help Haejoon live through life happily.

Eunyung's mother did the opposite. If anything, she emphasized the abuse to try to get him to act right.

They never tried to change the environment and see if it'd trigger a change in Eunyung. They let it remain the same. That dirty, loud, and tense environment that they completely avoided blaming for Eunyung's unusual behaviors. They always thought they were doing the right thing. Never thought for others.

Nothing they did was in the wrong.

But Eunyung knew. He knew that everything they did lead to his stupid mood swings and random disobedience in the past. He couldn't know how to act properly with them as parents.

He'd failed to realize that until now.

It was never his fault in the first place.

Haejoon had finished picking up everything. He sat at the table and took a break with a bottle of water from the refrigerator, and he gave Eunyung his space. After his last statement, he left the blonde to his own thoughts. Eunyung had stopped scrubbing for a while and just sat there, unmoving. Haejoon stared for a moment, but he tore his glare away after realizing that he'd left Eunyung in a spot where he had to think about his past.

That's when Eunyung let out a huge sigh.

"I'm so stupid." He said it as he giggled to himself. What had he thought about.

"What? You're always thinking so negatively about yourself."

"Haejoon, you…you remind me of her yourself. Your mom, I mean."

Haejoon stayed quiet for a moment.

"You've told me that before."

"Yeah, but…do you…you're even more of an idiot than I am."

Haejoon scoffed. "No, but if we're talking about the way I ignored everything back then, then obviously yeah." Haejoon's tone remained passive.

"I don't get it. They didn't even try. Everything stayed the same, no matter how much I tried to change."

It stayed quiet after that. Haejoon just took a couple more sips of his water before he stood back up and started collecting all the trash bags lining the walls.

Eunyung eventually went back to scrubbing. He didn't talk for a moment before he started rambling again. He liked the feeling of being able to talk without anyone judging him.

"Our house was always really dirty. As bad as this, but with those stupid beer bottles and shot glasses everywhere. I didn't ever understand your cleanliness because I wasn't used to it." He kept scrubbing.

"Your mom? She ever clean?"

Eunyung didn't answer for a while. The scrubs grew unusually loud.

"No, that-…no. She was scared to death of him, acted like he'd stab her if she even muttered a word to him. It was so annoying. Then she'd use the excuse that she went through the same thing when she was little to defend everything she did." Eunyung didn't like how open he was being anymore.

Though, when he looked over at Haejoon, his whole thought process took a turn. Haejoon looked irritated himself. His grip on the trashbags tightened as he stared at Eunyung. Eunyung didn't even notice until after a couple of minutes.

Eunyung just stared back.

He never thought anyone else would necessarily get mad for him. Honestly, he thought it was corny at first, but that feeling quickly faded when he saw Haejoon loosen and sigh of relief.

"Eunyung…I'm sorry, man."

What?

Why was he apologizing? What was wrong with Haejoon?

"Why are you…what, are you pitying me now?" Eunyung rolled his eyes and went straight back to scrubbing. The floor had to be squeaky clean at this point.

"Don't you ever just realize how seriously screwed up they are? You're…no offense, messed up the way you are now because of them." Haejoon was stating the obvious at this point.

"Obviously I knew. You really thought I blamed myself this whole time?"

Maybe he did, but wasn't saying that. He avoided eye contact for the entire time they cleaned after that.

Haejoon avoided saying anything else. It took a while, but he eventually finished collecting all the trash bags and taking them out to the dumpster left for the dormitory. Once he finally finished, he just sat at the table and sipped on yet another bottle of water he found.

Eunyung stayed focused on scrubbing the floors. It was always his least favorite thing to do out of all the tasks Haejoon used to give, but he found himself doing it with the utmost satisfaction that day. It was kind of relieving to see the floor clear up after remembering the condition it was left in for a while. He sat down with Haejoon once he finally finished. He didn't drink water. He just sat and stuffed his head into his arms out of exhaustion. Yeah, he'd entered flow state for a while, but he realized that the after effects were so not worth it.

"Eunyung. If you ever need help, please don't hesitate to call me. I'm usually free since my lectures are cut short most times and I get studying done in the mornings." Haejoon finally broke the silence between the two.

"I won't. I'm fine on my own."

"I mean, you clearly weren't, but whatever you say." Haejoon didn't dare to move the entire time. When was he planning on leaving?

"Are you going back? You're not gonna stay here the whole break, are you?"

Haejoon took another sip of his water. "I can't find a low cost place to stay around here. I wanted to visit Juwan and the others too since I'm here, I thought we could all go get some hot pot or something."

Eunyung didn't understand where this was going.

"Oh. Dunno where you're gonna find that here." He wasn't exactly sure what to say.

"I asked the supervisor if I could stay here. With someone who didn't have a roommate."

Eunyung sat up so fast he almost got whiplash.

"You're staying here? Again?! You're too old for that, dude!"

Haejoon just laughed.

"Well, since you said you don't have a roommate, looks like I've found my answer anyways."

Eunyung reflected on what he'd said earlier. In his attempts to get Haejoon to leave him alone, he lied to Haejoon and told him he didn't have one. It was honestly like he didn't since they were never there, but it'd be Eunyung's luck he popped up at the worst time possible.

"Actually, I have a roommate. He's just never around anymore. He trashes the room all the time, too." Eunyung finally just revealed the truth.

"Well, same thing, right? He's never here, so it doesn't matter. I just got my free ticket in." Haejoon shiwes his obvious disregard for the other person who never showed up, and it honestly relieved Eunyung more than he could express. He wouldn't have to be in that room alone for a couple of nights.

"I guess you can. Hope you don't snore anymore." Eunyung trotted off upstairs as he got up from the table and got ready to go shower, trying to hide his sense of security now that someone would be there with him overnight. Haejoon found it kind of funny, because after knowing the blonde for so long, he could read right through him.

The night went by smoothly. Just like before, Haejoon slept on the bottom bunk, and Eunyung on the top. Haejoon's study materials temporarily returned to the desk since he was getting ready to return to college classes during finals, and sometimes through the night Eunyung would wake to him scratching the pencil away in his notebook. It was funny how similar he was to his past self.

That night, Eunyung slept better than he had in months. He didn't feel any presences lingering over him, and no noises other than the occasional rustling of the mattress underneath him disturbed his rest.

It was very weird, but he didn't think any roommate would ever leave him as calm as he was that night. His thoughts didn't take over at all.

The next morning, Haejoon woke up later than Eunyung. Compared to his sleep schedule before college, everything was completely different since all of his lectures were later on in the day now. He woke up much later than he'd wanted, but it was okay since he didn't have anything to do but go out and meet some friends he hadn't talked to in a while.

He went downstairs to an empty room and was left surprised. the contrast between the time he was there was crazy, even though it hadn't been very long since he left at all. He didn't miss the loud mornings at all.

That's when he noticed the counter. He always looked over there out of habit, but the sight he saw left him astonished.

There was a meal left for him.

It wasn't anything special. An omelet, something he recalled only being made once while he lived at the house.

At first, he assumed the worse. He thought Eunyung started this whole tradition for someone else, even though it was clear no one else in the dorms cared for him.

Then,he noticed the note slipped under it.

You sleep too long Haejoon. Too bad you're a snorer, I couldn't sleep.

All Haejoon could do was grin as he ripped the note off and took the plate over to the table to enjoy it before going out for the day.